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HiImMatt

"when Are You Going To Get A Girlfriend?".....

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This is what my dad asked me, and I have absolutely no answer for it. How can I? When your awful to look at or to even touch, how can you put this question upon me? Heck I can't even look at myself so how is a girl going to. I just stayed speechless the whole time. Then, he asked "When?" "When your ready?", Still I stayed speechless, but in my mind i was like (What??? I been ready for 6 years!"). I feel like its impossible to answer this question, for me anyway. Needed to vent it, made me feel a little depressed..

He didn't mean it as an insult or something, hes just my dad, and he wants to see me with someone and not see me alone. Although I feel like its gonna be that way...Forever.

Edited by HiImMatt

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My parents used to say the same thing. It was really frustrating. I wanted to yell "OF COURSE I WANT A F--KING GIRLFRIEND!" but held it in. Good news: I have a girlfriend now! Lowered my standards a bit (to where they should be), and that helped. Being with her makes me happy which helps my skin. It also makes me less worried about what pillow I'm using or if my face is pressed up against her, which, oddly enough, also seems to help my skin. The only thing I try to avoid is her product-filled hair touching my face.

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My parents used to say the same thing. It was really frustrating. I wanted to yell "OF COURSE I WANT A F--KING GIRLFRIEND!" but held it in. Good news: I have a girlfriend now! Lowered my standards a bit (to where they should be), and that helped. Being with her makes me happy which helps my skin. It also makes me less worried about what pillow I'm using or if my face is pressed up against her, which, oddly enough, also seems to help my skin. The only thing I try to avoid is her product-filled hair touching my face.

It really makes me happy that a guy will actually admit that he learned to be realistic in dating :) Glad you have someone who makes you happy :)

There's an episode of Big Bang Theory where the nerdiest guy won't go out with a girl because, and I quote, "Well I just imagined myself with Megan Fox." Unfortunately this stereotype is almost too true to be funny...

But anyway, in response to OP: Have you tried just saying how you feel? He may not respond the way you like, but at least he'll know that the acne is hurting your confidence. He really may not see your acne as a problem or even notice it anymore.

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lol i went to a new therapist for ADD and he was asking me questions to get to know me, so he was asking me about school and my social life and asked if ive ever had a boyfriend, i said no, and then "what. youve never had a boyfriend???" ummm.... no. (._. )

OP: youre the guy, so youre kind of expected to make the first move... cuz i for one am definitely not going to. no pressure ^_^ and how do you know for sure girls dont look at you? yeah, you dont. so take a chance and find out, otherwise youll get nowhere :D

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It's hard to make the first move if you've no experience of it, or if any instances where you tried went horribly wrong and made you feel even worse about yourself generally. That's pretty much where I'm at, and where I've been since I first started noticing girls about 14 years ago. It just seems like a lot of pressure. On top of that, it's logical to wonder how people could like you if you don't like yourself, but maybe that's the key; to work out why that is and to fix the source of why you feel that way. I always thought it was purely because of acne but it turns out that it's not. Seems to be just a full-on lack of self-esteem, triggered by a bunch of things. My main issue is this huge sense of inferiority I have due to a lack of experience. If I were to get to know someone, I'd be trying to cover that up all the time. I'd assume that if they found out how inexperienced I am, they'd run away in a heartbeat. To avoid all that, I just keep to myself and so remain totally inexperienced. It's a horrible, very lonely, vicious cycle.

That's the kind of thing I want to say and to explain to people. People such as my grandparents, for example. They ask me about girls almost every time they visit, given that I'm the only one of their grandchildren to never have had a partner, despite being the oldest. It's hard to explain it to people without sounding pathetic, I feel.

I must admit, I'm kind of confused by this concept of being "realistic" about dating. It seems kind of disrespectful to whomever I may approach, as if I'd essentially be saying, 'You look like you have reason to be as insecure as I feel'. Unless I'm misunderstanding, that doesn't seem quite right. There's that expression of "punching above your weight", which I'd guess comes into play. The whole thing just seems really harsh because the flip side of that would be to look at people you're attracted to and think that someone like that would never be interested in someone like me. That would basically equate to everyone I've ever found attractive, which would perhaps result in being alone and lonely for some time to come...

