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On 5/15/2014 at 11:44 PM, WishClean said:
On 5/10/2014 at 12:37 AM, Dolan Duck said:

Well I really do hope that you find some honest guy to share your worries and happy moments. I'm actually going to start looking for a serious relationship for the first time in my life, I have always been a player but now that I'm over 30 I feel like I wanna have a family of my own. Too bad that you live on the other side of the world..

P.S. I wanted to ask just one more question, when you are looking for a partner and see a guy with let's say dark circles under his eyes, are you like "eww, I don't wan't someone like that, horrible dark circles!" ?

[Deleted]

On 5/10/2014 at 6:48 AM, hedgecore said:

>Well Id be getting pist off right about now .........I'd murk some fools to have nice skin like urs .......just chill out.....its not even that bad yo ..........you'll be ok

[Deleted]

On 5/10/2014 at 12:25 PM, AlexanderJ86 said:

Thank you for your advice, but I am going to tell them anyway. It is not that I lose or win anything. In general, people hate me, including women. Story of my life really. Despite my attempts, I am still in social isolation, more or less. I am not seen as, as you say, "valuable". Of course, I am valuable to myself, but what I think doesn't matter to other people.

I have never made any progress no matter what I did, so I have stopped caring. Also, I am not going to lie to people. I am not going to put any effort anymore in something that doesn't progress anyway. To hell with people! They are uncivilized barbarians anyway! I am completely focussing myself on The Venus Project. I am going to build a new culture that replaces the current, deeply sick culture. If the culture has been replaced, then people will automatically adapt to that and then finally people may act civilized towards me. I might even get a relationship then.

Please do not misunderstand me. My aggression and my frustration is a reaction to my bullying environment. I am actually a nice and warm person that wants to help people. That's why I am here and volunteer for The Venus Project.

[Deleted]

People hate me for all kinds of reasons: for my looks, for my clothes, for my behaviour, for my intelligence, for the fact that I am a relaxed, quiet, introverted person. I didn't have friends when I was 8 and I still don't have friends at 28.

The Venus Project works on solving poverty, war, etc. by replacing the culture and the economy with something else.

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People hate me for all kinds of reasons: for my looks, for my clothes, for my behaviour, for my intelligence, for the fact that I am a relaxed, quiet, introverted person. I didn't have friends when I was 8 and I still don't have friends at 28.

The Venus Project works on solving poverty, war, etc. by replacing the culture and the economy with something else.

Then these people are idiots, I don't blame you for being introverted if those are the people around you. Well, most friendships are disposable anyway. I made my best friends when I was 6 and we are still friends more than 2 decades later. But most of my adult friendships are superficial and unstable because it's hard to trust people when you and they get older. It's better to have a few quality friends than many unreliable ones. And if you can't find any decent friends, then you have yourself.

What is that "something else" that will replace capitalism? I wonder if it's even possible

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I like to consider myself a mature, kind, and, despite my skin problems, not entirely unattractive man; yet no women have ever taken much of an interest in me, on or offline. My own experiences of dating and dating sites have led me to give up entirely on my love life and focus on my career instead. I think it can be the right decision for some of us.

'Career' might be the wrong word, too. Vocation, perhaps. Passion? I do not pursue money or power or status: I have a rewarding job that involves teaching young minds, researching the mysteries of the past, writing, travelling the world and sharing ideas with highly intelligent people.This is fulfilling enough and makes me more fortunate than many people on this planet. Yes, it is hard to go through life without (romantic) love but, for me, occasional loneliness is better than feeling worthless or insignificant.

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On 5/16/2014 at 12:27 PM, WishClean said:
On 5/16/2014 at 5:04 AM, AlexanderJ86 said:

People hate me for all kinds of reasons: for my looks, for my clothes, for my behaviour, for my intelligence, for the fact that I am a relaxed, quiet, introverted person. I didn't have friends when I was 8 and I still don't have friends at 28.

The Venus Project works on solving poverty, war, etc. by replacing the culture and the economy with something else.

[Deleted]

Unfortunately, those same idiots have driven me to cluster A. I have "lost myself" in the social isolation and it is impossible for me to go back to society, if such a thing exists.

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Haven't bothered to read through all these pages, just commenting that you're beautiful.

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I like to consider myself a mature, kind, and, despite my skin problems, not entirely unattractive man; yet no women have ever taken much of an interest in me, on or offline. My own experiences of dating and dating sites have led me to give up entirely on my love life and focus on my career instead. I think it can be the right decision for some of us.

