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Okay there seems to be so much animosity on this forum towards scar sufferers of all severities. I thought perhaps this thread could work for us to post how we are feeling today about our scars in a safer environment, free of judgement and hate. There is one for those with acne, and I was sure there used to be one for scarring. 

Anyway if this isn't the proper place for this thread, perhaps a moderator could move it to the appropriate area.

it should go without saying, but all welcome to vent. It's gonna be dark and gritty, but maybe an appropriate place to vent feelings about scars will lessen the hate in other threads...?

 

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That's cool you made this thread, I too think it may help. Otherwise it'll become a bloody battle between a few users of the forum. We shall see

I just wish I could go back in time and tell my old self to stay on a low dose accutane regimen, that's the soundest advice I would give to myself, every skin is different and mine responds better to this than to anything else

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Only we understand what it feels like to have scars. 
I feel like they hold me back on various things. Especially dating lol

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7 minutes ago, somethingsomethingagain said:

That's cool you made this thread, I too think it may help. Otherwise it'll become a bloody battle between a few users of the forum. We shall see

I just wish I could go back in time and tell my old self to stay on a low dose accutane regimen, that's the soundest advice I would give to myself, every skin is different and mine responds better to this than to anything else


Regret is the worst feeling of all, do you also look through old photos where you had good skin and break down?

thing with regret is, at the time you thought that was the best posssible option even if looking back you were wrong,... so try not to beat yourself up about it

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scars are an emotional challenge
Once you can handle your emotions or the way to perceive things it gets a little better
I believe people can be stronger I am not letting it ruin my life
Getting some improvement is do-able

It will probably be a problem till old age making it livable is my goal. Think   some people have it worse then me then they will have to get stronger or adapt.
There are billions of people with problems worse or less, like a ship sinking with your whole family in it.

Trying to go to Iceland in September and costa Rica in January making the best of life
I'll keep developing the way I want In the meantime I'll keep working on the scars.

Being a kind person is always an option, then in the end when I die they'll be no scars in the afterlife;)

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45 minutes ago, SKINSKINSKINSKINSKINSKINSKIN said:

Regret is the worst feeling of all, do you also look through old photos where you had good skin and break down?

thing with regret is, at the time you thought that was the best posssible option even if looking back you were wrong,... so try not to beat yourself up about it

That's it, this is what I go through everyday, besides having friends with perfect skin which also doesn't help

It's really hard to always think how it could have been different. Also I'm at a point where I have lived with scars for long enough to imagine what I would have done in many situations if I weren't  so self-conscious about my skin and how my life would now be different. I try to hold on to hoping subcision will get me halfway to what I'd like my skin to be and if I get there I'll be happy once again

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2 minutes ago, somethingsomethingagain said:

That's it, this is what I go through everyday, besides having friends with perfect skin which also doesn't help

It's really hard to always think how it could have been different. Also I'm at a point where I have lived with scars for long enough to imagine what I would have done in many situations if I weren't  so self-conscious about my skin and how my life would now be different. I try to hold on to hoping subcision will get me halfway to what I'd like my skin to be and if I get there I'll be happy once again

its a catch 22, by the time you get a significant improvement or you stop letting it affect you. Youre whole youth will already be over and you will have missed out on the best things life has to offer. You cannot win. Ive already missed my entire prime a shut in.

and i know what you mean, all those situations that could have been. Fuck man life could of been amazing....a complete contrast to how it eneded up. I would trade 1 year of living life to the full with clear skin to another 50 years of being a scarred recliuse -  Im bascially already dead

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I wake up everyday with anxiety about living life not wanting to get out of bed and face the world. I am afraid of looking in the mirror to see a new breakout. freaking out about a new pimple because of fear it might be permanent damage to skin. I think about how I would look 5000 times a day with normal looking clear skin, and imagine all the different things I could have done and how I could actually laugh and have fun and socialize and study and go out without it being a constant struggle. people with normal clear skin do not understand and take it for granted.

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Doesn't anyone have anything good to say? I have been away from some time from this forum so I have to let you know that you can live with scars, you can be happy with scars. You know how? You just accept it and move on. You take all those money you were gonna spend on scar treatments say fuck it and travel the world. You know how? Just do it.

