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6 hours ago, IchhasseAkne said:
Yes, the Halo Effect.  I read and post a lot on reddit and there are many threads and subs where this is discussed...  That so much of life is affected by it is the strongest evidence that humans are just simply smarter animals...  Animals have no other way of choosing mates other than looks...

If everyone was really created "equal" in God's image, then why do humans place so much emphasis on what the outside looks like?  If anything, my acne scarring getting worse in the past few years has made me more empathetic for people who don't fit societal beauty norms: whether due to skin conditions, bone structure (i.e. a woman with a very masculine face), accidents such as burns, malice (acid attack victims), etc.  It is very hard to come to terms with how much better good looking men and women are treated by people.
I believe people are attracted by more then good genes, a few flaws can be forgiven especially if you have a strong character / other attractions. Anyway i am not bringing any offspring into this world yet, can barely manage myself;P 
  Edited by Keeping_up
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20 minutes ago, Keeping_up said:
I believe people are attracted by more then good genes, a few flaws can be forgiven especially if you have a strong character / other attractions. Anyway i am not bringing any offspring into this world yet, can barely manage myself;P 
 
Yes many people are intelligent enough to see the good qualities .
I have a son, part of me is relieved I isn't have a daughter cause I'd scared of passing this PCOS affliction to her. I'm pretty sure my mom and my grandma had it, my uncles skin was fine.
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3 hours ago, snarkygirl said:
Yes many people are intelligent enough to see the good qualities .
I have a son, part of me is relieved I isn't have a daughter cause I'd scared of passing this PCOS affliction to her. I'm pretty sure my mom and my grandma had it, my uncles skin was fine.

So if you pass your acne on to your son, he wont suffer as much?  Trust me guys suffer too, I'm living proof of that.  My acne and scarring has affected me so now I'm a 35 years old and never had a girlfriend, and would be too insecure to even pursue one.  My mom passed the acne gene on too me, and it was like she had no compassion on what I was going through, considering she had acne.  Do what you can to make sure your son doesn't suffer.
10 hours ago, IchhasseAkne said:
Yes, the Halo Effect.  I read and post a lot on reddit and there are many threads and subs where this is discussed...  That so much of life is affected by it is the strongest evidence that humans are just simply smarter animals...  Animals have no other way of choosing mates other than looks...

If everyone was really created "equal" in God's image, then why do humans place so much emphasis on what the outside looks like?  If anything, my acne scarring getting worse in the past few years has made me more empathetic for people who don't fit societal beauty norms: whether due to skin conditions, bone structure (i.e. a woman with a very masculine face), accidents such as burns, malice (acid attack victims), etc.  It is very hard to come to terms with how much better good looking men and women are treated by people.

Good post.  The human obsession with looks proves that we are fallen creatures.  If it wasn't for my faith in Christ, there is no way that I could cope with my appearance that acne had ravaged.  I would of killed myself for sure.
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8 hours ago, acne scar obsession said:

Let me just say this, I've had good skin and I've had bad skin.

Good skin is better.

may I add, I've never been rich but I've been financially OK and Ive been poor...poor sucks! Lol
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11 hours ago, azstl25 said:
azstl25, that's not what I meant at all, I mean my son has a good chance of not having bad skin because in my family ( specifically) it seems the females got the crap skin while the makes escaped it. I think acne is equally bad for both sexes, but PCOS is way more than acne and don't want my daughter to go through any of those problems. Let that gene die with me.
If my son gets skin issues I'm at least knowledgeable to be able to help. But I pray every day that he will stay healthy.
Sorry your mom was like that, I would do anything and spend any amount of effort and money to help my son. Your mom issues could possibly be part of why you haven't dated, do you think? Edited by snarkygirl
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I came to realize that people who have to deal with certain physical disadvantages are the ones who cultivate a lot of compassion and empathy towards other people. That makes perfect sense. You have to go through hell and feel like shit in order to understand when somebody else is going through hell too. And this is not a bad thing! The world needs people with a lot of compassion and empathy! Unfortunately, these are the people who also hide from society the most. This forum is filled with people like that. We avoid going out, we avoid dating, we avoid pretty much all optional social interaction and we have anxiety attacks when the interaction is not optional. Imagine if we actually stopped hiding. Imagine if we had the "this happened to me and I'm dealing with it the best way that I can so fuck off" mentality... Hey, a girl can dream.

