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Positron89

Is It Possible To Find Love When You Have Acne/scars?

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First time poster. Long time admirer of the site.

I really want to know, have any of you with moderate to severe acne actually genuinely found love, a relationship or marriage in your life?

I know for sure guys notice my acne and although I do still get checked out and noticed by guys from time to time (I'm very good at covering up with makeup although it kills me inside everytime I have to wear my mask :( ) I am just not sure if it's possible to find a lasting relationship while you have acne.

I know I have a good personality, I'm very kind, intelligent, good job (I'm a doctor), good listener and funny. But I just don't want to be judged by my skin my whole life.

I remember an ex boyfriend of mine commented on my skin and said what are all these pock marks on your skin doing? Why do you have them? Will you always have them forever? At this time I don't know why his comments didn't make me sad, maybe because my face was clear of acne save for the scars so for some reason it didn't bother me. Needless to say the relationship ended quickly lol he was a jerk.

But to any women with acne reading this - let me tell you, I have also dated some wonderful men who loved me for who I was. I remember one boyfriend even said to me "I feel sad you had to go through this experience of having acne, but it doesn't make you any less beautiful" (unfortunately the relationship ended for other reasons).

You know my dream? To meet a fellow acne sufferer and fall madly in love. Although I am hesitant coz I don't want my kids to inherit an acne predisposition by default then if both parents suffer from acne. But you know I find men with acne scars incredibly attractive, especially if they have great personalities. Ah. One can dream.

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First time poster. Long time admirer of the site.

 

I really want to know, have any of you with moderate to severe acne actually genuinely found love, a relationship or marriage in your life?

 

I know for sure guys notice my acne and although I do still get checked out and noticed by guys from time to time (I'm very good at covering up with makeup although it kills me inside everytime I have to wear my mask :( ) I am just not sure if it's possible to find a lasting relationship while you have acne.

 

I know I have a good personality, I'm very kind, intelligent, good job (I'm a doctor), good listener and funny. But I just don't want to be judged by my skin my whole life.

 

I remember an ex boyfriend of mine commented on my skin and said what are all these pock marks on your skin doing? Why do you have them? Will you always have them forever? At this time I don't know why his comments didn't make me sad, maybe because my face was clear of acne save for the scars so for some reason it didn't bother me. Needless to say the relationship ended quickly lol he was a jerk.

 

But to any women with acne reading this - let me tell you, I have also dated some wonderful men who loved me for who I was. I remember one boyfriend even said to me "I feel sad you had to go through this experience of having acne, but it doesn't make you any less beautiful" (unfortunately the relationship ended for other reasons).

 

You know my dream? To meet a fellow acne sufferer and fall madly in love. Although I am hesitant coz I don't want my kids to inherit an acne predisposition by default then if both parents suffer from acne. But you know I find men with acne scars incredibly attractive, especially if they have great personalities. Ah. One can dream.

I have never been in a serious relationship and i think my acne is mostly to blame. Like you i dream of meeting a guy with acne or some other skin condition maybe who understands what i'm going through.
But i never do!
I decided many years ago i wouldn't  have children so as not to pass on my dreadful  acne genes. So i got a cat instead :)

 

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On 9/18/2015, 4:46:17, Positron89 said:

First time poster. Long time admirer of the site.

 

I really want to know, have any of you with moderate to severe acne actually genuinely found love, a relationship or marriage in your life?

 

I know for sure guys notice my acne and although I do still get checked out and noticed by guys from time to time (I'm very good at covering up with makeup although it kills me inside everytime I have to wear my mask :( ) I am just not sure if it's possible to find a lasting relationship while you have acne.

 

I know I have a good personality, I'm very kind, intelligent, good job (I'm a doctor), good listener and funny. But I just don't want to be judged by my skin my whole life.

 

I remember an ex boyfriend of mine commented on my skin and said what are all these pock marks on your skin doing? Why do you have them? Will you always have them forever? At this time I don't know why his comments didn't make me sad, maybe because my face was clear of acne save for the scars so for some reason it didn't bother me. Needless to say the relationship ended quickly lol he was a jerk.