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This is what my dad asked me, and I have absolutely no answer for it. How can I? When your awful to look at or to even touch, how can you put this question upon me? Heck I can't even look at myself so how is a girl going to. I just stayed speechless the whole time. Then, he asked "When?" "When your ready?", Still I stayed speechless, but in my mind i was like (What??? I been ready for 6 years!"). I feel like its impossible to answer this question, for me anyway. Needed to vent it, made me feel a little depressed..

He didn't mean it as an insult or something, hes just my dad, and he wants to see me with someone and not see me alone. Although I feel like its gonna be that way...Forever.

lol.gif Matt, there are thousands of women in Georgia who would jump at the chance of dating a guy like you so just cheer up mate and get these weird ideas out of your head. You're the one who's making it hard. All those women are out there are going " eusa_pray.gif If only Matt would ask me out on a date! " and you're sitting there going "How can anyone like me? neutral.gif " which isn't good. So just change your attitude and then when you bump into one of those thousands of women you and your attitude won't be the reason things won't happen if they don't.

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My Dad and Mom used to say that when I was around 18-20, but I told them that I wanna focus on my career first then I will start making friends and find the one. They stopped telling me after I said that. School is more important to me and having a gf can spoil your dreams because you get her pregnant, have kids.. and gotta work more hours to take care of them then you finally stop going to school 'cause it is too much. I had to jobs at a warehouse and most workers said that they stopped going to school 'cause they had kids to take care of.

Edited by Ghostunit

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I used to get asked that all the time in my late teens but now people just seem to avoid the subject. Sometimes it annoys me when people ask me that because they say WHEN as if i'm obligated to go out and get a girlfriend and it will be the answer to all my problems. I imagine at the moment having a girlfriend would give me more problems.

When people ask you that question just politely say when you've met the right girl or when you meet someone you like.

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I must admit, I'm kind of confused by this concept of being "realistic" about dating. It seems kind of disrespectful to whomever I may approach, as if I'd essentially be saying, 'You look like you have reason to be as insecure as I feel'. Unless I'm misunderstanding, that doesn't seem quite right. There's that expression of "punching above your weight", which I'd guess comes into play. The whole thing just seems really harsh because the flip side of that would be to look at people you're attracted to and think that someone like that would never be interested in someone like me. That would basically equate to everyone I've ever found attractive, which would perhaps result in being alone and lonely for some time to come...

I agree with this. People shouldn't be encouraged to live their lives thinking they are inferior, and that other people are out of bounds, unapproachable, because it would be "punching above their weight". What a horrible philosophy to have to live by. It implies that all you could have to offer someone is what you look like - a horrible falsehood.

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People get upset when they are rejected but they themselves reject others just the same; everyone has a set of dealbreakers. For some people it's things like indifference to other people's suffering and so on and other people have e.g. that mentality of "someone has to be in my league" be it looks wise or IQ wise or whatever which is of course incredibly vain; there's good people and bad people and the former won't ever reject anyone for the wrong reasons...unless they (i.e the good people) are immature. eusa_think.gif I'm starting to confuse myself. lol.gif

Edited by Lapis lazuli

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Looks are everything. I can relate that from my clubbing experience. I would suggest lowering your standards and look for humble girls who have their own looks and other issues.

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Looks are everything. I can relate that from my clubbing experience. I would suggest lowering your standards and look for humble girls who have their own looks and other issues.

dumb comment. I could write for days on how that comment pisses me off,but Im not. People who go to clubs are looking for 2 things...get drunk and get laid. This is a thread about girlfriends. And if looks are everything for you, you are going to be 1 lonely person for the rest of your life.

