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Well, as the title reads, I think it's official: I am insane.

Let me explain,

I possess the worse skin that I have ever seen on a human being; It's a combination of active acne and severe scarring (of all types.). I am routinely stared at, I do not fit in, I have no friends, and I barely feel human. I find it extremely difficult to look at myself; thus, I avoid mirrors at all costs-- I don't drive and I shower/ shave in minimal lighting.

Now, here is how I came to the aforementioned conclusion: I simply don't care. I have no desire to make friends, I am completely asexual, and I don't let my ailments impact me on a daily basis. In fact, I am a successful college student. Also, for clarification, when I say "I don't care", its not that I don't try to treat my acne/ obtain healthy skin. I have tried everything from Accutane to Blu-light. Nothing works.

Furthermore, I am (and always have been.) fairly emotionless; for example, I find it more natural to sit calmly on roller coasters than to "scream." This predates my acne, I have been considered "weird" for as long as I can remember. In addition, I have bouts of intense anger, although I never act on it, it is still disconcerting.

Ultimately, I feel that I have lost touch with humanity and I have very little in common with "normal" people. Therefore, I fear that my academic "success" is in vain. I am in no position to enter the corporate world (I have never had a job.). Moreover, I am not suicidal but, at the same time, I wouldn't mind dying.

I think I am beyond help-- I am too abnormal.

This must be insanity.

Edited by UnacceptedRealist

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I highly suggest you see a therapist or a psychologist. Really. Unless you want to live the way you are right now, for the rest of your life, you need to get yourself some professional help. Wish you the best of luck.

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Woah woah woah hold the fuck up!

Your not insane, not insane at all. Being emotionally numb is somethjng everyone goes through, but ussualy not for a long time. However if yours has been going on for a long time (mine went on for a year) you may just be depressed. Being emotionless is an actual type of depression....you could go seek help, or fix it on your own.

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I can sympathize, when I was in High School I went through months feeling utterly numb, it eventually got better and I'm sure you can feel less like you do. The only way to help yourself is to look for help if you don't think you can fix this by yourself. Have you seen a psychiatrist?

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I don't think you're insane. I bet alot of us here completely understand your emotions, or lack thereof. I know that I do. I've had times where I felt like the blackest black sheep of all, an alien in society, but you know what? I've accepted that this is just one of my personality traits, and I've learned to embrace it. It's funny because on the outside I'm very personable and alot of people like to be around me (this surprises me but I've learned to roll with it), but on the inside I can feel like the biggest introvert. Like no one knows how self conscious I really am.

There's nothing wrong with feeling different from others. This is what I've learned throughout life. I graduated college and am now in the "real world". Everyone has their personal demons and that's fine! Not everyone plays a perfect role in society and that's what makes life interesting. That's what makes you interesting.

I personally find moodiness intriguing and being overly "chipper" pretty annoying. In my experience, people who live with everything handed to them on a silver platter (including perfect skin) are pretty much out of touch with human suffering and the other harsh realities of this world. Everyday is a happy happy day even when there are so many things obviously wrong in this world.

I really hope that you get your skin under control, but the way you're feeling is perfectly "sane". We live in a very superficial society so how else would acne sufferers feel? Overjoyed?

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I highly suggest you see a therapist or a psychologist. Really. Unless you want to live the way you are right now, for the rest of your life, you need to get yourself some professional help. Wish you the best of luck.

What Murph said.

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There are too many real problems in the world for you to be merely tormented by acne. It's not worth it! I know plenty of people who have acne and are very social and people love them for their personalities. I also know other people who have great skin and yet are miserable. The less you look at it or think about it, the less people will notice. You aren't insane, I highly doubt it. You just need to regain hope in life, because there is always something to live for. I suggest you go to a psychologist nonetheless, but you should also strive to get a job (or something to occupy yourself with). If you start to set goals, you'll see that there's a lot you can accomplish. Even if you don't know what you're working towards, if you work hard (in achieving those goals) you'll soon find that all the other little strings fall together.

I know this isn't the site to preach (and my name sort of gives it away tongue.png), but my greatest advice to you is to seek God. If all else has failed you and you wouldn't mind dying, what will you lose? I've never felt better about my life, my skin, or my faith than when I read the bible. It's not about religion. It just makes you feel better, I promise. Hopefully you don't take my words in vain and you see this post and give it a try. I know that if you are completely atheist, reading this just seems like a bunch of crap, but listening and following this couldn't possibly make you feel worse. From your post, I can tell that all you really need is some faith back in your life, because it just seems like you don't care about anything and everything is meaningless.

