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I guess I'll be avoiding shawdows and fluorescent lighting forever

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Well, I used to be a frequent contributor to this section, and now that it's a ghost town I'm uncertain that I'll find any support. But writing this message will be theraputic for me so I hope sharing will help. 

I've had bad acne scars since I had a massive breakout when I turned 20 years old. It's the 10 year anniversary of the end of my life. I have some ice pick scars on my cheeks and to be completely honest, I would be able to live with those. BUT, I also have many ice picks scars in my t zone and blotches of uneven skin of my forehead. And like any good artist would do, acne decided to use my entire face as its palate because I also have deep ice pick scaring on both sides of my temples. My face is a minefield, basically. 

Needless to say, I've been a wreck the past decade going to great lengths to shelter myself from the outside world, wearing hats to cover my skin, or just avoiding eye contact at work with people. I finally controlled my acne last year and I feel like the unevenness is improving, but I always have the reminder of my scars when I walk through an area where shadows cast an unflattering light on my scars. I've used mirrors to determine how bad my skin is under this lighting and yes, it is quite bad in my own estimation. 

But I'm sick of wearing hats everywhere to cover my imperfections because for one, I look like an idiot with a hat and two, older men wearing baseball hats seems kind of childish to me? Anyways, I've discarded the hat and I just got a nice haircut. It has improved my confidence, and I feel a lot more comfortable but I don't know. My heart sinks when I have to walk by someone on the street when it's cloudy or under fluorsecent lighting because I''m sure the other person is thinking wow, that is some fucked up skin, but I think I am becoming more confident just letting people see what I am, imperfections and all. Even with perfect skin, I know there are many people who would find me ugly, so I don't have the misguided belief that the world would be perfect if I just had perfect skin. I know I will need many plastic surgeries to correct my skin, but at least now I feel more comfident to face the world. I just wish It didn't take until 29 for me to start investing in myself and giving myself a chance. Even though my skin is bad, I'm going to try and work on myself and my spirit. 

Hopefully, one  day someone will accept me. I've had a long journey with my acne scars, but I think I'm finished allowing them to control my life. 

Edited by Tyga
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Hey I feel you. You ain't alone. I have bad moderate ice pick scars on my face :( I am coming to terms to accepting the scars. I have tried laser once and dermapen needling 4 times and no improvement. Now I am looking into make-up to try and cover scars and try give it a less noticeable look. I can just hope that makeup will get me through the day. Plus I'm a guy 

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