Jump to content
Acne.org
Search In
Find results that contain...
Find results in...

Recommended Posts

Hi everyone,

For those of you who are depressed about your acne, can you please help me understand? Can you please help me be a more supportive boyfriend?

Nearly six months ago, I started dating a great woman I now love and with whom I see some real future potential. Such a great connection! She is in her late 20's, I am in my early 30's. The first three or so months, her face was quite clear and she never mentioned anything about her blemishes.

In the last two months or so, she has started breaking out around her cheeks and above her eyebrows. Personally, her acne doesn't phase me in the least. This girl is hot! Recently, our relationship has taken some pretty drastic (and often unpredictable) turns. She has attributed all of her emotional downs to her skin. Apparently, she hasn't had a breakout like this since high school. Near the start of our relationship, she stopped using birth control (I can't get her pregnant -- long story) and she seems to think this has affected her skin.

She has lashed out at me on several occasions. When being intimate, touching her face will almost certainly put an end to our night. She often tells me that I am "too handsome" to be with her. Turning on too many lights in the house will really upset her. And recently, in a moment of feeling defeated, she said to me "I am no longer the woman you fell for." One day, she suddenly decided to get away to her parents' cottage for a week to hide away and allow her face to breathe without make-up. It didn't help her skin or her state of mind. We've now gotten to a stage where she almost never spends the night with me fearing that I will see her face without make-up in the morning!

The fact is, I don't care about her acne. I often forget about it and will accidentally touch her face, or I'll turn on some lights or.... etc. I love this woman for who she is, the complete package. Zits be damned! I want my relationship back!

Nothing I do or say has helped. What can be done to reassure her? What can I say to let her know that she's the best?

I look forward to hearing your thoughts.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi everyone,

For those of you who are depressed about your acne, can you please help me understand? Can you please help me be a more supportive boyfriend?

Nearly six months ago, I started dating a great woman I now love and with whom I see some real future potential. Such a great connection! She is in her late 20's, I am in my early 30's. The first three or so months, her face was quite clear and she never mentioned anything about her blemishes.

In the last two months or so, she has started breaking out around her cheeks and above her eyebrows. Personally, her acne doesn't phase me in the least. This girl is hot! Recently, our relationship has taken some pretty drastic (and often unpredictable) turns. She has attributed all of her emotional downs to her skin. Apparently, she hasn't had a breakout like this since high school. Near the start of our relationship, she stopped using birth control (I can't get her pregnant -- long story) and she seems to think this has affected her skin.

She has lashed out at me on several occasions. When being intimate, touching her face will almost certainly put an end to our night. She often tells me that I am "too handsome" to be with her. Turning on too many lights in the house will really upset her. And recently, in a moment of feeling defeated, she said to me "I am no longer the woman you fell for." One day, she suddenly decided to get away to her parents' cottage for a week to hide away and allow her face to breathe without make-up. It didn't help her skin or her state of mind. We've now gotten to a stage where she almost never spends the night with me fearing that I will see her face without make-up in the morning!

The fact is, I don't care about her acne. I often forget about it and will accidentally touch her face, or I'll turn on some lights or.... etc. I love this woman for who she is, the complete package. Zits be damned! I want my relationship back!

Nothing I do or say has helped. What can be done to reassure her? What can I say to let her know that she's the best?

I look forward to hearing your thoughts.

Well, I'll start off by saying this. She's lucky to have a supportive boyfriend like you that doesn't give a shit about her skin and loves her for her. There's been cases on here of women complaining about their boyfriends or husbands treating them like shit and distancing themselves because of the womens skin. It's horrible.

Now, from obvious personal experience, acne, and really any skin issue that shows up on your face is absolutely, no question, the most defeating "disease" one can have, besides cancer. It ruins everything, literally. I would suggest you take a look at a thread in this section called "what has acne taken away from you"

http://www.acne.org/messageboard/index.php/topic/319224-list-the-things-acne-took-away-from-you/

and read what other people on here have written. Its pretty fucking sad how such a miniscule thing to the general public can be so life alterling and deminishing for people. it absolutely crushes you. I had acne from 19-21 then cleared up perfectly for a year a half. And now I've been dealing with It again at almost age 23.

