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scco

The Thing That Bothers Me The Most About This Acne

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Hi,

I've posted about this before, but I made it way too long and complicated so only 1 person responded (thanks leelowe1 :D ).

I just really need to vent, those clear-skinned idiots which I call friends aren't even trying to understand how difficult this is.

Basically, the acne and acne marks are things I can live with, however I've been talking a lot to a girl over facebook and I really want to ask her out but my skin is holding me back so hard. I'm afraid that it will make her uncomfortable (we've only met each other once in a dark room so she doesn't know about my skin), and I don't want her to feel that way. It all makes me feel like I'm not good enough, asking her out would feel almost selfish. It's tearing me up. All those people around me telling me to 'just do it' and pushing me all the time aren't helping either. I have no idea what to do anymore...

Have a wonderful day :)

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Go for it bud, you'll regret it if you don't.

Plus, I've seen your skin, it's fine (I know it might not seem like that to you but trust me, I'd like to have skin like yours).

Good luck.

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asking over facebook? how old are you? start with just friends maybe.. tell her how you feel too.

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asking over facebook? how old are you? start with just friends maybe.. tell her how you feel too.

19 in a month, I know that the whole facebook thing isn't a great idea, if I had the chance to just ask her out in real life I'd do it, but sadly we probably won't meet spontaneously the coming weeks/months.

About the starting with just friends: we've been talking on a daily basis now for 2 months, I've never met anyone like her. I'd be happy to be just friends with such an amazing person, but that doesn't take away that voice in my head that keeps telling me 'why would she like you?'...

It's strange, I've been on dates before when my acne was worse, but I never really was in love. If the other person would've made a problem out of my skin then I wouldn't even care, I would see it as an indicator that she's not the right person for me. However this time it feels different: firstly I want the best for (instead of the best for me) and I've reached a point where I don't believe that that's me anymore.

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Just ask her ... what do you have to lose... the worst, she could say no because of your skin but since you haven't asked her yet, it is a currently a no,right... i don't know how bad your acne is and yes it sucks to have acne but you never know what she might think of it, you cannot assume how people think....if she says no you'll feel bad but you are already feeling worse enough being in this dilemma ... so, just ask her , you never know, she might be okay with the way you look, but not like something else about you ... just kidding...if she is being talking to you on facebook (which is perfectly alright) i am sure she has some interest in you...think of it as one of those things you have to do, and ask her out...

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All the above advice is solid. Just do it no matter what that voice says or how you 'feel' Our feelings lie all the time, especially since they sometimes come from a distorted brain (meaning that whatevr self image we have of ourselves we will project). If she says no, then it wasn't meant to be so on to the next one.

Remember, regret is a terrible thing

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If she likes your personality enough to talk to you "a lot" on Facebook, she would probably forgive you for having less-than-perfect skin.

Who knows, she might be relieved to know you're not as perfect as she thinks you are ...

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Heeey, you really should ask her, for a few reasons:

- YOU.ARE.MORE. Remember this please, you can have acne, that's a thing. But you also have feelings, ideas, talents, other organ besides your skin, hair, sense of humor and more than just acne.

- That girl doesn't worth it if she wouldn't accept you.

- Take a chance, you deserve to life

- As a girl, I can tell you, you don't need perfect skin to get attention. I'm not speaking for myself, I have "clear" girl friends, and they don't care that much

Ask her before is too late, she has one reason to not like you (humm.. acne) but she also has MANY reasons to like you (the freaking rest of you, ok?)

Ps: english is my 2nd language so sorry if I made any mistake.

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I'm going to ask her as soon as she return from her holiday. Thanks everyone :) Although I have to admit that the person who convinced me wasn't one of you guys. 2 days ago we went out for some drinks with friends, both me and my best friend got really drunk and he started pushing me again to 'just do it'. I got angry, yelling that he didn't understand any of this (pointing at my face). He got angry back at me and then he said something like this (my friend has a problem with pronouncing the letter 's', which makes him insecure):

"No you don't understand it, people look up to you, everyone always likes you. All you have to do to make new friends is tell one of your stupid jokes and give them that arrogant smile. People don't even notice your fcking skin. I can't even talk to the people I know without feeling insecure. I would love to be you for a while and yet you're the one who's complaining. You're my best friend but you're also the most selfish person I know. Maybe you're right maybe she does deserve someone better than you."

We stopped talking for the rest of the evening, but his speech definitely had it's impact on me. I visited him the next day to apologize, but he wasn't even angry anymore, we ended up laughing at each other's headaches.

