Jump to content
Acne.org
Search In
Find results that contain...
Find results in...
Blue83

Relapsed again - really feel I'm losing my life.

Recommended Posts

I had typical teenage acne, then a few blissful clear years in my late teens, early 20s, before my acne came back.

Since then I've done two rounds of Roaccutane and am considering my third. I always just believed it would go away on it's own, and it's devastating to think that it won't.

What's more, after my first round of Roaccutane my skin was *perfect*. But after the second one (it took me years to get a doctor who would even do it private) it just doesn't look the same. I was so naïve and believed the doctors when they said it wasn't scarring, but it was. Not badly, but my chin and jaw is never smooth, even when clear, and is discoloured and uneven in texture. It breaks my heart to think that every depression, bump or discoloured patch was an angry spot that I had to live with.

Now I'm 32 and even though I look quite young for my age, I'm starting to see the first signs of ageing. I feel like I've been robbed of my youth. I can't wait for my skin to 'clear up' so I can feel pretty any more. Even if it did clear, it will never be like it was.

I had a couple of blissfully clear years in my early 20s and it was amazing to just get up and go and feel confident. I used to sleep in my makeup or just not wear any. Or not wash my face for a couple of days at a festival and I still looked and  felt great. 

I wish * so* much that my parents had given a sh*t and my GP listened to me so I could have got on Roaccutane sooner. Then it wouldn't have scarred and I could have averted loads of painful breakouts. I wish I'd just insisted or gone private - whatever it took.   

I'm so tired of avoiding mirrors and photos... Once bad sight of myself can ruin my entire day.

Even when my skin is clear, I feel like I don't really recognise my features anymore, if that makes sense.

Edited by Blue83
Tags

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey Blue83, thanks for sharing your experience with everyone :-)
It's great that you're here trying to help others...you are a good and kind person!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I hope you're okay. Just know you're not alone in these feelings. It's awful to have clear skin as a teen then suddenly get adult acne, I know. 

Since you went on a med twice that thins your skin out, strengthening your skin's natural protective barrier is so important now. That means not using any drying washes, toners and potions that disrupt your skin pH. If your face isn't too oily and you're not working out a lot, can you just wash it with water or a gentle glycerin based cleanser? 

If you're mostly clear and only focusing on the scarring, I'd ask a dermatologist how long after accutane you can wait to do a scarring treatment like derma rolling or a laser. I don't think accutane can take acne scars away, it just dries out sebum and reduces acne. Isolaz might be something to look into, since it apparently removes both scarring and active lesions. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Quote
awww bless you, I think we can all relate to how you feel. I can look in a mirror before I go to work and think ah that's not to bad I can get on with my day and yet get to work and take one look in the mirror there and think omg how could I possibly look so rough. I have been prescribed a low dose of anti depressants which to be honest I haven't bothered taking simply because I know that I'm depressed because of how bad my skin looks and if it was ok then I wouldn't be so low. I have a bit of an obsession with looking into any sort of reflective object even my phone screen when it isn't lit up, to be honest I don't remember how you should look at yourself in a mirror anymore.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thats how i feel right now, and it sucks, especially since I'm in college. I'm supposed to be going out and having fun, but its constantly just me worrying about my skin:( I hope you can find a cure for your acne soon <3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On November 1, 2016 at 2:32 PM, Blue83 said:

I had typical teenage acne, then a few blissful clear years in my late teens, early 20s, before my acne came back.

Since then I've done two rounds of Roaccutane and am considering my third. I always just believed it would go away on it's own, and it's devastating to think that it won't.

What's more, after my first round of Roaccutane my skin was *perfect*. But after the second one (it took me years to get a doctor who would even do it private) it just doesn't look the same. I was so naïve and believed the doctors when they said it wasn't scarring, but it was. Not badly, but my chin and jaw is never smooth, even when clear, and is discoloured and uneven in texture. It breaks my heart to think that every depression, bump or discoloured patch was an angry spot that I had to live with.

Now I'm 32 and even though I look quite young for my age, I'm starting to see the first signs of ageing. I feel like I've been robbed of my youth. I can't wait for my skin to 'clear up' so I can feel pretty any more. Even if it did clear, it will never be like it was.

I had a couple of blissfully clear years in my early 20s and it was amazing to just get up and go and feel confident. I used to sleep in my makeup or just not wear any. Or not wash my face for a couple of days at a festival and I still looked and  felt great. 

I wish * so* much that my parents had given a sh*t and my GP listened to me so I could have got on Roaccutane sooner. Then it wouldn't have scarred and I could have averted loads of painful breakouts. I wish I'd just insisted or gone private - whatever it took.   

I'm so tired of avoiding mirrors and photos... Once bad sight of myself can ruin my entire day.

Even when my skin is clear, I feel like I don't really recognise my features anymore, if that makes sense.

Hi Blue83,
I also suffer from acne every now and then. The last break out I had was in 2015 and it was really, really bad. I have had acne relapses 3-4 times since I was a teenager. Everytime it has happened, I have been  depressed. For months. What I want to tell you (and what I hope to remember myself )  is that it becomes okay. It really does.  It takes time but if you stick to the right treatment , it will be okay.  
 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Totally wish I had jumped straight to accutane my senior year of high school.

My mind set and life would've been so much better.  I could've had a normal life.

I never got it under control until I was about 25 when I finally got some accutane.

I honestly think accutane should be used for any severity of acne, if it's actual genetic acne.  

I don't see why it's considered such a tough drug. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think about the same thing....if I was to get on accutane before my big breakouts I would of avoided the scarring...if I didn't do vbeam and yag/ipl for my red spots I wouldn't have these holes over my cheeks ...if only this and if only that!
i think that concept of going backwards only hurts us more and makes things worse. There is no backwards ..was done is done! If you live in the past you will / me will never be rid of the pain and Trauma. Only way is forward and I guess not giving a shit about what people think. I still can not do this but I heard the happiest people in the world are the ones who don't care about what others think. 
100 years ago nobody would care what you looked like! Only because modern day surrounds us with perfection bullshit! 
 

I also sore a man the other day with a skin desease with white and brown pigment all over his body and face. And he looked as if he was burnt in the face! 
He looked happy than me and was with his kids and his family laughing have a great time! 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Personalized Advice Quiz - All of Acne.org in just a few minutes

×