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snsdgirl14

I Feel Like I've Ruined My Own Life Right Now. Please Help..

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I honestly would do ANYTHING to back in time right now. My skin has been looking SO much better lately. Yesterday morning at this hotel, I quickly glanced at my skin in a side mirror up close and noticed a little blackhead. I rarely get blackheads so I absentmindedly picked at it until the blackhead was out of my skin. To my horror, it started to bleed a little bit and became inflamed around the original blackhead. WAY worse looking than a tiny little blackhead. As the day continued on, a small bump formed underneath the original blackhead and the skin around it is still quite red. There's a big black/dark red (not sure) pore in the middle, where the blackhead was.

If I hadn't picked at this, my skin would've looked SO great right now. But no. In about 15 seconds, I made the choice to essentially ruin my skin. The red is very obvious, and makes it look like a full blown pimple instead of what was a tiny little blackhead. I only wish I had known not to pick at blackheads. I've popped pustules and whiteheads before and they almost ALWAYS look 10x better and less inflamed the next day. I put Neosporin and Hydrocortisone on the area last night, and it seems to have helped maybe slightly, but not by much. My mom and dad are both in the medical field and keep insisting it's going to look better in a week or so, but for some reason, I feel like I really screwed it up this time.

To make matters worse for the past two months I've continuously done things to my skin on accident that make it look way worse. When I got home from my trip to China, I put hydroquinone on two marks on my face and essentially burned my skin in those areas. They healed very well, thankfully, but while they were there I had panic attacks throughout the night wondering if I had ruined my skin. A few weeks later, I used a 5% BP wash with my Clarisonic which made my skin feel incredibly dry and tight in certain areas. I didn't freak out that much about that because it wasn't that visible, but it still frustrated me.

A week ago, I had a pimple forming on the side of my nose so I loaded the area with Epiduo and woke up to a dry, leathery patch on my nose. I freaked out and tried rubbing a wash cloth very hard over the area. The leathery patch went away within 2 days but the wash cloth caused an abrasion on the side of my nose that turned very red, irritated, and dry. Eventually it scabbed and the scab fell off 2 days ago with healthy skin underneath. I was relieved, to say the least.

Now, yesterday morning, I caused this to happen by picking a stupid minuscule blackhead. One that I couldn't even see unless I looked at my face up close. And it turned into this red, angry mark that just juts out on the rest of my clear face. I just can't get over this feeling that I've ruined my skin. I've been avoiding my friends (I live with them so this is extremely hard to do), I skipped both of my classes today, and I've been popping Benadryl all day to MAKE me fall asleep so I can momentarily forget about this nightmare, or at least wake up to a less angry mark. My skin problems have essentially killed my spirit and personality. I just don't see a purpose anymore. This one red mark, so far, has brought me down so much that I don't want to do anything. All I want to do is move back in with my parents, where I feel safe, secure and can openly talk about my skin issues. My friends know nothing about it.

I know this sounds like an overexaggeration--it's only one red spot. And in a sense, I RECOGNIZE that it's ridiculous. Last winter, I had red marks all over my cheeks. But this feels worse because I turned a tiny blackhead into this obvious spot, and it looks so red. I don't know anything about how this will heal because it's not a normal pimple. My mom told me the skin is just irritated/inflamed so it will take up to a week for it to go away or at least calm down, but I find myself not believing her. I'm letting this impact EVERYTHING in my life and I can't take it anymore. I try to give myself pep talks, but it only works for a few minutes until I feel awful again.

If anyone can offer advice (on my emotional state or my picked blackhead, or both) that would be greatly appreciated. I just feel so alone right now and furious with myself.

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And thats why even today i avoid mirrors. I setup 1 area that is devoted to this personal space, personal issue. I leave all of "that" in my bathroom, until i return. Its like leaving work at work when you come home. I just implimented this way as you have to find something that will work for you.

Try not to pick or worry about the small things. If its not broken don't try and make it better. 9/10 you will make it worse. I know this is crude over heard advice but its the truth. I'm sorry you're having a hard time but it will pass.

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Please dont feel alone, seriously. You are NOT alone and I know that might be hard believe but you are not. Also, dont be furious with yourself your only human and we all make mistakes.

Im sure alot, if not all of us can relate to tampering absentmindedly with our skin and making things worse, for a time...but that WILL pass, it will. I certainly do not think you have "ruined" your skin so please please please don't be so hard on yourself. Do not beat yourself up for picking at the blackhead, you never knew it would make it worse in the first place, you only tried to fix it and now have realised that picking blackheads are'nt the way to go. Lesson learned :)

One of the very first things you have said is that your "skin has been SO much better recently" well you know what, that is truly brilliant I am glad. I don't think you should let this minor irritation discourage you. Listen to your parents, they must know what they are talking about. You have'nt ruined your skin, you know this deep down, you just need to shove away that negative voice...keep up with the pep talks and know that as soon as the irritation goes away it will calm down and dissapear. Just keep the faith and don't let it bother you, don't even think about it. And do not put yourself down, we are our own worse critics.

