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(@wishclean)

Posted : 07/03/2013 12:11 pm

I just moved to a new city and don't know many people here. I created an online profile mainly to meet new friends but also find some decent men to date. I tried to post photos where my acne is showing but unfortunately whenever I have makeup on the acne disappears in pictures (and no, I can't bear to post pics without any makeup on, since anyway I will be wearing makeup on the dates). I have been getting a lot of messages from guys but haven't responded to anyone because I'm terrified that when they see me in person they will be disappointed because they will see my scars and bumps. Do you think I should write somewhere on my profile that I have acne/scarring so that they will know what to expect when they meet me? I don't want to mislead anyone.....I also happen to be photogenic, so my pics usually make me look better than I do in reality saywhat.gif

All of this stems from a fear of rejection...I haven't dated anyone in months because I was terrified of rejection. How do I get over that? The last relationship I had before my acne got bad ended because of my insecurities, and now those insecurities are magnified because my face will never go back to what it used to look like. So on top of feeling inadequate, I now feel deformed and unlovable. Maybe I shouldn't be dating at all?

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(@gteen)

Posted : 07/03/2013 12:20 pm

I guess the key is to find a way to let them know, without just saying "I HAVE ACNE" It's very hard to bring it up on a profile without making it sound like its a big problem, but I guess you could just say "I have some acne that's visible without makeup so I dont want to mislead anyone with my pictures". Which is the truth really.

and as for the bottom paragraph about you thinking you shouldnt be dating, Im only a teenage boy so i'm no phsychiatrist but I'm guessing it has alot more to do with your confidence in general and less to do with your acne.

It's hard to deal with confidence issues, I had them myself before and its hard to say what fixed them. Improving your confidence will help you learn to notice your acne as much as everyone else would notice it. looking at your picture I wouldnt know you had acne.

If it makes you feel better I know a girl with worse acne who is extremely confident, and she completely loves herself (maybe too much).

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(@snsdgirl14)

Posted : 07/03/2013 12:58 pm

I think you should just go for it. Go on the dates, DON'T focus on your acne and don't talk about it. If the guy is worth your time, he will get to know you and not make judgements on your skin. It would be a tad awkward and maybe even uncomfortable, though, if you brought up your acne on a first date---save those insecurities for later on, when you really get to know each other and open up, etc. I'm not saying to hide yourself, I'm just saying hold back on the first one or two dates.

I highly doubt the guys will judge you anyway. Our skin always looks the worst to our own selves. Just go on the dates, and try to forget about your acne, if only temporarily!

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(@LewisS)

Posted : 07/03/2013 1:30 pm

Don't even mention your acne. Acne isn't what you're all about, I'm sure your personality will shine through all of that. I see so many girls and guys in relationships with acne, it's all about your confidence and how you present yourself.

If somebody were to judge you for that, then they are not worth your time. You're a pretty girl regardless. I wouldn't base my attraction to somebody based on merely their skin. Like snsdgirl14 said, our flaws are magnified in our own eyes, we look at ourselves in the mirror and judge ourselves meticulously.

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(@dejaclairevoyant)

Posted : 07/03/2013 1:48 pm

I agree, don't mention your acne, PLEASE. This would not be a good idea on a dating website, not because the acne would put them off, but just because it would show you have an unhealthy focus on it (don't take that as an insult, pretty much all of us here do myself included). If you mentioned it on your profile, I guarantee this is what would happen: The guy would still like you and be interested in meeting you anyway, but they would prepare themselves to see something on your face. Then you're going to show up and they won't even notice your acne and they will think "What was she talking about?" If anything, that would put them off. In my experience, guys don't give a rats ass about acne, but they do get annoyed at girls who are really worried about how they look. It's basically the equivalent of the stereotypical thing where a girl asks her guy "Do I look fat in this?" a million times a day. Even if you are that girls sometimes, pretend not to be while you are meeting and dating new men.

Look, acne is a common thing and people who go out and date expect to come across it sometimes. It's not like you have some rare, horrible disease that is possibly contagious or extremely disturbing to look at. In that case, you might want to warn the guy. But acne? Don't even mention it. Put on your sexiest dress, a little bit of lipstick and rock it, girl! He won't notice, I promise. <3

I'm proud of you for putting yourself out there like that, too! It's awesome and brave.

snsdgirl14 and Ries liked
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(@scarface33)

Posted : 07/03/2013 1:55 pm

When i saw the headline i thought acne.org was introducing a dating section nod.gifshake.gif . That might be a way around the insecurities that we all may fell from time to time about dating clear skin feckers.

