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sailette

Guy Wants Commitment; Not Sure He Has Seen Scars

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Hello!

Haven't posted in a while - I think this is where folks with indented scarring used to post about emotional stuff regarding scarring (vs. the 'Emotional and psychological affects of acne' forum).

Basically - I've been on a number of dates with this guy. He likes me, but I'm pretty sure he has not seen my scarring as our dates have been in the evenings and in dim lighting. I have scarring on both cheeks.

He wants a committment. How do I bring up / show my scarring to him?

This is freaking me out. Pretty sure he will no longer want to commit once I reveal my skin, which is why I want to bring it up.

I appreciate any thoughts on this eusa_think.gif

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I know how this can be, I still can't show myself in front of my boyfriend for two years, without makeup. The funny thing is, I still know that he doesn't care...

But, if this guy has problems with how you look, you should'nt go for him!

You should act as though you have the most beautiful skin in the world, forget your scarring, and if he comments on it, or break up with you, than lucky you for not being with a jerkbag!

You are beautiful!

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Sometimes when I think that the worst thing will happen, people end up surprising me. He could probably not even give a shit if you have acne scarring. Give him the benefit of the doubt and at least this way you will know if he is the right person for you. :)

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i think the guy will be fine with it and chances are no matter how dim the lighting is he has already seen it and doesnt care. most men dont give two shits about scars i can tell you that.

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Thanks for taking the time to respond and your kind words. I should mention he also slept over once and we were hanging out at home for a bit through mid-morning. However I still feel like he hasn't seen the scarring.

Amanda22 - do you talk to your bf about your skin?

tracy521 - thank you, just curious what makes you say that guys don't care about it? Wondering if you can share any experiences.

Edited by sailette
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If he has stayed over then he has seen you and he obviously doesn't care about it.

Try and not worry about your skin (I know that is easier said than done!) because that lack of confidence may come across and it may seem like YOU don't like HIM.

Just have fun and enjoy yourself and trust that everything will work out as it is mean to be.

Good luck!

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I don't think you should mention them to him. He might not have even noticed them and if he has, he probably thought about them for about 2 seconds and hasn't thought about them since. In most cases, scars won't scare guys off.... but there's a good chance insecurity will!

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sailette, all the men i have talked to on this subject don't care one bit about scarring even including my own hubby. its not even something they really even notice they just arent really wired that way they are too busy looking at other things -ha! the only thing to them that is a bigger turn off is lack of self-confidence and needing constant validation. its just not something they want to devote any energy or time to ya know?

Edited by tracy521
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It is also possible not to notice the scarring. Men, when in love, seek for a mental match, apart from the appearance. But he has already seen you are beautiful. Same happens with cellulite. We are so insecure for showing of our thighs, but men just dont see it. Have confidence and when the scarring comes to the talking react as it is smth that will go away in a while. If you dont pay attention to it, he will not either!!!!

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Thank you. I can't help but wonder if you all are referring to scars (indented scarring) or spots/blemishes. I have indented scarring and it makes me think that kind of scarring would scare people off. Could you all clarify, especially tracy521?

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yup we are talking about indented scarring and for myself raised scarring as well since i have both! that is so true though with the cellulite thing too! men dont notice half the time or even care one bit about it.

i was watching with dancing with the stars last night and the one girl on there that doesnt have any legs is such an amazing dancer and such an inspiration. later on when the camera got close to her you could see she had acne scarring and you know what she still looked just as beautiful if not more beautiful because here she is doing her thing and having a great time and just enjoying life. i love that and the important lesson here is even though we have these flaws we can still do anything we want and have great relationships and be happy.

i would like to add though i want her makeup artist -ha!! also it looks like her scarring is on the sides of her face which to me is not nearly as bad as when its on the chin area or near that area and i am speaking from experience here.

Edited by tracy521
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Everyone has their flaws - I'm sure he's dealt with his fair share of issues in his life, as well. When it comes down to it, you want people in your life who accept you regardless of a few scars or pimples. Your value is held much deeper than the skin on your face and if he is a person that can treat you well and look past (or even see as beautiful) your imperfections, only then is he worth your time.

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Look, if it bothers you find a good dr to do a subcision and do your own suctioning

for 2 weeks after. You can look it up on owndoc.com.

After that you can get a few units of a perm. Filler like artfill. That would probably give you better than a 50 % improvement.

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Thank you. I can't help but wonder if you all are referring to scars (indented scarring) or spots/blemishes. I have indented scarring and it makes me think that kind of scarring would scare people off. Could you all clarify, especially tracy521?

I imagine a face with both scarring and red blemishes. It doesnt matter if you have both or scarring only. I still believe that men tend to notice only what we let them notice, even on a bare face. I have not seen any pic of you but i bet you have inner beauty that equals the scarring. Dont forget that we sometimes over exagerrate about smth we have, mostly an aesthetic problem, which is not really that bad. I had a white mark from cold sore on my upper lip and i thought it was huge. I saw a doctor to laser it and he was not able to see it. I know that scarring all over face is much worse, but i wanted to show you the point. I dont think that any scarring is frightening. LOVE!

Search on the net for Cameron Diaz's photos without make up. It is said that filming on set was stopped because the make up artist couldnt cope with her acne. There is also a beautiful girl that was winner on Americas Next Top Model whose face was...yeac! Search her videos on utube under her name Cassandra Bankson. Look for her before and after make up look. Remember there is the better, but surely there is the worst. Just to make you feel better!

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sailette, you can rest assured he knows about the scars. I wonder more about a guy who is talking about commitment after 2 dates. All of us guys want one thing. If you put yourself in a lower status you put yourself in a position of being easy pickings. This guy could turn out to be either a player or needy, or maybe just a great sincere guy. Use your gut feeling - your subconscious knows, and it will never lie to you.

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Hi everyone - thanks for your responses! Will review and respond in detail later.

DudleyDoRight - I see what you're saying, for sure. It was after 4 dates, and my gut feeling is that he's a great sincere guy :) BUT let's see if I'm right after "The Scar Conversation" lol

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Girls tend to over-react a lot about their own skin. I haven't seen your scars, but I have a feeling that they aren't as bad as you're making them out to be.

I see you're thinking about having ''The scar conversation'' as you put it. I'd really recommend not doing this. The only thing that this will do is make him more aware about your scars, and start him wondering as to why you think they are such a big deal.

I know how you feel, i have a lot of scarring on my left cheek and i understand how self conscious you may feel in certain lightings.

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I agree with perigon. You dont have to set a conversation for the scars. By doing this you show you are very concerned for smth insignificant. So, dont push yourself. If the topic jumps in the talking, then ok! Dont be anxious about it!

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To explain my (weird) thinking a bit more - I feel like I can't commit to him until I know he has seen the scars and accepts that I have them.

If I know he is able to look past them, I can be more open with him - put up my hair around him, go to grocery stores with him, be in bad lighting with him, etc.

So I want to bring it up specifically and say - here they are, you can accept them, and if you don't, tell me now so I can let this go and we can both move on.

Does that even make sense? :/

Edited by sailette
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I gotta disagree with those who are telling you not to bring it up. Even in the freshest of relationships, you need to be open and honest with the other person. It's pretty obvious you won't be comfortable until this conversation happens. As cliche as it may sound, let's be honest here, if it ends up being a big deal to the guy, he wasn't worth it in the first place. On the other hand, it may just be another little thing that he likes about you. Don't let acne scars hold you back, I think they have done that enough in our lives already.

Good luck.

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