Really my best suggestion to you to help her and your relationship, would be this:

Respect what she asks as far as lights, touching her face, and whatever else she doesn't feel comfortable with. Sit down with her and be brutally honest that whatever skin issues she has, has no effect on your relationship or the way you view her and that she's beautiful inside and out.

Props to you for coming on here and starting a thread. Shows you really care. Not many dudes out there are like this. Good luck man.

Hi everyone,

For those of you who are depressed about your acne, can you please help me understand? Can you please help me be a more supportive boyfriend?

Nearly six months ago, I started dating a great woman I now love and with whom I see some real future potential. Such a great connection! She is in her late 20's, I am in my early 30's. The first three or so months, her face was quite clear and she never mentioned anything about her blemishes.

In the last two months or so, she has started breaking out around her cheeks and above her eyebrows. Personally, her acne doesn't phase me in the least. This girl is hot! Recently, our relationship has taken some pretty drastic (and often unpredictable) turns. She has attributed all of her emotional downs to her skin. Apparently, she hasn't had a breakout like this since high school. Near the start of our relationship, she stopped using birth control (I can't get her pregnant -- long story) and she seems to think this has affected her skin.

She has lashed out at me on several occasions. When being intimate, touching her face will almost certainly put an end to our night. She often tells me that I am "too handsome" to be with her. Turning on too many lights in the house will really upset her. And recently, in a moment of feeling defeated, she said to me "I am no longer the woman you fell for." One day, she suddenly decided to get away to her parents' cottage for a week to hide away and allow her face to breathe without make-up. It didn't help her skin or her state of mind. We've now gotten to a stage where she almost never spends the night with me fearing that I will see her face without make-up in the morning!

The fact is, I don't care about her acne. I often forget about it and will accidentally touch her face, or I'll turn on some lights or.... etc. I love this woman for who she is, the complete package. Zits be damned! I want my relationship back!

Nothing I do or say has helped. What can be done to reassure her? What can I say to let her know that she's the best?

I look forward to hearing your thoughts.

Well, I'll start off by saying this. She's lucky to have a supportive boyfriend like you that doesn't give a shit about her skin and loves her for her. There's been cases on here of women complaining about their boyfriends or husbands treating them like shit and distancing themselves because of the womens skin. It's horrible.

Now, from obvious personal experience, acne, and really any skin issue that shows up on your face is absolutely, no question, the most defeating "disease" one can have, besides cancer. It ruins everything, literally. I would suggest you take a look at a thread in this section called "what has acne taken away from you"

http://www.acne.org/messageboard/index.php/topic/319224-list-the-things-acne-took-away-from-you/

and read what other people on here have written. Its pretty fucking sad how such a miniscule thing to the general public can be so life alterling and deminishing for people. it absolutely crushes you. I had acne from 19-21 then cleared up perfectly for a year a half. And now I've been dealing with It again at almost age 23.

Really my best suggestion to you to help her and your relationship, would be this:

Respect what she asks as far as lights, touching her face, and whatever else she doesn't feel comfortable with. Sit down with her and be brutally honest that whatever skin issues she has, has no effect on your relationship or the way you view and that she's beautiful inside and out.

Props to for coming on here and starting a thread. Shows you really care. Not many dudes out there are like this. Good luck man.

Edited by Murph89
Link to post
Share on other sites

It really makes me happy to see that you care so little about your girlfriend's acne. Too often are acne sufferers preoccupied with the thought that everyone else thinks their skin is gross, disgusting, etc. To hear a perspective from someone with clear skin is very refreshing!

Personally, I know how your girlfriend feels. When I had bad acne, I did not want anyone to see me. I so badly wanted to go out and socialize with my friends like normal, but I let my skin hold me back. I constantly felt like everyone noticed it and thought it was gross or even that it made me less of a person. Truthfully, my friends didn't care, even if they did notice, as they never treated me any differently. But to me, acne was very emotionally crippling. I would even skip classes because of how my skin was.

