Its been quite a while since I last posted on here. In september 2012 I started a course of accutane in order to try and overcome the difficulties I've had with my skin for the last 11 years. The treatment was for the most part a success (acne is gone, albeit I now have red marks), but the major problem I had upon completing the treatment was that I fell into a serious bout of depression/anxiety which caused me to leave my job, my home, and basically remove myself from the world for around 6 months. Having seen a counsellor and been on anti-depressants for about half a year now I'm getting to the stage where I can function in society and I have luckily met a new partner with whom I'm hoping I can build a strong relationship with. My problem is that to overcome my fear of social interaction I have become completely dependent of wearing concealer to cover up the imperfections on my skin so that I can go outside, to such an extent that this dependence goes beyond more aesthetics and has become an indelible part of how I can interact with society in all dimensions.This ranges from wearing concealer even to interact with my family/ friends at simple things like meal times. If I do not have this 'protection' then I get many classic signs of severe anxiety- heart palpitations, the feeling of intense nausea, claustophobia etc. This has pretty much gone on my entire adult life and I have no idea of how to get past it.
I would love to tell my partner about this issue and to her let her see the 'real' me, but I'm extremely afraid that this will change her perception of me and i'll be thrust back into the depression that i've only just climbed out of. I've let my relationships over the last 7 years collapse because of this (and it is always me who ends things) so i'm determined not to let this one fail.
What I'm hoping for is advice from anyone who has been in this situation. Is there a time when you knew you were ready to have a 'talk' with your partner about your skin? How did they react and what coping mechanisms did you use before that event?
Thank you.
I've been through this before where I was too scared to leave the house without covering up my acne scars.
It's frustrating because you feel like you can't function without it or you feel extremely uneasy talking to people even your own family.
I remember I went to the grocery store with a bare face and I felt like I was going to throw up. I felt like everyone was staring at me and being disgusted with my face. Now I realized that yes, if it's bad people will stare, but why should that matter? It's not like these people in the grocery store give a crap about me anyways lol.
And since your acne is gone it must look really good x)
Why let your anxiety levels rise because of what strangers or other people will think? Most of the time people are so caught up with their own lives they really won't care. but anyways, as far as your significant other, I know that can be a bit more intimidating, however, I think it's better to let them know how you really feel, but don't bring it up constantly and irritate them about it. Explain to her what you are feeling, and also let them know that you feel much more comfortable with concealing your skin.. but you eventually want to overcome this. Hopefully they will be supportive and not be rude. but I would want my significant other to know before we take things more seriously so that I can have the confidence that they accept me for who I really am. and if they don't they can gtfo That's my coping method. It's not like they're perfect so I won't sweat it.
ledzep,
I completely understand what you are going through on this one. Even if my skin is free of active acne (such as right now, besides one or two small actives), there is no way I'd go outside without concealer-- and there's definitely no way I'd go in front of my friends, family, or boyfriend without makeup. It's terrible, and yes, it's an added stressor in my life.
To me, not wearing makeup is like not wearing clothes in front of people. Highly embarrassing and the whole time you want to scream, "Don't look!" In fact, sometimes I still yell that when I get out of the bathroom at night before bed. I just don't want my boyfriend to have a different perception of me.
I've been with him for about 7 years and only just recently talked to him about my intense insecurities. He knows that one of my life's goals is to not have to wear makeup to be around him. He understands how serious it is for me and how much anxiety it causes. But he never would have known had I not talked to him. I like what Ribonettes said--
Explain to her what you are feeling, and also let them know that you feel much more comfortable with concealing your skin.. but you eventually want to overcome this.