 

But to any women with acne reading this - let me tell you, I have also dated some wonderful men who loved me for who I was. I remember one boyfriend even said to me "I feel sad you had to go through this experience of having acne, but it doesn't make you any less beautiful" (unfortunately the relationship ended for other reasons).

 

You know my dream? To meet a fellow acne sufferer and fall madly in love. Although I am hesitant coz I don't want my kids to inherit an acne predisposition by default then if both parents suffer from acne. But you know I find men with acne scars incredibly attractive, especially if they have great personalities. Ah. One can dream.

 

Thats the thing, mostly ppl who have been through acne/scars understand a fellow acne person. The free skin folks tend to completly take it for granted and easily judge the opposite sex immediatly if they have acne/scars. 

As a guy I have seen this more times than I can count over the years, girls like me when my skin is good, then they don't when its problematic. Polar-opposite reactions. 

If guys are checking you out then clearly you must be attractive, acne scars or not. So don't give up, If nothing else from your experiences with acne, you have gained a greater compassion for people. While others are far less so.

 

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I would HIGHLY recommend dating someone with similar struggles. I've always struggled with my acne and my weight, and I'm dating someone who also struggles with acne and his weight too. We've both worked hard together and my skin hovers 75-90% clear (pull down to 75% when I eat poorly haha), and so does his. And we're both hovering around pretty good fitness too.

He will always know what those struggles are like for me, so I never have to explain myself to him. With some guys, if I make a comment on my weight or skin, you can sense the discomfort in them. It's soo annoying.

Edited by Vanbelle
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I'm currently dating someone right now who really cares about me. We met ywo years ago but due to me changing country and other problems we never got to take it further.

 

Anyhoos we started meeting up again when I was on accutane, so was having a few nasty breakouts. Since I've stopped it's already started coming back. I bring it up to him how ugly I think my skin is but he says he honestly doesn't care and doesn't see it.

 

So the other week I was on my timehop app on my phone and saw pictures of when we first met. My skin was horrific. The worst it has ever been.. Even during my first accutane initial breakout... But the weird thing is I didn't care! Back then I never thought about my skin. Even with this awful skin (acne and seb derm on my face), he still found me attractive. :) (and just to clarify... He's literally my dream guy ahaha. Things are possible!)

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Been married 5 years come March.  My husband has only known me as I am now, with acne and scarring.  We have had some serious ups and downs in our relationship but he's always told me he loves me.  I don't always believe him, and I don't always trust him (my issues, whatever) but even when I feel hideous and have breakouts and so forth he always tells me I'm beautiful/sexy/everything you wanna hear.  My messed up mental state doesn't accept it for fact.  But whatever.  He doesn't have scarring or acne like I do, but his face is fairly red all the time and he has some broken blood vessels or minute veins that show on his cheeks.  I've noticed them but have never felt that this has negatively influenced his looks whatsoever.  

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I haven't been single for a very long time (about 9 years), but when I did have acne which was mild - moderate I didn't find it too easy to interact with girls on a romantic level. In fact, I've never even started a relationship when my acne's been bad, only when my skin's been great.

That said, I have kissed girls when I've had acne and had a flirt. Alcohol, of course, was probably a factor on both parties behalves.

Mind you, when my acne's been very bad I simply haven't gone out to meet girls. It was the last thing on my mind.

But do I find girls attractive even if they have acne? Yes, I certainly do. If I find them attractive and they have a great personality then I will always be interested.

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Well its a good way to find the right guy, if a guy doesnt want to date you because you have acne he doesnt really care about you at all. Personally i find the girls with acne like mine are very pretty and i tend to like them more then girls with perfect skin because i know they are going through the same struggles as me and i dont have to worry about having 1 pimple because my girlfriend has perfect skin, it makes me feel more like me if that makes sense. 