I know some of you will think I speak harshly, but you really do make your reality. Forget your skin. Take one step at a time, one day at a time. Be kind to yourself. You didn't do this. Don't hide inside all your life, don't let society take your life away because they are obsessed with flawlessness. I know it will be so hard to take those first steps. Get rid off all the negativity, the the bullshit shallow friendships and create a life. Happiness is not about being perfect. Please think about this before it is too late. 

I have seen people walk proudly with their scars, I wish there was more of us though. I'm tired of the fact that people with specifically acne scarring have to hide. Make a stand, don't be that weak person who couldn't take adversity. Stand strong with scarring, make a statement for all of those like us out there. We need to start somewhere. 

Consider the scenario where someone who has had breast cancer cannot go outside because they are afraid of getting ridiculed? What would you tell this person? That she should stay at home and hide because society doesn't tolerate people with real issues? Fuck no. You would tell her that this was crazy you have every right to be out there don't ever think otherwise! Stand up for your fellow people who are fighting the same fight.

You think our pain in underrepresented? Then go out there and help us. Stand strong with us. Make scarring acceptable by showing them that it is. 

As an end note from Major Lazer.... Stand up like a soldier... baby... 

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16 minutes ago, il90 said:

Doesn't anyone have anything good to say? I have been away from some time from this forum so I have to let you know that you can live with scars, you can be happy with scars. You know how? You just accept it and move on. You take all those money you were gonna spend on scar treatments say fuck it and travel the world. You know how? Just do it.

I know some of you will think I speak harshly, but you really do make your reality. Forget your skin. Take one step at a time, one day at a time. Be kind to yourself. You didn't do this. Don't hide inside all your life, don't let society take your life away because they are obsessed with flawlessness. I know it will be so hard to take those first steps. Get rid off all the negativity, the the bullshit shallow friendships and create a life. Happiness is not about being perfect. Please think about this before it is too late. 

I have seen people walk proudly with their scars, I wish there was more of us though. I'm tired of the fact that people with specifically acne scarring have to hide. Make a stand, don't be that weak person who couldn't take adversity. Stand strong with scarring, make a statement for all of those like us out there. We need to start somewhere. 

Consider the scenario where someone who has had breast cancer cannot go outside because they are afraid of getting ridiculed? What would you tell this person? That she should stay at home and hide because society doesn't tolerate people with real issues? Fuck no. You would tell her that this was crazy you have every right to be out there don't ever think otherwise! Stand up for your fellow people who are fighting the same fight.

You think our pain in underrepresented? Then go out there and help us. Stand strong with us. Make scarring acceptable by showing them that it is. 

As an end note from Major Lazer.... Stand up like a soldier... baby... 


This here is the only cure for acne scars, acceptance. 

You just make it sound so easy when it's actually a terribly hard thing to do because when you are at that point when you are starting to feel good about yourself you pass by a mirror or a car window and see those terrible indents on your face and feel miserable again.

That said, I agree with you on the acceptance thing but there's nothing to be proud about having acne scars and you can't compare it to having had breast cancer. Cancer is a terrible disease, it's not fair for sufferers to be compred to us with our first world shitty problems. Either way, cancer survivors will always be looked at with respect for having survived through a horrible experience. When it comes to us it's just a look of pity or disgust.

It really has to be said, I'm sorry. Besides, learning to live with scars is great advice, some I'm bound to go by but research moves forward when there're customers interested in such products. If we all stopped going for scar treatments like Infini or TCA there wouldn't be a drive for this market, it's the sad truth.

Don't take this post the wrong way, though, il90, just think the other part of the story should be told.

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I don't agree. We can change the perception of it but not by accepting how people look at it. If we hide or think of ourselves as disgusting because we have scars then no of course nothing will ever change. We have to actively take a stand and say, yeah I have scars. I went through so much pain, and now I have to be embarrassed about it? Never. I won't accept that. Just like any other disease. I went through a disease yes I won't be embarrassed because of that. 

I don't mean to accept some idea that we are disfigured, or "disgusting", accept that I am different. I am fucking amazing because who I am. People want to be around positive happy people, they don't care what you look like. This is the truth. I got a new roommate some time ago, and we were talking the other day and she just said I mean I noticed scars later and for a day it was different but then I mean you don't see all that you just see the person you know? Yes exactly. In friendship and real relationships this shit doesn't matter after a day or two. The problem is people with scarring are usually not very happy people, and so they think it is the scarring that makes people leave. But it isn't. It has nothing to do with looks.