So, you can see that acne can have very heartwrenching effects on people. I'm still dealing with the effects its had on me--now everytime a little thing pops up on my skin I freak out and don't want to do anything until it goes away. I would say the best thing to do is be 100% supportive of your girlfriend. Have a long talk with her, face to face, and explain that her acne does not take away anything from her appearance. Tell her how you really feel--that you love her and you think she is beautiful . Let her know how little importance acne holds in your perspective of her.

Above all else, people suffering from acne need support. Acne can make a person feel very alone, lonely, frustrated, etc. It's a neverending cycle because acne makes you feel lonely yet you don't want to see people. So being completely there for your girlfriend is crucial. I would highly recommend you bring up the idea of her sleeping over, too. Tell her you don't care what she looks like without makeup. Once she actually does this for the first time, I'm sure she'll feel more comfortable with it in the future.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks for the response, Murph89. I just read a couple of dozen posts in the thread you linked. Good Lord, I had no idea this could have such a deep impact. My girlfriend has mentioned how it has already affected some of the things the others have mentioned. I always believed her but it has never really sunk in.

Thank you for your advice. Looking back, I may have unintentionally dismissed her concerns and moments of freaking out. Often times, my knee jerk reaction is to take it personally. It's so confusing when my girlfriend pushes me away when I go in for a kiss! I will definitely try respect her wishes, even if I don't fully understand where she's coming from.

It really makes me happy to see that you care so little about your girlfriend's acne. Too often are acne sufferers preoccupied with the thought that everyone else thinks their skin is gross, disgusting, etc. To hear a perspective from someone with clear skin is very refreshing!

Personally, I know how your girlfriend feels. When I had bad acne, I did not want anyone to see me. I so badly wanted to go out and socialize with my friends like normal, but I let my skin hold me back. I constantly felt like everyone noticed it and thought it was gross or even that it made me less of a person. Truthfully, my friends didn't care, even if they did notice, as they never treated me any differently. But to me, acne was very emotionally crippling. I would even skip classes because of how my skin was.

So, you can see that acne can have very heartwrenching effects on people. I'm still dealing with the effects its had on me--now everytime a little thing pops up on my skin I freak out and don't want to do anything until it goes away. I would say the best thing to do is be 100% supportive of your girlfriend. Have a long talk with her, face to face, and explain that her acne does not take away anything from her appearance. Tell her how you really feel--that you love her and you think she is beautiful . Let her know how little importance acne holds in your perspective of her.

Above all else, people suffering from acne need support. Acne can make a person feel very alone, lonely, frustrated, etc. It's a neverending cycle because acne makes you feel lonely yet you don't want to see people. So being completely there for your girlfriend is crucial. I would highly recommend you bring up the idea of her sleeping over, too. Tell her you don't care what she looks like without makeup. Once she actually does this for the first time, I'm sure she'll feel more comfortable with it in the future.

Edited by batince
Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi everyone,

For those of you who are depressed about your acne, can you please help me understand? Can you please help me be a more supportive boyfriend?

Nearly six months ago, I started dating a great woman I now love and with whom I see some real future potential. Such a great connection! She is in her late 20's, I am in my early 30's. The first three or so months, her face was quite clear and she never mentioned anything about her blemishes.

In the last two months or so, she has started breaking out around her cheeks and above her eyebrows. Personally, her acne doesn't phase me in the least. This girl is hot! Recently, our relationship has taken some pretty drastic (and often unpredictable) turns. She has attributed all of her emotional downs to her skin. Apparently, she hasn't had a breakout like this since high school. Near the start of our relationship, she stopped using birth control (I can't get her pregnant -- long story) and she seems to think this has affected her skin.

She has lashed out at me on several occasions. When being intimate, touching her face will almost certainly put an end to our night. She often tells me that I am "too handsome" to be with her. Turning on too many lights in the house will really upset her. And recently, in a moment of feeling defeated, she said to me "I am no longer the woman you fell for." One day, she suddenly decided to get away to her parents' cottage for a week to hide away and allow her face to breathe without make-up. It didn't help her skin or her state of mind. We've now gotten to a stage where she almost never spends the night with me fearing that I will see her face without make-up in the morning!

The fact is, I don't care about her acne. I often forget about it and will accidentally touch her face, or I'll turn on some lights or.... etc. I love this woman for who she is, the complete package. Zits be damned! I want my relationship back!

