So if anyone takes the time to actually read this, I just want to say thanks, because I just need someone to listen and understand what the hell I'm going through. I figure here is the best place.
I guess I'll start by explaining my "acne story." My skin was smooth and clear for most of middle school except for some forehead acne that began in 7th grade and didn't go away until sophomore year of high school simply because all that time it was being irritated my bangs. I also started using a prescribed topical treatment to help with some mild acne on my cheeks and whatnot. Then junior year, I had my first really awful breakout. It was the middle of winter, and for some reason my skin just freaked out and my right cheek broke out all over, which didn't make much sense to me because most of my hair touches the left side of my face more. So my mom's friend insisted I try proactiv since the prescribed topical treatment didn't help with this break out, and that's what I did. I ordered the 3 step system, which helped somewhat with clearing up my skin and getting rid of the dark spots that were left behind. So summer came around, and my skin cleared up, which it usually does during that time. Then senior year I continued to break out here and there, and at the time it felt awful but looking back, I'd trade my skin then for what I have now. So March of my senior year, I visited a dermatologist and he put me on a regimen of exfoliating with a Neutrogena face wash and a towel, followed by a topical acne gel called Ziana. Ziana honestly worked wonders for my skin, and i mean WONDERS. Within the first month my skin was so clear and soft, and I felt like I found my answer. Summer rolled around again, my skin was fine, except I noticed I began to get a few whiteheads here and there toward August even though I hadn't changed my skin regimen and continued using Ziana each night. I began my first year of college and broke out horribly in December 2014, this time covering my right cheek again and even my left which is usually pretty clear. To make matters worse, it was red and irritated, which was something new because my pimples were never really red, which is why I'd kill to have my old skin back, even if the pimples were around here and there. Redness seriously changes things. So my doctor put me on Retin-A, and that just brought all my acne to the surface. I mean, I knew that was part of the treatment and that the first 5-6 weeks are the worst. But I emotionally couldn't handle it. All the acne being pushed up was red, irritated, and I was scared it was going to leave behind more red/dark spots. So I stopped after 3 weeks, and now I've just been experimenting with some over the counter BP and sulfur treatments while taking an antibiotic that's supposed to kill the bacteria.
What made me feel emotionally helpless at this point is that I'm supposed to visit my boyfriend in Florida, and of course, do things like go to the beach and stuff. He's seen me without makeup and when my skin was at it's absolute worst in December, but I know he could date someone with nicer skin. I'm so scared to go do anything without my makeup covering my acne and dark spots and the redness because I feel like it just looks so disgusting. Plus I'm paler than he right now since he lives there and goes to the beach all the time. I used to LOVE going to the beach and swimming the ocean; I would look forward to doing things like that all the time, and now I feel like that's been taken from me and I can't do anything about it. I miss my old skin, even if there were still a couple of pimples. At least they weren't red. My skin just...I don't know.
It sucks because I'm 18, I'm in college, and I feel like this should be over. I look around and see students around me with beautiful skin, even some high schoolers have better skin than me, and it just knocks me down. I'm so jealous whenever I see people and celebrities with clear skin, even though I shouldn't be because I don't know their "skin story" if you will.
But yeah, so thanks to anyone for reading. I just needed to do some serious venting.
I know exactly how you feel love! Acne can keep us from doing the things we love.... and as much as people say, "don't let it control your life." it's just not that simple. I wish it were. However, I will tell you both times in my life when my acne finally started to clear up were when I finally made the decision to do it anyway, and not worry so much about it. This is off course SO much easier said than done but it can be done. I went on a family ski trip in February with big painful zits all over my chin and no one cared, and I had a freaken blast! Skiing all day, hot tubing, drinking beer, and laughing. The moment I let go of my constant acne anxiety my skin immediately started to clear! If you're feeling strong go to the beach, laugh, and have fun. If you're not, it's okay to let yourself deal with it your way and be alone if you need to. Hang in there, you will find what works and conquer acne, but until then allow yourself to relax and be happy!
I know you're probably right, and that once I stop worrying about it and caring about it as much it'll go away, and/or I'll enjoy things more. It's just difficult to get past it
My husband always used to tell me, once you stop worrying do much it will go away. It drove me insane! It's not easy and I manage still struggling with it. Right now in fact! I'm visiting the in-laws and have a huge honking zit right in the middle of my left cheek. It totally sucks and I'm trying to stop worrying about it.... but acne is just such a bummer.
I know you're probably right, and that once I stop worrying about it and caring about it as much it'll go away, and/or I'll enjoy things more. It's just difficult to get past it
My husband always used to tell me, once you stop worrying do much it will go away. It drove me insane! It's not easy and I manage still struggling with it. Right now in fact! I'm visiting the in-laws and have a huge honking zit right in the middle of my left cheek. It totally sucks and I'm trying to stop worrying about it.... but acne is just such a bummer.
Yeah, people always say that! But it's hard to not focus on it because it's you. How did it go with the in-laws and the zit? I'm sorry that happens. I hate that breakouts always happen right before something important
Another thing I hate is having to rely on foundation to cover up my skin. At first I was so happy to find something that at least gave me some confidence, even if it was only during the day when I'd wear this. But now I'm just sick of having to put on a fake face every morning. Not to mention have to worry about if it's rubbing off and things like that. I look at other people and see how beautiful their skin is and they don't seem to be wearing any makeup, they can go swimming without worrying about acne, etc.
We all need to vent sometimes and with people who know what we're going through. Thanks for sharing your acne story. Wishing you happiness and clear skin!
xo DeLovely
Yes, exactly! I know people here understand. Thanks for the wishes 
It's been kind of rough this week with the in laws, simply because everyone is wanting to do a lot of hanging out and going to dinner, which is usually fun....but when you have pimples on your face it's mostly just embarrassing. My skin has become progressively worse this week too and I am here until Saturday morning so I hope things chill out for the last few days. The zit on my cheek actually ended up being not too terrible and is basically gone now, but I have gotten a few new ones on my chin. I am finding myself doing that thing where one moment I'm not worrying about it, who cares, mellow attitude.... but then there are other times where I am crippled with anxiety and feeling really irritated Acne really does know when you have a trip doesn't it! haha oh well