'Career' might be the wrong word, too. Vocation, perhaps. Passion? I do not pursue money or power or status: I have a rewarding job that involves teaching young minds, researching the mysteries of the past, writing, travelling the world and sharing ideas with highly intelligent people.This is fulfilling enough and makes me more fortunate than many people on this planet. Yes, it is hard to go through life without (romantic) love but, for me, occasional loneliness is better than feeling worthless or insignificant.

I teach young minds too, but sometimes those young minds can be rude and obnoxious lol. But for the most part, my career is rewarding (apart from the salary, which is too low for the work I put into it). It's great that you found your passion and are focusing on something productive. The whole point is for you to feel fulfilled in some way, and not necessarily in the way society wants us to feel fulfilled (i.e. marriage, kids, etc). The definition of success should be subjective, not measured by so-called objective standards that others impose on us. I can deal with occasional loneliness too...usually I like to keep busy so that I don't have time to actually feel lonely or bored.

Unfortunately, those same idiots have driven me to cluster A. I have "lost myself" in the social isolation and it is impossible for me to go back to society, if such a thing exists.

Sorry to hear that, it is really pathetic to think that there are people like that. Have you tried any online meetup sites or sites for people with common interests (like acne.org, but with "real life" meet ups)? Unless you don't want to socialize, in that case it would be good to focus on other things and ignore the haters.

Haven't bothered to read through all these pages, just commenting that you're beautiful.

Thanks Josh

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On 5/17/2014 at 10:53 PM, WishClean said:
On 5/16/2014 at 2:30 PM, QuietJamie14 said:

I like to consider myself a mature, kind, and, despite my skin problems, not entirely unattractive man; yet no women have ever taken much of an interest in me, on or offline. My own experiences of dating and dating sites have led me to give up entirely on my love life and focus on my career instead. I think it can be the right decision for some of us.

'Career' might be the wrong word, too. Vocation, perhaps. Passion? I do not pursue money or power or status: I have a rewarding job that involves teaching young minds, researching the mysteries of the past, writing, travelling the world and sharing ideas with highly intelligent people.This is fulfilling enough and makes me more fortunate than many people on this planet. Yes, it is hard to go through life without (romantic) love but, for me, occasional loneliness is better than feeling worthless or insignificant.

[Deleted]

On 5/16/2014 at 3:07 PM, AlexanderJ86 said:

>Unfortunately, those same idiots have driven me to cluster A. I have "lost myself" in the social isolation and it is impossible for me to go back to society, if such a thing exists.

[Deleted]

On 5/16/2014 at 6:13 PM, Josh92 said:

Haven't bothered to read through all these pages, just commenting that you're beautiful.

[Deleted]

Yes, I have tried that kind of sites. It doesn't work for me. I cannot be only social or only working on my interests on my own. A combination of those two things does, unfortunately, not exist.

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Are you in a position where you can move and start fresh?? I have done that way too many times due to my job and sometimes it feels refreshing to start over.

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On 5/18/2014 at 9:25 PM, WishClean said:

[Deleted]

No, not at all.

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I like to consider myself a mature, kind, and, despite my skin problems, not entirely unattractive man; yet no women have ever taken much of an interest in me, on or offline. My own experiences of dating and dating sites have led me to give up entirely on my love life and focus on my career instead. I think it can be the right decision for some of us.

'Career' might be the wrong word, too. Vocation, perhaps. Passion? I do not pursue money or power or status: I have a rewarding job that involves teaching young minds, researching the mysteries of the past, writing, travelling the world and sharing ideas with highly intelligent people.This is fulfilling enough and makes me more fortunate than many people on this planet. Yes, it is hard to go through life without (romantic) love but, for me, occasional loneliness is better than feeling worthless or insignificant.

I have missed your post. The same counts for me. I am building my life around my interests.

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Wishclean you look fine… Face is important but the rest of your body also either weighs you down or lifts you up.

The guy probably intuited that you wouldn't be down to make a porno and moved on. Everyone I know who has used a dating site were looking for a good time and nothing serious. That's probably part of the problem.

I think Alexander already suggested it but find a hobby! If you like running join a running club. If you are religious join a church group. Yoga, painting, gardening, etc. Make sure you join a group that is active and has people your age. You should also try and find a hobby unrelated to your "job". It usually makes conversation more natural and keeps you on the same level as other newbies in the group. It's scary joining a club alone. Often they organize events at restaurants so you can grab a drink if that helps you calm down.

