I'm pretty much in the same situation as you. I'm 30, no close friends, bad job despite an okdegree, livingat home with my parents after a few failed attempts on my own. I've never lived with friends or gone on holiday with friends. I can't drive.My entire dating history consists of two dates and a one night stand when I was at uni. For some people that would be a slow week!I made a few attempt at starting a "life" in my mid to late 20s, but I encountered similar issues to what your describing. Most of my peer group has moved on. Most still go out, but its never going to be all night every night like I imagined it wouldhave been when I was 18-23. Personally, I'm just going to draw a line under it and just say I missed out on that phase of my life. I think you have to accept that there are things that your only really going to experience at certain phases in your life and move on. You can try to recapture it, but it won't be the same.

For example,I remember when I was 10 I really wanted to go to Disneyland. We couldn't afford to go so Ijust forgot about it. I could afford to go now if I really wanted to, but at the end of the day I'm not 10 anymore! Its just not something that I want to do, its something that I wish I'd already done. I feel a similar way about my teens and early twenties.

The only real difference is that I had no control over whether I went to Disneyland when I was 10. However, I could have potentially overcome my hangups when I was 18-23 and lived a "normal" life. I suppose that's where the regret comes from. But I guess if they were suppose to be the best days of my life, surelythese are the second best days of my life. Could be worse.

17 hours ago, fcukedupdude said:

So after high school i pretty much never done anything i wouldnt say it was all due to acne tbh it was my preference anyway to stay home and game etc. BUT I Ddidnt date or pursue females either but again not sure how much acne can contribute to this as it was not something i fully cared about.

 

Anyway late 20s now uni days long gone, freinds and social life almost non existant. Staying at home with parents still, no savings, crap temp job despite my degree and make money online.

Anyway i guess one thing to be pleased about is my crazy bad body acne is now only mild and not worth caring about or bothering for thankfully. Good diet and decrease of teenage hormones seems to have been the key.

 

But now what should i do with my life? I managed to get some girls here and there in my 20s but tbh i didnt even care. not gay lol but really just dont care.

 

What i long for is those potential party nights in early 20s at uni, lots of mates and partys, but thats impossible to do now as im to old i guess? Im not sure. I missed out on a lot of uni social stuff by staying at home, partly due to acne i guess?

 

AS the years gone by just losing more freinds and making freinds now is not really the same. Im supposed to be more a mature adult now i guess haha looking at fb see others my age now with kids and stuff. Doubt they hanging with mates playing COD all night or getting drunk at party....so i cant do that now

 

So what can i do? getting a house with a female and sitting in the house seems as much fun as...well not anymore fun than what im doing now...cba with that. Doesnt appeal to me.

 

If i were 18-21ish i would be looking for flat with males/mates and just being chilled out and doing whatever, thats not really possible now as i said.

 

I guess acne is no excuse i prob woulda done above when 19-20 if i didnt have mad bad acne but who knows, it defo made me more happy to be at home etc...

 

So now whatt? Its as if i just got outta jail or something. I was 16 now im 30,,,now what i do?

My advice: Go to your local psychiatric hospital for diagnostics. It looks like you need some serious professional help to get your life back on the road.

9 hours ago, jwalk said:

I'm pretty much in the same situation as you. I'm 30, no close friends, bad job despite an okdegree, livingat home with my parents after a few failed attempts on my own. I've never lived with friends or gone on holiday with friends. I can't drive.My entire dating history consists of two dates and a one night stand when I was at uni. For some people that would be a slow week!I made a few attempt at starting a "life" in my mid to late 20s, but I encountered similar issues to what your describing. Most of my peer group has moved on. Most still go out, but its never going to be all night every night like I imagined it wouldhave been when I was 18-23. Personally, I'm just going to draw a line under it and just say I missed out on that phase of my life. I think you have to accept that there are things that your only really going to experience at certain phases in your life and move on. You can try to recapture it, but it won't be the same.

For example,I remember when I was 10 I really wanted to go to Disneyland. We couldn't afford to go so Ijust forgot about it. I could afford to go now if I really wanted to, but at the end of the day I'm not 10 anymore! Its just not something that I want to do, its something that I wish I'd already done. I feel a similar way about my teens and early twenties.

The only real difference is that I had no control over whether I went to Disneyland when I was 10. However, I could have potentially overcome my hangups when I was 18-23 and lived a "normal" life. I suppose that's where the regret comes from. But I guess if they were suppose to be the best days of my life, surelythese are the second best days of my life. Could be worse.

ok fair point but i guess question is what does present consist off?

