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You Matter - Support for Anyone Who Needs it

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Regardless of anything else that you feel or think today, remind yourself that you matter.
I have suffered with acne and a number of other body issues that have effectively, at some point in my life, completely destroyed all of my confidence. I was bullied and discriminated against in high school. I dropped out and let my life spiral out of control because of how much I hated who I was. I let my self worth be measured by my outward appearance for as long as I can remember. I became so obsessed at one point that I would spend my entire pay check on over the counter products and other things that were labeled as miracle cures. I didn't really understand why life had dealt me so many unfair cards, but I became the victim. I let my self pity pull me deeper and deeper into a depressed state of mind.

But then something in me clicked. I had had enough of the dark and I wanted a slice of the light. I had nothing to my name. No job. No car. No money. I was living on a couch. Looking in the mirror drove me to tears, hysterical sobbing. But, somehow, I found something in myself that wanted to keep fighting. At the age of 24 I joined the United States Air Force. I almost didn't make it through the initial process, but I pushed. Basic Training was hard. But I pushed. Technical School was 13 long and grueling weeks that I didn't think I would survive. But I pushed.

When I made it to the end, earned my badge and beret and stripes, I celebrated. None of this was accomplished because of how I looked, rather, it was all because of who I was, inside. My resolve and strength as a person.  I have been in the Air Force for 3 years now and sometimes I fall back on my old feelings. Recently I had a terrible experience with Retin-A, which I am currently keeping a blog here for and it took me back to that dark place. I was terribly devastated for weeks. I did maniacal research all over the internet in hopes that I could find a quick fix. I drove myself crazy with anxiety and depression. I was constantly looking in the mirror, hoping for some small change.

I was afraid that the way I looked would be cause for ridicule and hatred from others, but it never happened. People never changed how they treated me, never pointed out my new flaws. I was the only person that did this. I started to observe other people more. I noticed flaws, blemishes, scars, on people who I used to perceive as perfect. I watched how they carried themselves and how they smiled and were happy and seemingly oblivious to the pimple on their nose or scar on their cheek. Those things about them didn't bother me or disgust me. It didn't change how I viewed them as people. That's when I really started to understand. We are all perfectly imperfect. We all have things about ourselves that we find distressing. Acne is just that, acne. It is not who you are. Scars are proof of a battle that we fought and won.

  • If you are struggling with finding that inner strength and have no one else to turn to, you can turn to me. This topic is an open discussion for whatever you might want to discuss.
  • If you would like to contact me privately, please feel free to do so. I am always willing to listen and provide advice if you want it.

[Edited links out]

  • Your skin is just skin. It isn't your heart or your mind. Those two things are who you really are.
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