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NumerousFact

My Wife Does Not Understand My Pain

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I want to get my scars corrected. But I don't work and my wife does. She simply does not understand the emotional pain I have gone through because of my scars. Thankfully they are not as bad as they could have been. My wife found a letter from a doctor who does scar correction. The prices for the procedures were in the letter. She mouth dropped to the floor. She simply could not fathom why I would pay for this procedure? How can I let my wife understand the emotional tole this has all taken upon me over the years?

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If you don't have the money then you really should leave this, you have a wife who obviously doesn't think you desperately need this so I'm puzzled why you would want this done.

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Is it your wife paying for this? My guess is if you were employed and could pay for the procedure yourself, she wouldn't have such an issue with the cost.

Although I do understand not being comfortable in your own skin. It is important that you love yourself. I just recommend you are happy with yourself, scars or no scars.

Maybe you should share some stories with her. Stories about how and why your scarring effected you socially or emotionally. Maybe if she understood why it was so important and why you struggle, she would be more supportive.

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Just make her visualize if she was the one who suffered from acne and scars, Waking up everyday and staring at scars that won't go away unless you do something about it.

But be very careful in choosing your dermatologist because if it doesn't make a difference it will probably make you feel more pain (I don't know what kind of scar correction procedures you're gonna have though so i can't tell for sure). But If he is known for results then just try to convince your wife and explain to her how scars can affect human lifes, Search on google and show her articles on how acne destroyes self-esteem and confidence she just might be one of so many others who don't understand the pain acne sufferers go through so enlighten her and I'm sure she will be considerate regarding this matter.

Edited by Khaled91
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It is your face and your self-esteem. Did you talk to her about it? Explain how it makes you feel. But I would go for it. At the end of the day..it is your body, your face, your happiness, and most likely your money.

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If you don't have the money then you really should leave this, you have a wife who obviously doesn't think you desperately need this so I'm puzzled why you would want this done.

I understand. But it's something that has tortured me for many years. My wife is really indifferent towards it. It's not like she cares. She just doesn't want me to spend the money. And, yes, I should spend it when I make it. I know where you're coming from.

It is your face and your self-esteem. Did you talk to her about it? Explain how it makes you feel. But I would go for it. At the end of the day..it is your body, your face, your happiness, and most likely your money.

Thank you. It's always nice knowing there are people who understand my emotions about this.

Just make her visualize if she was the one who suffered from acne and scars, Waking up everyday and staring at scars that won't go away unless you do something about it.

But be very careful in choosing your dermatologist because if it doesn't make a difference it will probably make you feel more pain (I don't know what kind of scar correction procedures you're gonna have though so i can't tell for sure). But If he is known for results then just try to convince your wife and explain to her how scars can affect human lifes, Search on google and show her articles on how acne destroyes self-esteem and confidence she just might be one of so many others who don't understand the pain acne sufferers go through so enlighten her and I'm sure she will be considerate regarding this matter.

Thanks. It's a subcision followed by laser by a doctor who is well know for these procedures.

Edited by NumerousFact
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I want to get my scars corrected. But I don't work and my wife does. She simply does not understand the emotional pain I have gone through because of my scars. Thankfully they are not as bad as they could have been. My wife found a letter from a doctor who does scar correction. The prices for the procedures were in the letter. She mouth dropped to the floor. She simply could not fathom why I would pay for this procedure? How can I let my wife understand the emotional tole this has all taken upon me over the years?

Her reaction is typical...especially as you said she is the sole breadwinner. Is she expecting that you should work as well? In this day and age there aren't a lot of stay-at-home spouses anymore, even if you do have kids. Maybe she's wondering why you're looking at scar procedures before you have the income to pay for it?

Even if you do get a job and pay for it, she probably still won't like the idea. She may not stop you, but she'll try to talk you out of it. This isn't because she's unloving. Her reaction is COMPLETELY normal and should be expected. MOST people have no sympathy when others want cosmetic procedures. Why? Because they see you much more positively than you see yourself. She probably figures she married you and has no problem with your scars, so why should you? Is she being completely fair to think that? No. Of course people like to look good for themselves not just for their spouses, and you don't like having scars. But her reaction is so typical. I guess all I'm saying is that no matter who you were married to, most people would act like she is acting.

Try to imagine that you're the one working, money is tight, and she wants a procedure. The procedure has to be something that you don't fundamentally like. Maybe it's breast implants. Maybe she wants to die her hair bright red and purple and blue. Maybe she wants a nose job. Liposuction. Butt implants. To shave down her calf bone. I'm sure you can think of something where you would react the same way that she is to you right now

When I was a teen I was diagnosed by a dermatologist with most severe form of cystic acne. He practically threw an Accutane prescription at me. My parents wouldn't fill it. There were a lot of reasons, but one big one was that they "didn't think my acne looked that bad." That's what it always came down to. It didn't matter that multiple dermatologists said I NEEDED to take Accutane or risk severe scarring. When they looked at me they just saw the kid that they loved. That I was beautiful and couldn't possibly need a serious drug like Accutane. In hindsight, yeah, their perception was a little skewed. But it's really not possible for the people close to you to understand things like this. They love you. Their love blinds them to seeing the flaws that you see.

Practically speaking, your only option is to get a job, save up, and pay for it yourself. Your wife is never going to understand unless she gets horrible acne and scars and experiences the same thing herself. You're just going to have to go it alone. (You will also have more credibility with her if you focus on the getting a job part before you research any more procedures.) Hopefully you will have a great outcome and feel happier with yourself, and at that point she can see that it was worth it.

Edited by Green Gables
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