Nothing I do or say has helped. What can be done to reassure her? What can I say to let her know that she's the best?

I look forward to hearing your thoughts.

I'm a lady but I'm not much of one for emotional support. I can give it to you like a man though and tell you some things about her acne that could help her, if you can tell it to her in the right, sensitive way. Good luck with that tongue.png

1) Yes, her acne is caused by going off birth control. 99.9% sure. The reasons are long and complicated, but because of modern lifestyles and diets and a variety of other things, many, many people now have persistent acne in adulthood because of hormonal imbalances. Many women don't KNOW they have that tendency because they go on birth control in college sometime. She probably thinks she "grew out" of her acne in high school. Actually, she went on birth control, which balanced her hormones and cleared her skin. Without birth control, she now has her natural hormone levels taking over, which shows her predisposition to acne.

2) If her skin was beautiful and clear on the BC she was on, the easiest thing for her to do is to just go back on it. BC is inconvenient but obviously not nearly as bad as her feeling so utterly miserable. My question to her would be, if you were clear on BC, why wouldn't you just go back on it for the sake of clear skin?

While I APPLAUD you for being sensitive to her, I'm sure that what she really wants is for her acne to go away. She may not like getting help right now and may lash out at you if you try to help her, but in the end she doesn't want emotional support, she just wants the problem to get fixed!

Trust me, I would trade all of the reassurances by my parents or my boyfriends that I was still beautiful and that they still loved me in a heartbeat for thirteen years of clear skin instead of thirteen years of cystic acne. But AT THE TIME I was pretty snappy and mean to anyone that tried to suggest anything. It's a really difficult thing to deal with, especially for women when we feel like 90% of our value is in how we look. Guys only give us the time of the day if we're incredibly hot, then they might care about our personality, our talents, etc. So it's not an easy thing to accept help for.

Be prepared for a typical "so you DO care about my skin, you DON'T LOVE ME with acne, you just want me to go back on BC because you think I'm UGLY RIGHT NOW." Just be patient and reassure her that you're suggesting what you think is the solution to her problem. Explain that you care about her acne only because SHE cares about it.

And yes, don't be surprised if emotional and physical affection is at an all time low right now. Hormonal acne HURTS underneath the skin. I had severe cysts from puberty onwards and sometimes having anything touch my face (e.g. making out) was downright painful, not to mention you feel like when someone is that close to you, how can they NOT see your pussy zits? Gross.

P.S. The hormonal changes off of BC are probably also while she's being a bit of a depressed biatch right now. Hormonal shifts are hard on the mind. BC also keeps your estrogen levels higher overall and estrogen is a happy mind and happy skin hormone. But that's just FYI, I wouldn't mention that to her...

P.P.S. If she goes back on BC she should go right back to the exact brand she was using. Not all BCs are created equal. Some make acne worse. Since she already found one that gave her clear skin, don't fix what's not broken.

Edited by Green Gables
Link to post
Share on other sites

from my personal experience, i want support and a solution. of course i would trade clear skin over the support, but it definitely helps knowing that my boyfriend supports me. as well as my family.

when i moved in with my boyfriend 2 yrs ago, my skin was really good. maybe 3 pimples at a time. but even then i'd lock myself in the bathroom to clean my face so he wouldn't see me. i'd even put a little makeup on the pimples after just washing my face for bed.

over the 2 yrs we lived together, my skin got worse and worse. (my stepdad swears it's this apartment!)

i became really obsessed with my skin (more than i ever was) because i didn't want my boyfriend to see me like that. but obviously living with him was harder to hide from it than your girlfriend just refusing to sleep over.

i have to say, i have JUST gotten over this fear of him seeing my face. it's only been about 2 months that i've let him see my face totally clear of makeup. my acne got so horrendous that it was just impossible to hide anymore.

it takes a lot to get to that point. and when she is able to let you see her, she will bawl her eyes out. i know i did. but i have to say, after that moment it was like i broke free. i could see he still loved me and didn't judge me. and now i am completely comfortable around him. i am actually the most comfortable being bare skinned with him than i am my own parents. he is the most supportive person i have ever met. and just telling me that he still loves me and thinks i'm beautiful and looks past acne makes me feel better. so always reassure her that. sit her down and tell her all of this.