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(@ooksman23)

Posted : 07/03/2013 2:17 pm

Dont mention your acne at all!!! If what you're looking for is long term, then the guy should accept you for who you are. Even if its just short term dating and he really does love you, he'll love you for who you are.. and he'll look past your insecurities, and help you through them. Your acne doesnt define you. And remember, everyones' their own biggest critic.. What may seem big and obvious to you, will seem minute and tiny to somebody else. trust me on this one. You say you're photogenic? Use that to your advantage. Go out there and act like the rockstar you really are. Pretend there are cameras everywhere taking snapshots of you!! Dont be afraid! Just by looking at your photo, I'm sure you truly are beautiful.. with or without makeup! smile.png

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(@bodie81)

Posted : 07/03/2013 2:50 pm

I agree with what virtually everyone else has said - don`t mention your acne at all initially. It`s cruel but I know from past experience that insecurity can be a great turn-off. If you do date and start a relationship with a guy, maybe once you have established that he is genuine and likes you for the person you are, you can discuss it further down the line.

The fact that you have gotten a lot of responses just goes to show that a lot of guys must find you attractive. You say that you are just photogenic but trust me, the camera cannot lie that much.

You are very brave for putting yourself out there. Good luck in your search - I hope you find Mr Right!

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(@wishclean)

Posted : 07/03/2013 8:49 pm

Thanks everyone! I appreciate your advice and support, and it seems that you are all on the same page. I won't mention the acne in my profile and will try to find guys who don't seem superficial to begin with....unfortunately, I tend to attract superficial and self-centered men who expect perfection and I always feel self-conscious around them. The last guy I dated a few months ago, though, was really nice and different from most guys I dated and I'm worried that I won't find anyone like him. I drove him away because of my insecurities, and I'm worried that I missed out on a great relationship. It's so hard for a nice guy to come by, and based on some of the creepy messages I received since setting up my dating profile, I am starting to lose hope. I don't want to compare everyone to my ex, but at the same time I don't want to compromise if it doesn't feel right.

Oh, and I also think it would be a great idea if there was a dating section on acne.org, it would definitely make things a lot easier!

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(@dejaclairevoyant)

Posted : 07/03/2013 9:12 pm

Try to think of the dating site simply as exposure. Unfortunately, it isn't a guarantee of meeting a soul mate and you will probably be exposed to some creeps, just like you are when you go out to bars or festivals or wherever and meet people. It's always going to be a ratio of 1-2 amazing people for every hundred you meet (or something to that effect). I think the key when trying to meet new people is to not be afraid to turn people away, and more importantly, trust your instincts! If you are immediately put off by someone, don't feel compelled to give them a chance in the name of being open or whatever. The more shielded you are and the higher standards you set, the harder it will be to find "someone" but when you eventually do, there is a much better chance of it working out.

disclaimer: I am not one to give dating advice. :D

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(@californiaestie)

Posted : 07/03/2013 10:06 pm

Thanks everyone! I appreciate your advice and support, and it seems that you are all on the same page. I won't mention the acne in my profile and will try to find guys who don't seem superficial to begin with....unfortunately, I tend to attract superficial and self-centered men who expect perfection and I always feel self-conscious around them. The last guy I dated a few months ago, though, was really nice and different from most guys I dated and I'm worried that I won't find anyone like him. I drove him away because of my insecurities, and I'm worried that I missed out on a great relationship. It's so hard for a nice guy to come by, and based on some of the creepy messages I received since setting up my dating profile, I am starting to lose hope. I don't want to compare everyone to my ex, but at the same time I don't want to compromise if it doesn't feel right.

Oh, and I also think it would be a great idea if there was a dating section on acne.org, it would definitely make things a lot easier!

I got so many many creepy messages in the 5 month period I was online dating. But now I found someone who I am so in love with. It's worth weeding through the thousands of not-right men if you can be patient. :) My boyfriend has been supportive/nonchalant about my acne. Don't worry so much. <3

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(@wishclean)

Posted : 07/03/2013 10:12 pm

Thanks everyone! I appreciate your advice and support, and it seems that you are all on the same page. I won't mention the acne in my profile and will try to find guys who don't seem superficial to begin with....unfortunately, I tend to attract superficial and self-centered men who expect perfection and I always feel self-conscious around them. The last guy I dated a few months ago, though, was really nice and different from most guys I dated and I'm worried that I won't find anyone like him. I drove him away because of my insecurities, and I'm worried that I missed out on a great relationship. It's so hard for a nice guy to come by, and based on some of the creepy messages I received since setting up my dating profile, I am starting to lose hope. I don't want to compare everyone to my ex, but at the same time I don't want to compromise if it doesn't feel right.