You are free from acne and should just start living life. Also, be happy that if you want to you can wear makeup without ridicule.

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^^ Exactly. I'm taking some fitness/ yoga classes weekly and even if I don't meet other people there, at least I'm doing something for myself.

But I did want to update this thread to tell y'all that yesterday someone asked me out...not online, in real life lol. It was someone I'm working with on a project and he's actually paying me to help him, so it's a bit weird. He said when the project is done we should grab a drink. So maybe it's just a friendly thing, who knows. I told him I'm moving in a few months, and he said he'll try to help me to stay bc he doesn't want me to move.

Just my luck! Now that I'm ready to move I meet a (seemingly) decent person. At least I'm not invested in this and I won't even take anything seriously or change my schedule for someone.

I was thinking, though, that if I ever date anyone seriously again that I should show them this thread just so that they know I have issues. Is it a good idea? It's like laying everything out on the table and if they don't like it, they can move on and not waste my time.

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Cheer up, there's guys out there who who would love to be with you.

thanks..that's what everyone says, but in reality, noone really. Maybe I'm in the wrong place at the wrong time.

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Back to your original post…and maybe it doesn't matter anymore because you are over it. But I have a similar story. Reconnected with someone from my childhood. Constant contact. I mean, constant. Our fathers had both passed away, and for a couple of weeks, it was like an all day text session. And then, BAM, he disappeared. Contact fizzled to every 10 days or so. Fast forward a couple of months (hardly had any contact at all over the summer), I tried to re-establish contact (bcs our last text session had been great but then he left for a long trip)…and I couldn't have been more disappointed in his response (or lack of enthusiasm to hear from me). Mind you, at this point we had exchanged a couple of pictures, but no face-to-face or Skype or anything. The point being, he wasn't rejecting me based on my skin. And our exchanges were always delightful. So what happened?? So I ended up emailing him some information that was pertinent to something he was working on, and said something about what an unexpected comfort it was to reconnect with him after losing my dad. BAM. Suddenly he's texting all the time again. Two solid months of constant texting. Like, constant. Hours at night, hours during the day (how did he get any work done??). He was initiating about 90% of it. And then slowly it started to taper off…and now (we are almost a year and a half into this now), I haven't talked to him in two weeks. He initiates, but then disappears. WHen I initiate, he responds and then disappears. WTF? I think guys are just weird. We haven't seen each other face to face (he was coming for a visit but there was a snow storm and the flights got cancelled), so it's not because of my skin. ALthough I was freaking out about seeing him bcs I felt for sure it was going to change things. I'm sad and hurt and confused by his disappearance. I had really come to rely on his friendship. But I tell myself at least I know it's not because of my skin. There are reasons people disappear. It's confusing - the not knowing sucks. And esp in your case where he made the second date and texted you that you looked sexy and then just he never resurfaced…I know it's hard not to take it personally. ANd I know it's hard to "lose" someone that you feel like you have a connection with. Connection can be so hard to find. I don't have any words of advice. I guess I just wanted you to know that even the "good" guys can be flakes and fall off the face of the earth.

I really think online dating is the problem. Sites like OKCupid and tinder attract guys that just aren't that serious. They are enjoying playing the field it seems like bcs there are so many girls to choose from. I have a GORGEOUS friend who has tried online dating and she keeps striking out. And I'm telling you, she is a knock out. It's just hard.

My situation wasn't a dating situation, but it still hurts. ANd you know what I end up telling myself? "Just as well. If we had actually met up, he'd have seen my skin and disappeared anyway." How sad is that??

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On 6/2/2014 at 8:06 PM, WishClean said:
On 6/2/2014 at 4:48 PM, CaliDrummer said:

Cheer up, there's guys out there who who would love to be with you.

[Deleted]

You may be right, but I may also be right.

