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Hey Everyone,

So my family has been bugging me about dating for awhile now as I've been single and haven't gone out on a date in 2 years. So, I recently tried the whole online dating thing. The only men I could muster up the courage to go out on a date with are disabled vets. I don't know. I guess in my mind I thought that they have something different about them that they are probably self-conscious about, so maybe it will make me feel better and I'll have the confidence to actually go.

So I went on my first date last night. The guy is super cute, but in a wheelchair. We went out for dinner. Upon first meeting him he smiled and was super warm and nice, but about halfway through dinner he says, "I have to be honest, you don't really look like your pictures." I asked him what he meant and he said, "Your skin." Of course, like most of us who try to date online I only have pictures of me up where you don't see my acne. I was so devastated and humiliated that I excused myself to go to the bathroom and left the restaurant. Yup! It was bad. It was my biggest fear come true. I just can't believe he actually said something.

Now, I have another date tomorrow night, again with another disabled vet. I just don't know if I can bring myself to go because of what happened on the first date. I guess I need some words of encouragement if anyone can spare some. :)
 

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I know how you feel. I've had a date too recently but not as harsh as urs. she just eased me down with light replying to whatsapp since the meet up haha.

The key would be mental preparation. There is no way they're not going to notice and draw comparison to your photos so u're going to need to have that discussion if they bring it up! Feel comfortable talking about ur acne and just be plain honest that it's something u trying to fix. you will come off as confident which is a good personality trait :)
 

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People shouldn't judge you based on how you look your personality is way more important and you seem like a very sweet person and you should stay positive and you will be okay :) I hope you have a great date and wishing for the best.

Ps. You posted on my comment about over exfoliating and it really made me feel better so thank you for that.

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That too is my biggest fear and I'm really sorry it happened to you. I'm on an online dating app too and I know my acne doesn't show in my pictures but if I go on a date with someone, they will eventually notice.

The thing is, if he judges you on your skin, he's most likely not the one for you. Don't worry about it there are many guys out there who will understand your condition if you explain it to them.

Face your fears and go on that new date. I totally understand why you go for disabled vets but eventually you will be able to go meet someone who you actually see potential in.

Small tip, as hard as it may be for you to do this, I would put up a couple pictures where we barely see your acne. Just to show them you don't have perfect skin and if there's a match, you know they accept you as you are.

Stay positive and get out of your comfort zone!

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So you're dating disabled vets because why, do you see them as lower on the dating scale?  I think that's kind of crappy.  Maybe you should date someone with down syndrome so they wont reject you, smh.

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Hi there, instead of waiting out the acne, why not take action and try to control it? How bad is it right now? Is it bad enough to cause scarring? It's obviously emotionally affecting you so it would only be right that you take action as soon as possible. 

 

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I calculated that you are limiting yourself to dating 7% of the population if you are only going after veterans; if you live in the USA statistics wise. I suggest you expand your horizon, and you will meet less people like date 1 jerkface.

However, I'm very proud of you for having the courage to go out and be yourself. Keep doing that, and I promise you that it's better than not going at all.

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On 7/7/2016 at 1:06 PM, 388972_1443950801 said:

Hey Everyone,

So my family has been bugging me about dating for awhile now as I've been single and haven't gone out on a date in 2 years. So, I recently tried the whole online dating thing. The only men I could muster up the courage to go out on a date with are disabled vets. I don't know. I guess in my mind I thought that they have something different about them that they are probably self-conscious about, so maybe it will make me feel better and I'll have the confidence to actually go.

So I went on my first date last night. The guy is super cute, but in a wheelchair. We went out for dinner. Upon first meeting him he smiled and was super warm and nice, but about halfway through dinner he says, "I have to be honest, you don't really look like your pictures." I asked him what he meant and he said, "Your skin." Of course, like most of us who try to date online I only have pictures of me up where you don't see my acne. I was so devastated and humiliated that I excused myself to go to the bathroom and left the restaurant. Yup! It was bad. It was my biggest fear come true. I just can't believe he actually said something.

