Good idea for a thread. I can definitely sympathize with you about how confidence killing it is to try and attract girls if you have acne and scars. Fear of rejection always kicks in early with me and so my backup plan is to just sit back and wait for a girl to approach me, which almost never happens.

I'll follow this thread closely to see what kind of advice girls can offer because that's the advice that really counts on this topic.

Good idea for a thread. I can definitely sympathize with you about how confidence killing it is to try and attract girls if you have acne and scars. Fear of rejection always kicks in early with me and so my backup plan is to just sit back and wait for a girl to approach me, which almost never happens.

 

I'll follow this thread closely to see what kind of advice girls can offer because that's the advice that really counts on this topic.

 

True but lets not forget girls here also have acne their views are different than regular girls that don't have skin problems.

I have dated guys with acne and never thought twice about it. Though, I do agree with nakedsmurf that girls who have skin problems are probably more accepting of guys with skin problems, so I can't speak from a been-perflectly-clear-my-whole-life point of view. However, my younger sister who was blessed with beautiful skin (I got the shitty genes, of course) dated a guy with pretty bad acne and that did not stop her from eventually marrying him. I know that for us, a guy's confidence, personality, chivalry, humor and thoughtfulness far outweigh any concern of skin issues. I can't stress enough how far confidence can take you! The quickest way to turn a girl off would be crippling insecurity, but there is nothing wrong with having some transparency with the issue if you reach a point in your relationship where you can speak honestly about such concerns. I think most significant others would be surprised by the insecurities and not see the issue as magnified as we often view things about ourselves. And of course, if they're worth your time, they will be loving and supportive about it all. Anyhoo, my two cents!

When I was (much) younger with much less acne.....acne on guys was never an issue. I mean I noticed it on them but if he was attractive it didn't matter. I liked a few guys with moderate/severe acne and to me it wasn't an issue. My advice is to be confident in who you are and girls will be drawn to you. The guys who are insecure and quiet tend not to draw girls to them. Even if you feel insecure, ACTING insecure is a turn off. Plus even girls with flawless skin have things they are insecure about so I don't think we are much different and our opinions are still valid in this.

Some girls AND some guys will definitely be very cruel when it comes to acne depending on the serverity of it. back when I still had substantial scarring from a bout of acne brought on from protein shakes I overheard a conversation between a girl I was close friends with and her friend. She basically asked her friend if she was interetested in dating me and her friend replied, no his face has too many scars. When I heard this I was pissed off and hurt at first but i got over it. So basically... if the person you are interested in make the fact you have acne or scars from it a deal breaker when it comes to being dating material then just steer clear of them, and try not to get hurt and take it personal which IMO is the hardest part. If a person is that shallow to make something like that so important in their considerations before even giving you a chance then I personally would not want to date them in the first place no matter how perfect they may think they are.

I personally don't care if someone has acne or not. If I find someone attractive, acne isn't going to make them less attractive. It's already been said, but confidence and a great personality are what girls like. And if girls don't like you because of your skin, they're not worth your time.

Some girls AND some guys will definitely be very cruel when it comes to acne depending on the serverity of it. back when I still had substantial scarring from a bout of acne brought on from protein shakes I overheard a conversation between a girl I was close friends with and her friend. She basically asked her friend if she was interetested in dating me and her friend replied, no his face has too many scars. When I heard this I was pissed off and hurt at first but i got over it. So basically... if the person you are interested in make the fact you have acne or scars from it a deal breaker when it comes to being dating material then just steer clear of them, and try not to get hurt and take it personal which IMO is the hardest part. If a person is that shallow to make something like that so important in their considerations before even giving you a chance then I personally would not want to date them in the first place no matter how perfect they may think they are.

 

That's awful! I have found many girls to be shallow about stupider things though....When I was in high school my friend didn't want to date a guy because "he talked with too much saliva in his mouth"...um..ok. I don't really believe in karma, but I have noticed many of the girls that think they are too good end up getting fat or looking a hot mess later in life anyway.