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You didn't ruin anything. Take a deep breath. You just irritated the spot. Chill. Don't fuck it with anymore. Go do some thing to take your mind off of it. And I agree, try to avoid looking in mirrors. Just do it twice a day like your skin care regimen. You'll avoid these situations by doing it. Anyway, your not alone here as you already should know.

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please relax! this is a completely normal thing to do, it happens to everyone at some point. if you leave it alone, it'll go away on its own. it'll probably take a WEEK at the most to become less noticeable, and if there's a mark left after it, it won't stay for longer than a month,

and i totally get what you mean by you keep accidentally doing things to your face. same thing happens to me! i'll be all excited to try new things to improve my face, but end up just making things worse. my friends and i always joke around about how i'm so careless. i just laugh it off and go on with my life. My skin is always my #1 insecurity, but lately, i've been finding that not doing anything to it at all is the best thing. just wash it twice a day, and make sure its squeaky clean, and call it a day.

but by no means have you ruined your life with this. just relax

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Thanks everybody.

My main problem is just that I obsess over anything on my face. I'm just worried about this because I never get blackheads so I don't know what I did by picking this. Right now it looks more like a cut on my face than anything else....it felt very sensitive in the shower to anything touching it, then after I started putting makeup on the cut started 'leaking' some clear fluid. Now it feels slightly dry, like a scab might be forming over it. If a scab does form I'll actually be pretty happy because at least that means it'll flake off in a few days and have healthy skin underneath. But right now it just looks so red and obvious.

My parents don't really understand, in fact they're quite upset that I'm letting this get to me this much. I'm upset at myself, too. But literally all I want to do right now is go home. I miss the security of my parents and I just feel alone and out of place here. I know this all seems abnormal and like an exaggeration but I can't help the way I feel. At this rate if I don't feel any better by next week/this doesn't look any better I feel like I will want to withdraw for the semester. I know that would be one of the worst things I could do but I feel almost scared for my own well being and emotional state. I can't even TRY to act normal around my friends because this has killed my spirit.

I'm just hoping to God that it will scab over, heal, and the scab will flake off by the weekend or something. That's what happened to the thing on the side of my nose and it looks perfectly normal now. I'm just so freaking frustrated and angry and all I want to do is be with my parents.

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Posted · Hidden by AKL, September 5, 2012 - Merged topic
Hidden by AKL, September 5, 2012 - Merged topic

I picked at a blackhead on my face yesterday morning. Throughout the day, it became a little whitehead and the skin near it turned red. Today I noticed while putting on makeup that it was 'weeping' some clear fluid, just a little bit. The weeping stopped and now it seems a little dry, like a thin scab may be forming over it.

here is a picture of it now: http://i45.tinypic.com/35mi8zq.jpg

the picture quality is bad so it doesn't show how red it is. But it is pretty red right now.

I put Neosporin/hydrocortisone on it last night and pretty much all day today. Should I just continue with the Neosporin? Is this permanent, and where do I go from here? :(

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Thanks everybody.

My main problem is just that I obsess over anything on my face. I'm just worried about this because I never get blackheads so I don't know what I did by picking this. Right now it looks more like a cut on my face than anything else....it felt very sensitive in the shower to anything touching it, then after I started putting makeup on the cut started 'leaking' some clear fluid. Now it feels slightly dry, like a scab might be forming over it. If a scab does form I'll actually be pretty happy because at least that means it'll flake off in a few days and have healthy skin underneath. But right now it just looks so red and obvious.

My parents don't really understand, in fact they're quite upset that I'm letting this get to me this much. I'm upset at myself, too. But literally all I want to do right now is go home. I miss the security of my parents and I just feel alone and out of place here. I know this all seems abnormal and like an exaggeration but I can't help the way I feel. At this rate if I don't feel any better by next week/this doesn't look any better I feel like I will want to withdraw for the semester. I know that would be one of the worst things I could do but I feel almost scared for my own well being and emotional state. I can't even TRY to act normal around my friends because this has killed my spirit.

I'm just hoping to God that it will scab over, heal, and the scab will flake off by the weekend or something. That's what happened to the thing on the side of my nose and it looks perfectly normal now. I'm just so freaking frustrated and angry and all I want to do is be with my parents.

I hear ya! Where do you go to school? Do you live in the dorms?

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Thanks everybody.

My main problem is just that I obsess over anything on my face. I'm just worried about this because I never get blackheads so I don't know what I did by picking this. Right now it looks more like a cut on my face than anything else....it felt very sensitive in the shower to anything touching it, then after I started putting makeup on the cut started 'leaking' some clear fluid. Now it feels slightly dry, like a scab might be forming over it. If a scab does form I'll actually be pretty happy because at least that means it'll flake off in a few days and have healthy skin underneath. But right now it just looks so red and obvious.

My parents don't really understand, in fact they're quite upset that I'm letting this get to me this much. I'm upset at myself, too. But literally all I want to do right now is go home. I miss the security of my parents and I just feel alone and out of place here. I know this all seems abnormal and like an exaggeration but I can't help the way I feel. At this rate if I don't feel any better by next week/this doesn't look any better I feel like I will want to withdraw for the semester. I know that would be one of the worst things I could do but I feel almost scared for my own well being and emotional state. I can't even TRY to act normal around my friends because this has killed my spirit.