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Back to your original post…and maybe it doesn't matter anymore because you are over it. But I have a similar story. Reconnected with someone from my childhood. Constant contact. I mean, constant. Our fathers had both passed away, and for a couple of weeks, it was like an all day text session. And then, BAM, he disappeared. Contact fizzled to every 10 days or so. Fast forward a couple of months (hardly had any contact at all over the summer), I tried to re-establish contact (bcs our last text session had been great but then he left for a long trip)…and I couldn't have been more disappointed in his response (or lack of enthusiasm to hear from me). Mind you, at this point we had exchanged a couple of pictures, but no face-to-face or Skype or anything. The point being, he wasn't rejecting me based on my skin. And our exchanges were always delightful. So what happened?? So I ended up emailing him some information that was pertinent to something he was working on, and said something about what an unexpected comfort it was to reconnect with him after losing my dad. BAM. Suddenly he's texting all the time again. Two solid months of constant texting. Like, constant. Hours at night, hours during the day (how did he get any work done??). He was initiating about 90% of it. And then slowly it started to taper off…and now (we are almost a year and a half into this now), I haven't talked to him in two weeks. He initiates, but then disappears. WHen I initiate, he responds and then disappears. WTF? I think guys are just weird. We haven't seen each other face to face (he was coming for a visit but there was a snow storm and the flights got cancelled), so it's not because of my skin. ALthough I was freaking out about seeing him bcs I felt for sure it was going to change things. I'm sad and hurt and confused by his disappearance. I had really come to rely on his friendship. But I tell myself at least I know it's not because of my skin. There are reasons people disappear. It's confusing - the not knowing sucks. And esp in your case where he made the second date and texted you that you looked sexy and then just he never resurfaced…I know it's hard not to take it personally. ANd I know it's hard to "lose" someone that you feel like you have a connection with. Connection can be so hard to find. I don't have any words of advice. I guess I just wanted you to know that even the "good" guys can be flakes and fall off the face of the earth.

I really think online dating is the problem. Sites like OKCupid and tinder attract guys that just aren't that serious. They are enjoying playing the field it seems like bcs there are so many girls to choose from. I have a GORGEOUS friend who has tried online dating and she keeps striking out. And I'm telling you, she is a knock out. It's just hard.

My situation wasn't a dating situation, but it still hurts. ANd you know what I end up telling myself? "Just as well. If we had actually met up, he'd have seen my skin and disappeared anyway." How sad is that??

Wow, sorry you had to go through that and sorry for your dad's loss. It seems that the guy served his purpose and maybe helped you get over your father's passing a bit easier at least.

Some guys really are weird. There's no way to know what else is going on in their lives, or how messed up they are. I always try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, but it sounds like you were in a similar situation and sometimes they'll flake out no matter what.

I noticed that sometimes guys text when they have nothing else to do, or when they are bored. My ex boyfriend used to text me all the time while he was in the army and he'd make plans to meet when he had time off, but then he'd never follow through in person.

I think the best thing to do is minimize the texting even if you get a good vibe from someone. I can't tell you how many hours I spent texting back and forth with that guy and others in the past, and then it never went anywhere plus I never got much work done! So now I just prefer face to face conversations.

It's good though that this guy you mention disappeared before you actually met him in person again, because now you know it wasn't about looks or acne, it's just that he was flakey or has other things going on.

Right now, it seems that someone I work with is interested in getting to know me, and I feel a bit better because I didn't meet him online and he saw me in person and in bright light and is still interested. But this whole thing has made me more cautious about men in general....hopefully you will find someone who genuinely likes you and won't disappear without explanation.

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Hi, I can't quote anyone so I am going to respond like this.

@WishClean:

Something very radical has happened in my life. I have moved and I am being taken care off by the local psychiatry department over here. I think I may have new opportunities now, but so far there is no indication of improvement.

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WIshClean - yes, knowing the person face to face and getting to know them in person definitely takes the element of that feeling of rejection away if you are self conscious of things, like your skin. It also seems more natural. You know the person in context and things can develop more naturally. Good luck - hope you keep us posted! It's interesting. I had a needling appointment with a guy a couple of years ago. Great guy. I was talking to him a little bit about my skin issues and he said to me, "Listen. We all have things about ourselves that we don't like or wish we could change. I'm bald. For you, it's your skin". That was eye opening for me. Not that it's cured me of being self conscious, but it framed things in an interesting way.

And just to be clear, my friend wasn't a romantic involvement. Or maybe he intended it to be and I didn't pick up on it bcs I tend to be naive (intentionally) about that kind of thing. We are both in committed relationships (not with each other) He was just someone that I had always felt a deep connection with, and thirty years later, it was still there. Which made it special for awhile, and he helped with the loss of my dad the way nobody else could have. I'm sure part of him disappearing was that the intensity of the contact isn't conducive to keeping your primary relationship intact. Which I completely understand, but it still feels like a loss and it's still painful.

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Hi, I can't quote anyone so I am going to respond like this.

@WishClean:

Something very radical has happened in my life. I have moved and I am being taken care off by the local psychiatry department over here. I think I may have new opportunities now, but so far there is no indication of improvement.