Edited by Murph89

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It's hard to make the first move if you've no experience of it, or if any instances where you tried went horribly wrong and made you feel even worse about yourself generally. That's pretty much where I'm at, and where I've been since I first started noticing girls about 14 years ago. It just seems like a lot of pressure. On top of that, it's logical to wonder how people could like you if you don't like yourself, but maybe that's the key; to work out why that is and to fix the source of why you feel that way. I always thought it was purely because of acne but it turns out that it's not. Seems to be just a full-on lack of self-esteem, triggered by a bunch of things. My main issue is this huge sense of inferiority I have due to a lack of experience. If I were to get to know someone, I'd be trying to cover that up all the time. I'd assume that if they found out how inexperienced I am, they'd run away in a heartbeat. To avoid all that, I just keep to myself and so remain totally inexperienced. It's a horrible, very lonely, vicious cycle.

That's the kind of thing I want to say and to explain to people. People such as my grandparents, for example. They ask me about girls almost every time they visit, given that I'm the only one of their grandchildren to never have had a partner, despite being the oldest. It's hard to explain it to people without sounding pathetic, I feel.

I must admit, I'm kind of confused by this concept of being "realistic" about dating. It seems kind of disrespectful to whomever I may approach, as if I'd essentially be saying, 'You look like you have reason to be as insecure as I feel'. Unless I'm misunderstanding, that doesn't seem quite right. There's that expression of "punching above your weight", which I'd guess comes into play. The whole thing just seems really harsh because the flip side of that would be to look at people you're attracted to and think that someone like that would never be interested in someone like me. That would basically equate to everyone I've ever found attractive, which would perhaps result in being alone and lonely for some time to come...

Being realistic is just about being willing to open your eyes and heart to someone who is actually a good fit for you.

I'll give a personal example. I have been dancing at a semi-professional level for several years now. However I am never, ever going to be the prima ballerina for the New York Ballet because I'm too old, I'm not anorexic thin, and I still can't stretch my leg past my head. That doesn't mean that I can't find happiness dancing for other companies. But I'm not going to keep showing up at the New York Ballet auditioning year after year and embarrassing myself. Even if I did magically make their company, I would be so outclassed that I would not be comfortable or happy.

Being realistic just means taking a good look at yourself, where you are in terms of looks, personality, education, stability, hobbies, etc. and looking for someone who is similar enough that they will know where you're coming from. It's not about declaring yourself unworthy of anyone, but realizing that you will ultimately be happier with someone like you, than to keep chasing after a Megan Fox whom you have NOTHING in common with.

I would say that many people overrate their own attractiveness indirectly by "only being attracted" to people who, quite objectively, are just much more physically attractive than they are. Why would you live your life hoping you'll find a supermodel who magically happens to have a whole ton in common with an acne-ified hermit? Why wouldn't you try to find happiness with someone more similar to you, who is probably just as lonely? smile.png You would be much better for each other and would bring mutual joy.

Really I think you're just shooting yourself in the foot if you spend your whole life chasing after the 10% of people who were blessed with a certain perfect look. Just 'cause you're in the other 90%...you still deserve to be happy with someone. But statistically that's just not going to happen if you only pursue 10% of the population.

I could go on indefinitely on this topic...but it's just like anything else. If you're overweight, it's only fair that you give other overweight people a fair chance. It's pretty hypocritical to be fat and then declare all fat people unattractive. Or to have acne and then reject anyone who also has acne.

Edited by Green Gables

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Looks are everything. I can relate that from my clubbing experience. I would suggest lowering your standards and look for humble girls who have their own looks and other issues.

Fuckin dumb comment. I could write for days on how that comment pisses me off,but Im not. People who go to clubs are looking for 2 things...get drunk and get laid. This is a thread about girlfriends. And if looks are everything for you, you are going to be 1 lonely person for the rest of your life.

Apparently that is your idea of clubbing not every one else. If looks are not everything for you than you would not be here in the first place.

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Looks are everything. I can relate that from my clubbing experience. I would suggest lowering your standards and look for humble girls who have their own looks and other issues.

Fuckin dumb comment. I could write for days on how that comment pisses me off,but Im not. People who go to clubs are looking for 2 things...get drunk and get laid. This is a thread about girlfriends. And if looks are everything for you, you are going to be 1 lonely person for the rest of your life.

