Totally understand how you feel about seeing your boyfriend. But truly, he probably fell for the person on the inside and if so, he will see past your current skin struggles, and instead build you up positively, that he will make you forget you even have skin issues. Wish you the best!

16 hours ago, nguer said:

Totally understand how you feel about seeing your boyfriend. But truly, he probably fell for the person on the inside and if so, he will see past your current skin struggles, and instead build you up positively, that he will make you forget you even have skin issues. Wish you the best!

Thanks! It is tough and embarrassing but I know he doesn't care. Unfortunately the biggest way it will impact our relationship is all on me... I get really depressed and self-conscious and that will hurt us more than the acne itself.

Day 12

Not feeling as good today as some of these cysts are starting to come to a head and they hurt. I have 4 on my left jawline, and 2 of them are freakin' PAINFUL and big. I think they have actually been there for like a week and a half. The four on my left cheek seem to be healing but still raised. That area is never as painful for me. I have a couple random other ones around my chin and on the right side of my face.

I am so afraid that it's going to keep getting worse. I'm embarrassed to go into work tomorrow. I try to take ibuprofen to help me forget about it because really the pain from these suckers is what reminds me 24/7 that my face is in bad shape. It's hard to focus when that's all I'm thinking about.

Another thing I noticed yesterday is a new breakout on my chest. I haven't had one of those since starting the pill so that is a bummer. That was the only part of my skin that had improved.

Guessing it is going to be another bad skin week. I am really trying not to spiral into a depression over it.

Day 13

New mf'er on my chin today but it has already come to a head. It's kind of hard for me to track new spots each day because some of them take so long to come to a head, and then they stay that way for a couple days. I don't pick.

My skin is an absolute oil slick right now but I am pretty sure the CeraVe Moisturizing Lotion is contributing. I didn't put any on last night before I went to bed, and I woke up in the morning and my skin was farrrr less oily than usual. Then I used some before I put my makeup on, and was oily as hell by noon. My dermatologist said one of the ingredients is known to block pores, so I am excited to switch over to the new stuff tonight. If I look at the timeline of when I started using the CeraVe regularly, I could see it kind of coincides with the last two months. Before that, I was using my Curology formula as my main moisturizer.

I bought a bunch of spearmint tea at the store last night. Lol, I am desperate. There's good evidence that it has anti-androgenic effects.

Little less than 8 weeks away until my birthday & trip to Mexico. I keep telling myself that it will have to be better by then. I'll be heartbroken if I'm piling makeup on every morning I'm there and stressing about my skin.

Day 15

Wow, horrible breakout going on on the right side of my face right now... on my jawline but not under, so it's super obvious. Like 5 or 6 nasty inflamed whiteheads. I hate this kind of acne because they are so raised they just look ridiculous under makeup. There is really no covering them. All I can do is take away the redness.

I keep hoping that every breakout will be the last one... but realistically I've been on these treatments for less than two weeks. It could be the same or worse for a while. Or forever. I don't know. It's so depressing and embarrassing. I've never broken out this bad in my life - and I have had some pretty bad breakouts. I've thought about stopping the birth control, but it's just a lose-lose situation. My cycle is totally fucked and I don't want to go back to that either. I don't know what is worse, so I am hoping that I can have the best of both worlds and stay on the pill while still having okay skin.

It is really starting to wear on me though. I've gotten to the point where I just dread washing my face at night because I hate feeling all the bumps. I hate feeling it get worse. I don't know. I have to think about something else.

Day 17

The breakout on the right side of my face is healing... and now I can see three or four new spots on the left side. I am really depressed. Not really sure what to say. I got my new Curology formula last night so maybe that will help from a topical perspective, but honestly I am tired of getting my hopes up. Oh well.

Day 19

So at this point I've been on doxycycline for two weeks, spiro for a week and a half, and Ortho Cyclen for almost three weeks. Continuing to feel pretty bad about my skin. I get at least one or two new breakouts every day. Some of them are pretty superficial at this point which is an improvement. But I have another deep inflamed one under my jawline on the left side - I've had literally 5 or 6 of these in the exact same place over the past 6 weeks. I wonder if it's because I touch them during the day? I don't really pick but I am guilty of touching these areas to feel for new/existing spots. It probably isn't helping. And then the ones on my cheek are always really inflamed - and I have a new one of those on the right side which was otherwise totally clear. Awesome.

