I'm a fun person. I have a nice personality. I have a nice stable popularity. I just dislike it when it comes to feeling comfortable around girls. I feel like my acne is a major turn off when it comes to dating a girl. I just feel so insecure. I never get called out for my acne. But i know it's there. The way the world is theses days, looks over power personality. I'm currently using the regimen. If my acne go's away a whole new door will appear. I just wunna look in the mirror and see a handsome person...
I don't personally think that quality people dismiss others due to flaws but I do believe that the way we perceive ourselves come across in how we act and present ourselves to others. I have acne and even though I am getting better at living my life regardless (and makeup free to boot), I know for a fact that i am holding a piece of myself back because of my insecurities. It's a hard habit to break but it can be done. Anyone worth getting to know will want to know you the person, acne or not
I'm a fun person. I have a nice personality. I have a nice stable popularity. I just dislike it when it comes to feeling comfortable around girls. I feel like my acne is a major turn off when it comes to dating a girl. I just feel so insecure. I never get called out for my acne. But i know it's there. The way the world is theses days, looks over power personality. I'm currently using the regimen. If my acne go's away a whole new door will appear. I just wunna look in the mirror and see a handsome person...
I probably have worse skin than you (moderate acne) at the moment and on accutane. In fact today a girl just confessed to me because she likes my personality and what I do. Here's the truth, you're already doing what you can to reduce your acne symptoms so when you're with a girl you have to let go of that insecurity. Yes looks do count but they're not everything. You need to develop an ATTRACTIVE personality, meaning confidence and no weak behavior. You need hobbies make you stand out from the crowd such as sports, martial arts (good for developing a strong personality), cooking, gym and etc. You need a good social life because being social and having friends is attractive. Once you have these traits you'll actually excel above a "Clear skin" person because clear skin is only ONE factor in attraction. You know acne will go away eventually so once it goes away and you have these qualities you will be top echelon.
I know how you feel, i'm in the same boat ( my story). Last night I went to a bar with some friends, I was feeling bad so I started drinking, followed by more drinking and eventually I ended up drinking some more. You get my point, I got really drunk to the point where I stopped caring about anything and just started talking to people I didn't knew, not even girls specifically. The first thing that I noticed is that eventually people (also girls) spontaneously started talking to me. Being social stimulates social behavior in other people apparently.
My drunk mind suddenly thought: 'let's do a little experiment, let me see if I can get some numbers' (I know that it was wrong because I had and still have no intention of actually calling or texting them since I'm already in love with someone else). I tried with 3 girls and ended up with 2 numbers, the other one had a boyfriend. The point that I'm trying to make is that if we don't care, then others probably won't either. We are our own worst critics, like you said, no one has ever made a mean remark about your acne except for you.
The difficult part is to reach that state where it doesn't bother you anymore, I haven't succeeded in that either...
About 10 years ago, when my acne was really bad, I more or less gave up on the thought of getting a girlfriend. I was far too miserable and insular because of my acne. When it cleared up I felt ready to go after girls again. My acne is very little these days, but even if I have just a couple of spots I feel really insecure and ugly. I don't know how I could maintain a new relationship due to the unpredictability of my skin these days.
And, for the record, I've managed to kiss a few girls when I've had bad skin. Alcohol has no doubt helped both parties in this!
I'm a fun person. I have a nice personality. I have a nice stable popularity. I just dislike it when it comes to feeling comfortable around girls. I feel like my acne is a major turn off when it comes to dating a girl. I just feel so insecure. I never get called out for my acne. But i know it's there. The way the world is theses days, looks over power personality. I'm currently using the regimen. If my acne go's away a whole new door will appear. I just wunna look in the mirror and see a handsome person...
You know acne will go away eventually so once it goes away and you have these qualities you will be top echelon.
You are wrong. Acne might never go away.
We'll never know how OP will respond to the regimen until he posts about it.
I fell in love with a man with bad acne when I was 20, we lived together until I was 23. I only broke out badly once when we were together, but I used to give him facials and extractions.
He had other emotional problems, but he never had problems with the ladies. He had his own construction business, a nice smile, great bone structure, was a good friend, and liked to have fun.
Become an expert on diet and nutrition and focus on all the things you have control over. When you feel good about yourself, others will sense that, and nothing helps skin as much as being good to yourself by feeding yourself the right foods and being kind and forgiving to yourself.
Women don't want to be needed as an ego boost- we want to be wanted for who we are by someone who is secure in who they are as a person (I think this works both ways, too, and I'm definitely working on me before I think about dating again.)