But he was right, everyone has his own problems and acne is mine, it could be a lot worse.

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I did it, I asked her out, we're going to have some drinks together next week. I'm happy, excited, nervous, I think I'm feeling every possible feeling at the moment. Better start dusting off my "people skills", it's been 2 years since I last dated and in those 2 years multiple people have compared me to dr. House from that tv series. This seems like a good time to bring the social, interested, happy me back :)

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Edited by scco

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Yay!!!! That's so good to hear. Honestly, as a girl, I don't expect a guy to have perfect skin. Girls are the ones expected to have perfect smooth skin.

Let me tell you 2 stories about myself.

A couple of years ago, when I had clear skin.. I used to work with a guy who literally had acne ALL OVER his face. I was like in love with this guy. I thought he was SO good looking. The acne made no difference in what he looked like to me. I knew he was an amazing person, and maybe because I'd never struggled with acne at the time.. I honestly never noticed it on him until I started get acne myself. All I noticed was he was this amazing person and extremely good looking. He never asked me out.. and thinking back on it now, maybe he was exactly where you're standing now... in your shoes. Maybe he was too scared to make a move and didn't think I'd be interested or something because of his acne, when in reality I would get butterflies whenever I saw him. I never made the first move either because I'm just shy and the kind of girl who expect the guy to make the first move I guess. So that's that. Nothing ever happened, and we haven't seen each other in like 2 years.

Fast-forward a couple years, now I have like crazy acne, hyperpigmentation, scarring and all that. My girlfriends and I went out to a club, and met a couple guys there. Now, let me tell you, I am extremely skilled at applying makeup. So my skin basically looks flawless with an insane amount of makeup + club lighting. One of the guys out of this group became really interested in me and got my number by the end of the night. Once my girlfriends and I got home, we washed off our makeup and got into pjs. Like 10 mins later, the guy messages me and it turns out he lives super close to us, so asks us if we wanna hang out. And at first we were like, no no, we're already in pjs and stuff, we have no makeup on.. we're not going. But then an idea popped into my head, and I was like "you know what? let's go. This is the perfect chance for me to conquer my fear." It was hard enough for me to be around even my GIRLFRIENDS without makeup, I really wanted to see what this guy would react like from seeing me all dolled up at the club, to literally raw and plain as plain can be with crazy acne and scarring. So they picked us up, and in our pjs and all, and took us back to their house. Let's also make it clear that these are really good looking guys, and yet they were super nice and liked that we were REAL girls. Once we got into the house where it was lit, his friend looked at me and commented "wow, you're really pretty, eh?" I WAS SHOCKED. This guy only noticed me now... with no makeup on. Acne and scarring and all. We had the best night and these guys never once made me feel weird and I even forgot I had acne. He started texting me non-stop after that night. I hung out with him a couple times after, with wearing makeup however, and then ran into him at another club a couple months later. He was there with the same guys from the first night, including his brothers and cousins, and when he introduced me to them.. they were commenting on how much he had told them about me and that he was right about how pretty I was. And then the guy who I'd been talking to said, "she's even prettier without makeup!" I was pretty much in disbelief. He then proceeded to pull me aside and tell me all this stuff about how I'm this amazing girl, how much he likes me, and how I'm the kind of girl he wants to marry. This was really one those life-changing moments.

I realized, it really is what is inside that counts. If you shine from within, noone will notice your acne. And I've also learnt that people who don't have acne are less likely to notice it. Like I never noticed other people's acne when I had clear skin, I notice it now because I have acne. She won't notice is unless she has it too. Just be yourself and let it all work out. If she doesn't like you because of your acne, she's not the one for you.

Good luck!!!! :)

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This has nothing to do with acne anymore but just in case that anyone is interested:

Our date got cancelled, she's grounded and her parents won't let her outside. I'm pretty sure that it's not an excuse. I'm visiting her next week anyways at her vacation job, fck it, I just want her to see me in normal light so that I'll finally know if my skin bothers her or not. Just texting with her feels like cheating because she thinks that she's texting with a normal skinned person, I don't want to mention it either because it would be stupid to draw focus to it, it just want her to see it for herself.

This is really depressing :/ My grandfather used to tell me "Love is like grabbing hot cookies from the oven, you'll have to try 100 times, you will burn yourself 99 times but once you get the cookie you'll realize that it was all worth it." I really want to get the cookie for once, I did everything possible to turn this into something good but life decided to screw me once again :s

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