Joining a flat with other young uni guys...unlikely or impossible.

Getting a gf and a flat with her...not appealing to me.

Sharing a flat with random 20 somethings/older people...again not appealing.

Getting a flat alone...financially impossible.

So it seems there is no option or way out of my present situation which is living with parents. If i make more money a place of my own is possible but again not the most appealing thing in the world.

To have a flat with fellow young mates woulda been awsome and living in the moment.

All i can do now is eat, sleep, work repeat....not even anyone to go out weekends with plus maybe to old for it? Hardly going to hang in a club/bar full out young students and hit on the 19 year old girls. So what can I do?

I guess this age brings similar thoughts to many people even those who had better uni days. Just those might be able to move on better to a more mature stage of settled life? But if not they are in same boat as us anyway.

I know for sure id rather be single, drunk and in party or with mates and hoping to hook up now and then. Than being in a relationship with minimal partying/social life with mates.

To me best nights were a few beers with lads and playstation etc lol

19 hours ago, fcukedupdude said:

 

ok fair point but i guess question is what does present consist off?

 

Joining a flat with other young uni guys...unlikely or impossible.

Getting a gf and a flat with her...not appealing to me.

Sharing a flat with random 20 somethings/older people...again not appealing.

Getting a flat alone...financially impossible.

 

So it seems there is no option or way out of my present situation which is living with parents. If i make more money a place of my own is possible but again not the most appealing thing in the world.

 

To have a flat with fellow young mates woulda been awsome and living in the moment.

 

All i can do now is eat, sleep, work repeat....not even anyone to go out weekends with plus maybe to old for it? Hardly going to hang in a club/bar full out young students and hit on the 19 year old girls. So what can I do?

 

I guess this age brings similar thoughts to many people even those who had better uni days. Just those might be able to move on better to a more mature stage of settled life? But if not they are in same boat as us anyway.

 

I know for sure id rather be single, drunk and in party or with mates and hoping to hook up now and then. Than being in a relationship with minimal partying/social life with mates.

 

To me best nights were a few beers with lads and playstation etc lol

If you are bothered by it all, then psychologists might be able to help you out.

4 hours ago, AlexanderJ86 said:

 

If you are bothered by it all, then psychologists might be able to help you out.

i went to psychologists on and off over years, anxiety problems, aspergers diagnosis etc..they cant help, didnt help.

So i look at my life myself.

A few years back i had many freinds at uni, i had some good freinds online and local for gaming, i played football with freinds 1-3x per week.

In the last few years all the following has happened.

Finished uni and lost friends there.

My best and local online gaming mate stopped gaming and talking to me.

Stopped playing football with mates as they grew out of it, kids, wife, moved city etc..

Basically I have literally 0 friends now. I made friends on online gaming sites but they are not people i really know or was brought up with.

My best cousin who always had parties and I would hang with him at his house or go clubbing etc often, moved city and has literally wife and kids now and never parties, hes old.

I mean im not young anymore its not like we have friends to hang with all time? When i was 19 5 of us were gonna rent a flat together, woulda been playstation and takeaway pizza every night. That is something i see to look forward to and enjoy. Also I was gonna go to spain or greece and work in a bar or sommething, im good looking but acne and anxiety put me off.

Now i even feel to old to go abroad to work in a bar?

maybe ill join some clubs at uni? Societys?

I play guitar and try to start a band a few times but again nothing ever materialised and i found that i just couldnt jam with people its more a solo hobby for me.

So, a gf would be cool for sex and someone to hang with if i enjoyed her company no doubt about it BUT i still NEED my male freinds for the chits and giggles with the boys.....

pretty much in the same boat as you are, I'm 25 yo and I feel old, like life passed me by and I missed on a bunch of things, because acne took away my youth years. I used to party, have friends and be pretty happy in general, until I got severe acne and isolated myself for a few years. don't have "real friends" anymore, just people I know and don't like them that much, but it's better than being alone. I'm on Roaccutane atm and it's getting better and better, working out 5 days a week and I want to go bartending in Spain in the summer, just as you wanted. I think we're both young to do that (obviously), but we just feel old. Working out definitely helps and going out of the house more often, even if you're alone, helps too. I, for one, am pretty sure I don't want the whole "settling down" thing, not for a while at least  Btw, have you worked as a bartender before? How important do you think looks are to land a job abroad? Do you think mild to moderate acne scarring could be an issue?

bartending in spain, the tan will help your skin or hide acne.