I thought the other day as I was walking down the street, do I want old and disgusting men to stare and leer at me everywhere I go? No. Haha. Good riddance. Really don't want to be a magnet for players who only want to use me either. Haha. It really wasn't all that good. And, I'm still considered beautiful. So, I'll take it. 

I'm being brutally honest because I want you all to think about this. Being perfect isn't all that. You decided how to define yourself, reject all this negativity. Please redefine the idea of scarring, because why not?

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She is right, scars are like cancer and all of the rest of the misery people have to go through. It's the way you deal with it that makes you grow as a person.

Isn't easy though. You might have to change your perception, go seek help, take anti depressant, go on a trip. At least you should try to get out of the destructive cycle. One thing that can help is making a everyday plan and working on the goals in life you want to achieve and are within reach.

Life isn't about looking good, it's about developing yourself. Trees are smart that way they just grow around an object that stands in their way.

This is a challenge a lot of us have to go through instead of cancer, war, famine, disease, being paralyzed a drug addict, in prison, homeless, gay, lonely, old   etc.  it isn't easy 
 
 

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Facial scarring blows. And unlike being homeless, going to jail, and being a drug addict, it is 100% out of your control. And at least a with some other illnesses/issues, there is a potential cure or solution. Not true with scarring. You are locked in for life.

True, it is not life threatening, like cancer. But it does threaten mental health and QOL, which can lead to numerous health problems and disease. I think it can be detrimental in this regard.

Every time I see my face in a reflective surface or mirror, my eyes zero in on my ugly forehead and I crumble inside. I wish I had the confidence to show my forehead and not hide behind a curtain of hair or a hat. My life would be a hell of a lot easier.

the few times I have had my scar exposed in public, I can't make eye contact. When I do, I have see people's gaze travel directly towards my scar. This makes me extremely anxious, and I just try to end the social encounter as quickly as possible. It's horrible. I don't know how to overcome this.

when I take a shower or workout, the fucker turns red and looks 50x worse and even more indented. I know I'll never be able to let the sun touch my forehead again because of the scar tissue. I can kiss swimming in public and days at the beach goodbye :(

Edited by scarredandsad34

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4 hours ago, Keeping_up said:

She is right, scars are like cancer and all of the rest of the misery people have to go through. It's the way you deal with it that makes you grow as a person.

Isn't easy though. You might have to change your perception, go seek help, take anti depressant, go on a trip. At least you should try to get out of the destructive cycle. One thing that can help is making a everyday plan and working on the goals in life you want to achieve and are within reach.

Life isn't about looking good, it's about developing yourself. Trees are smart that way they just grow around an object that stands in their way.

This is a challenge a lot of us have to go through instead of cancer, war, famine, disease, being paralyzed a drug addict, in prison, homeless, gay, lonely, old   etc.  it isn't easy 
 
 

i disagree. no one is trying to look good we are jus look normal. a lot of people have told me I have a big nose, I have never been bothered though..why?because I was born with my nose. NO ONE has actually commented on my skin but I see my scars and I know I was not born with them. I do not wake up thinking I hate my eyebrows or my nose or my eyes or my hair or my height or my body, I was BORN with all these. I wasn't born with indents and scars over my face. none of us want to look like models, just look like other human beings that wake up looking at the same normal face everyday,not having to be afraid to look in the mirror.
10 minutes ago, scarredandsad34 said:

Facial scarring blows. And unlike being homeless, going to jail, and being a drug addict, it is 100% out of your control. And at least with some other illnesses/issues, there is a potential cure or solution. Not true with scarring. You are locked in for life.
Every time I see my face in a reflective surface or mirror, my eyes zero in on my ugly forehead and I crumble inside. I wish I had the confidence to show my forehead and not hide behind a curtain of hair or a hat. My life would be a hell of a lot easier.
when I take a shower or workout, the fucker turns red and looks 50x worse and even more indented. I know I'll never be able to let the sun touch my forehead again because of the scar tissue. I can kiss swimming in public and days at the beach goodbye :( AWW poor you..that tiny forehead dent and you cant go to the beach or swimming?:( I burn all over my skin anytime I'm in the sun for more than 5 minutes,oh and most of us zero in on our entire face not a tiny little forehead dent. why do you keep posting here, you really anoy me