I searched for a thread like this but couldn't really find one.

 

I am a Junior with moderate acne and it definitely effects my confidence with girls. I am always self conscious about it and think that the girls will be not open to me because of the fact of all this shit on my face.

 

I guess this is for boys and girls to comment. On these questions and anything else:

 

1. What are the overall thoughts of girls on boys with acne

2. What are some advice some boys(or girls) who had acne and how to approach it

 

Any advice would be great. Thank for any response!!!

 

Seeing the fact that you are very young, I'm going to ask this: why do you want a relationship in the first place? Seriously, I'd be interested in hearing the answer to that question. I think it's crucial that people reflect on things before they get involved with other people in the sense that they start calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend. I mean do you want children? Can you think of a good argument for monogamy? Can you think of a good argument against open relationships? Do you want to get married?

It's seems to me that it's impossible for some people to even consider the idea of not having a relationship. But what if you don't meet anyone? And you can say "Well that's what dating is for" but I think that a lot of the time it is not the way it is supposed to be in that scene. It's forced and you can't force romance. The dating scene is filled with people who have checklists: "Well, this guy is good looking and he's got a good job, he's funny and he's got dark hair which I love but he's not tall enough so I'm just going to look for someone else". Let's face it, someone who thinks like that isn't someone whom you'd want to be your girlfriend as that person looks at you the wrong way. They still have growing up to do.

Why not just be friends with girls? Instead of making your relationship with one of them (I'm assuming you are monogamously minded as it seems most people are) very tense by saying you're boyfriend and girlfriend? And if your need for "a girlfriend" ultimately comes down to being about sex then why not just be open about that with someone close to you and keep things from being complicated?

I wrote the above post assuming you were 16 or 17 years old. Just wanted to add that.

I have dated guys with acne and never thought twice about it. Though, I do agree with nakedsmurf that girls who have skin problems are probably more accepting of guys with skin problems, so I can't speak from a been-perflectly-clear-my-whole-life point of view. However, my younger sister who was blessed with beautiful skin (I got the shitty genes, of course) dated a guy with pretty bad acne and that did not stop her from eventually marrying him. I know that for us, a guy's confidence, personality, chivalry, humor and thoughtfulness far outweigh any concern of skin issues. I can't stress enough how far confidence can take you! The quickest way to turn a girl off would be crippling insecurity, but there is nothing wrong with having some transparency with the issue if you reach a point in your relationship where you can speak honestly about such concerns. I think most significant others would be surprised by the insecurities and not see the issue as magnified as we often view things about ourselves. And of course, if they're worth your time, they will be loving and supportive about it all. Anyhoo, my two cents!

 

Thanks for your response!

I think I understand your point on confidence. But when girls say they like confidence what do you mean by that? What attributes equal confidence? What I'm trying to get at is how do you know if one has confidence and if one does not?

Someone with confidence acts as if nothing is wrong with them, (not to be confused with conceited-ness haha) they'll talk to/befriend anyone and go about their day happy and outgoing. Well that's what i think confidence is anyway. And someone without it, is shy, puts themselves down constantly or doesn't get too close to people.

Anywho though when i was in high school there was one guy who had severe acne and scarring but he was still attractive to alot of girls, i even had a crush on him, and he ended up getting with a really pretty, super clear faced girl haha i didn't know him that well but he seemed to be pretty confident he never tried hiding his face or talk to people from a distance, so that's just my experience

I however never minded about a guys skin, since mine is farrrr from clear it actually makes me more comfortable with a guy if he's breaking out too haha and even when i was pretty clear i never minded as well.