You say you're not very emotional, you just need to learn to accept who you are. We are all different; some of us are loud, crazy, quiet, shy, impulsive, and some of us are tranquil. It's fine! It's just your personality. However, just because you adjust it a bit won't change who you are. TRY to be more relaxed. I highly highly highly doubt that your skin is as bad as you make it out to be. Why? Well, I've seen far too many posts on here with the same story, then the person posts pictures, and the skin isn't as bad as they tell it. You just criticize yourself far too much. Stop avoiding who you are, just because you have pimples & scars doesn't mean you are a monster. Each of us has a different flaw, some are fat, some are super tall or short, or whatever...you just have acne. Nothing to die about. Your symptoms: asexuality, being asocial and all that, are simply a result of finding no meaning in life. Those traits aren't your own, so stop letting them control you. And, just because you are a less emotional than others doesn't make you weird. I really hope you find at least one sentence in this freakishly long post helpful, because it took a while. smile.png

Just, please go to a doctor, so that this doesn't take over your life. Even if it's a cliche, life is way too short to spend it so miserable. You, as weird and different as you see yourself, have a purpose and just because you haven't found it yet doesn't mean you aren't accomplishing it. God bless, *stop worrying so much*.

READ THIS: "But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint...Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."

Edited by GodLovesMe.

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Great post GodLovesMe. Whilst I agree with a lot of it and I'm a Christian myself, I do have to add that the original poster needs to fix his own life. You've got to be active in these things, or you'll drown in apathy. (Also, I'm both freakishly tall *and* I have acne *and* I'm very thin. Yay me!)

Now, to the OP - You should talk to someone dude. There's something out there that's enough to make you feel something, I guarantee it. You sound like you're proud of being academic. Dare to imagine what getting a job from that would feel like. Earning your own money. Going out and doing whatever you feel like.

The people that turn their emotions off are often naturally the most volatile, and they go the other way to try and 'fix' it. You don't need fixing. You just need motivation. And sometimes an outside source is the best way to put things in a new light.

The best of luck to you.

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There are too many real problems in the world for you to be merely tormented by acne. It's not worth it! I know plenty of people who have acne and are very social and people love them for their personalities. I also know other people who have great skin and yet are miserable. The less you look at it or think about it, the less people will notice. You aren't insane, I highly doubt it. You just need to regain hope in life, because there is always something to live for. I suggest you go to a psychologist nonetheless, but you should also strive to get a job (or something to occupy yourself with). If you start to set goals, you'll see that there's a lot you can accomplish. Even if you don't know what you're working towards, if you work hard (in achieving those goals) you'll soon find that all the other little strings fall together.

I know this isn't the site to preach (and my name sort of gives it away tongue.png), but my greatest advice to you is to seek God. If all else has failed you and you wouldn't mind dying, what will you lose? I've never felt better about my life, my skin, or my faith than when I read the bible. It's not about religion. It just makes you feel better, I promise. Hopefully you don't take my words in vain and you see this post and give it a try. I know that if you are completely atheist, reading this just seems like a bunch of crap, but listening and following this couldn't possibly make you feel worse. From your post, I can tell that all you really need is some faith back in your life, because it just seems like you don't care about anything and everything is meaningless.

You say you're not very emotional, you just need to learn to accept who you are. We are all different; some of us are loud, crazy, quiet, shy, impulsive, and some of us are tranquil. It's fine! It's just your personality. However, just because you adjust it a bit won't change who you are. TRY to be more relaxed. I highly highly highly doubt that your skin is as bad as you make it out to be. Why? Well, I've seen far too many posts on here with the same story, then the person posts pictures, and the skin isn't as bad as they tell it. You just criticize yourself far too much. Stop avoiding who you are, just because you have pimples & scars doesn't mean you are a monster. Each of us has a different flaw, some are fat, some are super tall or short, or whatever...you just have acne. Nothing to die about. Your symptoms: asexuality, being asocial and all that, are simply a result of finding no meaning in life. Those traits aren't your own, so stop letting them control you. And, just because you are a less emotional than others doesn't make you weird. I really hope you find at least one sentence in this freakishly long post helpful, because it took a while. smile.png

Just, please go to a doctor, so that this doesn't take over your life. Even if it's a cliche, life is way too short to spend it so miserable. You, as weird and different as you see yourself, have a purpose and just because you haven't found it yet doesn't mean you aren't accomplishing it. God bless, *stop worrying so much*.

READ THIS: "But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint...Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."

This was a good post until i got to the part i highlighted in bold.

With all due respect your beliefs, it is bad advice to tell someone to seek god. This has worked for you but this won't work for all.

Every one has to find their own way. You have chosen your way which is great but suggesting someone else take the same path is bad practice.

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If you were insane, you wouldn't have typed all that. If you were insane, you'd have no idea.

It sounds like you have some kind of depression, most likely clinical depression. Avoidant personality disorder, maybe.

Rergardless, a doctor's visit is in order, if you want to 'change'. If you don't, that's fine...don't fret over it.

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I feel your pain.

I once attempted suicide due to my acne.