don't be upset when she pushes your hands off her. just don't touch her face. i'm the same way. he can't even have too much of a beard or i won't kiss him.

once she gets over this fear of you seeing her or the fear you're going to leave her, she will be herself and not let acne interfere with your relationship.

there were times i thought i'd lose him. but i had to tell myself to stop. just posting on here shows that you really care about her. so don't give up! it will get better for both of you =)

Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi everyone,

For those of you who are depressed about your acne, can you please help me understand? Can you please help me be a more supportive boyfriend?

Nearly six months ago, I started dating a great woman I now love and with whom I see some real future potential. Such a great connection! She is in her late 20's, I am in my early 30's. The first three or so months, her face was quite clear and she never mentioned anything about her blemishes.

In the last two months or so, she has started breaking out around her cheeks and above her eyebrows. Personally, her acne doesn't phase me in the least. This girl is hot! Recently, our relationship has taken some pretty drastic (and often unpredictable) turns. She has attributed all of her emotional downs to her skin. Apparently, she hasn't had a breakout like this since high school. Near the start of our relationship, she stopped using birth control (I can't get her pregnant -- long story) and she seems to think this has affected her skin.

She has lashed out at me on several occasions. When being intimate, touching her face will almost certainly put an end to our night. She often tells me that I am "too handsome" to be with her. Turning on too many lights in the house will really upset her. And recently, in a moment of feeling defeated, she said to me "I am no longer the woman you fell for." One day, she suddenly decided to get away to her parents' cottage for a week to hide away and allow her face to breathe without make-up. It didn't help her skin or her state of mind. We've now gotten to a stage where she almost never spends the night with me fearing that I will see her face without make-up in the morning!

The fact is, I don't care about her acne. I often forget about it and will accidentally touch her face, or I'll turn on some lights or.... etc. I love this woman for who she is, the complete package. Zits be damned! I want my relationship back!

Nothing I do or say has helped. What can be done to reassure her? What can I say to let her know that she's the best?

I look forward to hearing your thoughts.

Let me just say this first; I commend you for being the kind of boyfriend who cares enough about the girl he loves to ask the advice of others on the forums here on Acne.org. It shows that you truly have concern for your girlfriend, and want to be able to support her in the best way you are able. My opinion is that you are wise to ask for the insight of others who have experienced things similar to your girlfriend so that you can encourage her in the best way possible. She is lucky to have you.

Like your girlfriend, I didn't begin to have bad breakouts until I was in my 20's (mid-20's, to be exact). It was an absolutely horrifying experience because by the time I was around age 23 or 24, I hadn't really broken out since I was in high school. I know firsthand how difficult it can be to have skin that you are relatively comfortable with while in a relationship, to feeling deeply self-conscious, depressed, and frantic about having acne.

It sounds like your girlfriend may just end up having to go back to her birth control if all else fails. Fortunately, there are other options for her to try before going back to it. I have no idea what her reasons were for choosing to stop her birth control, but from what you describe, it seems as if it may have been the controlling factor for her acne. Perhaps she quit taking it because she is concerned about her gynecological health, and that it a valid reason for her to stop. If that's the case, then I would strongly advise her to begin changing her diet to one that is low-glycemic, and dairy free if her diet is not already similar to this.

Also like your girlfriend, I also used birth control. However, I didn't like it for various reasons, and stopped using it. I still got a few pimples while on it, and it just didn't seem to improve my condition all that much. Several months later, I began researching on how diet affects acne. I have committed myself to hours and hours of research on the subject, and I still don't know everything I want to. But changing my diet to a low-glycemic, dairy free diet, high in vegetables, white meat, nuts and with some fruit has helped my skin just as much as going to a dermatologist has. The medicines and topicals that my dermatologists have given me cleared the existing infection in the acne, and kept it from forming to some extent, but the changes to my diet have really helped in healing the internal problems (hormone imbalances) that were causing the acne to form in the first place. My skin's "health" seems almost better than it was than when I was an acne-free older teenager, although I still have some scarring that I am currently dealing with.