Oh! Haha one time i dated a guy who had severe acne and he was conceited as hell haha it was a turn off and i stopped seeing him so keep in mind to not be too confident, in the bad way anyway. And well good luck to you c:

i'll do everyone a favor and take the heat on this one. sigh... ok girls suck man LOL let's face it most girls especially young teenage one's are shallow as hellz. They want a dream boat, knight in shining armor, prince charming, brad pit, a young johnny dep, an orlando bloom, that guy off of twilight. im just being realistic here im not gona sugar coat it, i mean it's all they ever talk about "oh that guys hot,cute,sexy,fine" never hear of acne being any of that shit, my advice kid are three options. 1.wait until your clear to get in the game, 2.get a girl with acne or 3. if by some miracle you find a girl who looks beyond that, go for it. that's rare though & im not even trying to hurt anyone here im ust realistic about it... it sucks i know, dame do i know -_-

I have dated guys with acne and never thought twice about it. Though, I do agree with nakedsmurf that girls who have skin problems are probably more accepting of guys with skin problems, so I can't speak from a been-perflectly-clear-my-whole-life point of view. However, my younger sister who was blessed with beautiful skin (I got the shitty genes, of course) dated a guy with pretty bad acne and that did not stop her from eventually marrying him. I know that for us, a guy's confidence, personality, chivalry, humor and thoughtfulness far outweigh any concern of skin issues. I can't stress enough how far confidence can take you! The quickest way to turn a girl off would be crippling insecurity, but there is nothing wrong with having some transparency with the issue if you reach a point in your relationship where you can speak honestly about such concerns. I think most significant others would be surprised by the insecurities and not see the issue as magnified as we often view things about ourselves. And of course, if they're worth your time, they will be loving and supportive about it all. Anyhoo, my two cents!

 

So when a girl meets a guy who's insecure she goes "Next!" but when she meets a guy who is "confident" she stays interested. And then when later the guy says "You know, I act confident and all but a lot of the time I'm actually quite insecure" she goes "That's ok!". It just seems like a contradiction?

I think I understand your point on confidence. But when girls say they like confidence what do you mean by that? What attributes equal confidence? What I'm trying to get at is how do you know if one has confidence and if one does not?

 

I'm going to chime in here with one last post.

I think it may be so that some women look for a guy who's confident (I'm starting to hate the sound of that word) as when the guy is chatty, lively, active, he takes the initiative and he's "fun to be around", they are able to act a certain way which is the only way they know how to act within a relationship. I think they see themselves as part of a thing that has to work and not as an individual who has a relationship with another individual. Being with a "confident" guy is necessary if they are going to "have a good time" which is basically what I think relationships are about for a lot of people (especially young people). It's not "for better or worse" in their minds. It's more like "I want to have a good time and if I can't have it with you I'll just go look for someone else". Hence the need for the guy to be "confident". Correct me if I'm wrong, people.

On a more positive note, when someone doesn't have any internal problems, nothing holding them back, nothing making them quiet and miserable lol then they go about their business and they are more "open". I think it sounds better when a woman says "I need someone to be open" than when they say "I need someone to be confident". When someone is open and they "are themselves" other people get to know that person faster and easier. When someone is troubled, often they "are not themselves" in that they become perhaps more withdrawn which doesn't help things. So I think there's something to say for the "confidence goes a long way" thing when you look at it that way.

I could also try to give you simple advice on how to get girls interested in you despite the fact that you have acne but I wouldn't know what to say. You shouldn't try to please a girl by acting unnatural. How are you going to get a healthy relationship if from the beginning it begins with one person being insincere, putting on an act to a degree? Being nervous is one thing but being calculative, trying to come up with a formula for "success" is something else. A woman has to fall in love with you, just the way you are. And if e.g. you are say a little insecure or you are quiet or you have a moody side then that's just part of you and a woman has to be OK with those things being a part of you. And if she isn't then there's nothing you can do to change her mind. Let what happens happen but don't try to make things happen as I just think it's so that you can't.

Good luck with everything.

One last thing! And then I'll stop posting in this thread, I promise.

I wrote this yesterday:

And if the need for "a girlfriend" ultimately comes down to being about sex then why not just be open about that with someone close to you and keep things from being complicated?

