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bumpee

Dont Know What To Think Anymore....

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I hope the majority of you are not as old as I am. I know in your teens the teasing and bullying is horrible . Believe me, I was constantly called "Bumpy" that is why I chose that as my screen name. I had pictures drawn of me (during church no less), pictures drawn on my locker, prank phone calls about my skin you name it. Adults would give advice so loudly that everyone would turn around and look at me. I will never forget in college I went to kiss a friend hello and she jumped back and acted horrified.

At the age of 45, its at a level that Im not used to. I dont know what to think .I still break out not as much as I used to. Now my main problem is scarring. My face is covered in holes. I swear no one wants to sit next to me on the bus or train. Its not in my imagination. The seat next to me is always the last one taken. Friends will hug me hello yet kiss everyone else. When people talk to me, they always rub their face. Some people do it so much that it makes me literally stop talking to them or walk away. Imagine if I was interacting with a very heavy set person and I kept rubbing my stomach. In reality my acne has come along way. Ive cut down on sugar that has helped the break outs. I no longer cover my face with my hair. I wear it in a braided style off my face and that has also prevented break outs. Recently I lost weight. So I should be feeling pretty good about myself and I do.But when Im sitting on the subway and everyone else squeezes into the seat across from me instead of just sitting down in the seat next to me, it destroys my confidence. When Im happily chatting and the person Im talking to is rubbing their cheek, or picking their face while Im talking its a harsh reminder.

Believe it or not as much as I used to get picked on as a kid, I was never treated like a leper. I still got alot of attention from men, now they just look at me and quickly look away. Again making me feel like I have a horrible disease. Has anyone else dealt with this ?I have a brand new position that Im starting and I dont want to feel insecure. Thanks for listening.

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You are definitely not the only one. I am actually being treated as a leper. I am mentally damaged for life. I battle with Schizoid Personality Disorder, Paranoid Personality Disorder and Bipolar Disorder. At least you are getting attention.

I don't mind sitting next to you in the bus.

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Yeah I get treated the exact same. People don't want to sit next to me and relatives avoid kissing me on the cheek, they kiss me on the shoulder or neck - which is just plain weird but at least they try to be nice. People avoid eye contact, and I do see people rub their faces a lot when they interact with me too. I always get made fun of, but at least you're strong and stay active in a society. I completely shut myself down and hide myself away, been hiding for years. Good luck on your new position and stay strong minded.

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Thank you both for your reply. Whew, Im so glad Im not the only one who experiences this. Its bad though to be happy that other people can relate...I thought I was the only one that people avoid kissing on the cheek. I get air kisses. When I do get kisses on the cheek, I guess the person feels like they have done their service to humanity. Now the funny thing is I have a little friend who is only 6 and you know how blunt kids are. He LOVES to kiss me on the cheek and always says how soft my cheeks are. Kids in general (I guess out of curiosity) love to feel my face and they all say how soft my skin is. I think thats funny.

Im sorry for your difficulties Alexander. I dont get attention anymore. I think I just get pity these days. Like wow, she's had acne this long it must be some other horrible disease if its lasted this long. Today I saw someone who I hadnt seen in many years. I said hello to him in a friendly tone, and his response was "Oh hey..." as if he did not want me saying his name too loud and people think we actually know each other.

Ive been anti social for a long time. But with the weight loss and healthy diet changes, Ive been feeling different about going out into the world because I know Im doing my best to be healthy. I know could eat even better. But my diet consists mainly of fresh fruits and not alot of fried food and sweets any longer. Im nervous about starting my new job. I dont want pity nor do I want to be treated like a leper. (ie the person does not want you to use their desk phone Ive had that happen in the past or if you ask to borrow a pen they say keep it.) I just dont want to be reminded of my acne.

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Hi,

I understand what you are going through. Though I haven't noticed other people's behaviors as you described, I have noticed "abnormal" reactions that some strangers have when seeing my face.

Below is an excerpt of my first post in another thread:

*************************

There are two very troubling (in my mind) behaviors/reactions that I have noticed other people (strangers) do when they see my for the first time:

1: Women will pull their blouse or shirt closed in a manner of covering their breasts...

2: Women and some men (very few) will make motions (sometimes repeatedly) to pull down their shirt so as to cover their private area...

Now, I obviously know that my facial appearance has something to do with why they are doing either the first or the second actions (I haven't seen any woman do both yet!). What I have noticed is that the women who do 1 or 2 tend to be older women in their 40s, 50s plus. I don't let my scarring stop me from going to meetups, etc. and 99.9% of young women around my age that I meet at these events do not do 1 or 2. Why is it that older women are doing those actions? I am fairly certain that I am not doing anything body language wise that would suggest I am sexually attracted to them (which honestly I am not!). Is it because the older women have never seen a man so disfigured before?

Furthermore, 99.9% of men don't have any obvious reaction when talking to me or speaking to me for the first time. However, I did notice one sales clerk at a parts store that I go to for one of my hobbies do action #2; he was probably no older than 35 or so.

When these people do either actions 1 or 2, are they doing it subconsciously or on the conscious level? Are they doing it because they see my face and know that acne means raging hormones and they think I'm a sexual predator who will try to grope them or ogle them???

I have read on here and watched some youtube vids about men's makeup routines to cover acne scarring. I have considered doing that, but am hesitant because I still like to do activities where one sweats a lot or involves swimming etc. and I don't think the makeup would work...

***********************************

I am fairly certain that the actions I have described and the one where you said people would pick at their face are subconscious. That is, the person you are talking to doesn't know he/she is doing it. I am not sure if that makes you feel any better.

In terms of people avoiding sitting next to you, etc., just let it go like water off a duck's back... Don't give it any more than half a second more thought because it doesn't deserve that. It basically shows how shallow most people are and/or how much they erroneously believe that certain conditions might be contagious!

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Ichhasse, the way women react to you is interesting. I would never equate that with acne but more of that you are a young man and older ladies think young men are always looking at them inappropriately. I agree with you about the subconscious reaction (face rubbing..picking their face...) but it still bothers me.

I guess what bothers me most about people not wanting to sit next to me is because when Im actually feeling good about myself, thinking Im looking good, then there goes the reminder. In case I forgot lol.

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