Oh, and I also think it would be a great idea if there was a dating section on acne.org, it would definitely make things a lot easier!

I got so many many creepy messages in the 5 month period I was online dating. But now I found someone who I am so in love with. It's worth weeding through the thousands of not-right men if you can be patient. smile.png My boyfriend has been supportive/nonchalant about my acne. Don't worry so much. <3

That gives me hope! I was taken aback by all the creepy messages, but there were a few that seemed promising. Some of my friends have been dating men online for months now, and they all seem to be commitment phobes who refuse to delete their profile even after months of dating. I'm the kind of person who, if I know I found a nice guy, I will stop looking but from what I hear most guys are not like that, they want to keep their profiles active in case something better comes along. When is it ok to ask someone to delete their profile?

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(@wishclean)

Posted : 07/03/2013 10:51 pm

Try to think of the dating site simply as exposure. Unfortunately, it isn't a guarantee of meeting a soul mate and you will probably be exposed to some creeps, just like you are when you go out to bars or festivals or wherever and meet people. It's always going to be a ratio of 1-2 amazing people for every hundred you meet (or something to that effect). I think the key when trying to meet new people is to not be afraid to turn people away, and more importantly, trust your instincts! If you are immediately put off by someone, don't feel compelled to give them a chance in the name of being open or whatever. The more shielded you are and the higher standards you set, the harder it will be to find "someone" but when you eventually do, there is a much better chance of it working out.

disclaimer: I am not one to give dating advice. biggrin.png

That's so true. Creeps are everywhere, and I always seem to attract them! I hate how all guys are gentlemen at first and then you find out they have a criminal record. That has happened to me so many times that I now just lead with "have you ever been convicted of a crime/ are you married/ are you a drug addict?" just to get that out of the way. I used to do online snooping to find out more information on the guys I was dating, and would always stumble upon things like marriage photos, white supremacist websites, criminal records... If a guy seems a bit off to me, I will try to find evidence to prove that he is wrong for me and, unfortunately, I'm usually right. I just want to find someone who doesn't make me want to google the sh*t out of him in hopes of finding something incriminating. I don't have time to play detective!

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(@ayeaye)

Posted : 07/03/2013 11:53 pm

I'm with everyone else about not mentioning your acne. I mean, the photos are just an indication of what you look like, they never tell the full story. If people feel they have to start mentioning they have acne then where does it stop? "Oh by the way, the following doesn't show up in my photos - acne, excessive bum-fluff, stretch marks, spider veins, speech impediment, and a goofy walk". ;)

As for dating and whether its a good idea, only you will know that. From the very little you've mentioned you have already said that your insecurities may have already driven a nice guy away. If you can't keep your insecurities in check with a nice supportive guy, how is trolling through not quite suitable guys going to improve your confidence? Lets face it, dating is a fun but also confronting thing to do. If you're confident, its more fun. If you're insecure its more confronting. I say work on ways to tackle your insecurities BEFORE dating and once you've made progress there, dating will be fun and not so damaging. :)

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(@dermarolling-girl)

Posted : 07/04/2013 9:25 am

Definitely Do NOT mention your acne. If you find someone you connect with, meet him and if he doesn't like you because you have acne, then you'll know what a superficial jerk he is and you'll dodge a bullet!

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(@dejaclairevoyant)

Posted : 07/04/2013 11:50 am

Can you share some of these "creepy messages?" I'm curious now, lol. Not like, the whole message. I was just wondering what sort of stuff they were saying that was creepy. I find these sorts of human interactions fascinating. I mean, you would think guys in this situation would be on their BEST behavior, lol.

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(@wishclean)

Posted : 07/04/2013 6:02 pm

Can you share some of these "creepy messages?" I'm curious now, lol. Not like, the whole message. I was just wondering what sort of stuff they were saying that was creepy. I find these sorts of human interactions fascinating. I mean, you would think guys in this situation would be on their BEST behavior, lol.

lol, I thought these guys would be on their best behavior too, but I guess some of them are just on there because they are bored. Some have been on there for quite some time, so maybe they've given up on conventional pick up lines. I got a lot of simple "hey" and "hi sexy" messages, with no question and no effort to engage in conversation so I ignored them. And the creepiest/ grossest one so far was by a guy who wrote "fyi i have a big one i hope that's not a problem" (sorry, hope I'm not offending anyone by posting this). Then he sent another message a few hours later with just "lol". And today he wrote "i meant i have a big gun." Does this guy seriously expect me to fall in love with him after such witty banter?!?!! I'm losing hope in mankind here! On the plus side, my life is a bit less boring now.

