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Hi,

I was prescribed Accutane by my dermatologist in January 2014, and took my first 20mg dosage on the 28th of January 2014. My doctor advised that I should limit my alcohol intake with it, and to not take my dosage on days I would drink. On February the 22nd 2014 I went to a party and drank a large amount of alcohol for myself (9 - 10 standard drinks for a 90kg Athletic Male). The following day I felt my usual hangover, and assumed it would subside within 24 hours. However the next day the mental fogginess remained. I continued my treatment of Accutane (20mg daily) following this in hope that the mental impairment would subside. It did not. I began to feel increasingly anxious about possible damage I have done to myself. My symptoms seemed to get worse over the next week, they are as follows:

· Foggy Brain

· Loss of motivation

· Loss of emotion

· Loss of appetite

· Difficulty sleeping and maintaining sleep

· Loss of libido

· Suicidal thoughts

· Panic attacks

· Short term memory loss

· Loss of interest in activities I previously found interesting

· Inward thinking

· Stabbing pains in temporal lobe

After discussing this with my parents I decided to stop taking Accutane on the 29th of February, and have booked an appointment with my dermatologist for the 10th of March. The feeling of mental impairment is torturous, and I would desperately attempt to take my mind of the feeling by playing video games or watching comedy TV shows. I can honestly say I would rather be exposed to excruciating physical pain than have to experience the absolute fear that accompanies the thought that I may feel like this permanently for the rest of my life. Each day I would wake up with a few minutes grace before the intense feelings of panic and worry set in.

I never truly appreciated sound mental health before this, and urge you not to take it for granted. I used to think people who were depressed just felt sad, and were attention seekers. I am afraid to tell my parents that I thought of suicide as it may sadden them greatly, but the fact is during this period, I would ruminate for so long and work myself into such a panic that I was convinced the feelings would never end, and logically I thought suicide was the only escape from this despair.

I continued to feel like this for almost the whole week since I stopped the medication, only recently have I started to feel mildly better, motivating myself just enough to take steps such as posting on this forum and attempting to recover from this situation. I spent a lot of time reading about existentialism, and that only fuelled my fears more. Writing this is surreal, and I am still in shock that I feel like this. I feared that I had died, and this feeling was a sort of hell.

I am worried these feelings may persist as I am an undergraduate studying at university, and want to succeed. Although, the fact that I just wrote that is soothing, because it means I have regained motivation partly. The past two weeks have been a blur, but I have only JUST started feeling better over the past 2-3 days (feeling like I WANT to do something, rather than SHOULD do something) and my appetite has grown.

The best way I can describe the feeling is that I am locked inside my own head, and that the real me (the emotional me) is unable to communicate with anybody else. Hanging out with friends has helped me take my mind of this feeling. Let me tell you that nothing on this Earth is worth this feeling, I would rather shovel coal for the next decade to avoid ever feeling like this again.

Has anybody else ever felt like this? If so please reply and tell me how you got through it, I do not want to take antidepressants or any other brain altering medication ever again, I just want to go back to normal.

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