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WannabeActor

Destroyed by this disease (genetic, maybe hormonal)

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So I'm almost 30 and have cystic acne on my body (my face too occasionally) and it's genetic so it's an extra difficult case.  The deep red pimples that either don't come to a head (or they LOOK like they came to a head and then I try to pop them and NOPE, BIG MISTAKE but fooled me of course; they're so convincing they're like the DiCaprios of cystic acne) or if they DO come to a black or white head I HAVE to pop them otherwise they'll simply linger for months getting worse and just causes a bigger scar.  Usually I get them (nodules or papules or blind pimples or whatever the hell they're called) and they go away after a few days but the most recent ones MOSTLY go away but have been lingering after that.  Sometimes they're painful too so it hurts to have my back against anything.  They're hard (if not impossible) to conceal to add insult to injury.  I've tried just about EVERYTHING; externally and internally... an endless array of creams, lotions, medications, pills, supplements, oils, tanning, staying out of the sun completely, tried cutting dairy out and THAT didn't work, tried going vegetarian/pescetarian for a while and NOPE, cut masturbation (because of COURSE no girl I fell for ever wants to have sex with a broke-ass pizza-back, I get it) to once a week at most which KINDA worked but not really, don't eat fried food anymore, have daily bowel movements, drink a lot of water, sleep enough, don't drink anymore or even smoke weed anymore, tried cutting caffeine and NOPE, I exercise 6 days a week or more, shower a lot but not too much and am an uber-hygenic borderline germaphobe... nothing even remotely helped, or worked temporarily at best.  Haven't yet taken the accutane plunge since from what I hear that's a super-risky road... even those expensive cortisone shots can leave shrunken divots and such from what I hear.

This is my father's fault; he had body acne too amongst other health problems and not taking care of himself and my mom told me he always did.  He passed it onto me and though I love him and I miss him (he died when I was 17,) I just wish I had died in the womb like mother nature intended (C-Section baby here) and there isn't a SECOND where I don't think about how great dying would be so I'd be freed from this curse.  My life, my only real "talent" (acting) that makes me happy and fulfilled that BITCH mother nature gave me, has been RUINED by this DISEASE (yeah, I'm calling it for what it is, a DISEASE!) because amongst all the other rejection my life has been plagued with, I have frickin BODY ACNE to top it all off!  Yeah, THAT'LL help me in auditions!

There is nothing positive about my walking abortion of a life, save the fact that I myself REFUSE to have children of my own, not because I don't like children but because I could NEVER forgive myself for passing this disease down to an innocent child just because I have the selfish desire to pass my genes (weak genes at that) on.  I mean, what if they ended up like me; dreaming of being an actor/actress, a model, a swimmer etc. but can't because of what I passed onto them, and they have to settle for some job/career that they hate doing?  Just the thought of it makes my stomach churn.  I'm not going to be like everyone else and blame the media for showing "unrealistic standards of beauty..." acne just isn't considered attractive and that's just the way it is.  That's what I have to live with and that's one of my many crosses to bear.

Sorry if I offended anybody, and thank you all for reading.  Best of luck and success in your acne-fighting journies.

Edited by WannabeActor

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I relate to this 100% I know what your going through, just posted here yesterday myself.  honestly thought it was kinda funny "the DiCaprios" lol.  Let me know if you ever need to talk. 
good for you for accepting it, I'm still working on that part

Edited by bellacat

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Lol I wish I could just accept it but it looks like that won't happen in this lifetime.  I guess that means I at least have SOME acting chops if I can give off that impression so trying to look on the bright side? 
Appreciate the reply and I'm sorry you are going through similar :(

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You sound desperate .If you are then why don't you try accutane? Saw a post yesterday from a guy with bacne on it and the transformation was amazing!

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You need to try accutane at this point in my opinion. Like you really do sound like you're incredibly depressed both from acne and from life in general. This is totally understandable and normal. There have been hundreds of thousands of people on isotretinoin and only a few people have bad reactions or not have it work for them. They are just very vocal is all. Most people get cured and move on with their lives! And some folks like me at least get an improvement, at least for a while, which is better than nothing. I feel you don't have much to lose and you can always stop taking it if you hate it. I had no bad side effects except some chapped skin. Please give it some thought before despairing totally. :(

(The other thing that is helping me at the moment is b5 (not megadosing, just 1.5 grams) and completely eliminating sugar. I mean completely. Not "cutting out" or trying to avoid it. Be religiously devoted to NO SUGAR. Some sugar from fruit is ok but keep it at a minimum. And eat low glycemic. Basically eat like a diabetic vegan. It sounds hard but it's not. I just ate a big fantastic miso soup and I'm totally full. Please give these things a try.)

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Thanks for the replies.

