Notifications
Clear all

30 yrs, female, acne still here

MemberMember
0
(@edithharms)

Posted : 03/02/2017 10:44 pm

I had one of those horrible, crushing mornings. I tried styling my hair 3-4 different ways. I tried on different tops, bottoms, scarves and shoes, but no item of clothing did anything to relieve me of the shame and sense of vulnerability (like being naked, ironically) that my bad skin gives me. I stopped, looked in the mirror and started sobbing. Of course, the tears streaming down my face smudged my makeup.

I have hormonal cystic acne along my jaw, lower cheeks and chin. Despite my best efforts I can't seem to do anything to permanently fix it.

I also have a great life. I am a 30 year-old, female tech worker in san francisco. I make a really, really good living. I am married to a kind, intelligent engineer who is, frankly, way too good looking for someone in my condition. But I'm smart and sometimes pretty funny, so he likes me. In the last 12 months we've traveled to 10 different countries together. We have a hilarious pug that we love immensely. Both of our families are so kind and good to us.

And yet, on days like today my thoughts consist of "Why am I cursed"? Or, "I am the only adult on this bus with acne" or "Maybe I deserve to be ugly" or "Should eliminate corn and rice too"? I'm writing this with a lump in my throat.I am ashamed of how I look, but I am also ashamed that I let this affect me so much. Ha, double-shame. Stupidit is shocking how a few dozen clogged, infected pores can make a person completely lose his or her sense of self-worth and appreciation for life.

For the record, here's what I do: Because I have money, I use good, clean and often very expensive products. I can also afford to buy organic fruits, vegetables, and experiment with complicated, exhausting diets. I can afford to go on 'relaxing' vacations, see dermatologists and aestheticians, and try prescriptions and also weird, holistic treatments. I have done all of those things and more over the last 6-7 years of my acne journey. To be explicit, I have tried being sugar-free, dairy-free, vegetarian, gluten-free, and vegan. I have tried juicing, have avoided sodium laurel sulfate, and have allowed no processed shit-foods near me (99% of the time). I have tried chemical peels, facials, antibiotics like doxy (NOPE), 2 kinds of birth control, and every topical known to science.

Still, I have angry, cystic acne that my friends, family and coworkers stare at and sometimes comment on. And I just feel so broken about it. I weep, I stay in, I get really depressed. I know it's irrational and stupid, but maybe I am irrational and stupid. At least I'm self-aware.

Quote
MemberMember
12
(@mylifeisacne)

Posted : 03/11/2017 12:34 am

The only reason people want to look good is to attract a sexual partner. You already have a boyfriend who you said loves you and does not care about your acne.

There's only 2 possible reasons why you care about your appearance to people other than your boyfriend:

1) You want to attract other people besides your boyfriend
2) You don't believe your boyfriend when he says he doesn't care about your acne

iCogito liked
Quote
MemberMember
32
(@rachie39)

Posted : 03/11/2017 6:25 am

Ohh wow...big NO to the poster above. She needs to stop saying these things to people (your not the first person shes said comments like this to). We want to get rid of acne for our own personal self esteem. We want to get rid of it to stop feeling so depressed and so we can feel generally good about ourselves. Were not doing it for some boy or girl. Were doing it for us.

Quote
MemberMember
3
(@savandstuff)

Posted : 03/23/2017 10:20 am

Birth control 100% cleared up my acne. Problem is when I go off it... it will come back. Have you tried one that's specifically for acne? It took about 4 months for it work. Also, having acne can make you look younger, so if there's any benefit, it's that! Also, when I see someone else with acne it makes me feel more connected to them, so for people who have gone through it, it can be something to relate on.

Quote
MemberMember
0
(@hannah-brown)

Posted : 05/04/2017 9:57 am

Your post really touched me, i can relate to everything you said. Acne absolutely crushes your self esteem, clouds your every thought. I have become a shadow of my former self and im watch envious of other people who dont suffer this affliction. I have been struggling for 6 years now, am now 42 and have been with my partner for a year who thankfully doesnt care how bad my skin gets but that doesnt stop me from feeling ashamed and embarrassed every time he sees me without my make-up on. Remember, you're not alone, you have a fantastic guy who sees you for you and people here that understand.

Quote
MemberMember
68
(@nikki_gargin)

Posted : 05/04/2017 8:02 pm

I can relate to this also, I think what is the point when I do my hair and make up and ive always enjoyed getting ready in the morning before my skin went belly up! I'm off work at the moment with stress which helps and in my acne madness I'm actually going to be buying ahijab (muslim head wear) to feel comfortable going out (neck acne really ruining my self esteem) - I looked at pictures online thinking these women aren't obstructed, they are liberated! who knows whats under their hijab, could be loads of jawline and neck acne! lol but at this point my self esteem is so low I wil happily pretend to be a muslim and go shopping in far away towns (so locals don't think ive lost it). My face isn't great but alteast make up covers that.

Acne will do crazy thing to a person, especially women as society expects us to be perfectly beautiful. I say fuck it...Hijab might just be the confidence boost I need. Starting Accutane in 2 weeks so looking to knock this crap of my face before my holiday in September. Lets hope I can hang the Hijab up by then.

Quote