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33 minutes ago, Scarface65567 said:
i disagree. no one is trying to look good we are jus look normal. a lot of people have told me I have a big nose, I have never been bothered though..why?because I was born with my nose. NO ONE has actually commented on my skin but I see my scars and I know I was not born with them. I do not wake up thinking I hate my eyebrows or my nose or my eyes or my hair or my height or my body, I was BORN with all these. I wasn't born with indents and scars over my face. none of us want to look like models, just look like other human beings that wake up looking at the same normal face everyday,not having to be afraid to look in the mirror.
Leave me the fuck alone already, you little pissant. This thread was created for people suffering  from the physiological effects of scarring. To vent, free of judgment. I have a noticeable facial scar that bothers me, so I have a right to post here. 

God, I wish I could block your ass or hit "unsubscribe" to your posts. Lay off me, already. Edited by scarredandsad34

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3 hours ago, Scarface65567 said:
i disagree. no one is trying to look good we are jus look normal. a lot of people have told me I have a big nose, I have never been bothered though..why?because I was born with my nose. NO ONE has actually commented on my skin but I see my scars and I know I was not born with them. I do not wake up thinking I hate my eyebrows or my nose or my eyes or my hair or my height or my body, I was BORN with all these. I wasn't born with indents and scars over my face. none of us want to look like models, just look like other human beings that wake up looking at the same normal face everyday,not having to be afraid to look in the mirror.

Stop it. Life happens. You deal. I did not either have these scars when I was born, yet I am able to deal? I lost about every friend I had. But, I made new ones. I made a new life. Please don't be that one that has that bad vibe. I have seen people with scarring who are BEAUTIFUL. Yes, actually but they don't go around thinking they are disgusting, they think yeah so what? They are are battle scars. 
3 hours ago, scarredandsad34 said:

Facial scarring blows. And unlike being homeless, going to jail, and being a drug addict, it is 100% out of your control. And at least a with some other illnesses/issues, there is a potential cure or solution. Not true with scarring. You are locked in for life.

True, it is not life threatening, like cancer. But it does threaten mental health and QOL, which can lead to numerous health problems and disease. I think it can be detrimental in this regard.

Every time I see my face in a reflective surface or mirror, my eyes zero in on my ugly forehead and I crumble inside. I wish I had the confidence to show my forehead and not hide behind a curtain of hair or a hat. My life would be a hell of a lot easier.

the few times I have had my scar exposed in public, I can't make eye contact. When I do, I have see people's gaze travel directly towards my scar. This makes me extremely anxious, and I just try to end the social encounter as quickly as possible. It's horrible. I don't know how to overcome this.

when I take a shower or workout, the fucker turns red and looks 50x worse and even more indented. I know I'll never be able to let the sun touch my forehead again because of the scar tissue. I can kiss swimming in public and days at the beach goodbye :(


Wow didn't know there was a cure for loosing a leg, an arm, an eye?? What about having half your body blasted away by a grenade when you are 5? What we are talking about is all shallow, it doesn't hurt. We have the ability to disregard all of this and go out and live TODAY. 

The most memorable awesome people in the world weren't perfect... 

If people look at your scar? Look back and shrug. Let them look. You have to be strong. Try it today look them in the eye with all that strength I know you have. Do it once, then twice... It is more in your mind than out there but you have to take that first step....

You should also seek psychological help. I did. I am not embarrassed about that it probably saved my life. 

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8 hours ago, il90 said:

The problem is people with scarring are usually not very happy people, and so they think it is the scarring that makes people leave. But it isn't. It has nothing to do with looks.

I think this line describes the situation better than most. In all the years I have dealt with acne and acne scars, I have almost no memories of people visibly reacting to my skin. Most people just don't care about your skin when it comes to friendship or professional relationships. I do however remember countless times when I prevented myself from meeting people or pushed them away because i was unhappy.

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Self pity has nothing to do with the strength a person has. I not asking anyone to accept, you can still work on making the scars less noticeable.