I mean as long as u aint hideous ull be ok, i worked in club at home and quite a few bar staff had bad acne but not like cysitc boils with white puss etc that would be a no-no, lots of acne is better than few but horrible looking acne if u get me...but as i said when i went to greece my acne went completely due to sunbathing and swimming in sea,

It's always easy to comment as an outsider but I reckon you need to get involved in some sport again.  There must be a football club with a social team that you could join in and some new friendships could form from there....or try a different sport or hobby.

Remember it's OK to be on your own and you need to be happy within yourself.  Music is great.  If you can't get a band going at the moment you could get some backing tracks and practise on your own.  If you can work it with back tracks it might help for next time you have opportunity to form a band with other people, and for the present it can be some enjoyable alone time to find some happiness within yourself.

30 is the new 20 and you've got a lot of living to do yet!  Don't isolate yourself from possibilities

13 hours ago, fcukedupdude said:

bartending in spain, the tan will help your skin or hide acne.

I mean as long as u aint hideous ull be ok, i worked in club at home and quite a few bar staff had bad acne but not like cysitc boils with white puss etc that would be a no-no, lots of acne is better than few but horrible looking acne if u get me...but as i said when i went to greece my acne went completely due to sunbathing and swimming in sea,

thanks man, I was talking about scarring, not acne, I won't go if I still have active acne  Do you think a bartender course with little or no experience at all would be ok, or I shouldn't even try? Where did you want to work in Spain?

ah scarring well a light tan will hide it i guess. ACtive acne will go in the sun also.

I guess if u can get bartender job at home u be in better position. Its easy though man lol. One day doing it and you learn all u need to know. Aint rocket science.

Might be hard to get jobs abroad though tbh thats the problem so ull need money to live just in case? where u based.

I actually meant Greece, my cousin bf family had bar in Zante. BUt i put it off many times.

On 12/12/2015, 909, fcukedupdude said:

ah scarring well a light tan will hide it i guess. ACtive acne will go in the sun also.

 

I guess if u can get bartender job at home u be in better position. Its easy though man lol. One day doing it and you learn all u need to know. Aint rocket science.

 

Might be hard to get jobs abroad though tbh thats the problem so ull need money to live just in case? where u based.

 

I actually meant Greece, my cousin bf family had bar in Zante. BUt i put it off many times.

I live in Romania atm, butI wanna try living abroad for one summer, especially in Spain, so if I'll get the money, I'll try and go. I put it off many years, too, but that's because I had really bad acne ;D

You are overthinking it. Just take it one step at a time. Nobody knows what to do, how and where are they going. I also have gotten rid of my acne in late 20's. Some start living at 16, others 30, some find the true meaning at 45, or 60. Life is not whatever the society tells you it should be, it is what you do with it. You wanna party at 30? Go ahead, why not? Join Meetup, join gym, clubs, get a hobby. Meet friends, start dating. Stop acting as a victim and take control. Also, I would like to share with you one of my favorite quotes. "For a long time it seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time to still be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life."

sure but i mean how does one start dating at 30 lol.

Women you meet will be like wtf u have 0 dating history and would i want to date older women with lots of experience? would i want a young girl?

I dunno about anything. When young i was hot and endowed acne was only on my back attracting females was not a problem but i really ddint care i was more interested in my video games, freinds, sports, going out parties and studies etc...

I did not care for relationships at al. And somewhat still dont apart from the sexual aspect i guess. Well moreso the sexual aspect. Now im older al the things that kept me bsuy when young have drifted away but id like to have sex with attractive women often or even one but often. I been visiting model class secorts and such and I really enjoy it. Even at strip bars here and abroad. I know its seedy but the women there are much mmore attractive than most of the ones i meet at home. It was great to hang out with these realy hot women and even have sex with some of them, not all prositutes lol I meet some on my travels which i have been doing.

I know it sounds kinda bad but thats what I enjoy and want. Its not easy IRL to meet models type women and hook up for sex lol. Im not sure what i wanna do. Its hard to get out there at my age also. I turn down offers of sex with women ive met at work etc..most women IRL you meet just arent that attracitve though some are.

Still being with a women doesnt feel complete to me as in my mind feels like it prefers hanging with freinds and seeing women for sexual desires.

I still feel that I prefer that teenage state of mind where you play video games and stuff with your mates and jerk off to porn/maybe get laid lol.

Id be lieing if i said i want to commit to a female but it seems there is no way back to being young and hanging out with male mates often? Like when teens?

so its tricky.

Recently I went to bar with my mate from old he says when you gonna settle down and stuff what your plan. And i said to him this is what i enjoy. to go out and get drunk with mates then maybe if got lucky then that be good. Thats the lifestyle i like. But its not easy now.