Apparently that is your idea of clubbing not every one else. If looks are not everything for you than you would not be here in the first place.

Wtf are you talking about? I'm here for acne support and to connect with people who are going through similiar struggles, not because I'm shallow and can't find a girlfriend. (shallow is the last thing I am or ever will be)

Edited by Murph89

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Looks are everything. I can relate that from my clubbing experience. I would suggest lowering your standards and look for humble girls who have their own looks and other issues.

Fuckin dumb comment. I could write for days on how that comment pisses me off,but Im not. People who go to clubs are looking for 2 things...get drunk and get laid. This is a thread about girlfriends. And if looks are everything for you, you are going to be 1 lonely person for the rest of your life.

Apparently that is your idea of clubbing not every one else. If looks are not everything for you than you would not be here in the first place.

Wtf are you talking about? I'm here for acne support and to connect with people who are going through similiar struggles, not because I'm shallow and can't find a girlfriend. (shallow is the last thing I am or ever will be)

I am talking about this website not this thread. Don't want to offend you but your language is obscene and your attitude needs help.

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Looks are everything. I can relate that from my clubbing experience. I would suggest lowering your standards and look for humble girls who have their own looks and other issues.

Fuckin dumb comment. I could write for days on how that comment pisses me off,but Im not. People who go to clubs are looking for 2 things...get drunk and get laid. This is a thread about girlfriends. And if looks are everything for you, you are going to be 1 lonely person for the rest of your life.

Apparently that is your idea of clubbing not every one else. If looks are not everything for you than you would not be here in the first place.

Wtf are you talking about? I'm here for acne support and to connect with people who are going through similiar struggles, not because I'm shallow and can't find a girlfriend. (shallow is the last thing I am or ever will be)

I am talking about this website not this thread. Don't want to offend you but your language is obscene and your attitude needs help.

I'm talking about this website too. Im not on this forum because I'm shallow and can't get a girlfriend, like I said. Apparently that's your deal. You are so contradicting. You said "looks are everything" and then you call me out on my attitude and language? I apologize to the OP for Binga ruining your thread momentarily.

Edited by Murph89

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Aha, the irony... i would have plenty of girls my mom and dad knew i was messing with, now i can, or i don't even try to get a girlfriend!!! damn, the last time i kissed or hugged a girl was 2 years ago!!! man acne took a toll on me, and still is for the most part.

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Being realistic is just about being willing to open your eyes and heart to someone who is actually a good fit for you.

I'll give a personal example. I have been dancing at a semi-professional level for several years now. However I am never, ever going to be the prima ballerina for the New York Ballet because I'm too old, I'm not anorexic thin, and I still can't stretch my leg past my head. That doesn't mean that I can't find happiness dancing for other companies. But I'm not going to keep showing up at the New York Ballet auditioning year after year and embarrassing myself. Even if I did magically make their company, I would be so outclassed that I would not be comfortable or happy.

Being realistic just means taking a good look at yourself, where you are in terms of looks, personality, education, stability, hobbies, etc. and looking for someone who is similar enough that they will know where you're coming from. It's not about declaring yourself unworthy of anyone, but realizing that you will ultimately be happier with someone like you, than to keep chasing after a Megan Fox whom you have NOTHING in common with.

I would say that many people overrate their own attractiveness indirectly by "only being attracted" to people who, quite objectively, are just much more physically attractive than they are. Why would you live your life hoping you'll find a supermodel who magically happens to have a whole ton in common with an acne-ified hermit? Why wouldn't you try to find happiness with someone more similar to you, who is probably just as lonely? smile.png You would be much better for each other and would bring mutual joy.

I agree to the extent that people who aren't right for each other just aren't right for each other. I guess in terms of lifestyle if you're very different...it can be difficult to have a good relationship (plus when you have very much differing lifestyles it's probably an indication that you don't speak the same language in the first place).

