sorry if its long, but please read it all. thanks.

Ever since i was 13 around 7th grade i started getting really oily skin and a few pimples on my forehead but i didnt think it was a big deal. Oh, how wrong was i. Then in 8th grade I broke out like crazy everywhere. It only got worse in highschool, as i got a really big red and dry patch on my forehead that i couldnt treat. Worst moments of my life, but i still managed to be somewhat social. I was later able to treat that patch (which at some point covered my entire forehead, all red and disgusting) with some miracle cream from mexico that was laying around my house.

Now I am 21, and my acne is not that bad anymore but i still get oily skin and occasional deep pimples, but they are really bad. I especially get them around my t-zone area between my eyes and they take forever to go away, then they leave nasty red scars. Now a week ago i got a big red pimple right in the middle of my nose!!! its barely going away but its still red. I was also left with really nasty scars on my temples and parts of my cheeks. They are rolling and boxcar scars. I tried everything to treat them,but i guess it will take a lot of time.

I been considered a very attractive guy by many girls, my family, etc.. Ive still been able to get GFs even with all this crap on my face, but i was never confortable in them because of my face. I feel like its holding me back from my full potential. I remember back then when girls would litterally throw themselves at me, especially before 7th grade when i had perfect skin, but i took that for granted. From far away i look pretty good, but not upclose, and thats why i dont talk to girls. I recently admitted my love for girl, and she told me shes too busy with work and school but wants to be friends, but i cant even do that because of my skin. Ive become a loner. I've pushed away all of my friends. I used to have pretty close and awesome ones too. Now im always alone in my room watching tv, using my laptop, and recuperating with creams on my face.

I've become pretty dark and selfish. I pushed away all of my family. And for many years i always live by not giving a f#ck about life. I always look forward to the day i die. Sometimes I feel like this is all destiny. Like its something to keep me safe away from relationships or something so that i can have hunger to be successful and do something with my life to cure it and enjoy it instead of having perfect skin and just settle down for what i have. I've always had big dreams, to be rich. I really like music. My dream is to become a rapper, but also to compose music of all genres for big artists. Music like what Frank Sinatra would sing. Country, Rock, Spanish. etc.. I also like writing.

I feel empty inside though. I feel like i want a girlfriend, but im starting to believe that i dont really want a relationship, since i dont believe in monogamy. I think im subconsciously just searching for an ego boost, by knowing that im still attractive and a girl would like me to also give me confidence. I really dont know. But im sick of this.

Anybody been through something like this? sorry if its soooo long.