i hate everything and everyone. im so tierd of living like this. im a 21 years old man and i hate my life.
i basicly stopped living ever since i was around 13 yo when i started having acne. needless to say im a virgin and never had a gf. had a few chances with girls that i probally blew since i was so clueless and insecure. nowdays when i see a hot girl all i can think of is how lucky this bitch is for having good genes and live such an easy life.
i barely have the motivation to write this dumb pointless post.
i hate my family i hate my parents, at thier early 60's , 2 old stupid bastards, and i wonder who the hell let them pass thier horrible genes.
i hate and envy my brother who is 2 years older than me and suffered alot less acne than me and no scars, even though he ate alot less healthier than me and i guess its because he probally got more of my dad's genes regarding the skin , since i suspect the big acne carrier is my mom.
i look around at people and i envy them so much.. they can actually live thier lives as free people, not as prisoners in thier own bodies ..
i look at my face through a mirror in the morning sun and i wonder how the hell did i get so fucked.
i honestly think there is no point in living when 99.99% of ur life is rich is so much negative. i can honestly say that if i had a gun right now i would rid myself of this horrible existence. a few years ago i had the chance when i was in the army (idf conscription) and had an m16 and a few clips during the time i was suppost to guard shit, now i regret i didnt use that chance.. back then i somehow convinced myself thing will be better but now i know it only got worse. it didnt take long for them to release me from the army due to my ever growing depression, now i am suppost to justify myself to most people who will judge me and ask me of this abnormal early release if the topic pops out.
i am sick of trying to pretend theres nothing wrong with how things are and that i can function without any problems when talking to people or studying in the university (im 3rd year physics).
everything is so pointless, ive lost interest in everything, nothing matters when ur forced to live a life of pain and misery.
it only takes one look at myself in a shiny bright light like the morning sun for me to dwell hours on how to cease my never-ending nightmare.
i'm not even sure what type of acne im suffering from since i have never seen it in others and its pretty damn hard for me to describe it right in english. theres the "normal" part of my acne which is my insanely oily skin on the face(especially the nose and forehead) and "acne vulgaris" on the chest, back shoulder and face.. but the "abnormal" part is the fact i barely get any redness on my face so the vast majority of all my acne on the face is white with barely any redness, i barely ever get redmarks on my face but i sadly i get alot of real scars, the most horrible and disturbing part of my acne is that im getting these white small pointy stiff things, they arent like whiteheads ive seen in pictures,they look different, they are popping out of my skin mainy on my nose the the area of the cheeks that is close to the nose and no matter how good i will try take care of them and not touch them, they will eventually somehow fall off and leave a deep small pickaxe like scar, and theres a good chance soon enough a new one of these will pop out in the same spot and continue the legacy of disfiguring my face. this is the main cause of the scars on my face (though i have other bigger scars on my cheeks). when i was on accutane these white stuff were popping out and eventually fell, leaving alot of small deep holes on my face, but eventually got filled in new ones, and ive never seen this sort of things in others. ive also gotten a few bizzare scars that i cant explain on my nose, one which is like a dark brown small flat spot on my skin (different from the natrual thing, its brighter and less organized in its shape) that is very noticiable, and another is like a half sphere that is popping out of the skin and has the same color of the skin, i once thought its a weird pimple that will go away eventually but i have it for years now.
i would like to know what the hell are the abnormal white stuff on my face, and also maybe explain these abnormal scars.
guess this is what true despair feels like, and no matter what you do you know you are doomed to suffer.
to treat my acne ive tried everything: tropical creams, solutions, antibiotics and accutane. i also tried the natrual holistic approach and it barely did anything expect of robbing me of what little money and hope ive had.
the only thing that "helped" is acctane especially in the areas that are not the face (shoulders,back,chest,arms) but i can feel how its slowly coming back. for my face i acutally feel it made things worse.
i know that even by some miracle (that is never ever going to happen) i would be completly cured from acne , i would still have horrible deep scars on my face for the rest of my life.
i hate my horrible genes, and this stupid shitty rock called "earth" giving birth to my suffering. i honestly wouldnt mind if the sun swallowed the earth right now in fact i would like that to happen.
not sure how much longer i will last. this post is written like shit and i wouldnt be surprised if no1 bothered reading this crap.
Sorry to hear you're feeling like this
We can all relate and have all felt like this at some point or another (I have anyway) so you're not alone in how you're feeling.