As a side note, has anyone on this forum ever considered having a meet up? Just curious. I live in the middle of nowhere anyway, but I think it might help people deal with the psychological trauma better. I'd be in if possible. And no, I'm not saying we should meet up and talk about how much scarring sucks. I'm saying we should meet up and actually do fun activities without feeling like outsiders.

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53 minutes ago, Paula B. said:

I came to realize that people who have to deal with certain physical disadvantages are the ones who cultivate a lot of compassion and empathy towards other people. That makes perfect sense. You have to go through hell and feel like shit in order to understand when somebody else is going through hell too. And this is not a bad thing! The world needs people with a lot of compassion and empathy! Unfortunately, these are the people who also hide from society the most. This forum is filled with people like that. We avoid going out, we avoid dating, we avoid pretty much all optional social interaction and we have anxiety attacks when the interaction is not optional. Imagine if we actually stopped hiding. Imagine if we had the "this happened to me and I'm dealing with it the best way that I can so fuck off" mentality... Hey, a girl can dream.

As a side note, has anyone on this forum ever considered having a meet up? Just curious. I live in the middle of nowhere anyway, but I think it might help people deal with the psychological trauma better. I'd be in if possible. And no, I'm not saying we should meet up and talk about how much scarring sucks. I'm saying we should meet up and actually do fun activities without feeling like outsiders.


I wish there were more of us out there too who had more of a "fuck off" attitude towards all this shit. 

Pretty good idea to meet actually.... We could arrange meeting through google hangouts/skype?
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5 hours ago, il90 said:

I wish there were more of us out there too who had more of a "fuck off" attitude towards all this shit. 

Pretty good idea to meet actually.... We could arrange meeting through google hangouts/skype?

That might be fun! But does that mean I have to clean my room wtf? JK.. but not really.

And yeah, the "fuck off" attitude is pretty awesome, but hard to achieve on a daily basis. I've shed my fair share of tears ever since my skin went to hell, and I know I'm going to shed a lot more, but there are days when I focus all my energy into being optimistic and it works! I think it is okay to allow yourself to be sad and, by all means, do whatever it takes to get your skin to a state you'd be happy with, but meanwhile... "FUCK OFF".
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Acne scars are great and all but these new pimples that have been springing up are truly the icing on the cake.... Just lovin life baby! 

So many all around great girls around me, I'm just so happy I got my skin looking good for college:smileys_n_people_26:.

God is good:smileys_n_people_97:. Lets give thanks to God for these unique pitted scars from cool red inflamed volcanoes we are so blessed to get right on our faces for everyone to see. 

Yayaaaah! Another great day! 

Edited by acne scar obsession
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Gotta love that sarcasm :poop:

Also, I meant optimism as in.. My skin/scars suck, ok. But what else doesn't suck in my life right now? Oh, that thing! I'll focus on that for a while.

Edited by Paula B.
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1 hour ago, acne scar obsession said:

Acne scars are great and all but these new pimples that have been springing up are truly the icing on the cake.... Just lovin life baby! 

So many all around great girls around me, I'm just so happy I got my skin looking good for college:smileys_n_people_26:.

God is good:smileys_n_people_97:. Lets give thanks to God for these unique pitted scars from cool red inflamed volcanoes we are so blessed to get right on our faces for the everyone to see. 

Yayaaaah! Another great day! 

I think I like you, kiddo :D
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Figures I add a story to this dog pile, here goes.

When I was in college, it was nearing the end of my severe acne phase (cystic acne destroyed my skin during high school, I never had accutane), but still had the occasional pimples here and there. My scarring was at its peak worst: still red, fresh, deep and unadulterated by time or procedure. I had pitted scars that probably measured between 0.5~1mm deep by visual inspection, some shallow but the size of 1/4~1/2 a penny, and I avoided social events where photos were taken often like the plague. But during normal times like classes and casual hangouts I joked, and people around me laughed, I saved my self-loathing for the bathroom mirror whenever I shower or brush my teeth.

There were a number of people from the opposite gender who expressed interest because I was a pretty interesting guy, or at least I made out to be that way with a conscious mental block about my scars. But this was only realized in retrospect, how foolish.