I so miss my skin from a few months ago.. I would have at worst 2 pimples at any time and I thought that was bad. Like I had pretty much no PIH but still wouldn't leave the house without makeup overthat.

I ordered some zinc soap to use a few nights a week. I really love the feel of it - I don't remember why I stopped using it when I had my bad breakouts in 2014. It really does help with some of the redness and inflammation right away. I am hoping it will clear the breakout on my chest too because I don't have a lot of luck with the stridex pads.

My sister-in-law was really sweet last night... she was saying that if I didn't mention it, she wouldn't have even noticed I was struggling with my skin right now. (Thanks, makeup!) She showed me pictures of her acne when it was moderate/severe from a couple years ago and it did make me feel better because her skin is really nice now. And because I never realized at the time how bad hers was. And mine doesn't look that bad in comparison.

Tuesday is my last active pill in this pack. I am really curious to see how my skin will react to the 7 day break. I am thinking it will start to clear up from the lack of hormones, but we'll see.

Day 21

Dealing with another really bad breakout on the left side of my chin right now.. it's funny, when one side clears up, the other side breaks out. I have less under my jawline - I only really have one active one there and it's not too painful. I am losing hope. There is some incredibly stressful stuff going on in my personal life right now and dealing with this in addition is just too much... I look terrible. I miss having normal skin. And this morning my facehurts.

Excited to start the placebo week after today. I am starting to hate this birth control. I just hope these effects are not permanent for as long as I'm on it.

Day 24

So I'm pretty sure this was the worst skin week I've had in my life. Since Tuesday I had about 10 inflamed zits around my mouth/chin on the left side. They have been healing and coming to a head very slowly. The sad thing is I've also noticed I'm starting to get some indented scarring. The right side of my face has been clear all week except for one spot though. I haven't had a lot of actual new breakouts since Monday, mostly just all that stuff coming up to a head. Maybe one new under my jaw and two on my cheek. I don't feel like I'm out of the woods yet though. Pretty much as long as I am getting pain from my face I can be sure there is stuff under the surface. I have stopped feeling hopeful that it's going to get better. All I can do is try to distract myself from thinking about it.

Day 27

I'm starting my 2nd pack of Ortho Cyclen tonight, two days early because my period has been kind of heavy and lame. I am really nervous about starting the new pack. My skin has not been clear the last few days, but I am worried that the changing hormones will make it flare up even worse. The right side of my face has been clear except two spots for an entire week. Left side is still breaking out daily - the last few days it has been mostly under my jaw. Compared to last week, this is actually good. It at least looks better under makeup.

I am trying to change my attitude towards this situation. I went on the pill for a reason, to help my body... I was bleeding so often and so much that I felt really sick. It's hard to say if this acne is worse than that, but either way... I am doing what I feel I need to. And I am taking action to help my skin so that hopefully I can have a normal cycle and normal skin. I just have to be patient and I need to be kinder to myself. My acne does not make me disgusting. I have to stop hating myself every time I see a new zit coming up. It's so unfair to myself. And I am literally the only one who cares. The worst other people are thinking is, "Her skin looks bad," and then they are moving on. No one is in pain looking at my face. I don't need to look perfect for other people.

I think I want to start therapy again. This situation has made me realize that I have a lot of messed up ideas about my self worth. I feel like my priorities are so out of line.

Anyway... we will see how this week goes. The craziness in my personal life continues- as painful as it is, it is putting things in perspective a bit.

On 6/6/2016 at 8:36 PM, bunnybunny said:

Day 27

I'm starting my 2nd pack of Ortho Cyclen tonight, two days early because my period has been kind of heavy and lame. I am really nervous about starting the new pack. My skin has not been clear the last few days, but I am worried that the changing hormones will make it flare up even worse. The right side of my face has been clear except two spots for an entire week. Left side is still breaking out daily - the last few days it has been mostly under my jaw. Compared to last week, this is actually good. It at least looks better under makeup.