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My first serious relationship my bf had acne and scars. That was when my skin was completely clear. But the funny thing is, i barely even noticed it was there and i never even gave a second thought about it and we dated for 2 years... Well we broke up and now I've been with someone else for a while now, i've known him for a long time (even before first relationship) and he's honestly just the best and he has never said a thing about my skin. Even when my skin was RAGING with red painful pimples, he still looked me in the eye, kissed my forehead  and said he loved me.  I'll often tell him that i feel ugly or that im upset about my skin but he just tells me that it doesnt matter, and i shouldnt stress about it. If someone you're dating is turned off by your skin or makes remarks about your skin, thats a red flag to dump their ass. There are good people out there who don't give a shit about the state of your skin and will love you no matter what.

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Look, it is possible to find love with anything.  In fact, it is possible to find love with anyone. Anyone you want! 

Edited by iCogito
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I've only ever got into relationships during the two phases of my life where my acne completely disappeared.

When I've been single with acne I just haven't even bothered with a relationship as I've felt so down.

Therefore, I'm not a very good example of dating with acne and finding love with acne. I have, however, maintained relationships whilst suffering with acne. It's not especially easy though...

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I think part of what makes it harder for people with bad acne to get into relationships is the fact that acne destroys our confidence. I'm so afraid of being judged by others, especially boys, that I hide myself from the world as much as possible. I avoid talking to people and don't even wanna start talking to boys until after I'm done with accutane. 

after acne, I also became more rude and cynical. I guess that pushed some people away.

i understand that lots of people are judgmental and won't date anyone with acne even if they're confident, but that's not everyone.

there are two guys at my school who have bad acne scarring, and I find both attractive. one of them seems popular and has lots of girls talking to him. if I wasn't so insecure about myself, I'd probably talk to them.

i also remember seeing a girl on youtube with severe cystic acne who mentioned having a boyfriend on one of her accutane video logs. her skin is clear now, but I think they started dating when she already had acne.

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On 1/9/2016, 1:46:58, ihateacne33 said:

I think part of what makes it harder for people with bad acne to get into relationships is the fact that acne destroys our confidence. I'm so afraid of being judged by others, especially boys, that I hide myself from the world as much as possible. I avoid talking to people and don't even wanna start talking to boys until after I'm done with accutane. 

after acne, I also became more rude and cynical. I guess that pushed some people away.

i understand that lots of people are judgmental and won't date anyone with acne even if they're confident, but that's not everyone.

there are two guys at my school who have bad acne scarring, and I find both attractive. one of them seems popular and has lots of girls talking to him. if I wasn't so insecure about myself, I'd probably talk to them.

i also remember seeing a girl on youtube with severe cystic acne who mentioned having a boyfriend on one of her accutane video logs. her skin is clear now, but I think they started dating when she already had acne.


are you talking about elaine mokk? i was just going to mention her haha

and i agree with pretty much everything you said, we get low self esteem and hide ourselves from the world and wonder why we cant be popular like other people. my skin is clear now, but i remember seeing things i wanted and thinking, oh ill do it once my skin is clear when in reality i probably couldve just done it and no one else wouldve really cared.

two years ago during my freshman year of college i remember my friend was sleeping with this guy who lived on the floor above us who had pretty severe acne, and i remember her saying he was pimply (her words) but he was so good in bed lol. just another example of people noticing your acne but not really giving a rats ass about it
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I enjoy the part of the dating where I get taken to dinner and I don't have to be the big spoon. 

Instead I'm the one unplugging the toilet.



IMine went away a while back  but I'd rather hang out with girls who were looking like Measles patients than alternative barbie doll #1 and #2.  I can hardly tell though because I'm 6' 5'' and most girls are like 2' 10'' on there good day.  We are our own worst enemies in terms of judging and having the ability to pause in the mirror and nitpick your features until time turns to dust really brings about a state of hypervigilance for your own natural imperfections.  Just chill cause were all going to be fat, covered in wrinkles, and volunteering to maintain a state of pure psychosis.