The other thing that creeps me out is when I check my profile's visitors and there are the same guys who are checking my profile almost every hour. I'm beginning to think there aren't any other decent females online that's why everyone is messaging me.

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(@randall-flagg)

Posted : 07/04/2013 8:09 pm

Hey there, wanted to wish you lots of luck! I'm sure you'll have great success with online dating, you're a pretty girl and you seem to have a really kind personality too! The main reason I wanted to comment here is because I actually met my current girlfriend online, lol...it wasn't an online dating site but it was a site kinda similar to that...and it was so much fun getting to know her via phone/text/email etc for a few months before we actually met, and now we click together so well and I couldn't be happier with the relationship...so it's definitely possible to meet people online and form lasting bonds that way!

I used a dating site a few years ago and I actually did some casual dating on it when I was younger, met about three local girls over the course of a year or two, one of them I became good friends with and the other two I dated for awhile...and luckily I didn't have any bad/weird experience, they were just normal girls. tongue.png

You'll have no issues at at all because on any online dating site an attractive girl will get a SHITLOAD of messages from guys...like an overwhelming number of messages...and guys get almost no messages at all, lol. There are some interesting articles online about that online dating message ratio. Girls almost never reply on online dating sites for that reason, like I could send out a 100 messages with meaningful/specific to that person content, and I'd be lucky to get one or two replies back out of that 100. Another reason for that is something that has already been mentioned, a lot of guys send out creeper messages that set a bad example for all the normal guys on there trying to get involved in the dating scene. I gave up on those sites about a year or two ago because it's next to impossible for a guy to meet a girl on there...the messages you send just get lost in the shuffle of the tons of other messages a girl gets per day.

But anyways I don't even know why I'm rambling about that, you're a girl so you'll have no problem at all with those sites, you'll get to pick and choose as you like tongue.png just definitely get to know people beforehand a good bit so you can weed out the creepers!

And I'd agree with others in saying that it might be best just to not mention your acne struggles/scarring on the profile because you don't want that to define you, you have tons to offer in terms of positive stuff to share with people like your interest, hobbies, whatever...if you get to know someone and meet them then later on you can confide in them about the acne struggles (that's what I did with my gf)

Have fun and hope you meet some good people!

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(@dermarolling-girl)

Posted : 07/04/2013 10:15 pm

Hey there, wanted to wish you lots of luck! I'm sure you'll have great success with online dating, you're a pretty girl and you seem to have a really kind personality too! The main reason I wanted to comment here is because I actually met my current girlfriend online, lol...it wasn't an online dating site but it was a site kinda similar to that...and it was so much fun getting to know her via phone/text/email etc for a few months before we actually met, and now we click together so well and I couldn't be happier with the relationship...so it's definitely possible to meet people online and form lasting bonds that way!

I used a dating site a few years ago and I actually did some casual dating on it when I was younger, met about three local girls over the course of a year or two, one of them I became good friends with and the other two I dated for awhile...and luckily I didn't have any bad/weird experience, they were just normal girls. tongue.png

You'll have no issues at at all because on any online dating site an attractive girl will get a SHITLOAD of messages from guys...like an overwhelming number of messages...and guys get almost no messages at all, lol. There are some interesting articles online about that online dating message ratio. Girls almost never reply on online dating sites for that reason, like I could send out a 100 messages with meaningful/specific to that person content, and I'd be lucky to get one or two replies back out of that 100. Another reason for that is something that has already been mentioned, a lot of guys send out creeper messages that set a bad example for all the normal guys on there trying to get involved in the dating scene. I gave up on those sites about a year or two ago because it's next to impossible for a guy to meet a girl on there...the messages you send just get lost in the shuffle of the tons of other messages a girl gets per day.

But anyways I don't even know why I'm rambling about that, you're a girl so you'll have no problem at all with those sites, you'll get to pick and choose as you like tongue.png just definitely get to know people beforehand a good bit so you can weed out the creepers!

And I'd agree with others in saying that it might be best just to not mention your acne struggles/scarring on the profile because you don't want that to define you, you have tons to offer in terms of positive stuff to share with people like your interest, hobbies, whatever...if you get to know someone and meet them then later on you can confide in them about the acne struggles (that's what I did with my gf)

Have fun and hope you meet some good people!