But I can particularly relate to the first things you said. I'm 20, never had a relationship either. That gets me down every now and then so I try not to dwell on it much but it's tough sometimes especially when everyone around you seems to be happy in their relationships etc
What have you done for your skin / what things have you tried? Even if you think you've tried everything there is, maybe a new combination of treatments will help.
It's hard for me to picture what you mean by your acne not being 'normal' - to me what you've mentioned on your nose could be clogged pores... but I really don't know. Maybe someone else will read that description and be able to give better advice. Maybe even post the description in another thread on it's own if you'd like more responses for that and people aren't getting back to you here after a while.
Have you checked with your dermatologist about your skin? Have they said it's not just acne vulgaris?
You're obviously a very smart, clever guy - to have made it to your 3rd year of physics at uni! That's great! There is more to you than your skin and I know it can be so hard to deal with, but try and remember that. It doesn't have to be the focus of your life if you don't want it to be. I know, easier said than done, but worth trying.
I think a lot of dealing with acne comes with trying to change your mindset and outlook. It's so easy to get stuck in these negative thought patterns where we hate everyone and everything because having acne does really suck - but I feel like I've wasted so much time in my life where I've missed opportunities for different things because of this and because I've 'let' acne hold me back.
I've seen so many people who have really quite severe acne, but they're having a good time - a lot are even in relationships - and I really think their attitude and confidence has a lot to do with it...
So that's something I'm trying to work on for myself - being more confident and accepting of myself.
Have you spoken to someone about your skin and how you're feeling? Sometimes being able to unload all that to someone by talking face to face can be a great help.
I don't know if any of that is of any help to you, maybe it is at least a little helpful knowing you're not alone and there are people who care.
Hang in there 
I'm in the same situation as you mate, I'm 23yo though. I was thinking the same when I was younger, that everything will eventually get better, but I was very wrong, it doesn't happen for everybody. The saddest thing is that I've blindly trusted all the scums that call themselves doctors and wasted so much money and time on them. Pretty much all the dermatologists are incompetent human garbage. I've been seen by 5 derm. and none of them would try and treat me correctly. They would just give me antibiotcs, stupid creams or roaccutane, stuff that would temporary calm your acne, only to come back a few months later meanwhile they collect money from you. I will give it one last shot though, with a doctor I've found here (I'm from Bucharest, Romania), that seems to give a sh*t about people, and tries to cure acne in the way it should be cured, finding the cause of it, by having all the tests done before: blood tests, bacteria, fungus, parasites, endocrine, testosterone, DHEAS, estradiol, prolactina, LH/FSH ratio and many others tests, including something called VISIA (google it). But I have to raise some money unfortunately.
If this doesn't work either, I'm done. I should have been cured already and have no scars considering the time and money I've invested in curing this pos disease, I should be worried about what parties should I attend and what clothes should I buy, what girl I might have a shot with. I should have been able to enjoy the sun, the summer, these years of youth which for healthy people are awesome. I'm tired of hiding from people in my little room. I'm sick and tired of this pc, this desk, these walls, I'm tired of this boring routine. I can't live a normal life, enough is enough. This is the truth, unfortunately. Good luck bro, I feel you.
I can say with some certainty that many if not all the members here have felt this way. There is just such a painful feeling of looking into the mirror and being genuinely confused and horrified at how disfigured and lump-bumpy your face looks. I have been feeling this way for a while now. I got to the point where I was so depressed I wanted to literally crawl into a tiny ball, wrap myself in a blanket and sleep for months. It is so debilitating and can really handicap someone. It has for me at least. So you are justified in feeling all of your pain, frustration, even hate. Just know that there are so many of us who are suffering with this same disease (some worse than others, mine is pretty severe) and we are all here to find strength and support. The thing is, with scars you can find a lot of treatments to get rid of them almost completely. I know that most of them are expensive but if you are a physics major (which I agree with Lilly75) you have to be smart and will be able to make a good living. Also not having a girlfriend isn't such a bad thing. Sometimes it is good to take some time to yourself and really dig deep to figure out how you want your life to go. You don't want your life to end because you have SO much to give to this world. Your acne WILL go away, it always goes away, even the scars will fade with time. One kind of odd suggestion especially for the body acne is head and shoulders with zinc. If you haven't already you should give that a try, just wash your hair with it and then lather it all over the affected areas. The zinc can really help to heal up acne and I've heard it can be pretty fast! Hang in there and just remember you are not alone, you always have friends and supporters on acne.org.