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On 1/9/2016 at 4:46 PM, ihateacne33 said:

I think part of what makes it harder for people with bad acne to get into relationships is the fact that acne destroys our confidence. I'm so afraid of being judged by others, especially boys, that I hide myself from the world as much as possible. I avoid talking to people and don't even wanna start talking to boys until after I'm done with accutane. 

after acne, I also became more rude and cynical. I guess that pushed some people away.

i understand that lots of people are judgmental and won't date anyone with acne even if they're confident, but that's not everyone.

there are two guys at my school who have bad acne scarring, and I find both attractive. one of them seems popular and has lots of girls talking to him. if I wasn't so insecure about myself, I'd probably talk to them.

i also remember seeing a girl on youtube with severe cystic acne who mentioned having a boyfriend on one of her accutane video logs. her skin is clear now, but I think they started dating when she already had acne.

ihateacne33

I really like your post.  You have much wisdom for such a young person.

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I had a long relationship (6 years) with someone who didn't seem to mind that my face is scarred up all over as a result of acne (I was still breaking out throughout the relationship too, but not as badly as before I took accutane). What did seem to bother him was how affected I was by it. A big contributor towards the break up, I think, was that he felt like he couldn't make me happy because I always seemed so miserable with myself (low confidence in how I look resulted in me becoming an extremely negative person. I didn't feel able to be as bubbly and positive, and probably as loving as I'd like to be). That wasn't the only reason why we didn't work out, but it was a big factor. So sometimes, it's not the opinions of others concerning our skin, but our behaviour in reaction to it, that can truly push someone away.

I'm currently seeing somebody who also doesn't seem to mind about my skin. I'm generally a much more positive person than I was during the last relationship, in addition to the fact that I feel I learnt some important lessons about relationships in general as a result of that break-up, and so I'm hoping that this one goes well (it's been a few months so far, so time will tell). But it's difficult. I find him very attractive and though of course attractiveness is ultimately subjective, I think he's probably considered a good looking guy by many others also (my ex had image concerns of his own, related to his weight, whereas this guy has none that I'm aware of - obviously that's good for him, but it does mean I feel a bit more aware of my own oddities around him). When I feel so monstrous, it's hard for me to show much confidence or to act as uninhibited as I'd like and that really makes me feel sad and frustrated. I don't like to bring my skin up, because that feels like drawing more attention to something I'd rather forget about, but I'm starting to feel like it's time to open up a bit more about it. If I stay at his, then I'm finding myself being a bit sneaky about trying to quickly put on face creams or concealer or whatever, and feeling uncomfortable because he unfortunately is a big fan of switching on all the lights in the mornings if it's a bit dim, and things like that. I feel like for my own sanity, I'm going to have to ask if he'd mind accomodating some of my weird rituals - like letting me get ready in flattering lighting, without being too crazy about it. He already knows I have periodic treatments for my scarring, and I've mentioned a few times that I have low confidence because of it, but I've kept talk of it quite low key as I'm conscious that in my last relationship I went on about my scars so much that it was complete overkill and did no good at all. I'm trying to be brave, especially as I've been invited to a family wedding abroad in a couple of months time and there's an internal panic inside me about how I'm going to cope with trying to remain confident when I'm even more out of my comfort zone. I guess it's a matter of striking that balance between being honest and brave enough to talk about it when you feel you need some support, yet not letting it utterly dominate everything and pushing them away.

In short, it's difficult but definitely not impossible. Not everyone is shallow enough to care about what someone's skin looks like, but I think we have to be careful to remember that and to be a bit kinder to ourselves.

Edited by sixfeetunder
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The posts I hate reading the most on this site are the ones where people say they don't think people with acne should reproduce. Acne is one of the most common diseases in the world, and it affects everyone differently. Anybody who ever had acne could pass moderate to severe acne on to their children. It is entirely possible for "beautiful" adults to pass along a more severe case of acne than they had.