Noting my unresponsiveness to her expression of interest, a girl once came up to me with her friend and hugged me for a solid five minutes or so... And all I could think of was "my word, her skin is flawless. My skin is bad and ugly. I don't deserve this."

We are so afraid of people's opinions that we have no control over, but have we ever stopped once to think... "Are you being fair to yourself?"

Live bold, live well. Take care.

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30 minutes ago, NUman said:

Figures I add a story to this dog pile, here goes.

When I was in college, it was nearing the end of my severe acne phase (cystic acne destroyed my skin during high school, I never had accutane), but still had the occasional pimples here and there. My scarring was at its peak worst: still red, fresh, deep and unadulterated by time or procedure. I had pitted scars that probably measured between 0.5~1mm deep by visual inspection, some shallow but the size of 1/4~1/2 a penny, and I avoided social events where photos were taken often like the plague. But during normal times like classes and casual hangouts I joked, and people around me laughed, I saved my self-loathing for the bathroom mirror whenever I shower or brush my teeth.

There were a number of people from the opposite gender who expressed interest because I was a pretty interesting guy, or at least I made out to be that way with a conscious mental block about my scars. But this was only realized in retrospect, how foolish.

Noting my unresponsiveness to her expression of interest, a girl once came up to me with her friend and hugged me for a solid five minutes or so... And all I could think of was "my word, her skin is flawless. My skin is bad and ugly. I don't deserve this."

We are so afraid of people's opinions that we have no control over, but have we ever stopped once to think... "Are you being fair to yourself?"

Live bold, live well. Take care.


Oh, I wanna add something interesting to this!

So.. I've never had perfect skin.. I mean I have, before hitting puberty, but that doesn't count lol. My acne was not severe at all, maybe moderate at its worst; it was not cystic and it didn't scar me. But I'm a picker (dermatillomania kind that needs therapy.. yep), which means my skin was constantly irritated and raw. I also have dry skin so flakiness was a bonus - imagine patches of open wounds combined with patches of skin falling of your face :P. GOOD TIMES! This is what I was insecure about for the most part, so I too avoided mirrors and photos and intense lighting because I felt like a mini monster. This is also what I constantly searched for when looking at other people's skin. Is it red/raw/irritated/TORTURED like mine? No, it usually wasn't. So of course, I felt like a lesser person because of this. That didn't stop me from dating at all! Sometimes, even I was surprised when guys seemed not to care that my skin (face + body btw) was in a continuous state of hell. Beauty is skin deep, right? Well, right, but my theory is that most people actually really DO NOT CARE; they probably notice we don't have flawless skin but.. they don't see it nearly as bad as we do and they forget about it 3 minutes later. I myself only cared to notice if someone else had the same skin condition that I had. I've seen people with severe acne and I honestly saw right past through it every single damn time. I didn't care, I swear. I looked at their FACE, not at their skin. Does that make sense? And scars... I didn't even know acne could scar people so badly by itself! I'm sorry, I know that is very ignorant of me, but I was clueless. I've never noticed scars on anyone, not even on my own face, even though I had a few shallow ones from picking. But who cared about scars when my skin was constantly tortured?

Flash forward 3 months ago. I had an infection. It scarred me in a very obvious way, right in the middle of my face. I don't torture my skin now. It still gets red and irritated easily, but that doesn't bother me anymore. But I HATE every single damn scar. Now I notice them all.. the new ones, the old ones (that I'm sure I would've happily lived with if this hadn't happened to me).. I've mapped my whole face and body, scar wise, and it makes me sick. This is the reason why I now avoid mirrors, photos, lighting etc. This is what I now search for when looking at other people's skin. Scars, scars, scars. Simply put, replace my previous issue with my new issue, double it in how shitty it makes me feel and there you have it.

Ok, this post was pretty long, but the main point is... perspective is everything. We see what our mind wants us to see. Food for thought, I guess.
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Here's a mental exercise-- Not a daily ritual, a mental exercise, do not use it like a ritual because it is not intended that way. Think over it slowly, flip it over in your mind, forget it afterwards if you have to.
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Imagine looking in a mirror. That is you. You see you in the mirror. 

Tomorrow it is you.

The day after it is you.

So is the day after that.

And your next birthday.

And the next year.

And the next five years.

And the next decade.

And your whole life.







