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:pray::pray::pray:

Hey guys!

To start off with, i haven't got any courage to speak about Accutane to anyone because I'm embarrassed about my acne. To begin with, i got inspired by this post: http://www.acne.org/messageboard/topic/317725-how-do-i-stay-motivated-on-accutane-going-crazy-and-emotionally-unstable/  . To be honest, i teared upon reading because i can relate to him..... Im on my second month accutane and my motivations are depleting 

Im 17 and i've been having acne since i'm 14. I used to have pimples way before anyone had when i was 10 i thought it was normal. From where i come from its 37 degrees Celsius hot and its inevitable to perspire and hence oil began to settle on my face. Everyday i wake up with a face sunken with oil. When i go out, after 6 hours oil began to cover my face. It sucks!  With back acne you can't wear sleeveless. I have acne literally everywhere, my thigh my back, my upper arms, my boobs, my cleavage.  

I started having acne at 14, it began on my left cheek with 3-5 red spots. However as time goes by my skin became more and more oily. When i'm 15 i start having acne on both cheeks! I remember wearing cakey facial powder to cover it and i give up two weeks trying to cover it. 

 I looked up on back acne online and thought it was simply bed bug. I changed sheets and even bought a new mattress. My acne was still there and it continued developing. I went to the doctor and he said its normal perspire that builds up behind my body. 

I've tried every oral and topical products out there to cure acne, collagen, cooling powder, vitamin C, salicylic acid facial wash, lemon. So i went to a regular clinic and the doctor prescribed me to antibiotics, doxycycline and minocycline for two months and stopped because i got super sun tanned after even 10 minutes exposed in sun. I even tried to be a vegan to cut down on my saturated animal fats intake, excessive papaya and avocado intake for my face. Still no difference.  Fml. I then went to National Skin Centre and my dermotologist prescribed me to Accutane on 8 October.  Now i'm on my second month dosage. I started off with 10mg on first month and 20mg this month. Im so pissed because on first month i had no changes or slightest improvements. However, now with double dosage im breaking out so bad. Ive just finished my O levels and holidays for 4 months till college. I haven't had the courage to go out with my bare face and if i had to go out, ill cover up with cakey foundation and even-so, i still feel shitty about myself. When i get home, all this worsen after i remove my layers of foundation. My acne simply gets worser. Im having worse acne thn before! Small cysts that have never developed now begins to form on my face! I start breaking out all over my cheeks, below my mouth, AND ABOVE MY JAW!!!!! I hate my face! The pain of staring into the mirror and think why me? Why me out of 5.175 billion people who had clear skin, god chose me to have acne. I have to spend extra money to fix it and others don't even have to try to have a perfect clear skin. Why me??? I feel like im the only one in school, among my friends, at home, to have such acne. I get so sad every time i look into the mirror. Sometimes i don't switch on the lights in my room, only my lamp so i dont have to see my acne. Accutane side effects are killing me. My mood swings are so bad i'd have cry spells often. I easily spend up to $175 for a single visit to my dermatologist for a blood test and review for accutane dosage. Im sorry my parents had to spend money for my face. Im sorry im a burden that god chose my face to destroy like a canvas. When i walk down the streets and see guys I immediately look down with my long hair covering my face. Its so depressing. Having acne is the worse thing anyone can ever be diagnosed with, it lowers your self esteem tremendously. 

Every time after eating my pills, my chest would hurt so much. My face would itch almost every hour, and every night when i go to bed and wake up the next morning i'll look into the mirror and feel so shitty about myself all over again. I'll have pimples that are white in colour, i don't know what its called but its disgusting. When you try to cover it with foundation and cakey powder, it doesn't look good because it'll just look like the bottom of crunchie chocolate bars. (look it up online :() Fml. All i can think about is my acne. I'll look back at my older pictures and think my face state before acne is slightly better than i am on accutane now (excluding the reduced oiliness)   

I need motivations and advice my friends. Im only on my second month and there's more to come. My derm told me my targetted dosage is 6000 and i'm only at 340. Which means if i increase dosage gradually i should end by 7-8 month. Sucks when all you can think about is how ugly you look. How your self-esteem is tarnished due to your looks. 

 I remember going over to my aunt's for reunion dinner and all my relatives were present. One of my aunty pointed out my acne and said "Why don't you wash your face?"  My heart sink. I wanted to break down soooo bad. I held my tears and cried balls when i got home. I remember before my exams, at the corner of my eyes i could see 3 girls from my class were making fun and talking about my acne. They were poking their face and laughing as a form of mockery about my acne. I didn't had the courage to turn around. I felt so embarrassed of myself.  I didnt choose this acne. Acne chosed me. Why do people thing acne is me not washing my face? Or can be gotten rid as easily as washing your face? I can't take it. Second month and i'm so emotionally weak. 

help.


dell Edited by valemisty
grammatical error. sorry!

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