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lissbee

I'm Trying To Keep It Together But I Can't

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I haven't used this site for awhile, I used to be active on it two years ago, but I got distracted and didn't continue using it. I've been suffering with moderate to severe acne for the last 4 years. Right now I'm having the worst acne breakout I've ever had. It's severe on my jawline and neck and a bit on my cheek. I'll be honest, I'm in tears right now. Two years ago I saw a derm and I was on products that actually improved my condition. It didn't make it go away 100% but about 70% and I felt like I was starting to finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. That's probably why I wasn't active on here anymore.

In the past 2 months my idiot self started experimenting because I wanted to try natural routes to see if I could attain that 100%, but it only spiraled into something terrible where I was breaking out with cysts and nodules all over my jawline and neck. Not sure if it was my experimentation or my hormones going into hyperdrive, but it has made me just break down in tears on so many occasions.

I feel like I can't enjoy my life at all. It's hard to go to work, it's hard to concentrate. It's hard to be around anyone or talk to anyone. How can I fake happiness when I have painful cysts and nodules all over my face? No one understands when I pass up the opportunity to go out. They just roll their eyes like I'm being overdramatic. I haven't seen my own mother in over a month because I don't want to see how she'll react. I feel like just SCREAMING. I can't take it. There are moments like now where I just break down because I can't control my emotions anymore. I'm tired of faking like everything is ok. What makes it all worse is I know once all the acne goes away, I'll be left with terrible scars. I'm not talking hyperpigmentation scars but deep pitted scars.

I'm almost 26, when will this freakin go away?? I feel like all my twenties are going to go down the toilet because of acne! I'm tired of breaking down in tears because of how bad it makes me feel. What's worse is no one understands or cares to even understand. They'll just give me some retarded suggestion like "have you tried proactive?" It's times like this I wish I had a good friend that has gone through the same that I could just cry with. Unfortunately everyone in my close circle has been blessed with perfect skin :/

If you read this entire thing, thank you, I had to get this off my chest. This is the only site I know where I could share something like this and the people on this site are the only ones that can understand.

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I can completely understand what you’re going through and I know it sucks. I did the same thing as you the beginning of the year trying to switch my treatment up and things got bad. I’m just known getting it back under control. I would go back to what you were doing before and maybe even see a dermatologist again. Have you thought about Accutane? I know it’s not a cure for some (me being one) especially if its hormone related but it’s an option to try.

Anyway keep your head up! We are our own worst critics. I hope things get better for you!

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People who actually have acne don't just grow out of in it their early twenties. You have to do something about it. If your cysts and scars are as bad as you say they are, you might want to just get on accutane.

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I know how you feel, Im in the EXACT SAME POSITION as you... Im a 20 year old male currently at university and i dont want to admit it but i also break down and cry sometimes too when im alone in my bed. I know how you are feeling, its like the end of the world right? We have tried everything there is and the stupid acne persists...

I know that talking about it can vent out the anger and frustration of acne. I know theres not much i can do except to just comfort each other in the hopes that it will eventually improve in the NEAR future... I'm here if you want to talk, buddy. We can battle through this together :')

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Your story is much like mine.

I already got the scars and the acne wouldn't stop by the time I was 18. I broke down many times and "ran away" from every social environment I could. In college, I would be the loser staying inside my room on weekends while everyone else hung out.

Depressed, angry, and everything in between.

Why did everyone else have perfect skin while my face was a good platform for playing "connect the dots"?

--

Here's what turned it around.

First truth I learned: Life ain't fair. Some people are ugly.

What was I going to do about it? Grieve in my room for the rest of my life?

So my skin broke out (again). Why did this happen?

In the end I found out I needed a radical diet change. What I eat everyday is highly unappetizing, but within 2 years, my acne almost disappeared.

Next thing I learned, my friends don't care. They all have flawless skin, yet they accept me for whatever my circumstances are. In fact, they're very supportive. Your friends don't need to understand what you're going through, however they will accept you as you are. In the same way, I won't pretend to know the hardships a friend is going through, however I'll be there for them.

Keep your head up :)

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Your story is much like mine.

I already got the scars and the acne wouldn't stop by the time I was 18. I broke down many times and "ran away" from every social environment I could. In college, I would be the loser staying inside my room on weekends while everyone else hung out.

Depressed, angry, and everything in between.

Why did everyone else have perfect skin while my face was a good platform for playing "connect the dots"?

--

Here's what turned it around.

First truth I learned: Life ain't fair. Some people are ugly.

What was I going to do about it? Grieve in my room for the rest of my life?

So my skin broke out (again). Why did this happen?

In the end I found out I needed a radical diet change. What I eat everyday is highly unappetizing, but within 2 years, my acne almost disappeared.

Next thing I learned, my friends don't care. They all have flawless skin, yet they accept me for whatever my circumstances are. In fact, they're very supportive. Your friends don't need to understand what you're going through, however they will accept you as you are. In the same way, I won't pretend to know the hardships a friend is going through, however I'll be there for them.

Keep your head up smile.png

Good post. You just have to be realistic about it and try to accept it. I have to admit it is so hard and I struggle getting through the day every single day.

People are nice to me, invite me to go places and treat me normally all the time and I should be grateful and you should too. There are many great people that just don't care about what you look like and actually want to get to know you. I have a habit of pushing people away who try to get too close all because of self hate.

