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fatalbert911

My father failed me and im an outcast for it..

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My parents got divorced when i was 11 and my father instead of owning up to his responsibilities by paying child support through out my teens. He instead would send me 100 bucks every once in a while, as a result i came into adulthood with nothing. Whats makes me so angry is that if he had done his parental duties like a man, i whould have been able to treat my acne scars and get the plastic surgury i feel i need to not look ugly anymore.

But instead here i am, a 22 year old loser living with my mom and stepdad. struggling  to maintain a job for years due to having zero self confidance. I have an ugly face crooked teeth, a big ice pick scar on my nose, crooked nose and crooked eyes. Ive done the research and all of these issues could have been addressed if only i had the money. Instead i have to go to work being labbled as a freak, i fucking hate my life.

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That makes me mad when a child or young teen has a genetic defect that can be fixed but the parents apathy leads the kid to live a lifetime of loneliness and suffering.  My acne could of been fixed at a young age but my parents didn't give a crap about my condition.  Sending me to a doctor wasn't very high on their list of priorities.  Every once in a while my mom would buy me some store bought garbage that wouldn't work.  I really think they enjoyed seeing me suffer throughout the years.

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My parents never supported me either. They never took me to the dermatologist for my acne because they thought that acne is just something that every teenager has (which is BULLSHIT!!!) and that I should just stop making such a fuss about it. When I wanted to go to the dermatologist anyway my mother threatened me by saying: "If the dermatologist gives you a treatment that our health insurance won't pay for, you'll have to pay for it!" That scared me so much that I gave up on the idea.
Also, in the beginning of my teenage years my mother bought my skincare products for me and apparently she thought that I need products for sensitive skin which contained additional grease!!!
After I got upset because of it and told her that I will choose my own products from now on, she refused to pay for them any longer because I was being "silly" and wouldn't listen to her. So I had to scrape all my pocket money together to afford the proper products for my skin and hardly had money for anything else. Later, I started working as a cashier in a store.
All through my teenage years I walked around with my hair hanging in front of my face because I was so ashamed of my skin. Of course I was the laughingstock of my entire school and my entire home town.

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When I was about 14 I finally admitted to my parents that my acne really bothered me. They told me that there was nothing that could be done about it and i would just have to wait to grow out of it. I believed them! I'm ashamed to say I didn't know there was such a thing as a dermatologist until I was in my late teens.

I'm not sure if they didn't care or if they thought it wasn't a real problem and were just trying to save money. Maybe they were genuinely ignorant  and didn't know something could be done? They're nice people, so I find it hard to believe they were being malicious. Either way I learnt a valuable lesson - only talk to your parents as a last resort.

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Many of us can relate to parents that could have done more or did what they learned from their parents.  With that said, you're an adult now and dwelling on the woulda coulda shouldas will not help you at all.  I have been seeing a therapist since September and the best advice she has given me is that we have to look at our CURRENT situation and list the options presented to us.  We have to then ask ourselves if each option is viable and if no, why not.   You calling yourself ugly is your own self perception and it helps you in no way, shape or form so why do it.  Ugly is a subjective term and not everyone will look at the same person and see the same qualities.  As for surgery making everything better.  It's a false myth because the minute you fix one thing, something else that bothers you will pop up.  I'm sure when you had acne , the premise was if only it was gone I would be happy.

probably not what you want to hear and I am not hear to judge but as someone who has gone through the same thought process and still does from time to time, I can tell you that if you don't address the underlying emotional issues, it will be harder to do the older you get.


find gainful employment
join a meetup group for depression or self esteem
journal
do something that you enjoy
find a good therapist
breathe and get ready for the long road to self discovery.  Very difficult but well worth it.

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I definitely agree with leelowe1! Dwelling on the past and what could have been if this were the situation or that were the situation doesn't help one bit. Although my family was very understanding and tried their best to spend for acne medication, antibiotics, dermatologist fees...none of the money they spent had helped. I'm sure every parent wishes they could give their kid everything, but sometimes it just isn't feasible. 

I say the best thing to do is look forward! My best possible advice would be to surround yourself with people who you can talk to about it and couldn't care less of what you look like. Growing up it was my very very best friends who sort of shaped me not to become an emotional recluse given my issues being overweight and having severe acne. 

 

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