The person staring back from the mirror... Is he or her an art piece to you: cold, unliving, no dreams or desire, no thoughts or expression... No humanity? Have you been treating him or her, like a human would?



Look into the mirror, who do you see?



Who are you really looking at in this mirror?



Why do you deny him or her that of which you give so freely to others?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

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4 hours ago, NUman said:

Here's a mental exercise-- Not a daily ritual, a mental exercise, do not use it like a ritual because it is not intended that way. Think over it slowly, flip it over in your mind, forget it afterwards if you have to.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Imagine looking in a mirror. That is you. You see you in the mirror. 

Tomorrow it is you.

The day after it is you.

So is the day after that.

And your next birthday.

And the next year.

And the next five years.

And the next decade.

And your whole life.







The person staring back from the mirror... Is he or her an art piece to you: cold, unliving, no dreams or desire, no thoughts or expression... No humanity? Have you been treating him or her, like a human would?



Look into the mirror, who do you see?



Who are you really looking at in this mirror?



Why do you deny him or her that of which you give so freely to others?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


I feel awful how I have been treating myself. I want to cry that's how bad I have treated myself. Like from the start of this whole roller coaster (acne - medication - scarring) I hav blamed myself so much. Like it is somehow my fault? I mean what can we really do? I mean if people are assholes why should I care?

I just lost myself or something, I lost all confidence... I have been asking myself if I deserve it? You know... But of course I do! I think the trick is to accept the fact that you are different. Not necessarily 'worse' but just different. Then you can move on....

Also, what Numan said, we think people are as obsessed as we are about skin perfection but they really aren't they are probably obsessed with something else (hair, body, intelligence, eyes, asymmetry, lips, money, relationships, other health issues, school, work etc) so they don't notice it.... People are so wrapped up in their own problems that they don't obsess about yours. 

Which brings us to another point, it is an obsession... is this idea of having perfect skin really all that necessary? What if we could just disregard our skin as different and just move on? Like you disregard that you don't have the best body or best lips or whatever. 
20 hours ago, Paula B. said:

That might be fun! But does that mean I have to clean my room wtf? JK.. but not really.

And yeah, the "fuck off" attitude is pretty awesome, but hard to achieve on a daily basis. I've shed my fair share of tears ever since my skin went to hell, and I know I'm going to shed a lot more, but there are days when I focus all my energy into being optimistic and it works! I think it is okay to allow yourself to be sad and, by all means, do whatever it takes to get your skin to a state you'd be happy with, but meanwhile... "FUCK OFF".

We should all definitely have weekly meetings on google hangouts like a support group or something.... ?
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2 hours ago, il90 said:
We should all definitely have weekly meetings on google hangouts like a support group or something.... ?

Yes! We could start slow, no predetermined schedule.. just pick a date and get together to talk? We don't even have to use webcams or whatever at first.. just talk... about whatever the hell we want. If it turns out to be a good idea, we can pick another date and so on.. Is anyone else interested in this?
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18 minutes ago, Paula B. said:

Yes! We could start slow, no predetermined schedule.. just pick a date and get together to talk? We don't even have to use webcams or whatever at first.. just talk... about whatever the hell we want. If it turns out to be a good idea, we can pick another date and so on.. Is anyone else interested in this?
I have the feeling that people on here have met up probably even in real life.
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36 minutes ago, Paula B. said:

Yes! We could start slow, no predetermined schedule.. just pick a date and get together to talk? We don't even have to use webcams or whatever at first.. just talk... about whatever the hell we want. If it turns out to be a good idea, we can pick another date and so on.. Is anyone else interested in this?

You can decide what light (darker won't show your face much - lighter will etc...) in Skype (google hangouts is better for large groups of people)! I never get to meet people in real life like you guys!

Yes... where should we ask people? Start a new topic?
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50 minutes ago, snarkygirl said:
1 hour ago, Paula B. said:

Yes! We could start slow, no predetermined schedule.. just pick a date and get together to talk? We don't even have to use webcams or whatever at first.. just talk... about whatever the hell we want. If it turns out to be a good idea, we can pick another date and so on.. Is anyone else interested in this?
I have the feeling that people on here have met up probably even in real life.

Do you mean.. by accident, without even knowing? Or as in a real meet up?