If your girlfriend does not ever want to go back on birth control (and that would be the healthiest thing for her, most likely), then it would probably work wonders for her to change her diet radically, if she does not already eat in a manner similar to what I just described. Right now, her emotional state may be a little too fragile to bring up something like changing her diet. Depending on how you think the might react to talking about the subject, you might want to wait a bit and see if she has any plans on seeking treatment at her dermatologist's. Then again, she might have a positive reaction if you actually do a little bit of research yourself on this matter, and tell her about your findings. Acne.org has some absolutely wonderful threads on the subject of diet and its relation to acne. Search for the member name "Alternativista" in the search bar, and you will find a treasure trove of information. Reading Alternativista's posts and threads have been so incredibly helpful for me, and they might be for your girlfriend as well.

With regard to your girlfriend's emotional state; that is a tough one. And it's one that I am very familar with. The most important thing is for her to know that you are there for her to support her through her issues, no matter what. She might insist that you're "just saying that", and continue to bemoan the state of her acne. At the place she's in right now, that would seem pretty normal to me. She needs to see that actions speak louder than words. When she is able to perceive a pattern of your continuing to care for her, and uplift her throughout these current trials of hers, she will realize that you indeed mean what you say.

As far as the intimacy issues go, that's a really, really hard one. I remember being extremely self-conscious when I had such bad breakouts, and they did effect my life in that way. Unfortunately, I had a boyfriend at the time that I couldn't even be honest about those hangups with (due to varying reasons), and it just ended up being a recipe for disaster. On a positive note, I think it's great that your girlfriend feels comfortable enough to share these woes with you (in however hysterical a manner she might choose to do so, at least she is voicing those issues). It means that there is still an element of trust between the both of you. My advice is to gently remind her that if you are still initiating acts of intimacy, then it means that you still do find her incredibly attractive. And, like I stated before in the immediately preceding paragraph, actions speak louder than words. She might need just a little more time to be able to observe consistencies in your behavior toward her in order to be convinced that you really intend on carrying out what you tell her.

I am very relieved to know that there are still men out there who are capable of caring for the women they love enough to reach out and ask for advice. It means alot to me. Like someone else on this thread wrote before, you hear so many awful stories from people on the Acne.org forums about guys treating the girls they are in relationships with just terribly. I recently read about one young woman talking about her boyfriend opting to sleep on the couch, instead of with her, because of the way he felt about her skin. So horrible. I would rather be alone for the rest of my life than to ever experience that. Be proud that you are one of the few decent men in our generation.

You didn't really mention what exactly your girlfriend is doing to combat her acne. Is she doing anything, or just mostly being very upset over its current state? I think it is vital for her to take a proactive approach, like going to her dermatologist, doing research on changing diet, perhaps reading about probiotics, and also various acne medications. My recommendation is that she first visit a doctor and then go from there, because being depressed and sensitive over acne is one thing, but it doesn't do much to solve the problem. rolleyes.gif And no matter what route your girlfriend decides to take in dealing with her acne, it is imperative that you remain by her side throughout all of it to show her that you truly are someone with character, who is sincerely devoted about her well-being, as you stated in your first post .

I hope this helped you in some way.

Cherry

Edited by CherrySoda08
Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks Green Gables. I think you're right, she may be pre-disposed to having acne but for years thought she had outgrown it. She has considered going back onto birth control however she feels that she'd only be putting off the issue to another time. Secretly, I have my own selfish thoughts about this hoping she'd just do it anyway and we can deal with it later when the time comes!

Thank you whatthekell. You've reinforced my thought that no matter how disparaged she may be or how dismissive she is about my support, I will continue to do so (even if that means I'm repeating myself). It is definitely my hope that she will allow herself to feel exposed to me. For now, she has made it very clear that it will NEVER happen.

Thank you CherrySoda08. She has started looking into changing her diet and is finding it really difficult. I would say that overall, she eats very healthy but often succumbs to the odd overdose of sugar :) She has morning and evening face cleaning regime that I don't know much about as she does it all while I'm still in bed in the morning or already in bed at night (on those rare occasions that we spend the night together). She's cut back on alcohol consumption and has just booked an appointment with a naturopath.