I too wasted the majority of my 20's away and I live with the regret. So many wasted opportunities that I had and I threw them all away because of my acne and being so depressed.

Now that I am older and due to not having a social circle anymore there aren't many opportunities for me to be social anymore. I destroyed my life and let acne beat me. Please don't be like me. Accept the people around you who love you.

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People who actually have acne don't just grow out of in it their early twenties. You have to do something about it. If your cysts and scars are as bad as you say they are, you might want to just get on accutane.

Hi, thanks for commenting, my derm thinks my acne is stemming from a hormonal imbalance that could be caused by having cysts in my ovaries. Pretty soon I want to go get lab tests done for my hormones, I want to see if there is anything thats internal that's causing this. I really REALLY don't want to take Accutane. I want to try other routes before I think of that as an option. If there's nothing wrong with me internally and if I continue finding alternative solutions that don't work then Accutane will be my last resort.

I know how you feel, Im in the EXACT SAME POSITION as you... Im a 20 year old male currently at university and i dont want to admit it but i also break down and cry sometimes too when im alone in my bed. I know how you are feeling, its like the end of the world right? We have tried everything there is and the stupid acne persists...

I know that talking about it can vent out the anger and frustration of acne. I know theres not much i can do except to just comfort each other in the hopes that it will eventually improve in the NEAR future... I'm here if you want to talk, buddy. We can battle through this together :')

Aww thanks for your comment. It's so frustrating to be in your 20s and everyone is just enjoying life and your face is just in pain and your self esteem is just shot. I normally am ok but there are some days where my depression just peaks and I break down. When I wrote this post, it was one of those days :/ I'm glad I can share my feelings on this site and people like you can understand :)

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Yeah, I recently did the staying in and avoiding social situations thing for a couple months and I couldn't take it anymore. My friends don't care about or ever mention my skin so I went back on accutane which worked well the first time for long enough to be worth a second shot and just started going out again. It's still hard not to harp on but it's much better than hiding out at home. I also mostly stopped getting painful ones since starting accutane which helps a lot towards not thinking about it. Also it might sound dumb but Ive read a couple self help books and if you have an open mind they can really help. Good luck with everything.

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Your story is much like mine.

I already got the scars and the acne wouldn't stop by the time I was 18. I broke down many times and "ran away" from every social environment I could. In college, I would be the loser staying inside my room on weekends while everyone else hung out.

Depressed, angry, and everything in between.

Why did everyone else have perfect skin while my face was a good platform for playing "connect the dots"?

--

Here's what turned it around.

First truth I learned: Life ain't fair. Some people are ugly.

What was I going to do about it? Grieve in my room for the rest of my life?

So my skin broke out (again). Why did this happen?

In the end I found out I needed a radical diet change. What I eat everyday is highly unappetizing, but within 2 years, my acne almost disappeared.

Next thing I learned, my friends don't care. They all have flawless skin, yet they accept me for whatever my circumstances are. In fact, they're very supportive. Your friends don't need to understand what you're going through, however they will accept you as you are. In the same way, I won't pretend to know the hardships a friend is going through, however I'll be there for them.

Keep your head up smile.png

Hi thanks for your comment, so what did you change in your diet? My derm recommended not eating dairy(which shamefully I have to admit I've been cheating) and not eating broccoli which I found odd. Also no carbs for dinner. Was there anything else you did to beat your acne other than diet?

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Your story is much like mine.

I already got the scars and the acne wouldn't stop by the time I was 18. I broke down many times and "ran away" from every social environment I could. In college, I would be the loser staying inside my room on weekends while everyone else hung out.

Depressed, angry, and everything in between.

Why did everyone else have perfect skin while my face was a good platform for playing "connect the dots"?

--

Here's what turned it around.

First truth I learned: Life ain't fair. Some people are ugly.

What was I going to do about it? Grieve in my room for the rest of my life?

So my skin broke out (again). Why did this happen?

In the end I found out I needed a radical diet change. What I eat everyday is highly unappetizing, but within 2 years, my acne almost disappeared.

Next thing I learned, my friends don't care. They all have flawless skin, yet they accept me for whatever my circumstances are. In fact, they're very supportive. Your friends don't need to understand what you're going through, however they will accept you as you are. In the same way, I won't pretend to know the hardships a friend is going through, however I'll be there for them.

Keep your head up smile.png

Hi thanks for your comment, so what did you change in your diet? My derm recommended not eating dairy(which shamefully I have to admit I've been cheating) and not eating broccoli which I found odd. Also no carbs for dinner. Was there anything else you did to beat your acne other than diet?

I follow this to the letter:

http://gutflora.com/?page_id=203

Everyone gives different advice on nutrition. When in doubt, eliminate all foods and slowly add them in to see which ones trigger the breakout. Be careful not to be misled - I've been fooled into thinking some foods were good when they caused acne (specifically for my own body), and vice versa.

My rule of thumb.. if I can't eat huge quantities of one particular food in one sitting without breaking out, it's off my list.

---

Fixing diet was absolutely amazing for me. It took many weeks before I started seeing results. However oily / dry skin should go back to normal (my skin used to bleed oil nonstop) within a few weeks. Acne (specifically inflammation) will disappear afterwards. Whiteheads and other gunk have a tendency to linger a really long time.

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