Alas, I wish I'd seen the man I adored when I had just one blemish I was stressing over in June. Now it's too late, thank you not really food allergies and stress. Maybe some good sex would have prevented this breakout. Summers almost gone, and I have no memories but the scars...
Don't fuss over your acne because it is not the totality of your personality and besides everybody has his/her own flaws. Be confident that you are lovable and gentle enough to attract the girl of your dream. Acne will not stay forever and don't let the acne mar your face. Follow the acne regimen with patience and consistency. Good luck.
if there is one thing I learned about life, it's that if you keep making excuses for anything that happens in life then you'll never accomplish anything. I feel exactly the same way you do because I get self conscious when I'm at a bar and i see attractive girls who I want to talk to. It doesnt matter whether she rejects you, you keep your head up because you will find a girl who doesn't care about your acne and finds your ability to be charming and funny to be more important that looks.
Attraction is more about how you make other people feel about themselves.
If people feel good around you, after a while you will be attractive, no matter what you look like.
The problem is most people don't know how to make others feel good about themselves, because they're focused inward. When you're focused on your own insecurity you can't make other people feel secure. Don't think "I need to make them like ME", think "I need to make them like THEMSELVES."
Think I saw a post about alcohol having something to do with it, more than likely this is just because you were more confident despite your acne when you were drinking. If you want to go out and find a girlfriend then you need to be that confident all the time! The truth is you take pride in the rest of your character, then one blemish (acne) wont ruin it for you!
I've been single my whole life (I'm 19). I think it's because of my looks but it could also be down to having no confidence. Like a vicious circle of putting myself down, lowering my self esteem meaning I don't feel confident to tell someone I like them etc.
Either way, depressing.
I've been single my whole life (I'm 19). I think it's because of my looks but it could also be down to having no confidence. Like a vicious circle of putting myself down, lowering my self esteem meaning I don't feel confident to tell someone I like them etc.
Either way, depressing.
I can sympathize with this. My confidence waivers from day to day and seems based solely on how I look in the mirror on that particular day. If I'm looking fairly clear, I'm happy and confident. If I have new spots forming, I feel monstrous and awkward. Either way though I've still not found the type of confidence that would allow me to go up to a girl I find attractive and let her know I'm interested.
It's a self-defeating thing because I know in this society/generation that guys are supposed to chase and put in the work to get the girl, but it starts to seem like that's impossible when you can't get past the approach anxiety and the lack of confidence.
It's not the actual acne itself that is preventing you from being comfortable around and subsequently attracting girls, it is simply how the acne makes you feel about yourself. Many girls will not care about the actual condition of your skin, however what they do care about is that the person they are with is completely at ease with who he is and is therefore totally relaxed and comfortable with himself. Girls have tremendous social acuity (especially compared with guys) and a little known secret is that they will often base their opinion of you on what you think of yourself, this all happens automatically at the subconscious level and girls will usually not be able to accurately verbalise why they are attracted to one guy and not another. Girls are hyper accurate at picking up on any 'tells' that might show them that you have insecurities and they instantly know if you are trying too hard to make a good impression by 'telling them what they want to hear' or trying to be someone you are not, now that does not mean that they will not like you as a person and they may want you as a friend but it is far less likely that they are actually going to fancy you. Don't blame girls for not being attracted to the 'right' kind of guy either whatever that is, as attraction is not a conscious choice and they cannot help who they feel drawn to - with an understanding of what women are drawn to (and most women are not conciously aware of this themselves I might add) there is no reason why you couldn't become that guy yourself. A strong man who is self assured and does not doubt himself or constantly compare himself with others ('is that guy better looking than me?' etc) will as a matter of course confidently comminicate with a woman (often non verbally through body language and good eye contact) and is capable of making her feel a range of emotions that will override any small concerns she might have over his appearance.
Indeed is it not admirable to see someone behaving in such a way even though they might have bad skin, for example I have a few friends with truly terrible acne who are very popular with girls and the reason is that it does not seem to affect them one bit. They are social, happy people, always laughing and joking and have many friends as they are fun to be around and always look to make sure those around them are having a good time, they are focused externally on what is going on around them rather than inwardly tormenting themselves with negative thoughts about their own self worth. Those are the guys that any girls in the vicinity are drawn to, the good looking guys posing at the bar don't even get a look in as they are not the ones making things happen, leading and generally being a source of good emotions for anyone that comes near them. I know all this is easier said than done as the worst thing about acne is the psychological damage it can do and more introverted people often suffer more as a result so I do understand, but there is hope for you and you would think so too if you had seen what is possible.
