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Sorry, this is going to be a bit lengthy...

(I would post pics but at this time I just don't have the courage). I've had every type of acne you could think of since I was around 14-15 years old. I didn't think much of it at first, but it got worse, and got worse and worse. I finally had enough so I went to the dermatologist when I was 17, and within a few months I was on accutane. Having all this acne ruined me as a person. I use to talk to people and go out and have fun, but it changed completely. I didn't like to go anywhere anymore, or talk to anyone, because of my face. So the accutane did clear up my acne, but that's when it got worse.

I was left with lots of hyperpigmentation which has faded over the last year, but I have these things on my face. My worst enemy... SCARS. It's not your mild acne scar, it's everywhere on my  face. All down my cheeks, to my temples, and on my forehead. The only place that's clear on my face is my chin. It's bad... really bad. I could honestly be cast in a horror movie as a monster. Probably a werewolf. I'm now 19 and going to a local community college near my house. Everyday of my life I wake up and feel worthless because of knowing that all these people are going to see me and my face. I feel embarrassed, sad, and just down right depressed. If I'm not at school, I'm in my room reading or watching LOST or Game of Thrones. The scars have honestly changed the way I live my life. I haven't told anyone about this, not even my parents. There's days where I just look in the mirror and think about my friends and family and wonder why me? They all have these clear cheeks, flat and shiny, while I have these craters and divots all around my face. There is a lot more I could tell you but I'm afraid it would be as long as full length book.

I know about all the scar treatments, and I've tried many at home ones, all of them. All the gels, lotions, oils, natural substances, derma rollers, PMD's, etc... and they have not done a thing. My next and final option is the dermatologist. I know about the lasers and fillers and surgery's. Even the face lifts, the chemical peels... everything. I just have one question. Will any of them actually improve the scars, and which one is the best to go with? Will the dermatologist even understand? Is there anyone else out there that feels the way I do, reading this right now? If so, hi. I just cannot take it anymore, waking up and feeling ugly and worthless. I am no one. I will try and do everything to get that clear skin. I don't care about the money, the risks, the pain. This is my journey to clear skin, it started when I was 15 and it continues...

If I had only one wish...
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None of those things you have tried will do a thing for scars, except for needling. Lotions and topical and such are useful in helping your skin heal though if you are receiving treatments and for hyper/hypo pigmentation. The correct treatment or treatments for you depends on the type of scars you have. Post clear pictures of your scars if you want some advice.(You don't need to show your entire face, just show a closeup of your cheek and temple at a minimum)

I'll leave the emotional aspect of it to someone else, but lots of people here experience the same things you are feeling. I've read and watched all the GoT books/episodes and watched Lost as well. And I spend a rediculous amount of time on this forum lately among other things.

Edited by PCT14
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I am sorry for what you are going through, 19 is an age of terrible mood swings for me and I relied heavily (back then) on sugar-free (read "sugar-free") energy drinks (don't do this) to elevate my mood. But it never solved the underlying anxiety and depression I felt, when I crashed I crashed hard.

Before you do anything else, I suggest addressing your depression first, because scars may take some time to treat and many procedures-- you want to be as rational as possible when choosing a treatment, lord knows I spent way too much on a laser procedure, money spent that did not make sense or much changes to me today because my thoughts were disorientated by my depression, and I wanted a quick-fix. Depression also aggravates your internal perception of your scarring.

I understand you want a "FIX IT! FIX IT NOW FOR GOD'S SAKE!" solution, I know I did. Young man, I am here to tell you what I wished someone told me back then: there is none, there is only incremental progress.

So before you dive into invasive treatments, I strongly implore you to consider fixing or supplementing your nutrition by purchasing a bottle of good quality multi-vitamins. They are relatively cheap (get the upper shelf versions though) and I bet you can get a bottle from your campus pharmacy ... well, indulge me.

Stress hormones take a strong toll on your body's chemistry, using up nutrients that would have otherwise be expanded for repair and maintenance. Depression is in part the body's inability to break down stress hormones properly after manufacturing them, in effect it lingers and accumulates in your system instead of getting recycled because your body does not have the right chemicals to do so.

I apologize if this is not the answer you are looking for, mainly because I refuse to repeat what everyone has already mentioned in these forums: lasers, needles, abrasion, subscision posts can be found everywhere. Your body is an amazing self-repairing machine, but be realistic-- If you don't maintain the machine, it will break down slowly.

You are welcomed to read this with skepticism. Take good care.

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