I also went a bit crazy when I broke my arm. I looked in the mirror after being rejected by a girl I was in love with, and realized that she was beautiful, and I was not.

I sat in a bath for a while with the cast on, after a surgery which required 3 pins to stick out of my arm for several weeks.

I got very sick, and things were bad. I was infected and fell into a deep sickness that lasted months. The acne never went away. I just want you to know that I am here and want to help in any way I can. I've missed out on a lot of great things in life because I didn't want to go outside or near bright lights and mirrors and people.

Believe me, things will get better.

I prayed and prayed and fasted, and desperately tried everything I could.

The only thing that helped was mentally gaining control of myself, and telling myself that things will get better, and that all problems can be solved.

Use your brain, your academic powers to heal yourself. The control does not lie with others, but within yourself. You have the power to observe and change things.

Accutane is not the only solution, and neither is blue light therapy.

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I'm going in the same direction as you. I have dissociative disorder, I have completely lost control of my acne that currently consists of over 20 deep underskin bumps that hurt and bleed for long time if they finally pop and somehow I just can't care anymore. I'm drinking whiskey at the moment

Edited by Rawhide

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I also still have my acne after accutane. I was really really hoping to be cured and when i broke out again i was emotionally so destroyed i almost dropped out of school. I realized that I would not be happy anywhere on earth even if i quit school though so i stuck with it. Now I don't even really care for or find anything in life meaningful. My life consists of going to classes, sleeping, and eating. I don't have any close friends and I don't try to meet new people. I dont know what to do with my life, im sort of just riding along hoping that my acne will dissapear someday although deep down i know im stuck with it forever. I feel like i have already experienced all the good parts of my life and i am dreading the future. It would be great to say that lll get another chance someday but you only get one life to experience and thats it. I feel like i missed out on that experience.

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Well, as the title reads, I think it's official: I am insane.

Let me explain,

I possess the worse skin that I have ever seen on a human being; Its a combination of active acne and severe scarring (of all types.). I am routinely stared at, I do not fit in, I have no friends, and I barely feel human. I find it extremely difficult to look at myself; thus, I avoid mirrors at all costs-- I don't drive and I shower/ shave in minimal lighting.

Now, here is how I came to the aforementioned conclusion: I simply don't care. I have no desire to make friends, I am completely asexual, and I don't let my ailments impact me on a daily basis. In fact, I am a successful college student. Also, for clarification, when I say "I don't care", its not that I don't try to treat my acne/ obtain healthy skin. I have tried everything from Accutane to Blu-light. Nothing works.

Furthermore, I am (and always have been.) fairly emotionless; for example, I find it more natural to sit calmly on roller coasters than to "scream." This predates my acne, I have been considered "weird" for as long as I can remember. In addition, I have bouts of intense anger, although I never act on it, it is still disconcerting.

Ultimately, I feel that I have lost touch with humanity and I have very little in common with "normal" people. Therefore, I fear that my academic "success" is in vain. I am in no position to enter the corporate world (I have never had a job.). Moreover, I am not suicidal but, at the same time, I wouldn't mind dying.

I think I am beyond help-- I am too abnormal.

This must be insanity.

You've definitely just become numb about life because you feel there's no point in caring because nothing has worked. I bet there are a few things you haven't tried yet for acne. You definitely do care, but it's easier to put on a facade and pretend you don't because then you eliminate a risk of more failure. Also, it's evident you do care because you're extremely ashamed of yourself, which you shouldn't be, acne is no one's fault. You also probably have more in common with people than you think but you've allowed your skin to dictate your life. If I were you I would get to a doctor immediately.

Edited by melmel87

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Speaking as someone who is diagnosed with a severe mental disorder herself, I can say you're not alone. You're not alone and you're not beyond help. The hard part is working up enough belief that you can be helped (and working through the emotional turmoil of admitting whether or not you want it). Sometimes the lethargy is overwhelming. It all becomes a habit, almost an addiction. Breaking through is not easy and it's not to be done only once. (It's an every day thing, which is frustrating, too.)

If you are able, I would beg you to seek professional help. Start with the school counseller, they have resources. Try to be open to diagnosis, to treatment. You can't always drag up the will power yourself, that's what outside sources are for. It's also possible you may have a chemical imbalance, especially if this has been going on your whole life. But that's not bad - that's just genetics. It can be helped. I'm on a rotating round of medications (winter's coming, this usually means adding an anti-psychotic to the mix) and life has become so much better since.

I know I'm just one more crazy broad on another crazy internet forum, but after all these years here, back and forth, I still always come back to EMO. I come back here for people like you. To talk to people like you. To see myself in you and to see I can mirror anything back to you.

Keep sharing. We are listening.

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You and I sound like pretty much the same person. But is it too much to ask- is there anything else in your past/current life that would could psychological upset besides the acne? Or, would you say acne is the most emotionally/mentally taxing hardship in your life?

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