Wow, so this radical change is a good thing, right? Are you going to be under psychiatric care ? Do you think it will help you ? Good luck Alexander, I hope this will be a very positive change in your life :)

WIshClean - yes, knowing the person face to face and getting to know them in person definitely takes the element of that feeling of rejection away if you are self conscious of things, like your skin. It also seems more natural. You know the person in context and things can develop more naturally. Good luck - hope you keep us posted! It's interesting. I had a needling appointment with a guy a couple of years ago. Great guy. I was talking to him a little bit about my skin issues and he said to me, "Listen. We all have things about ourselves that we don't like or wish we could change. I'm bald. For you, it's your skin". That was eye opening for me. Not that it's cured me of being self conscious, but it framed things in an interesting way.

And just to be clear, my friend wasn't a romantic involvement. Or maybe he intended it to be and I didn't pick up on it bcs I tend to be naive (intentionally) about that kind of thing. We are both in committed relationships (not with each other) He was just someone that I had always felt a deep connection with, and thirty years later, it was still there. Which made it special for awhile, and he helped with the loss of my dad the way nobody else could have. I'm sure part of him disappearing was that the intensity of the contact isn't conducive to keeping your primary relationship intact. Which I completely understand, but it still feels like a loss and it's still painful.

Yes, I agree....face to face meetings take some of the pressure off. I'll update if this new guy turns out to be decent.

A dermatologist said a similar thing to me as the needling guy. He told me he was self-conscious about his height...nobody's perfect.

Oh, so the guy you were texting with did not try to flirt or anything? It's good that you were in a relationship, that way the conversations could only be platonic with him. Maybe his girlfriend didn't like him texting you so much? I have friends who don't allow their bfs to text females in general, which is very extreme but there are a lot of insecure people around.

It's still not cool of him to just disappear though. He owed you an explanation at least, since you go way back.

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On 6/4/2014 at 9:19 PM, WishClean said:
On 6/4/2014 at 5:08 AM, AlexanderJ86 said:

Hi, I can't quote anyone so I am going to respond like this.

@WishClean:

Something very radical has happened in my life. I have moved and I am being taken care off by the local psychiatry department over here. I think I may have new opportunities now, but so far there is no indication of improvement.

[Deleted]

On 6/4/2014 at 7:56 AM, ChrissyC said:
&nbs

p;

I have no idea if it is a good thing. Something extremely good has to happen in order to give me any positive feelings, as I am schizoid. Generally, nothing helps. My disorder falls in the category "You will have it for life and you have to learn to live with it". Learning to live with it is what I am doing right now.

Edited by Control Panel
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I have no idea if it is a good thing. Something extremely good has to happen in order to give me any positive feelings, as I am schizoid. Generally, nothing helps. My disorder falls in the category "You will have it for life and you have to learn to live with it". Learning to live with it is what I am doing right now.

You mean you have schizophrenia? Are you on medication ?

I don't believe in learning to live with something, I think you should do your research until you find some relief at least, or make it more manageable.

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To everyone who is following this thread, I wanted to post an update. Things should get more interesting this weekend, so stay tuned and I will either have good or bad news/ deja vu.

My friend convinced me to go back on the dating site and give another guy a chance. She even messaged guys for me from my account, and I was sorting through a lot of pointless messages, then came across someone who posted a very random comment about an obscure band I like, and I had to send him a message. From there, we really clicked in many unexpected ways. He has a similar background to myself, is intelligent and can carry a conversation via messages and on the phone. Plus, he told me he has a geeky side, which I think is a good sign (no personal trainer here!).

He didn't even ask to see photos or anything (I only have an artsy photo of myself that's kind of blurry), he just said he would love to go on a date with me. He said most girls who messaged him on okcupid don't have anything funny or interesting to say. And yet he still logs in frequently. So I don't have my hopes up here or anything, as usual. I told him I would meet him on saturday for coffee or a drink, but that it won't be a date just a meeting.

I also told him everything I went through last year, about my skin, depression, etc and he said he also suffered from depression so I thought he might be more sympathetic to my skin issues... I was even tempted to show him this thread so he can see for himself. I might do that if he gives me a chance.

Anyway, this is all I have right now. Do you think I'm putting myself through the same thing again? I've been on the verge of canceling the meeting so many times already. I don't know if I'd have the guts to go through it on Saturday....

I have a feeling I'm going to like him because I like his personality. That's usually what gets me interested in the first place, and from there on I don't really care that much about looks as long as the personality is good. Unfortunately, most people don't think the same.

Edited by WishClean

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