It's not the actual acne itself that is preventing you from being comfortable around and subsequently attracting girls, it is simply how the acne makes you feel about yourself.
Bullshit. You are saying that there is no such thing as physical attraction.
I have a different take on that. It is not he actual acne itself that is preventing you from being comfortable around and subsequently attracting girls, but how those girls look at acne in general. That decides whether you are seen as attractive or not.
I feel I need to wade in to this argument. Im 29 years old I have had acne now since I was 18, to varying degrees from severe to virtually non existent. Currently it is flaring up making me feel miserable self conscious etc. It is a shit feeling no doubt about that I wont lie, I wish for nothing more than for my break out to calm down.I very much agree that acne can make you feel bad and self esteem low. I feel like that right at the moment. However I will say that it is true there are plenty of guys with acne who are dating attractive girls right as we speak. This isn't myth, it is true ive seen it with my own eyes. Ive dated plenty of girls whilst ive had acne and indeed some very attractive ones much, more attractive than me with perfect skin. Yes the truth is it will put some girls off just as say being overweight balding going grey having crap hair etc. However im sure most girls/women would prefer somebody with personality,intelligence, potential etc rather than simply someone with clear skin with nothing else going on for them. With acne you can either let it destroy you (as I have done at times) or you decide to think "right im going live my life, while treating this". You only live once and eventually youll be an old man with no acne regretting all the things hes missed out of in life. Its far from easy having this mindset, but nothing in life worth doing is easy my freinds. We as acne suffers have been dealt a shit hand, but we just have to get on with it im afraid there's no other way.
I feel I need to wade in to this argument. Im 29 years old I have had acne now since I was 18, to varying degrees from severe to virtually non existent. Currently it is flaring up making me feel miserable self conscious etc. It is a shit feeling no doubt about that I wont lie, I wish for nothing more than for my break out to calm down.I very much agree that acne can make you feel bad and self esteem low. I feel like that right at the moment. However I will say that it is true there are plenty of guys with acne who are dating attractive girls right as we speak. This isn't myth, it is true ive seen it with my own eyes. Ive dated plenty of girls whilst ive had acne and indeed some very attractive ones much, more attractive than me with perfect skin. Yes the truth is it will put some girls off just as say being overweight balding going grey having crap hair etc. However im sure most girls/women would prefer somebody with personality,intelligence, potential etc rather than simply someone with clear skin with nothing else going on for them. With acne you can either let it destroy you (as I have done at times) or you decide to think "right im going live my life, while treating this". You only live once and eventually youll be an old man with no acne regretting all the things hes missed out of in life. Its far from easy having this mindset, but nothing in life worth doing is easy my freinds. We as acne suffers have been dealt a shit hand, but we just have to get on with it im afraid there's no other way.
I agree with everything you said here, very good points to be sure. It is indeed very difficult, but acceptance of self and 'what is' rather than 'what if' seems to be the only way. If you have done everything you can to get rid of acne and yet it still persists then what other choice do you have? A person who does the equivalent of curling up in a ball, cursing their bad luck bad and wishing things were different (waiting for the next life that never comes?) is only going to bring themselves more suffering. It is our own thoughts that bring us the most pain and torment and no amount of worrying will ever make the situation better in any case. A person with a negative outlook will always find a way to prove themselves right but how does this sort of self protecting defence mechanism actually serve them in the long run? It might keep people at arms length as a way to minimise pain but the loneliness will surely become far worse. Can anyone imagine that a girl would want to be around a guy (even a chisel chinned heart throb) who spends his time shuffling around with his head down feeling sorry for himself and viciously pouring poison on anyone saying anything positive to them? It would get old pretty fast.
Besides how many times has it happened that a girl has ended up in a relationship with a guy she would not initially have been physically attracted to because, as she might put it, 'there was just something about him'? Happens all the time. It's not uncommon for them to start viewing their partner as more physically attractive than he perhaps actually is over time as a result of how she feels about him either, yes I know that is not 'logical' or objective but women have their own sort of logic (that also makes perfect sense I might add) that is emotionally based. Male and female brains are wired differently and while physical attractiveness of a partner is perhaps top priority for many guys (a major reason why guys think it is so important for girls too?) I can assure you that it is way down the list of the things that many a female brain will prioritise. So why focus on the small percentage of women who would not be able to look past acne when there are so many more that are far more likely to respond to the attitude and behaviour of the male in front of them regardless of any skin condition. Nobody is saying that acne is a good thing, I know only too well that it can be absolute torture but boy the person who overcomes such a painful obstacle to succeed at whatever they put their mind to is someone you really want to know and learn from.