From what I hear Accutane is pretty dangerous, especially to the liver and even to the digestive system.  There's endless horror stories; even things I've read where they champion it they don't deny how risky it is and a lot of really bad things have happened to people on accutane.  I've even heard about how it ended up hurting more than helping.

As far as depression, IMHO I liken it to where ADD/ADHD was in the early 2000s meaning rather overdiagnosed; don't get me wrong I think it exists but most cases are really deep rooted in a feeling of helplessness and especially lack of fulfillment.  Acne made me so destroyed that I had days where I had to FORCE myself to leave the house if I had to work or get food much less practice my acting chops or start looking for auditions so of course I'm not fulfilled.  I had whole WEEKS where I refused to go to the gym because of those deep rooted "blind pimples" or whatever they called.  If I didn't have this problem, more doors would be opened up to me.  I'm NEVER going to forgive my father for bringing me into this world because he made it so I can't go for my dreams thanks to this genetic piece of shit problem... that's a major reason why I refuse to have children of my own; I want my kids to have OPPORTUNITIES not be stuck behind a desk or in a factory (well, unless that's what they really want; knowing me wanting to be an actor it isn't likely) just because I cared more about the emotional HIGH of forcing a new life into this cruel world instead of thinking about the sobering reality of how crushing and caustic this world really is.

And yes, I've tried eliminating meat and dairy; didn't really do anything besides weaken me, starve me and slow down my digestive system.  That's not to say I eat slab after slab of pork chops or overload myself with dairy; I don't even drink milk itself anymore.  Veganism definitely isn't for me; but hey if it works for other people I definitely won't knock it.  Sugar... eliminating it didn't help me either but I certainly don't even eat candy or cake or anything like that anymore, next to never if ever.  I use olive leaf and 50mg zinc and cod liver oil and coconut oil and lemon/acv water daily... mint tea nightly to help digestion... sometimes oatmeal baths... masturbate once every six days or so... maybe going to be less now because it doesn't fulfill me at all sexually of course, even my near-midget male-virgin self.  Sorry for TMI but each orgasm I get now just gets more and more overrated.

The only silver lining is that maybe I'll die really young so I won't have to deal with this for TOO much longer.  My dad died pretty young (and his brother who was suicidal and littered with health and mental problems died even younger than him) actually so maybe I will too.  I am sorry if that sounds depressing but it is what it is I guess.  I don't even have a high IQ and I know I'd give at LEAST 10 IQ points up if that meant I'd be acne free for the rest of my life.  

Life just isn't for everyone I guess... certainly not for me.

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I tried accutane 3x didn't help me and destroyed my body. I pretty much have no options left, But it helps guys a lot more that women, honestly I'd give it a shot but if not hey I get it. I I understand how ya feel I dont feel like life is for me either 

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Guys! I totally agree acne is a curse!Really  feel for you Bellacat that accutane did not work for you. What else have you tried? Spiro, anti-androgen contraceptives like Dianette? What's your plan?
Wannabeactor : Accutane does work for many people. There are scare stories but lots of  success stories too. Hope ur both ok? Genuinely worried bout you guys. You both seem to be really low. I get where you're coming from but you're scaring me.  Take care guys. Xxxx Keep talking. We are all here for you: Listening and learning and sharing in this fight!

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5 hours ago, Juwalker said:

Guys! I totally agree acne is a curse!Really  feel for you Bellacat that accutane did not work for you. What else have you tried? Spiro, anti-androgen contraceptives like Dianette? What's your plan?
Wannabeactor : Accutane does work for many people. There are scare stories but lots of  success stories too. Hope ur both ok? Genuinely worried bout you guys. You both seem to be really low. I get where you're coming from but you're scaring me.  Take care guys. Xxxx Keep talking. We are all here for you: Listening and learning and sharing in this fight!

Lol ya I'm not ok.  I've tried spiro I've tried birth control which I m still on,  neither helped very long. I've tried pretty much everything you could think of. Topical, natural, prescriptions. Right now I'm trying DIM/ estroblock and a supplement regimen. It's not going well but I'm told to wait 3 months. We'll see. Any recommendations are welcome! but can get a little frustrating being that I've tried so much.  Edited by bellacat

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Yes I can see why you are frustrated. You just desperately want something to work fast !!! I Never heard of DIM/ estrobloc so will look into it. Of course it's always 3 months minimum to see any improvement normally. It always feels  like a lifetime!!! All the very best with this new regime. Keep us posted with ur progress. 

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tbh there maybe a chance I'll never be OK until I find a cure to my acne since unfortunately the only career that makes my life worth living depends on me not having it but that just means I can't give up trying to find effective treatment.  Still don't trust accutane and I still think most dermatologists are lazy pill-and-cream pushers (like many doctors tbh) but hey to all the good ones out there, keep up the great work.  Like I said, at least I thought way ahead, mulled on it and refuse to have kids so they won't be cursed with this.

