Jump to content
Acne.org
Search In
Find results that contain...
Find results in...
lexxieisselfconscious

Need Help With My Boyfriend And Acne Insecurities Xc

Recommended Posts

So I am in my first serious relationship with this really amazing guy who honestly doesn't care about my looks... but he's tried bringing up my acne a few times because he's curious I guess and each time I back away and can't talk to him for a while. I am so insecure it's to the point where I honestly can't talk and it's hard not to cry. I just want him to stop bringing it up... but from what I've read on here it seems like I should start talking to him about it... Another thing is that once he called me a "baby" for being "butt-hurt" over him bringing up... I don't know how to explain to him what acne has caused me... heck I can't even say the "a" word out loud... it's hard enough to type it... I just don't know anymore. I finally found someone who honestly accepts me for who I am and someone who I can honestly see myself with in the future and I don't want to ruin it... but I'm just so lost. Can anyone help? Please? Thank you lovelies <3

Link to post
Share on other sites

If you trust him you should talk to him about it. I guess it's hard, but coming from someone who is very far down the road in being an acne sufferer, anxiety that gets kept inside grows into something much worse, and usually manifests itself in another way in the future.

If you are not ready to open up about it, then just tell him that and ask him to be patient. He should be understanding and not pressure you either.

Edited by Polka
Link to post
Share on other sites

I think it's important to do what is comfortable for you in this situation. I had a boyfriend in high school that brought up my acne quite a bit and it made me very insecure. He would be like, "what's that?" (Stupid question). After a couple months it was obvious that he liked to point out my flaws to intentionally make me feel ugly and unloveable so he could control me. He has probably matured into a full on wife beater by now!

Not to say that is your boyfriend in anyway, but again, do what is comfortable for you whether that is being transparent about your struggle/insecurities or saying it's a difficult topic for you to talk about. If he makes you feel badly for either of those, he is probably not mature and sensitive enough for you.

Link to post
Share on other sites

So I am in my first serious relationship with this really amazing guy who honestly doesn't care about my looks... but he's tried bringing up my acne a few times because he's curious I guess and each time I back away and can't talk to him for a while. I am so insecure it's to the point where I honestly can't talk and it's hard not to cry. I just want him to stop bringing it up... but from what I've read on here it seems like I should start talking to him about it... Another thing is that once he called me a "baby" for being "butt-hurt" over him bringing up... I don't know how to explain to him what acne has caused me... heck I can't even say the "a" word out loud... it's hard enough to type it... I just don't know anymore. I finally found someone who honestly accepts me for who I am and someone who I can honestly see myself with in the future and I don't want to ruin it... but I'm just so lost. Can anyone help? Please? Thank you lovelies <3

I understand how you feel - it's so hard to talk about acne with people who don't have it (even with people who do!). There is so much stigma around the disease, it's incredible. I know people often say "It's just acne, stop worrying" , but study after study has shown that individuals tend to become extremely uncomfortable around the topic of acne and react with disgust and even anger towards people that have acne. People with acne can even be denied jobs and lose opportunities because of that stigma. I am not saying this to be negative, I am just saying that it is a huge over-simplification when people say "oh it's just acne".

When my boyfriend and I started dating, I caked on makeup. I refused to discuss the topic and I tried as hard as I could to pretend it wasn't there (a difficult feat considering it was all I could think about). I remember the first time my boyfriend looked at my face and said "your skin looks good today". The poor guy thought it was a nice compliment, and it was, but I experienced it like a punch in the gut to hear him notice and comment on the fact that I had acne (which ssilly, of course I had acne - it's not like it wasn't noticeable). I tried not to react, but as soon as he left the room I teared up. Eventually, my acne started affecting my moods and my willingness to spend time with him, and it got to the point that we had to discuss it. I broke down sobbing in front of him and felt so incredibly stupid, but he listened to me when I said "It's not a superficial thing, it hurts physically, and it hurts psychologically to look in the mirror and not see myself. I can't look people in the eyes because I don't want to see them staring at my acne. I can't wear my hair up on a windy day because it covers the acne on the sides of my face and I want to be able to hide behind it when I have to get closer than 10 feet from someone. It hurts! It hurts so much more than my vanity!". When he heard me say that, I could tell it changed something - and he realized I wasn't an insecure woman worried about one little flaw, I was seriously preoccupied with a disease that was impacting my well-being and ability to function. Once I was willing to open up to him and help him understand, he stopped seeing me as butt-hurt and silly, and it brought us closer together.

I guess I told you that whole long story because that's what I would recommend you do. Just be open and honest about it. Chances are, he'll realize that all you really need is a little support and understanding.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I agree with @megtree. If you truly love and care for each other, I think you should let him know how you feel about your acne. And also let him know that it's not black and white, and that not everyone can just wash their face with proactive and have it dissapear. He will understand, and I think he wants to understand. That's probably why he brings it up.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh my god, thank you all like so much. Hearing your support really helps! I never really knew that there are other people out there who understand me and feel the same way I do... that this has impacted other's lives as much as it has mine. I think I am going to talk to him about it and just tell him it's a tough issue and try to explain it I guess... thank you all so much for your support (:

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Personalized Advice Quiz - All of Acne.org in just a few minutes


×