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Madisonrose306

Relaxing Vacation To Become A Stressful Nightmare

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I'm going to Pennsylvania tomorrow to visit the ruins of my house which burned down after hurricane sandy (it was electrical). We are staying at a beautiful resort/spa.

There's an indoor pool that Im sure my parents will expect me to swim in-which will involve removing my makeup D: plus I'm supposed to train horses everyday for the stable nearby. All with this huge scab under my eye, and marks all over the place.

The scab was the result of picking,which I'm trying so hard to stop. I've been doing pretty well, and fortunately was able to stop myself pretty quickly. But now I'm left with this huge raised scab. The area around it is all red.

There's just no hope of me enjoying my vacation while I'm worried about this gross crusty thing. I don't know what to do. I'm stressed and sad and sure that I'm totally over reacting. But that's what acne does right? It gets in your head. And I want to believe that this is all just my perception and no one else would really even notice but I just can't see it like that. I can't enjoy anything when I look like this

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Seriously now, what's the absolute worst that can happen?

Try to have "a sense of humor about it". I know that may sound lame but try to stop yourself from seeing it as the end of the world and just think more along the lines of "Here I am, about to go to a beautiful resort and I'm letting something silly like this stupid scab ruin it for me. I'm just going to not care and enjoy training those horses. ^_^ ". Just try that attitude on for size (fake it if you must) and see if it helps. =]

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First off, I'm so sorry you lost your house.

Do you think maybe some of your anxiety has to do with returning to something you lost? Unless you really despised your house, I'd guess that would be pretty painful.

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lapis lazuli

You are totally right. I feel so ridiculous getting all worked up about this, it's just a scab right? I'm going to try to keep my head up, although of course it's easier said than done. What IS the worst that could happen? I think my biggest fear would be someone calling me out on it. My dad wouldn't hesitate to do that at all. When someone calls you out it's just like a huge blow to the self esteem. You spend your whole day trying to tell yourself "this is all in your head nobody notices or cares" only to have that hope crushed. Plus when I'm put in awkward situations I just talk without thinking. All lies of course. Once I was wearing a hat to cover up all these open lesions I had created from picking and my friend knocked it off trying to be funny. He asked me what happened to my forehead and I told him I fell down the stairs. Yeah right XD

Dejaclairevoyant

Ah the house. I appreciate your concern. Fortunately it was a second house and not our primary residence. Although it has been hard, I'm thankful for this and for the fact that we were not in the house.

There has certainly been a stress factor that might be messing with my skin. We had just bought the house about 4 months before it burned down so we had just put in $70,000 of renovations and all new furniture. Ugh. The place was perfect

Perhaps this is a contributor to the negative outlook I have on my skin? It's certainly possible

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lapis lazuli

You are totally right. I feel so ridiculous getting all worked up about this, it's just a scab right? I'm going to try to keep my head up, although of course it's easier said than done. What IS the worst that could happen? I think my biggest fear would be someone calling me out on it. My dad wouldn't hesitate to do that at all. When someone calls you out it's just like a huge blow to the self esteem. You spend your whole day trying to tell yourself "this is all in your head nobody notices or cares" only to have that hope crushed. Plus when I'm put in awkward situations I just talk without thinking. All lies of course. Once I was wearing a hat to cover up all these open lesions I had created from picking and my friend knocked it off trying to be funny. He asked me what happened to my forehead and I told him I fell down the stairs. Yeah right XD

haha I like the way you write. sideways.gif

But that was one of the reasons I went out somewhat fearful as well; people confirming that my scar was indeed noticable. sad.png I had this mental image of myself so to speak and it was shattered every time I (thought I) saw someone looking at my scar. And that was really difficult to deal with as I hadn't accepted it yet and I still had to process everything mentally and come to terms with it. So that was tough.

But now that I have accepted it I just go out and whenever someone looks it doesn't affect me negatively at all. People can even bring it up in a conversation and I'll just talk to them about it. shrug.gif I found that most people I meet just empathize or say things like "Honestly most of the time I don't even notice it. It's just now that I saw it.". The few people who deliberately stare with a very much exaggerated expression of disgust or shock on their faces probably have issues of their own. haha But you know...if someone would honestly say to me out loud that they found it unattractive (which rarely has happened)...so be it. It's like whatcha gonna do? shrug.gif Also the idea that some people may be thinking to themselves that they feel that it is unattractive isn't disturbing to me either. I think I look good. shrug.gif I may not be perfect or as spotless (no pun intended) as I'd like to be ideally but I'm OK with the way I look so everything's fine. sideways.gif

Edited by Lapis lazuli

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