Let me change that to this:

And if your need for "a girlfriend" ultimately comes down to being about sex then why not just be open about that with someone close to you and keep things from being complicated?

There's nothing wrong with being open to the idea of having a sex partner. So why not be open about that and do without the whole "we are boy and girlfriend" stuff which creates certain expectations that might put a strain on your relationship and just be friends? That's what I meant. I didn't mean that every relationship ultimately comes down to being about sex.

Ok, that's all I had to add.

I can look at this from a couple of perspectives, having ended up on the wrong end of things and getting rejected by girls who were shallow and narrow-minded, but also having found someone who accepts me just as I am and loves me for it.

For many years when I was struggling with persistent acne and making things twice as bad due to obsessive skin picking, I was only ever rejected by girls who didn't look beyond my complexion. I cleared my acne about a year ago and generally have a grip on the picking as well, although that still gets the better of me sometimes. It's taken me pretty much all that time to gain a bit of confidence and to begin to like being me. Just that slight change to begin with has been enough for me to attract new things and new people. The most significant event has been that I attracted my first girlfriend, Alyssa.

Alyssa and I have talked at length about things like acne and compulsive skin picking. In fact, we met in a related Facebook group. We shared stories and experiences for months within the group, then got chatting in private. It went on from there and now we're together. I accept Alyssa for who she is, including the things she may see as flaws. She would say the same of me. In fact, there have been times when we've both been struggling with our skin one way or another and it just doesn't seem to matter at all. That shared experience brings about this higher level of understanding and appreciation for me things we've both battled through.

I guess my point is, it all comes down to finding the right person. I'm 27 and never had a relationship before now. I never even went looking because I knew I wasn't ready and I knew that I was looking in the wrong places and would end up finding people who would reject me based solely on appearances. In the end, the relationship I'm now in found me and I wasn't looking for it at all. Let things happen when they happen and you'll find someone who's right for you when you're both in the right place for it to happen, regardless of what your skin may be like or anything you may be struggling with.

Seeing the fact that you are very young, I'm going to ask this: why do you want a relationship in the first place?

 

Good point. I think sometimes the feeling that you have to have a partner for whatever reason is often wrong. it should just happen when its supposed to happen.

Also should mention that I'm very happy for you Paul

 

I have dated guys with acne and never thought twice about it. Though, I do agree with nakedsmurf that girls who have skin problems are probably more accepting of guys with skin problems, so I can't speak from a been-perflectly-clear-my-whole-life point of view. However, my younger sister who was blessed with beautiful skin (I got the shitty genes, of course) dated a guy with pretty bad acne and that did not stop her from eventually marrying him. I know that for us, a guy's confidence, personality, chivalry, humor and thoughtfulness far outweigh any concern of skin issues. I can't stress enough how far confidence can take you! The quickest way to turn a girl off would be crippling insecurity, but there is nothing wrong with having some transparency with the issue if you reach a point in your relationship where you can speak honestly about such concerns. I think most significant others would be surprised by the insecurities and not see the issue as magnified as we often view things about ourselves. And of course, if they're worth your time, they will be loving and supportive about it all. Anyhoo, my two cents!

 

 

So when a girl meets a guy who's insecure she goes "Next!" but when she meets a guy who is "confident" she stays interested. And then when later the guy says "You know, I act confident and all but a lot of the time I'm actually quite insecure" she goes "That's ok!". It just seems like a contradiction?

 

I think everyone is insecure in some respect...but the fact that you overcome your insecurity to behave as confident is much like overcoming fear. Most times when we overcome a fear, it's not because a fear has suddenly gone away....it is living with the emotions of fear to come out on the other side of it. I don't see it as a contradiction, but building strength. Insecurities usually just don't go away even if the "problem" does. For example, I used to weigh about 40 lbs more (at my very short height that is significant)....I've been thin for almost 3 years now and struggled for a long time with the mentality of being overweight. The insecurity remained despite my weight being gone. The act of me behaving confident in my body is what is helping to change my perspective.

