I had a conversation with a friend which made me think about this topic. We weren't talking about acne, but about stretch marks. I was telling her how my stretch marks don't really bother me as much, whereas she's very self-conscious about hers (and we have about the same level and kind of marks). She said that if she had a daughter, she would tell her to use cream to prevent them from appearing. But what surprised me was that she said it's something mothers should be telling their daughters! o.o
I don't think it's a good idea because wouldn't that create insecurities that aren't there in the first place? So, that made me think about acne. I'm interested in knowing your thoughts on how you would help or teach your son/daughter about acne as a mother or father who had suffered or still suffering from it.
If they have clear skin, would you go out and buy them an anti-acne cleanser because you fear they'll turn out like you? Or, will you let nature do its thing and if they break out, then you'll go out and help them. Or, will you help them only if they seek help?
I just don't think it's doing any good to obsess over your child's looks, since its theirs, and not yours.
It's a very touchy subject, though, because I know that even trying to help someone out can hurt their feelings. I didn't like it whenever my dad, mom,aunt wanted to help me and it made me cry a few times. I wouldn't want to hurt my child's feelings, but I wouldn't want the bullies out there to hurt them either...
I am a parent to a 15 year old boy and 12 year old girl who luckily have pretty clear skin (as I did at that age). However, my daughter was getting tiny spots on her forehead which I gave her some BP for (which cleared them right up) and my son has been getting a few spots on his chest; I've been trying to buy gentle shower gel for him and recently bought Salcura Antiac for him to try. I think they appreciate that I'm trying to help them out but they definitely don't obsess about it and neither do I. I wouldnt / haven't given them anything to try when there was no need.
You owe it to your child to help them especially since you know the psychological effects of acne. I wouldnt want my kid going through the same shit I have. I would however wait until the first sign of a breakout.
Worst thing my parents did was not care.
I guess it's not only to help, but how you go about to help them. As an acne sufferer and knowing the psychological effects, I'm not going to force my ideas on them to make them uncomfortable!
I don't really plan on having kids, but if I do and they have the same acne problems as me the first thing I'll never do is talk to them about acne as a conversation starter, unless I really get the feeling they want me to.
My parents would out of the blue say things like "Your acne really looks to be improving these days honey" or their eyes would dart at my red spots and say "You know you should try that Proactive stuff they keep talking about on TV", all the while I would be talking to them about something completely different.
It was like they were saying "Hey, your face looks/looked like shit, good to see you did something about it/you should do something about it."
It's like if you're obese. You must know you're obese, you don't need people to point it and suggest you do exercise out or to tell you after you've lost all your weight "Hey, you look great these days!". Oh thanks, good to know you thought I looked horrible before, you're all right.
.
.
.
I would know how stupid acne is and hard to control so I'd never start talking about it directly to my kid and make him feel guilty or bad about it as if it's his fault. After all, it's my screwed up genes who made him what he is physically. I'd love him for who he is and for what he wants to be, and if he would need help with his acne I'd open up and tell him everything I know about better nutrition, exercise, sleeping, and if he was a boy, I'd probably try to approach the topic of wacking off and acne, which is a cause for me.
That makes me cringe though just thinking about it, invading his private life like that, "hey son...do you happen to...wack off on a regular basis? Yeah, that used to give me acne for 12 years until I found out I had to stop." Great dinner conversation...yeah.
stella u're really thoughtful.<3
i'd help my child if he faces anything like this,work things out for him like am doing it for myself now.
be with him psychologically.like forum members here.
but i hope to bring him/her up in a way that he's able to believe that he/she's more than her/his skin or acne.
i know ppl who doesnt care a bit abt acne or other skin issues(like my cousin sister) and also many who freak out(somewhat like i do,sometimes)..so i hope children i general learn balance.
stella u're really thoughtful.
i'd help my child if he faces anything like this,work things out for him like am doing it for myself now.
be with him psychologically.like forum members here.
but i hope to bring him/her up in a way that he's able to believe that he/she's more than her/his skin or acne.
i know ppl who doesnt care a bit abt acne or other skin issues(like my cousin sister) and also many who freak out(somewhat like i do,sometimes)..so i hope children i general learn balance.
Yes, that's great to bring them up that way! If ever I have kids one day, I want to teach them those kinds of values : loving oneself despite the acne! not only acne, too, but about society's beauty standards in general. I will literally tell them "Fuck society's beauty standards!" and teach them to use that motto everyday lol
My parents have their beauty standards, too. Like in Asia, having pale skin is one of those standards. I have more of a tanned complexion and I was wearing foundation, and my mom told me I should wear a lighter shade. Umm, no, I don't want to look like I'm wearing a mask or look like a Geisha lol.
I think there's beauty in diversity! Be it light/dark skin, tall/short, curvy/thin and especially acne/clear skin, you can still be a beautiful person. The world would be boring if we all looked alike! I must admit I still have a hard time living up to what I think.
You owe it to your child to help them especially since you know the psychological effects of acne. I wouldnt want my kid going through the same shit I have. I would however wait until the first sign of a breakout.
Worst thing my parents did was not care.
I guess it's not only to help, but how you go about to help them. As an acne sufferer and knowing the psychological effects, I'm not going to force my ideas on them to make them uncomfortable!
I guess if you are cool with you're kids, raise them right, are always open and honest with them and treat them like people instead of possessions then the "acne conversation" would be a whole lot easier. lol @ "acne conversation"...but you know what I mean. All I am saying is from personal experience battling acne and now having to deal with the psychological effects of the scaring I sure as hell don't want my child to go through this hell. I missed out on a WHOLE LOT of life hiding, picking my face and being super depressed while my parents never really cared. I would want my kid to enjoy life because it is actually a pretty awesome experience. Acne f*cks up that experience tho.
