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Feeling bad although I'm improving

Recently I started on the regimen and taking B5 along with some other things and my skin has improved quite dramatically in the last few weeks. Thing is this is making me feel really low and down about myself, when I think how it must have been before. I guess starting new treatments has made me look a lot more closely at my skin, more often. Before I would just confine examining my face to washing times, then afterwards try and ignore it and carry on with my day. Now I'm examining every area, looking for hour by hour improvments.

Although its improving I get really upset about the fact that it's not perfect. Instead of thinking 'it's a lot better than it was a month ago' I end up thinking 'it's still there' and 'how much longer is it going to take'.

After years of having acne I find it impossible to believe that I had the guts to leave the house before. When I think back to all the things I've done my stomach turns and I think 'how could I have done that when my face was so bad?'My self esteem was never that good, but now it's hit rock bottom as I've become hypercritical of myself - unable to pass things off as 'not being so bad'. I get to a phase where I'm too embarassed to go out , something I thought I'd got over a long time ago.

I guess there's nothing anyone can do to help. I just wanted to vent my spleen about this the only place I could.

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I know EXACTLY how you feel. My face was a lot worse a few months ago, it's getting better now. But I feel worse than ever. It's only now that i realized how bad my face was back then. I could not believe how I could've gone outside our house those times. I barely go out now. I feel you.

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Try not to be so critical of yourself. You said your skin was getting better, so instead of telling yourself "it's not perfect", just look at yourself and see how far you've come. eusa_clap.gif

The fact that you have seen improvement in your skin means that it should keep improving and you'll be able to feel better about yourself.

I've been through the same feelings as you have. My mobile phone used to be buzzing all the time with text messages from loads of people but now I get hardly any at all because I've shut myself off from socialising. The only time I ever see people is at work and at home but hopefully that'll change after a few weeks' further treatment.

I dread getting a text from my friends asking me to go out to a bar with them because I know I'll have to make up ANOTHER excuse.

Try to be optimistic if you can, I know it's painfully hard though.

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Hey bagjob, welcome to the forums. Everyone here is very friendly, I'm sure you'll get some great replies from the regulars here.

Dean, I also relate to what you said as well (the phone thing).

It kinda sucks as its so difficult to get out of this thinking. But sometimes going out really does help. I have some sympathetic friends who really make me feel better

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Polkadots, do your friends know how much acne affects you?

Just before January when I was about to go on Accutane (Roaccutane in the UK), I got fed up of making excuses and just told my friends that I didn't want to go out until my skin cleared up and that I would be in touch when I was ready.

After Roaccutane, I was out all the time but it came back about 4 months ago and I didn't want to admit that this was my reason for not going out again so I got back into my old routine of making up excuses.

Since June/July I've been playing loads of football so I use that as my excuse. "I've got a big game tomorrow so I can't go out tonight" etc.

When people say "so Dean, have you got a girlfriend yet?" I just say, "no, I haven't really got the time. I'm playing football most nights and weekends". The real reason is that I have acne but I can't tell them that because I feel quite isolated as I'm the only one who seems to get spots regularly.

Are you open with your friends or do you mask your true feelings to them?

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Thanks for the replys guys.

I know how it feels to want to be unsocialable and avoid everyone. I really want to go out and do more social things but I find myself saying stuff like 'In a few weeks when its looking better' then a few weeks passes by and I'm still shutting my self away from the world because it's not as good as I wanted it to be.

I think before, when whatever I tried seemed to have little or no effect on my acne. I kinda just had to get on and live as best as I could. But now I can see things starting to improve I want to 'wait til its perfect' then emerge into the world where everyone gasps and comments on what beautiful skin I have. Kinda like the ugly duckling hiding away then coming back as the beautiful swan. That's a silly way to put it but kinda acurate as to how I feel.

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Thanks for the replys guys.

I know how it feels to want to be unsocialable and avoid everyone. I really want to go out and do more social things but I find myself saying stuff like 'In a few weeks when its looking better' then a few weeks passes by and I'm still shutting my self away from the world because it's not as good as I wanted it to be.

I think before, when whatever I tried seemed to have little or no effect on my acne. I kinda just had to get on and live as best as I could. But now I can see things starting to improve I want to 'wait til its perfect' then emerge into the world where everyone gasps and comments on what beautiful skin I have. Kinda like the ugly duckling hiding away then coming back as the beautiful swan. That's a silly way to put it but kinda acurate as to how I feel.

I can relate totally to your last post. I say the same thing to myself "i'll go out in a couple of weeks when it's cleared up even more" but then when it's almost clear, I want to wait a bit longer til it's totally clear.

Months have gone by like that with me suffering set backs just when I thought I'd be clear by the following week. I've been saying "a couple more weeks" for ages now but it's finally starting to become more realistic as my b5 supplements are really starting to work. I'm gonna get some bp gel as the final piece of the puzzle.

Good luck and just remember that you're making progress and you will be clear soon. eusa_dance.gif

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