Really I think you're just shooting yourself in the foot if you spend your whole life chasing after the 10% of people who were blessed with a certain perfect look. Just 'cause you're in the other 90%...you still deserve to be happy with someone. But statistically that's just not going to happen if you only pursue 10% of the population.

I could go on indefinitely on this topic...but it's just like anything else. If you're overweight, it's only fair that you give other overweight people a fair chance. It's pretty hypocritical to be fat and then declare all fat people unattractive. Or to have acne and then reject anyone who also has acne.

Right on. It's kind of foolish when people do that (i.e. only go after supermodels and/or reject every person who has physical things that they say are undesireable while they themselves have those things too). But to say "I'm overweight so I can only date overweight people" is kinda foolish too though. But I don't think that's really what you said.

Ladyandthetramp.png

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People who don't have acne have a hard time finding somebody now having acne is like trying to climb a mountain with your hands tied behind your back while being chased by savage wolves, it's still possible but it's harder.

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My parents used to say the same thing. It was really frustrating. I wanted to yell "OF COURSE I WANT A F--KING GIRLFRIEND!" but held it in. Good news: I have a girlfriend now! Lowered my standards a bit (to where they should be), and that helped. Being with her makes me happy which helps my skin. It also makes me less worried about what pillow I'm using or if my face is pressed up against her, which, oddly enough, also seems to help my skin. The only thing I try to avoid is her product-filled hair touching my face.

There's an episode of Big Bang Theory where the nerdiest guy won't go out with a girl because, and I quote, "Well I just imagined myself with Megan Fox." Unfortunately this stereotype is almost too true to be funny...

I was thinking exactly of that Big Bang Theory episode when I read Exister saying that he learned to "lower his standards a bit". Too funny.

Also, to the OP, I am sorry that your dad asked you something that made you feel so uncomfortable. I probably would feel the exact same way. The funniest (but not really very funny at all) part about the fact that he asked you that question is that it's frankly none of his business.

Honestly, I really don't even think that you should be too terribly concerned about lowering your standards as long as you are realistic. I mean, let's face it, even the guy Megan Fox is with isn't in her league.

Even before I had cystic acne and scarring, I dated a guy with acne scarring on his jaw and upper neck. Didn't bother me a bit. In fact, at the time I though he was the best-looking guy ever. To this day, he's still very attractive. Just not very date-able. Point is, you can be a nice-looking person with the confidence to date with acne and/or acne scarring. And, you are a cute guy. If you are trying your best to get the acne and scarring under control, then any girl worth your time should be able to look past that.

I understand that right now your confidence is pretty low. Just give yourself time to work on treating the acne, and I promise that once you see improvements, you will feel more confidence in regard to being able to talk to the opposite sex.

I hope that helped.

Edited by CherrySoda08

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People who don't have acne have a hard time finding somebody now having acne is like trying to climb a mountain with your hands tied behind your back while being chased by savage wolves, it's still possible but it's harder.

This made me laugh.

Regarding the thread, i can say my parents never have said this, however, i have not lucked out and if any thing gotten heckled way more from my work. Little old ladies just never stop asking why im single at 21 (almost 22). I tell em im career orientated because its just easiest way out. When in all reality its a bunch of bs. However, i have no balls, no guts, not glory to follow through. I hang with a couple ppl but its not like i can just ask "hey..." as i feel thats its not even my place to ask someone out.

So, shit... dont feel alone.

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i hear this alot. Not just from my parents but also from friends, neighbors, cousins and even my dentist. Its worst when they follow up it up with a question like "what are you looking for? a boyfriend!?" sometimes its funny and i just laught with them, but usually i just want to punch them in the face. as paul said it can be a lonely/vicious cycle. And its hard to break out of that cycle when you immediately get judged by the way you look. I find it sad and at the same time amazing that people will usually have an opinion about you within the first 15 secs of seeing you.

Don't be hopeless man if you have acne now those will fade in time. I have it much worse than you because I have lots and lots of acne scars so I don't have the consolation of having the idea that it would disappear. Its hard not to get depressed but still I'm not losing hope that someday i would find the right girl for me.

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