Now, I have another date tomorrow night, again with another disabled vet. I just don't know if I can bring myself to go because of what happened on the first date. I guess I need some words of encouragement if anyone can spare some. :)
 

Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry he said that. Guys in wheelchairs can be jerks too. You're nicer than me, I might have accidentally spilled my drink in his face...
All I can say is, if someone is that rude and insensitive its best to know up front so you don't waste your time with them! This is a common issue with online dating, almost nobody looks like their photo...were going to put up the most flattering pic course.
My advice is just give it a try, be confident and if it doesn't work out for whatever reason, try meeting people in person instead. It worked for me.
 

PS seriously hon, I'm not sure disabled vets is a great idea. They are much more damaged than most people. Maybe try a specific site for something you like, jogging, animals, cooking, sports etc. I met my boyfriend in a bookstore.

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23 hours ago, snarkygirl said:
Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry he said that. Guys in wheelchairs can be jerks too. You're nicer than me, I might have accidentally spilled my drink in his face...
All I can say is, if someone is that rude and insensitive its best to know up front so you don't waste your time with them! This is a common issue with online dating, almost nobody looks like their photo...were going to put up the most flattering pic course.
My advice is just give it a try, be confident and if it doesn't work out for whatever reason, try meeting people in person instead. It worked for me.
 

PS seriously hon, I'm not sure disabled vets is a great idea. They are much more damaged than most people. Maybe try a specific site for something you like, jogging, animals, cooking, sports etc. I met my boyfriend in a bookstore.


You got a clear point there hun! :)

All I can add is be true to yourself. Just because we have acne love isn't for us. I tried those social media shenanigans (when I was younger) and I constantly fear meeting people in person. It's embarrassing to share but I had "2 online boyfriends" and never met them in person. If they wanted to see me I just tell them I'm busy in school. (you all know that's BS right? :D) That would be those days and I'm laughing right now remembering those crazy moments.

I think dating disabled vets is not a good idea. I suggest as well try dating personally. Free yourself from those people who gets judgmental once they see your skin. Save yourself from heartaches. For sure you will meet someone whose interests are same as yours.

Good luck hun!
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From my personal experiences, guys don't really pay that much attention to the imperfections on girls' skin as much as girls themselves. At least when I first dated my boyfriend, I had acne and needed to cover up with heavy foundations, but he never really cared. Even when I showed him my bare face for the first time, which I was super anxious and self conscious about because I had so many many acne and scars, he never paid much attention to them (until I talked to him about my acne problem). 

A lot of girl friends of mine have what most people would consider problem skins, they also have acne or dry patches on their skins and honestly their skins don't look good at all, but still they all have loving boyfriends and dating with no problem.

I have experienced many many ups and downs with my acne problem, and I gotta say that no matter I have very clear skin or skin with many active pimples or cysts, that hasn't affected how the opposite sex treat me. Men still flirt with me on my bad skin days.

I think there are a lot of factors that can determine whether a person finds you attractive or not, apart from appearance there are also things such as your dressing style, mannerism, body language, vocal tonality etc... The quality of your skin should only play a role as important as you allow it to be. That guy who pointed out your skin problem is most likely just a perfectionist or a narcissist. If he finds the quality of your skin an obstacle for liking you, then his quality of being so disrespectful and picky should totally become your obstacle for liking him too. 

I think the most important thing is to feel beautiful about yourself. Acknowledging your skin problem, not drawing any extra attention to it, dressing up and feeling good, with some foundation and concealer, you can rock it! 

Edited by Jennifer Cheung
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Well, you had a date with a shallow guy hahaha you should be grateful you saw early who he was. My advice, would be to avoid catching interest into people too early. See them more as friends first, and it won't surprise you or hurt if they judge you as much, since you'll be able to prepare

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On July 15, 2016 at 8:37 AM, Jennifer Cheung said:

From my personal experiences, guys don't really pay that much attention to the imperfections on girls' skin as much as girls themselves.

That guy who pointed out your skin problem is most likely just a perfectionist or a narcissist. 


Yep, normal guys won't care about or notice your acne issues. I would agree that he's probably a narcissist who lacks empathy and likes hurting others. 
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