tht feel when u finally make a decent pic of urself (tht u still dnt rly like) bt ur so eager to show it off on fb asap bt u know tht u fking cant bcs u know tht when u will go to other room u will suddenly look like rotting corpse with parasites infesting ur face nd just tht feel tht ur lying to ppl n all tht crap???
so many good shots wasted bcs of this shit also ><
fuking rollercoaster of feelings when u just dnt fuking know which is ur real looks bcs u look so drastically oppositely in diff times, its such a mental torment, ur practically dying one moment then suddenly u look good n u just dunno wtf to feel, its like u arent done being depressed yet bt shouldnt b either now
bt thing is im so fuking traumatised by now, good face just doesnt do it for me nymore, its enough to just remember THAT face or see a pic of it n u feel the poison taking over ur mind nd body again
its so fun to look 10 one moment n then like 100 other time? 8D just tht im done with it
ima bipolar hell
bt this time i feel like im going down for good
i rly just want to b normal person with stable face now
y wont redmarks n pores just go away???? y i dont grow out of acne just yet? 10 yrs
i deserve looking pretty after all those yrs so much!! it should b top priority than everything in life bcs ive fuking suffered more than jeesus christ fukkk!!! all those christans should donate money to me!!!
nd even when u get those moments its just no joy whtsoever bcs u know tht sicko face is still there n everythings just sucks even more now n just theres no life in anything..
EVERYTHINGS SO STALE
i just feel like my minds decaying at a insanely rapid rate.
I guess It's all about lighting and body/brain status, But I don't dare to look at my face under sunlight or if the lighting is remotely high because when i do the consequences are catastrophic I think about jumping off a cliff or something.
I don't get it because sometimes I can't notice scars/red spots maybe the reason is the really really faint lighting or after i wake up because the face is swollen but sometimes It's confusing it's the middle of the day I just came home and my face doesn't look as half bad as I think it is, At other times it does look bad so I dunno if my malicious mind is playing games or does the skin really get affected by some kind of mysterious conditions.
when u fuking make a decentest pic u cn only ever make after all those difficult years tht u still feel crapy abt bt hell u finally had a moment u looked kinda close enough bt FUKING BAM u get nly somekinda lame coments or even hate coments n just something tht ud hate the most nd least expect???
idk i just feel ultimately crappy again, ugly as a shit nd thruthfuly idk y the fk i ws putting so FUCKING MUCH EFFORT in skincare nd everything nd tryin to medicate my shit disease etc for all those yrs wasted only to end up as a ugly ass even at my like best pic!!!
nd im so sick of skincare nd regimens i cant tell...USELESS AS A SHIT.
i jst wanna die so bad right now, so much effort nd absolutely no gain in the end...
WHILE U FUKIN TRYING TO FIX UR STUPID ACNE PPL JUT GETS PRETTIER N U CN NEVER CATCH UP.
i mean from all this usual uglyness i may hv developed twisted sense of whts pretty??? i cant even believe this bt i kind of cant grasp completely few things nymore it seems, like i cn look at my "good' pic thinking wow i look p good here y i cnt look ike this allways bt then after some time i look at it again nd i cant belive that i couldnt see it before!!! how ugly i actually looked there! uglyness hv wreked my sense!