What up mazgan, man I got to say I feel you on this thread here. we share a lot of views and have been through a similar situation. first thing I want to point out is that it isn't dumb to put your story out there, its for you to tell and for others to listen. I feel like we share a similar mentality when it comes to this reality, idk if you've seen my threads but you may find yourself agreeing a lot with me. currently if you go about half way down the first page you'll find two of my threads right next to each other, if you haven't read them yet I'd like you to and let me know what you think! leave a reply if you like too..
Now back to your post here, man isn't It so f'ed up how most people take living for granted? if you where to ask most people what do they want in life the answerers are usually the same... money, women, happiness. Yet when it comes to people like you and me we could care less about any of that shIt, all we want is to be fuking normal. who the hell ask's for that? I bet you not many, something like that should be a god dame standard but mother nature is just a flat out b!tch. Man people think we live in modern times but really we are still primitive as a mother.... we cant ever fix something as simple as acne for fuk sake!
I don't have much positivity myself about all this so I cant give you any positive reinforcement. But tell you what helps me to somewhat go through the day's, although its kind of obvious. try and make yourself happy anyway you can, personally I enjoy watching others people misfortunes I wont lie haha. where other people might sympathize with them, I'll just be like (LOL F'EM). because I only have sympathy for the people that deserve it.
I know there is next to nothing good about the whole acne situation man, but you are only 21 so don't throw in the towel just yet. because 10 years from now a lot can change and yes that includes your skin. that's another thought that helps me in hard times. good luck bro see you around the forums and again check out my threads if you have a chance! I think you'll find it a good read based on what I've read from yours..
You've despaired to the point where you want to take your life and see everyone else die, and yet you're still alive. That means nothing else in life can bring you any lower, so you're invincible to all the bullshit of adulthood.
You're a 3rd year university student in physics, that's more than most of the people you will meet will ever achieve. You think if people saw Stephen Hawking on the street in his chair without him being who he is they'd respect him? We will never know, because he doesn't give a shit. He writes books about black holes and dark matter and everyone kisses his ass.
You've never had a girlfriend. I have, because my shit face decided to stop trolling me at the end of college. Except I'm a lowly reception clerk while you're a physicist, so I'll be serving you fries on your way home from work. What does that say about our race? We're shallow, and it's dog eat dog. Don't use that as an excuse to be unkind to those who are kind to you though.
Actions have reactions, don't be quick to judge
You may not know the hardships people don't speak of
It's best to step back, and observe with couth
For we all must meet our moment of truth
If you really want to show how much you hate everyone though, use your knowledge to build a doomsday device that blows us all up, don't wait for the sun to swallow us up, that's just lazy.
You've despaired to the point where you want to take your life and see everyone else die, and yet you're still alive. That means nothing else in life can bring you any lower, so you're invincible to all the bullshit of adulthood.
You're a 3rd year university student in physics, that's more than most of the people you will meet will ever achieve. You think if people saw Stephen Hawking on the street in his chair without him being who he is they'd respect him? We will never know, because he doesn't give a shit. He writes books about black holes and dark matter and everyone kisses his ass.
You've never had a girlfriend. I have, because my shit face decided to stop trolling me at the end of college. Except I'm a lowly reception clerk while you're a physicist, so I'll be serving you fries on your way home from work. What does that say about our race? We're shallow, and it's dog eat dog. Don't use that as an excuse to be unkind to those who are kind to you though.
Actions have reactions, don't be quick to judge
You may not know the hardships people don't speak of
It's best to step back, and observe with couth
For we all must meet our moment of truth
If you really want to show how much you hate everyone though, use your knowledge to build a doomsday device that blows us all up, don't wait for the sun to swallow us up, that's just lazy.
I have a far better idea. We should redesign the western socio-economic culture, such that our problems don't happen in the first place.
I feel your pain my life is being controlled by my acne I'm tired of hiding at my house hoping my face will get a little better so I can go outside and let people look at my face man this suuuucks sooo bad I hate how easy people have it they really could care less about the skin on their face and here I am only thing I can think of everyday is my face. I don't know how long I can keep doing this. I only wish there was something that would get rid of this forever and never came back.