I'm just hoping to God that it will scab over, heal, and the scab will flake off by the weekend or something. That's what happened to the thing on the side of my nose and it looks perfectly normal now. I'm just so freaking frustrated and angry and all I want to do is be with my parents.

I hear ya! Where do you go to school? Do you live in the dorms?

I live in an apartment with my friends. This makes it even harder to deal with these things, because I don't talk to them about my skin issues. And usually I am pretty loud, talkative, funny, the one who always wants to hang out. So me not hanging out with them, is just weird. :/

Here's a picture of the mark, btw. It's redder than it is in the picture. It was 'weeping' a bit of fluid today and now feels drier than the rest of my skin, almost like a thin scab may have formed over it.

http://i45.tinypic.com/35mi8zq.jpg

Do you think it's gonna be okay? :(

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It appears that it's just red because you picked at the spot. Calm down a sec, it'll heal given time - it's ok you don't need to worry. Just try even harder next time to not pick at anything :)

I don't know what those creams are so I can't comment on if to use them or not. I assume it'd be fine if they're like normal spot treatments. I think it would also be ok to leave it and let it heal.

Either way - try not to stress. You'll be fine :)

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It appears that it's just red because you picked at the spot. Calm down a sec, it'll heal given time - it's ok you don't need to worry. Just try even harder next time to not pick at anything smile.png

I don't know what those creams are so I can't comment on if to use them or not. I assume it'd be fine if they're like normal spot treatments. I think it would also be ok to leave it and let it heal.

Either way - try not to stress. You'll be fine smile.png

Thank you. :)

So how long do you think it will take to heal? And do you think it looks really awful? :(

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In all honesty your skin looks great and you should really look into cognitive behavioral therapy b.c your issue sounds like OCD more than the acne. Your skin looks fine.

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In all honesty your skin looks great and you should really look into cognitive behavioral therapy b.c your issue sounds like OCD more than the acne. Your skin looks fine.

I agree. Don't take it the wrong way, we all form a type of OCD with our skin once we deal with acne. But I mean, you have posted like 6 threads in the past 2 days. Take a deep breath and chill out girl! It's not the end of the world. That mark will heal and you'll forget about it, just like u forgot about that thing on your nose.

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In all honesty your skin looks great and you should really look into cognitive behavioral therapy b.c your issue sounds like OCD more than the acne. Your skin looks fine.

I agree. Don't take it the wrong way, we all form a type of OCD with our skin once we deal with acne. But I mean, you have posted like 6 threads in the past 2 days. Take a deep breath and chill out girl! It's not the end of the world. That mark will heal and you'll forget about it, just like u forgot about that thing on your nose.

Yeah, I know that my behavior is abnormal. And I think I do have a form of OCD regarding my skin. It all started about a few months ago, and has gotten worse ever since. Every time I've freaked out about a mark on my face, it heals and then another one pops up that I freak out about. I'm more okay with pustules and whiteheads because I know how to handle those, but with this, I feel helpless and a bit hopeless. My parents keep insisting it will heal, just like you guys do (you all are wonderful for putting up with my threads and posts btw). But it just looks like a big cut on my face now--not even a pimple--and it just feels so obvious to the world. :( I know this may sound bizarre, but I feel so affected by it that I just can't focus on anything else.

I have a counseling appt on Monday at my school, and I will be talking about my issues to the counselor. I just want to get a hold of all of this because I am fearing for my own well being. I haven't been eating. I've been sleeping entirely too much. I can't focus on classes. And I'm not acting normal around my friends. At this rate if I don't get any better I might as well withdraw for the semester.

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Look at the bright side, snsdgirl, you have acknowledged your issue, and you're seeking help. Good for you! Your behavior is definitely not abnormal, I've seen many, many topics from members who felt their life was over, and their skin looked even better than the minuscule infection you've posted. Just try to put it in perspective, it's nothing bad, it'll be gone in a week or so. Definitely don't let something like this keep you from hanging out with friends, make you skip classes, or even a whole semester. Go out, have fun, and trust me, a week from now you'll be wondering what you were obsessing about. Hang in there, alright?! You'll be just fine!

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Thank you. smile.png

So how long do you think it will take to heal? And do you think it looks really awful? sad.png

If you leave it alone (and by that I just mean not messing with it anymore) you should be able to see it healing in the next few days.

I think it's a really good idea for you to be going to that appointment with the counselor :) Hope it goes well and you find it helpful!

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I can totally relate to this, just the other day pick on a small rough whiteheads, wasn't successful so it turn out to look way woooorst and noticeable. I rant and told myself over and over to never do it again, so am trying to avoid mirrors lately (can get depressing) and not miss my regimen.

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Thanks everyone, honestly your support helps a lot :)

It's looking a bit better. It mostly feels dry right now which I'm hoping is a good sign. Kind of like a little scab is forming over it. If that's the case I'll be elated because scabs = healing! Do you guys think this is a good sign?

I'm going over to the infirmary now to make sure it looks like it's healing and maybe get a referral for a dermatologist. I can't stay cooped up in my room any longer.

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