Like most diseases, early prevention is key. If I am ever fortunate enough to have children, I will be able to pass on the knowledge of the trial and error I have been through, not just acne prone skin. I was at a disadvantage because my parents are such ignorant people. When I first got acne, my father would yell "It happens to everybody, and it goes away. Get over it!" Everybody should take their children to a dermatologist at the first sign of acne.

I always wanted to set up an online dating site for people with skin diseases.

Edited by QuanHenry
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On 3/4/2016 at 6:33 AM, QuanHenry said:

The posts I hate reading the most on this site are the ones where people say they don't think people with acne should reproduce. Acne is one of the most common diseases in the world, and it affects everyone differently. Anybody who ever had acne could pass moderate to severe acne on to their children. It is entirely possible for "beautiful" adults to pass along a more severe case of acne than they had.

Like most diseases, early prevention is key. If I am ever fortunate enough to have children, I will be able to pass on the knowledge of the trial and error I have been through, not just acne prone skin. I was at a disadvantage because my parents are such ignorant people. When I first got acne, my father would yell "It happens to everybody, and it goes away. Get over it!" Everybody should take their children to a dermatologist at the first sign of acne.

I always wanted to set up an online dating site for people with skin diseases.

[Edited link out]

I agree with the early prevention thing, I've always thought to myself that as soon as a kid of mine starts getting acne, I'll take them to the derm instead of buying topical products or telling them to deal with it.

Edited by Ishayat
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I know what you mean about 'putting on your mask' I cover my acne with layers and layers of foundation every day, because it's the only way to slightly boost my confidence, I hate it so much though. my ex used to comment on my acne as well and ask me why I don't take care of my skin. it was honestly heartbreaking for me, and I've been to insecure to try and date anyone since but I have not lose hope, so please don't 

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                   Being an acne sufferer, I am quickly able to see past acne. The form of beauty that Plato speaks of, for me, is someone who is an intellectual and possesses more than simply the definition of beauty that we have been named, trained, framed, and blamed to believe is beautiful. What I am speaking about here are largely things unseen, no amount of visible beauty will ever be able soothe my heart. A presence can, however, do just that, if from the right soul. The virulent cancer of people living in ego is not my cup of tea. When I used to look at myself in the mirror, I was not able to see past everything else. But now, most find me to be quite a fine specimen of men and aesthetically pleasing women are typically interested. But that means nothing to me, I am not looking for your looks, but a window into your heart. If that window happens to be clean and pure, well.. Let's just say I have an affinity for that type of thing.. I don't exploit my looks like some vain prick, my looks mean nothing. And if women tell me I am a great person now, then surely I would be a great person if I had the same attitude whilst I had acne.  I am not looking for a love based on aesthetics, I am looking for a woman to mesh souls with. My form of beauty, does not lie in the physical realm.

Cover my eyes so I can't see your beauty, bound my hands with a sash so I can't feel your soft skin, and I challenge you to make me believe you're beautiful. 

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Yes! I've been married for 4 years to the most amazing man. He is hands-down the best person I know. He actually proposed to me when my acne came back with a vengeance after my first dose of Accutane. I had recently started Accutane again when we started dating, and the second time was much harder on me. When he flew me out to see his family and friends for the first time, my skin was terrible. I was covered in acne, and my face was peeling horribly from the Accutane. I remember he took me to lunch to meet his two best friends, all was going well until I caught the reflection of myself in my phone. It was a horrifying sight, I had gigantic chunks of skin ripping apart from my face. My face was also bleeding pretty badly. I went to the bathroom and started bawling. My husband ended up going to the store for me and brought me back makeup, and moisturizer(boyfriend at the time). I knew right then he was "the one." Not only is my husband a wonderful person, he's also GORGEOUS. He also has perfect skin, and is in really good shape(I bring this up to prove that not every good-looking person is shallow). He could have pretty much any woman he wanted. I distinctly remember wondering why this guy wanted anything to do with me. The answer is, he loves me. And when it comes to love, acne is insignificant. He has always made it clear to me that he thinks I'm beautiful though, especially when I feel my lowest. He hasn't changed a bit, either. In the last few days I've been breaking out for seemingly no reason. I've been stressing out about it and fearful that my skin will once again get bad. I was telling my husband that I didn't know how I would get through it again. He came over to me, and said: "No matter what, you will ALWAYS have me, we'll get through this." After he said that, my stress instantly melted away. I'm so thankful for him, he has literally saved my life more than once. Your soulmate IS out there too. There are some amazing people in the world that don't give a sh*t if you have acne or not. The right person will love you AND your flaws, trust me. Just be patient. 

