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sorry to take up a thread but i just really need to vent. i am so depressed.. everything just seems so sad. my fucking face is breaking out, and every pimple is scarring (i scar super easily) normally my water regimen keeps me mostly clear, but i have slacked off on it because of my depression, and ive been eating unhealthy foods making things worse as well.. its just a never ending battle as alot of you know sad.gif i cant remember what it was like to not have acne or scars, i cant remember what its like the see my right cheek not covered in pits and dark red marks that stay for years... all i hear in my head are things people have said about it.. cruel things... about how im not attractive at all without make up.. or just how bad the acne is... i know a girl who is very pretty,, beautiful skin.. pretty hair.. and on her AOL profile all she has are quotes from people telling her how pretty she is.. and i dont know... im sure im jealous.. i just dont see why some people suffer so much.. and others just seem to breeze on by,,,

i went back to school this year.. my first year back in a while.... i have severe attention deficit disorder.. and the meds work wonders.. but they broke my skin out horribly.. an made my hair fall out even faster than it already is falling out now.. so i dropped out of school.. and now i sit here all day.. just crying.. and reading.. for a chance that something might help me.. but nothing ever does.... i get so sick of my brothers friends coming over here.. bitching about their bad skin.. an they have like one pimple.. i mean wtf.. get the fuck over it.. i dont know.. i would love to just wake up.. and look in the mirror an see no acne or scars... an be able to wash my hair without it falling out.. an take my ADD meds an go to school.. i miss school so much sad.gif i hate time.. i feel so old.. i hate the changing seasons, it just reminds me of everything ive lost, and everything thats not getting better...i hate my life so much.. what i would give to get a break .. i am so angry at so many people.. people that seem to take things for granted, simple things that i would give anything to have. sorry for the depressing post everyone sad.gif

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sorry to take up a thread but i just really need to vent. i am so depressed.. everything just seems so sad. my fucking face is breaking out, and every pimple is scarring (i scar super easily) normally my water regimen keeps me mostly  clear, but i have slacked off on it because of my depression, and ive been eating unhealthy foods making things worse as well.. its just a never ending battle as alot of you know sad.gif i cant remember what it was like to not have acne or scars, i cant remember what its like the see my right cheek not covered in pits and dark red marks that stay for years... all i hear in my head are things people have said about it.. cruel things... about how im not attractive at all without make up.. or just how bad the acne is... i know a girl who is very pretty,, beautiful skin.. pretty hair.. and on her AOL profile all she has are quotes from people telling her how pretty she is.. and i dont know... im sure im jealous.. i just dont see why some people suffer so much.. and others just seem to breeze on by,,,

  i went back to school this year.. my first year back in a while.... i have severe attention deficit disorder.. and the meds work wonders.. but they broke my skin out horribly.. an made my hair fall out even faster than it already is falling out now.. so i dropped out of school.. and now i sit here all day.. just crying.. and reading.. for a chance that something might help me.. but nothing ever does.... i get so sick of my brothers friends coming over here.. bitching about their bad skin.. an they have like one pimple.. i mean wtf.. get the fuck over it.. i dont know.. i would love to just wake up.. and look in the mirror an see no acne or scars... an be able to wash my hair without it falling out.. an take my ADD meds an go to school.. i miss school so much sad.gif i hate time.. i feel so old.. i hate the changing seasons, it just reminds me of everything ive lost, and everything thats not getting better...i hate my life so much.. what i would give to get a break .. i am so angry at so many people.. people that seem to take things for granted, simple things that i would give anything to have. sorry for the depressing post everyone sad.gif

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i really am sorry to hear that caroline. I mean, wow, you just sound so depressed ... i remember being there... its not a nice place to be. I can't tell you why some people seem to have it so easy, maybe we get extra points at the end of this life, but i just do not know. I wish i had some answers for you, but all i can think of are more questions. But dont be sorry for the post, i mean that is why we are here. I just wish i could do something for you...but maybe all of us can do something. I hope u find some comfort. I hope you get better.

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Sadcaroline...

I hope you read this.

I got really choked up reading your post...I seriously almost cried. Every thing you said sounded like me. I understand where you are coming from more than you know. So first off, here is a big giant *HUG* for you.

I've been dealing with skin problems all my life...I had severe outbreaks of hives when I was little that would keep me out of school for weeks. In my late teens I had a yearlong bout of psoriasis brought on by a reaction to medication that was too toxic for my system. I went through hell trying to clear my psoriasis..actually, in the end what cleared it was a bottle of these chineese pills some healer guys who lived up in the mountains gave me-conventional methods don't always work.

I had always had mild acne all my life...I got a new boyfriend and went on the birth control pill...I thought if anything the BC pills would help my acne, but just my luck, I turned out to be one of the extreme few women who, for some reason, BC pills CAUSES acne. So for the three years I was on the pill I suffered with acne. I had at least 3-4 large, painful cysts on my face at any given time. I would have gone off the pill but I was having a lot of sex at the time and was scared of getting preg. So I didn't go off of them until about 6 months ago when I tried a different pill..the side effects were horrible and instead of going back on the other one I just said screw it and went off.