And yes, a new topic would be great! We should get a better idea of who wants to join in the fun :P.
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10 minutes ago, Paula B. said:

Do you mean.. by accident, without even knowing? Or as in a real meet up?

And yes, a new topic would be great! We should get a better idea of who wants to join in the fun :P.

Great! I hope people will be interested though. It might be really good though if we manage to set it up! Do you wanna, or should I? 
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I think people have met up on purpose, in  very old threads it looks that way. Especially in a small country like England I imagine it would be easy.

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On 7/19/2016 at 11:11 PM, il90 said:
Also, what Numan said, we think people are as obsessed as we are about skin perfection but they really aren't they are probably obsessed with something else (hair, body, intelligence, eyes, asymmetry, lips, money, relationships, other health issues, school, work etc) so they don't notice it.... People are so wrapped up in their own problems that they don't obsess about yours. 

Which brings us to another point, it is an obsession... is this idea of having perfect skin really all that necessary? What if we could just disregard our skin as different and just move on? Like you disregard that you don't have the best body or best lips or whatever.

Actually, allow me to interject-- the point of my post in literal form is "we are so obsessed with our faults that we completely missed life by disregarding any and all opportunities presented to us".

Life doesn't care, time doesn't care: they are both inanimate concepts. But we do and should care for ourselves because we have the choice and perspective to do so.

"If nobody else is going to treat me like a human, the devil be damned that I choose to torture myself by not treating me like one."
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Having a bad day today besides failing for my driving exam two days ago. Which I found harsh  (braked to hard for a yellow light)
I feel like the emotions are getting to much.

Anyway my main concern are the fear I feel from scarring and also the anger that comes with it.  The thing that scares me is that I was rid of all the negative emotions for a year after I had treatment I was confident outgoing seeing people and girlfriends and now the fear back and everything social is hard again. This has already taken a decade of my life (which no one ever understood) and now it is back for like 40%. Living with scars is like stress without end.

It's like I have a standard I expect for myself to have to feel good and if I think I look alright I am happy. If I look bad I live in fear. It has been like this for maybe 15years or so. Like my happiness depends on the way I look. Maybe it has something to do with identity, if I have bad skin I feel trapped.

The positive side is that I have become a lot wiser and that treatment is available and I have the money for it. I really hope fraxel resurface. can achieve that feeling that I am happy with myself again. (I am far from expecting scare free life) So hopefully by the end of September I'll have better skin again.

I am not stopping myself from getting out of the house and have faith I can beat it once again.

I still have a way to go though.

Good luck to all you scar sufferers. .





 

Edited by Keeping_up
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4 hours ago, Keeping_up said:

Having a bad day today besides failing for my driving exam two days ago. Which I found harsh  (braked to hard for a yellow light)
I feel like the emotions are getting to much.

Anyway my main concern are the fear I feel from scarring and also the anger that comes with it.  The thing that scares me is that I was rid of all the negative emotions for a year after I had treatment I was confident outgoing seeing people and girlfriends and now the fear back and everything social is hard again. This has already taken a decade of my life (which no one ever understood) and now it is back for like 40%. Living with scars is like stress without end.

It's like I have a standard I expect for myself to have to feel good and if I think I look alright I am happy. If I look bad I live in fear. It has been like this for maybe 15years or so. Like my happiness depends on the way I look. Maybe it has something to do with identity, if I have bad skin I feel trapped.

The positive side is that I have become a lot wiser and that treatment is available and I have the money for it. I really hope fraxel resurface. can achieve that feeling that I am happy with myself again. (I am far from expecting scare free life) So hopefully by the end of September I'll have better skin again.

I am not stopping myself from getting out of the house and have faith I can beat it once again.

I still have a way to go though.

Good luck to all you scar sufferers. .





 

Dang dude, I can relate so much. I really do understand your mental and skin situation because it's mine too. 

So what happened? You did Fraxel 16 years ago, were really happy with the results for a year and have been unhappy with your skin ever since?  Have you scheduled to do Fraxel repair really soon because if you wanna look better by the end of September you should get the laser done ASAP because your skin takes some time to repair post procedure. 

I really do understand how you feel but there isn't really anything I can tell you to make you feel better because I struggle just like you and can't get myself to feel comfortable with how the skin on my face looks.  Edited by acne scar obsession
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