And as for OP's question of what is confidence....i think it's being who you are and not acting ashamed of that. It's presenting yourself to the world and not apologizing for your imperfections. It's not looking to the ground all the time or putting yourself down. I think being confident is being aware of your weaknesses, but concentrating on your strengths. If you're the funny guy, or a good listener, or good at sports, or an expert on a particular subject....you let those things shine while not being full of yourself....

"So when a girl meets a guy who's insecure she goes "Next!" but when she meets a guy who is "confident" she stays interested. And then when later the guy says "You know, I act confident and all but a lot of the time I'm actually quite insecure" she goes "That's ok!". It just seems like a contradiction?"

Clearly, it is not that black and white. A girl being interested or not will be influenced by many factors. Not to mention the fact that many assumptions and conclusions are made in the beginning stages of a developing relationship. As I stated earlier, I was speaking from my point of view only and I just simply wanted to illustrate that confidence is attractive. However, regardless of that, obviously we are all human and have flaws. Being aware of such flaws or even insecure about them is a pretty common experience. It is merely when such flaws begin to take over one's life that they may become less appealing.

Agreeing with most of the other girls, i really dont care, severe or light, if i think youre cute, youre cute, thats all. It doesnt help that i have bad skin too though, so i understand how the guy feels then, but im sure if i was clear i still wouldnt care. But if youre a good person i dont mind what you look like (although natural attraction to a guy helps obviously, if youre not attracted to them, dont date them) Be confident and dont listen to people hate or make fun of you.

i'll do everyone a favor and take the heat on this one. sigh... ok girls suck man LOL let's face it most girls especially young teenage one's are shallow as hellz. They want a dream boat, knight in shining armor, prince charming, brad pit, a young johnny dep, an orlando bloom, that guy off of twilight. im just being realistic here im not gona sugar coat it, i mean it's all they ever talk about "oh that guys hot,cute,sexy,fine" never hear of acne being any of that shit, my advice kid are three options. 1.wait until your clear to get in the game, 2.get a girl with acne or 3. if by some miracle you find a girl who looks beyond that, go for it. that's rare though & im not even trying to hurt anyone here im ust realistic about it... it sucks i know, dame do i know -_-

 

In some ways I would agree, a lot of high school girls can be very shallow, but so are a lot of highschool boys, I guess it's a part of that stage of life or something. But the question you have to ask yourself is what do you want out of it? If you just want to date to have a girlfriend and have game or whatever, then yeah, getting clear might be your best option. But if I'm going to be honest here, high school relationships rarely RARELY ever last. And if you want a relationship that lasts you have to find or wait for a girl that loves you for who you are, and couldn't care less about whether or not you have acne or not. Because although they may be more rare, there are plenty of girls out there who believe that what makes someone attractive is so much bigger than what they look like. But really it's up to you and what you want to get out of a relationship.

I can figure out page long equations but for some reason I can't figure out females.

I can figure out page long equations but for some reason I can't figure out females.

 

lol...I'm right there with ya, buddy.

I think guys have it easier with dating and acne because acne is usually caused by more testosterone and girls biologically like guys with more testosterone. Guys do not like girls (unfortunately for me) with more testosterone. Personally, I don't think it matters all that much some guys can kind of pull it off in a weird way?

On 12/31/2012 at 2:10 PM, Sum1killme said:

I can figure out page long equations but for some reason I can't figure out females.

Well put, made me laugh [Edited image out]

I think guys have it easier with dating and acne because acne is usually caused by more testosterone and girls biologically like guys with more testosterone. Guys do not like girls (unfortunately for me) with more testosterone. Personally, I don't think it matters all that much some guys can kind of pull it off in a weird way?

 

No guys are the ones who have to make the first move and show "confidence." Girls just wait for a guy to talk to them which will happen sooner or later i think