It's just that people obsess with it, make their own prisons more then necessary. Like staying at home doesn't improve your life quality, it's not constructive. Constructive is to make a treatment plan if you are truly so scarred, get it done and move on. Keep it realistic   One day you could wake up and discover that your brains where obsessing or you have the kind of mind that is sensitive, nervous or busy. Your view and emotions are things to question and change,,, not to confirm all the time.

Maybe you need a good treatment or life changing event to set your mind more free or some conformation in order to partly accept this.
It has a lot to do with age, when I first got upset because of the scars I was devastated for years. Angry that no one understood, depressed and alone. What got me most was the complete lack of control.

I understand now that emotions and the way we perceive things can be part of the cure, next to whatever treatment is available.

The question whether you are born with scars or not has only to do with acceptance, when tragedy happens people suffer. Then when the time is right they struggle on, compensate adapt do what they can. If someone gets a disease sickness or whatever a test begins of treatment and acceptance adapting your life. Sometimes it is of survival especially if people get depressed or in despair. I know there are people who have taken their own lives because of severe scarring.

If you can move on people will admire you for it, girls like the confidence or positive way of living

That is all I am trying to say, move how you can. Run at night, wear a surf suite to the beach. Make the best out of it.


Here is what I believe you can work on.

1 scar treatment
2 keeping emotions under control, even when you still experience them (might require medicine)
3 compensate by doing things that you like or make you better looking
4 Relativize /  Keeping it real, are scars a good reason to let it ruin my life.
5 Developing in ways you like and can in whatever way, walk in nature, make a painting whatever, a nice trip to Indonesia
6 Staying hopeful, I will better my situation, life still has great things
7 stay a nice person, help other people in need. Stay a strong person
8  become a wise person, what is the situation of life and humanity, family and what is my role in this
9 change your environment to your needs.
10 Don't judge yourself or others, just observe and learn
11 Working around a problem

anyway just trying to give some advice or a different way of thinking, it is something a person should work out themselves

Edited by Keeping_up

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22 hours ago, somethingsomethingagain said:

That said, I agree with you on the acceptance thing but there's nothing to be proud about having acne scars and you can't compare it to having had breast cancer. Cancer is a terrible disease, it's not fair for sufferers to be compred to us with our first world shitty problems.

Yes I can. This is a terrible disease too considering our lives have been disrupted to such an extent. If not more since it is not yet accepted for what it really is, a hormonal disease (perhaps autoimmune) just like severe eczema and psoriasis. I have had severe eczema all over face and body and it does not come close to severe acne. 

Now, this is what I do. I do not tell myself that I am disgusting because of acne scarring, I say those that think that are disgusting. I went through a disease that I had absolutely no control over and now I am left with scarring just as someone is left without breasts after breast cancer. They had not control. I had no control. (Anyone that comes up with some bullshit of diet etc please I don't want to go into these discussions because they are absolute bullshit)

Don't downplay your pain. This has been terrible thing to go through. Let that pain through and accept that you were given a shitty hand with regards to this one thing. I know your pain. I have literally been there.  The only thing you can do now is make the most of it. 

Instead of bring ourselves down, lets be there for each other through this lets spread some positive vibes. We deserve it. 
17 hours ago, scarredandsad34 said:


the few times I have had my scar exposed in public, I can't make eye contact. When I do, I have see people's gaze travel directly towards my scar. This makes me extremely anxious, and I just try to end the social encounter as quickly as possible. It's horrible. I don't know how to overcome this.

 


I have seen your scar. I wish you could be proud of it. Smile when people look at it. Things happen for a reason, go with it. See what happens. 

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you guys are missing the point. When I was around females before I got together with my girlfriend, I never let my scarring affect the way I approach women. no girl has commented on my skin, instead they've said I'm the least shy person they have ever met. because I'm aggressive and my confidence is out the roof. when I interact with people I don't let that affect the way I talk to them but when I am alone it depresses me everyday. it depresses me knowing how life would have been different for me had I not have this difficult issue. I cannot watch movies or go out without observing peoples skin and wondering how, why? do I still go out and have fun? I try to, but my skin prevents me. even when ihve had 6 shots all I can think about is my skin. I still go out, go to school, try to find a job at the moment, do things but my skin is constantly on my mind and it sucks. I have a flippin beard for christs sake just to cover some pitted scarring that is still obvious in harsh lighting.i hate it

14 hours ago, il90 said:

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