Edited by MonroeQT
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On 11/14/2015 at 7:44 PM, Geekgirl13 said:

I have never been in a serious relationship and i think my acne is mostly to blame. Like you i dream of meeting a guy with acne or some other skin condition maybe who understands what i'm going through.But i never do!
I decided many years ago i wouldn't  have children so as not to pass on my dreadful  acne genes. So i got a cat instead |::)

 

Haha! I feel exactly the same way about everything you just posted! I too am looking for that other acne sufferer who can understand my struggle... Plus I've also decided on not having kids. :/ I wouldn't want my kids to suffer the same way I did as a child. 
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Yes its possible. The hardest part of acne is loving yourself.
I've had boyfriends with clear skin and ones with acne. My sons dad has acne and rosacea. Being with someone who understands and doesn't judge is nice.

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On 19 September 2015 at 1:46 AM, Positron89 said:

First time poster. Long time admirer of the site.

 

I really want to know, have any of you with moderate to severe acne actually genuinely found love, a relationship or marriage in your life?

 

I know for sure guys notice my acne and although I do still get checked out and noticed by guys from time to time (I'm very good at covering up with makeup although it kills me inside everytime I have to wear my mask |::( ) I am just not sure if it's possible to find a lasting relationship while you have acne.

 

I know I have a good personality, I'm very kind, intelligent, good job (I'm a doctor), good listener and funny. But I just don't want to be judged by my skin my whole life.

 

I remember an ex boyfriend of mine commented on my skin and said what are all these pock marks on your skin doing? Why do you have them? Will you always have them forever? At this time I don't know why his comments didn't make me sad, maybe because my face was clear of acne save for the scars so for some reason it didn't bother me. Needless to say the relationship ended quickly lol he was a jerk.

 

But to any women with acne reading this - let me tell you, I have also dated some wonderful men who loved me for who I was. I remember one boyfriend even said to me "I feel sad you had to go through this experience of having acne, but it doesn't make you any less beautiful" (unfortunately the relationship ended for other reasons).

 

You know my dream? To meet a fellow acne sufferer and fall madly in love. Although I am hesitant coz I don't want my kids to inherit an acne predisposition by default then if both parents suffer from acne. But you know I find men with acne scars incredibly attractive, especially if they have great personalities. Ah. One can dream.

Of course you can find love!! I don't have acne myself but if someone I was interested in happened to have it, It wouldn't bother me. I met a man last year who seems like the nicest and most decent man ever and he had acne scars on his face but I still found him attractive, very attractive!!! Id totally date him! You can look past the acne and scars and appreciate their beauty and the people that can't well they aren't worth your time anyway! I have met people that I thought were very average looking (nothing to do with acne) but they have had good personalities and it made me find them more attractive physically. And vice versa, really pretty/good looking people end up looking ugly because they are very nice people. Anyway, just be yourself, try not to let the acne destroy your confidence because it doesn't make you any less you and if you look at The positives, it will weed out all the shallow and superficial people you don't want to know anyway. 
Even though I haven't had acne, I have very low self esteem and I can't imagine why anyone would want me but somebody does and he is amazing and I still don't know what he sees in me but I'm glad he sees something haha We can be our own worst enemies! Don't stress,. You'll be fine! 
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