I have several friends who met their spouse on a dating site. They have all been happily married for years. Take a chance! Your soul mate may be on there but you'll never find him if you don't give it a chance!

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(@alexanderj86)

Posted : 07/05/2013 2:33 pm

I think it is better to mention acne, but not like "I HAVE ACNE", but more like "I have a minor problem with my skin, but it may be fixed in a short period of time" or something like that, but say something positive about it like "it can be fixed".

You see, my idea is not to disappoint people and let them "prepare" for how I look. I know for a fact that like >90% of the people has a problem with how I look (it is well known that society has a problem with acne), so I mention it in order to keep them away. It is a method of separating them from the "good ones" who are worth your time.

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(@rob_x_22)

Posted : 07/05/2013 9:27 pm

 

i agree with randall ive tried dating sites for years with no luck ...

 

 

i actually did get a date once with a 23 yo when i was 34 i'm 36 now ...anyway i shoulda known better but she was college educated ...i have a southern accent i'm just a construction worker ...anyway she threw me under the bus after the date saying she'd never do that again and when i speak i sound like a idiot ...its really horrible for someone like me who allready has a complex to try online dating ...to me there is a reason i'm single at 36 never married ...so why fight it ...i'm trying to reach a level of happiness alone so i'll never need someone ...a partner can not bring you happiness anyway we have to achieve that on our own ,,,btw i've been in some horrible relationships when younger where i got used for thousands of dollars cheated on told i was old and ugly ....relationships just aren't worth it

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(@wishclean)

Posted : 07/05/2013 10:37 pm

Thanks for the great responses, I feel a lot braver now! cheer.gif It's interesting to compare the male and female perspectives on this issue. Overall, I'm hopeful that there are some decent guys online (especially judging by the guys here who responded), but I have to weed out all the weirdos first. I feel a bit exposed putting my pictures online for everyone to see, even potential coworkers and students. So far, I got some nice messages in addition to the generic ones, but unfortunately the messages came from guys who are just not my type. I hate judging people based on what they write on their profile, the match questions, and their photos, but if I don't get a good vibe based on the information they put out there, should I even bother meeting them up in person? I don't have a lot of time to date, that's why I want to make sure I go out with people I am initially interested in.

I found 2 guys that seem intriguing and attractive to me, but they seem like total players so I didn't bother sending them a message. Ironically, those 2 guys haven't contacted me, which is probably a good thing as I would have responded. Ugh I hate that about myself sometimes. The last guy I dated was the exact opposite of the guys I usually go for, and he was one of the best guys I dated so I just need to broaden my search I guess.

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(@rob_x_22)

Posted : 07/06/2013 9:35 am

just curious which dating site do you use?

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(@ghostunit)

Posted : 07/06/2013 6:19 pm

i agree with randall ive tried dating sites for years with no luck ...

 

i actually did get a date once with a 23 yo when i was 34 i'm 36 now ...anyway i shoulda known better but she was college educated ...i have a southern accent i'm just a construction worker ...anyway she threw me under the bus after the date saying she'd never do that again and when i speak i sound like a idiot ...its really horrible for someone like me who allready has a complex to try online dating ...to me there is a reason i'm single at 36 never married ...so why fight it ...i'm trying to reach a level of happiness alone so i'll never need someone ...a partner can not bring you happiness anyway we have to achieve that on our own ,,,btw i've been in some horrible relationships when younger where i got used for thousands of dollars cheated on told i was old and ugly ....relationships just aren't worth it

I agree! I am super happy being single. I am 26 and I will probably be single for so long.

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(@quietjamie14)

Posted : 07/07/2013 4:07 am

I did try online dating for a while last year, but now I really regret doing so it might not be the best idea for someone whos insecure to start with.

Many of my friends were encouraging me to try it at the time as usual, they were trying to lift my self-esteem by saying that women would snap me up straightaway, that I would be a great catch for someone, blah blah blah. I thought that getting out there on dates, meeting new people, would be a step in the right direction for my confidence. But my actual experiences were very different, I faced a lot of rejection and started to seriously doubt/loathe myself. Now my self-esteem is on the floor, worse than it was before, and Ive more or less given up on the whole notion of dating or ever meeting anyone.

On the other hand, as some others have mentioned, online dating is usually very different for men and women. Yes, I do hear a lot of women saying they get creepy messages so youll need to do some filtering but I know at least four girls who met their partners via an internet site. Also, I think people tend to have better experiences with sites you pay for, rather than the free ones.

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