I am trying to change my attitude towards this situation. I went on the pill for a reason, to help my body... I was bleeding so often and so much that I felt really sick. It's hard to say if this acne is worse than that, but either way... I am doing what I feel I need to. And I am taking action to help my skin so that hopefully I can have a normal cycle and normal skin. I just have to be patient and I need to be kinder to myself. My acne does not make me disgusting. I have to stop hating myself every time I see a new zit coming up. It's so unfair to myself. And I am literally the only one who cares. The worst other people are thinking is, "Her skin looks bad," and then they are moving on. No one is in pain looking at my face. I don't need to look perfect for other people.

I think I want to start therapy again. This situation has made me realize that I have a lot of messed up ideas about my self worth. I feel like my priorities are so out of line.

Anyway... we will see how this week goes. The craziness in my personal life continues- as painful as it is, it is putting things in perspective a bit.

just wanted to send you some encouragement. I too went through terrible hormonal breakouts 3 times in my adult years and have used the similar BCP, Spiro and Doxy treatment. It took a few months to clear and settle, but it was worth it! Self-esteem and the voice in our end is the hardest part of it all. People are so self absorbed (not all in a bad way) but just as you are feeling about your acne, others feel about their skin, their weight, their "insert random body part". It takes daily practice to love yourself during these rough patches, but know you are not alone!!

Day 31

My skin has been weird this week. I am breaking out less than I was a week or two ago but still pretty consistently. The zits are less inflamed, but a lot of them are leaving indented scars, which seems counter-intuitive. They feel less cystic but are leaving scars? I don't know. I have a pretty deep one coming up on my cheekbone... in the same place as one that left a scar... great. My left cheek is in rough shape. The texture of my skin looks really bad right now because of the scars, the healing whiteheads, and I also have a lot of smaller clogged pores that don't come to a head. I miss Retin-A :(. I am hoping that some of these scars are shallow enough that their appearance will lessen over time.

Day 33

Well it was nice to have semi-clear skin for a few days... as of this morning I have two cysts on my left cheekbone, one coming up near my mouth, one under my jaw on the left side that is aching so bad, and two spots on my chin. I hate this pill. Every time I get breakouts like this I want to just stop taking it. The lower half of my face is just covered in red spots at this point. This week I am going away with family from Tues-Saturday so at least I won't have to deal with work for most of the week.

Day 37

Things are still looking bad. I have been really emotional today because I sent updated photos to my Curology derm over the weekend and he emailed me back a bunch of stuff including recommending I see an in person dermatologist to discuss if I would be a good candidate for Accutane. That is the one thing that kind of sucks about Curology - I know that the cause of my skin issues is the pill, so recommending Accutane at this point just doesn't make sense to me. I really believe if I went off the pill things would go back to normal. And I am going to at least switch pills if things don't get better. I have only been on antibiotics and spiro for a month. Some people get results in that time I guess. I don't know.

As for my skin today... a lot of spots scabbing up and healing - I haven't really had many come to a head this week, they seem to be drying up themselves. My skin feels tingly and a little tight. I can't tell if that is from developing cysts (God I hope not) or if it's just dry or irritated or what. It's painful and unpleasant though.

I really hope I don't have to go on Accutane. But I don't know how much longer I can deal with my skin like this. The psychological part is the worst... I am just paranoid and obsessive waiting for the next cyst to come up.. I hate seeing myself in the mirror.. I hate putting makeup on.. I hate that it hurts when my boyfriend touches my face. I hate that my face hurts all the time. I definitely do need to see a therapist so I guess I will work on that when I get home from this trip.

Day 45

I stopped taking Ortho Cyclen on Monday. My face had got so painful and I just felt horrible. I am going to continue the spiro and the doxy. I have a dermatologist appointment for August 15 - if things are still bad I am guessing it will be Accutane. If not, I will consider getting back on a different pill.

This was a hard decision for me to make because my period is so bad- it's already really painful and I'm sure the spiro is going to make my cycle worse. But I could not take the pain from the acne and the depression. I just hope that I will stop breaking out soon and things will go back to normal.

I'm sorry the ortho made matters worse for you! I just started taking a generic version of it and have been on it for a week, hoping it doesn't mess me all up. I hope your skin is doing better now and you were able to get it under control after stopping the pill!