If I ever have a kid I sure don't want to raise them like my parents did me.
stella u're really thoughtful.
i'd help my child if he faces anything like this,work things out for him like am doing it for myself now.
be with him psychologically.like forum members here.
but i hope to bring him/her up in a way that he's able to believe that he/she's more than her/his skin or acne.
i know ppl who doesnt care a bit abt acne or other skin issues(like my cousin sister) and also many who freak out(somewhat like i do,sometimes)..so i hope children i general learn balance.
Yes, that's great to bring them up that way! If ever I have kids one day, I want to teach them those kinds of values : loving oneself despite the acne! not only acne, too, but about society's beauty standards in general. I will literally tell them "Fuck society's beauty standards!" and teach them to use that motto everyday lol
My parents have their beauty standards, too. Like in Asia, having pale skin is one of those standards. I have more of a tanned complexion and I was wearing foundation, and my mom told me I should wear a lighter shade. Umm, no, I don't want to look like I'm wearing a mask or look like a Geisha lol.
I think there's beauty in diversity! Be it light/dark skin, tall/short, curvy/thin and especially acne/clear skin, you can still be a beautiful person. The world would be boring if we all looked alike! I must admit I still have a hard time living up to what I think.
oh u're so right.
in india,here fair is beautiful.
fat is ugly.for most i mean.
personally although i have a hard time for myself but luckily i never fall for someone for their looks.
i can like a short dark person if he's a beautiful person not just looks beautiful.
i wish ppl change their definition of 'beauty'..the world would be a beautiful place.
personally I would talk to my kiddo about acne if they started breaking out, and I'd explain to them that both their parents had/still have it. I'd want them to know that they're not alone and that it happens to just about everyone at some point!
and of course I'd tell them about the stuff that's helped me. I'd go to almost any length to help them get treatment. this is all stuff I've been thinking about lately since my husband and I are going to try for a baby soon! we both have acne issues so it's very likely to be a problem with our kid someday, unfortunately. 
it's not that my mom didn't care about my acne, so I'm kinda lucky in that regard! it's just that she was as helpless as I was on how to treat it. and we were poor, we could never afford anything more than a cleanser. she tried, but she never really found anything that worked great for her because sites like this didn't exist back then, and the information wasn't out there. shes suffered from acne her whole life, even now (she's in her fifties).. my dad had severe cystic acne as a teen which subsided into mild acne as he got older. (it's no wonder I have it).
I have actually thought about this before reading this post, I would give them a cleanser before they had acne and if they didn't want to use I would just leave them alone, if they got Acne I would tell them I went through the exact same thing and I know what it's like. I just wouldn't force them Into anything if they didn't care about it.
I hope my son never gets acne, and if he does, I hope he doesnt let it bother him as much as mine bothered me.
of course, at the first sign of acne I will do my best to help out, as long as he wants my help. Ive tried to teach my son to not to judge people by their appearances.
I try not to think aboutit too much for now, hes still a young kid.
I want to impregnate a women who I know for a fact has good skin quality, and good athletic genetics so I can have my son become an athletic beast and have clear skin and be set for life, I will also try to instill a good training and healthy eating program on him from a young age so he can reach his potential earlier and so he can be dedicated from a young age.
It's highly important to be very healthy, and have superior genetics and showcase your superiority to others.
I want to impregnate a women who I know for a fact has good skin quality, and good athletic genetics so I can have my son become an athletic beast and have clear skin and be set for life, I will also try to instill a good training and healthy eating program on him from a young age so he can reach his potential earlier and so he can be dedicated from a young age.
It's highly important to be very healthy, and have superior genetics and showcase your superiority to others.
LOL that doesn't mean your kids won't get acne though. Sorry, genetics doesn't work quite like this.
I remember when my mom was recovering from here $5,000 facelift. I was 15 or 16, my face was covered with acne and scars. I could squeeze string cheese out of thousands of my pores and I had developed a social anxiety disorder from all the times people said "gross!", after looking at my face. My dad looked at me as a pimple exploded on my face, like it seldom did during school and said " don't worry, once your acne goes away I'll pay to have your scars removed". My parents didn't care to spend any of there hard earned cash on my skin and I wish they did. I also believe it's a bad idea to obsess about your own looks unless you help your child out as well.
am sorry to hear that mate.
good luck.
AND seriously?
impregnate a acne-free woman for u a acne-free child?
like really?
did i read that right?
my dad and his family had/has what they call is perfect skin.
my mum had acne though.
i have acne.
i have some maturity as well.
god bless u.
aanabill, that's exactly what I am saying. Both parents could have perfect skin and the child could STILL end up with acne.
Besides, you've got to let your children be who they want to be. Your son might not want to be athletic, he may pursue art, music or aviation instead.
I wouldn't let my kid try all the products that I have. I've caused a lot of damage to my skin and I'm dependent on using products to remain acne-free. The best advice I could give them is to forget about their skin and go out and enjoy the world leaving all insecurities behind them. I started out with a couple of spots and it felt like the end of the world for me, my mum told me to pop them, apply all-sorts to them and just attack my face through all methods possible. I did and ruined my face.
I don't plan on having children, but if I did, I wouldn't want them thinking that having acne was game over for them.
aanabill, that's exactly what I am saying. Both parents could have perfect skin and the child could STILL end up with acne.
Besides, you've got to let your children be who they want to be. Your son might not want to be athletic, he may pursue art, music or aviation instead.
Then I won't look after him or think of him as my son most likely anymore.