Thank you all so much for your advice! This has really giving me a better understanding of all of this.

Link to post
Share on other sites

She needs to look into a plant-based diet. She also needs to stop stressing about skin. Also, she needs to stop touching her face and popping zits.. etc ^^

Edited by Ghostunit
Link to post
Share on other sites

She needs to look into a plant-based diet. She also needs to stop stressing about skin. Also, she needs to stop touching her face and popping zits.. etc ^^

all wrong

Link to post
Share on other sites

She needs to look into a plant-based diet. She also needs to stop stressing about skin. Also, she needs to stop touching her face and popping zits.. etc ^^

all wrong

You're wrong.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi everyone,

For those of you who are depressed about your acne, can you please help me understand? Can you please help me be a more supportive boyfriend?

Nearly six months ago, I started dating a great woman I now love and with whom I see some real future potential. Such a great connection! She is in her late 20's, I am in my early 30's. The first three or so months, her face was quite clear and she never mentioned anything about her blemishes.

In the last two months or so, she has started breaking out around her cheeks and above her eyebrows. Personally, her acne doesn't phase me in the least. This girl is hot! Recently, our relationship has taken some pretty drastic (and often unpredictable) turns. She has attributed all of her emotional downs to her skin. Apparently, she hasn't had a breakout like this since high school. Near the start of our relationship, she stopped using birth control (I can't get her pregnant -- long story) and she seems to think this has affected her skin.

She has lashed out at me on several occasions. When being intimate, touching her face will almost certainly put an end to our night. She often tells me that I am "too handsome" to be with her. Turning on too many lights in the house will really upset her. And recently, in a moment of feeling defeated, she said to me "I am no longer the woman you fell for." One day, she suddenly decided to get away to her parents' cottage for a week to hide away and allow her face to breathe without make-up. It didn't help her skin or her state of mind. We've now gotten to a stage where she almost never spends the night with me fearing that I will see her face without make-up in the morning!

The fact is, I don't care about her acne. I often forget about it and will accidentally touch her face, or I'll turn on some lights or.... etc. I love this woman for who she is, the complete package. Zits be damned! I want my relationship back!

Nothing I do or say has helped. What can be done to reassure her? What can I say to let her know that she's the best?

I look forward to hearing your thoughts.

How's everything going? Any updates?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Things have been progressing, very slowly. I've managed to convince her to stay over on two occasions, with a lot of restrictions on what we can do. Few lights, a lot of distance and definitely no face touching. In the mornings, she's in a mad rush to get to the bathroom before I know what's going on. Fair enough. I'll take what I can get for now. Although, I have to say it's frustrating from my perspective. I suppose it's easy for me to say but her acne doesn't change the way I see her. In time, I hope that she will believe me.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Haha I feel exactly the way she does! I think it really just takes time. I've only been dating my boyfriend for a bout 4 months, so it's hard to feel like he really cares about me in spite of my skin problems because we're not yet to that "love" stage, where your undying devotion to the other person trumps their acne fears haha. I think that's probably what's happening with her and that she needs to see over the course of a couple more months--or maybe longer--that you're not just going to suddenly change your mind about how you feel about her. When girls have acne, we feel so gross because society always leads us to believe that we should be pretty and dainty, like fresh-faced little woodland fairies of some sort, so when we start breaking out, we no longer fit that image and feel like no guy is going to find us desirable. Even though acne is a huge thing for guys as well, it takes an extra toll on us because of that. It seems more "acceptable" for a guy to break out than a girl, in the same way that chest hair is cool for a guy, but isn't a real plus on the ladies haha. I really just think she needs to see that you're not just saying all of this to make her feel better or to stop complaining, and that you really don't find her skin to be a huge issue. For now, definitely just take it slow and do what makes her comfortable. It might seem silly sometimes, but just remember that you're working towards her trusting you and that every day you stick around and help her through her issues, you're another day closer to her getting to the point where she can stop worrying about her skin around you!

And like everyone else said, props for being understanding and not a huge jerk. Working through a problem is always 638783774348 times harder than just walking away, so you're a huge step above most guys!

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Personalized Advice Quiz - All of Acne.org in just a few minutes


×