So my skin gets perfect for about a month. THEN-justmyluckagain- my acne comes back. FULL BLOWN. WORST than ever. Thats what I have been struggling with for the past 5 months. It's been hell. I have no idea why going off the pill made it worse when it was going ON the pill that got it started in the first place, but I have a extremely sensitive system in general..so I guess I was just thrown off. I've also recently discovered that my milk consumption was only adding to the problem. I also upped that in the last 6 months, so I don't know if it was the pills or what....

ANYWAYS, the point of all that babble is to show you, I know where you are coming from. I've spent days in bed, sobbing, afraid to leave my ROOM let alone my house. I've obsessed over this constantly for the past 5 months. I sit and watch movie after movie with beautiful actresses, just staring at their GORGEOUS clear skin with envy. I've had to sit my boyfriend down and tell him seriously that he can't complain about his (perfect except for a few whiteheads) skin around me anymore. I've spent hours in the bathroom, examining my scars in the mirror. I've even gone so far as to call a few of my close friends and family and tell them that if this doesn't get better soon, to please not hate me if I choose to end my life.

So...I understand. I know exactly what you mean about why do some people have to suffer so much when others have it so easy? I see my clear skinned friends, going out every day and eating at Carls Jr and Pizza Hut, chain smoking ciggarettes, drinking every night without a care in the world. Yup. It's not fair, thats for sure.

Have you tried following the regimine thats spoken about here on this site? Im following it, and so far the 2.5% BP method is helping a lot. My skin is looking better than it has in ages, although I should also mention I've been doing a lot of internal detoxification as well, and I've cut out 90% of the dairy I eat and all the red meat. DAIRY seems to be a big trigger for me right now...

Hang in there sadcaroline...my only advice is to just keep pushing..it does feel like a neverending war but I think if you try ENOUGH things, in different combinations (I would put lifestyle/diet changes on the TOP of the list, it's helped me more than anything else) you will eventually find something that will keep your skin clear. It's such a difficult issue to help because it's triggers are different for everyone.

I wish I had more to say, but I will be here for you if you ever need someone to talk with.

[email protected]

AIM- DejaLuvGeisha27

*Hugz*

eusa_angel.gif

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This may not mean much, but you sound like an intelligent, sensitive person and that is beautiful. I don't think you need anything but your own guts to find the strength you need... you've made it this far which shows you're pretty damn strong already. Wish I could do or say more..

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SadCaroline,

Why don't you try the anti-androgen Flutamide; I know you've tried Spironolactone and it either didn't work or it affected your hair adversely (I don't recall), but Flutamide sounds pretty good. I can provide a link that proves its efficiacy, if you like. I know you are trying to fight alot of battles at the one time, but you can only fight them one at a time. You must stop your acne and prevent further scarring, then you can work on the rest.

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Yea i know how you feel, i feel like commiting suicide some times but i really cant do it cuz i dont know how to do it painlessly

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Hello Caroline,

I have been reading up on Spironolactone and came accross some of your entries on this messageboard. I too have been really touched by your words and by the emotions that they convey. I wish that I could help you out, even if for just a few moments. When I feel really low and critical of myself, I try to take a few steps back to remember that I'm not out to hurt myself or to make things worse by scoulding myself with negativity and self-destructive thoughts. I'm 25 and for years now, have been battling depression after depression and extremely low self-esteem. Through a lot of research and self-work, I have learned to be kind to myself and to sooth myself in difficult times. NO ONE is perfect; it is difficult to live in our times and not feel like we need to be flawless and perfect all the time. It's becoming a wide spread disease, affecting everyone. We all want to look perfect and often put ourselves down for not being so. Caroline, take care of yourself, treat yourself to things that you like, to new and meaningful experiences. I know that this is going to sound a little too simple but buy yourself a kitten or a puppy (or rescue one from a shelter) or something you've always wanted. Treat yourself and try to focus on the positive things, on your family, on your friends, on your animal companions and you will begin to heal and to feel o.k. on more and more days of the week. I truly think that we go through these horribly difficult and hopeless times, to emerge stronger than before, and better than most.

So take good care of yourself again, Caroline,

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Hey Caroline you must be torn up all inside, what you need is someone you can vent, and coming and venting the way you did was good. Sitting there all day won't help at all, when I was depress I started working out and it took a lot of stress from me, when I got over all my depressions and stress I felt great because now I look good. You should try to do something to keep you busy, and reading other peoples problems on forums won't help you. The thing is you are expecting for a miracle to happened, they don't. Look at all these people here, they came here to fix a problem, and that’s probably what they are doing. I believe that you join acne.org because you wanted fix your acne, which is a good step. You need to start changing being depress can lead to even worst cases like suicide. You may feel bad now, but when you change and you leave your depression behind you will see how silly it was to be depress, and that’s how so many people don't know how people feel when they are depress.

Don't stress about it things will get better, they always do...

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