Edited by WannabeActor

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I can totally relate to your story. Acne has stopped me from doing what I want. But you have to stay positive. I mean if you want to be an actor, take a look at Brad Pitt. He also started acting in his late 20's or early 30's and suffered from acne. There is an old proverb saying "Good things come to those who wait" I have been fighting for 5 years and I'm emotionally the worst I have been, but I believe that there will come the day, from which everything will be better.

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I can totally relate to your story. I myself have had acne issues since puberty. I have excessively oily skin which is the root cause of all my skin troubles. I try to keep strong because I just can't accept the fact that I might never have clear skin in my lifetime but I get really sad every now and then that I have this endless battle... :'(

Anyway, I randomly came across your post earlier and felt I should reply to you so I just registered. This is my first time posting on this site!  I think your bacne might actually improve if you stopped cod liver oil and zinc. I know everyone is different so it may not work the same way for you, but fish oil and zinc did more harm than good for me and maybe it's the case for you too. 

I had taken omega 3 religiously for 5 months this year (gel caps made from flaxseed and cod liver oil) because it's supposed to be good and it probably is for many people... During this time though I started getting lots of cystic acne on my chin and I couldn't figure out why, because prior to omega 3 my skin had actually been doing ok and under control -- although extremely greasy and oily I only had mostly blackheads and occassional whiteheads to worry about (and hence enlarged pores and grossly shiny face but at least somewhat manageable as I am female and I wear makeup). I had simply grown out of the cystic acne phase of my teenage years until I started taking omega 3....!!!

It took me a long time to realize the connection between omega 3 and my cystic acne problem because I had also been taking a handful of other supplements. I eliminated one by one and finally put two and two together. Since then I stopped taking omega 3 (its been 3 weeks now) and also avoided any gel caps that contain oil and my cystic spots are finally clearing.  Also, I had a negative experience with zinc. Contrary to what many others posted, it didn't clear my skin at all but make it even more greasy.  Magnesium also made my skin more oily. 

For your back acne, I think taking Vitamin D3  might help. I've been taking between 5000 and 10000iu of vitamin D3 for the past 90 days after learning my serum vitmin D level is low (I got a blood test done) and also reading a post here that vitamin D cured him of his acne entirely. For me Vitamin D3 wasn't the cure as I still have oily skin. But it did reduce my oil by a huge amount. Although I still have oily complexion it is not as greasy and oil builds up more slowly. AND it cleared my back completely. Prior to vitamin D my back was also somewhat greasy and I would get occasional pimples, but now my back is smooth and feels like normal skin. 

This is getting long so I'll stop here. I know it's hard but let's stay hopeful. I really really hope you (and me) see improvement soon. I actually believe I can find a cure someday (even though I feel I'm fooling myself on most days). It's the only thing that keeps me going really. I too don't want to pass on my oily genes to my kids so I decided to not have kids, and no one except you and others on this site understands me in real life... 

Edited by NeedClearSkin!!!

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I can relate as well. Especially in my teens when my cystic once was horrible. Now mine is limited to my back primarily, but I remember the self hatred and darkness I went through in my younger years. I was so self destructive and could care less about whether I lived or died, turned to drugs, and just spiraled down and down. I tried Accutane 2.5 times, and it worsened my depression considerably. It probably was the root cause of my suicidal phase (that and the general psychological effects of acne). Additionally, there is a ton of side affects w/ it (I believe my eye condition was due to Accutane use).. I would steer clear of it since you're already down and out. Keep your head up though WannabeActor. Don't let this condition get the best of you or get in the way of you living a fulfilled life, having kids etc. Instead of self destructing, we can choose to embrace this suffering and turn our ability to carry heavy burdens outward, seek to help others & bear other's burdens, etc.. This is something to be proud of, courage & stength in a world of full of cowards. A few things that have helped me over the years: Cortisone shots, white vinegar, clear care facial wash products.. Wish you the best!

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20+ years living? In this..managed to fight acne by 80% at 37-38 but the scars are there for life..

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Jesus is the way, the truth and the life. He was fully human and fully God at the same time. He died on a cross showing his infinite love for us so that we can repent of our sins and be forgiven. Please search for Calvinism

 

Calvinism:

1 total depravity

2 unconditional election

3 limited atonement

4 irresistible grace

5 perseverance of Saints

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Have you taken antibiotics recently ? If so, you most likely have a fungal outbreak, either candida or malasezzia. Do you have a white tongue (indicative of candida) or dandruff (indicative of malasezzia). Try applying an anti-fungal cram such as clotrimazole cream. Do NOT use moisturisers, and do NOT take antibiotics (unless you have a life threatening bacterial infection). Get back to me if the clotrimazole cream does not work, and I can provide more advice.

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