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Lilly75

Feel Like A Failure - Really Just Need To Vent.

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Acne is probably the biggest contributor to why I feel like this. It's diminished my confidence and self-image and because of those being damaged it's made me stop myself from doing things. I feel like it's making me miss out on things in life so far. It has me feeling like a failure.

I'm 19, don't have a job and am really struggling to find one. I worked at a call center for a few months this year but really hated it to the point where I'd be crying about going in there. So I left. I know this sounds ridiculous but it's the truth. It's the only real work experience I've had. It's really hard to even apply for jobs now as I don't even have references I can list... I really need to find work though.

I am also still working toward getting my licence, I have lost friendships because all they were interested in was getting drunk (and I don't like to drink much - and the alcohol worsens my acne), and I've never had a relationship. I feel like I'm never going to get any of these things.

Socially, because of how acne has impacted my confidence, there are times where I'll avoid going out because of my skin. I think it's all people will notice. Both because of my acne and low self-esteem will be why I'll probably be single forever hah Everyone I know seems to only meet people at clubs but I don't like that scene. I'm shy and wouldn't say I was attractive to begin with and acne doesn't help. I feel like I'll never meet anyone.

So - 19, no job, no licence, no boyfriend (ever), a few friends, basically zero confidence thanks to acne... and I feel like a failure because of these...

I guess this might just be one of my 'down days' but I'm worried they're more frequent now... I think I have anxiety issues though they haven't been diagnosed as I'm ashamed/embarrassed to talk about how I'm really feeling with anyone face to face. Occasionally I'll feel like I can talk to my parents but it's hard. I still can't say everything I'm feeling to them and I'm self-conscious about going to a therapist of some sort...

I'm sick of dealing with acne and feeling alone...

Anyway - I guess I don't really have any question for you - I just needed to vent a little. It does make me feel the tiniest bit better to get a few thoughts out...

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Nothing lasts for ever, thats a rule of the universe. I've been in your position, everyone on this board has, you just need to get through it.

I can tell you i have so much respect for people who are social and open even with bad skin, everyones lovely when the birds are singing but when times are tough your true character is tested. What are you doing for your skin now?

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Totally understand where you're coming from, Lily. I'm jobless at the moment as well and looking for work. My unemployment runs out soon, so even though I'm unhappy with the state of my skin most of the time, I push myself to apply and apply and do my best during interviews, because it helps me to take my mind off my skin when I feel like I'm being productive. I can tell you as well that my last job (security officer at a casino) was a major positive experience for me. My skin went through phases during my time there, clear and really bad, but I made a ton of friends and I got my first opportunity to really form long-lasting social bonds with people. None of my coworkers there ever commented on my acne or even seemed to notice it, only a few customers were ignorant enough to say things, and that was only maybe like one or two comments from people during the entire 4 1/2 year span, and it wasn't anything particularly mean-spirited, just recommendations for products to use and stuff like that.

I think it's important to have a job even when you have acne, because there's the challenge of interacting with other people and making new friends, and there's also a steady income to rely on. Having money coming in allows you to treat yourself now and then and buy the things you want to buy, which can bring a lot of happiness into your life and give you a feeling of independence. So on that note, my advice would be keep looking for work and just do you best, because even though a job can be harrowing, there are also many positive aspects to consider as well.

I can sympathize completely about having a tough time talking to parents about acne and how it makes you feel. I rarely if EVER bring it to my parents. It just makes me very uncomfortable to talk openly about it, even with parents or close friends. My parents are awesome people too, they'd be willing to sit down with me and help me out in whatever way that they can, but I feel like they wouldn't be able to wrap their minds around the emotional turmoil this disease inspires in a person. I think a therapist would be a better option, but I don't have the money or insurance right now to pursue that.

And on the relationship thing, never say never! For many years when I was growing up I thought no girl would ever want to date me because of my skin, I could barely stand to look at myself in the mirror, but once I finally got out into the world, started working, started talking with people and conveying my personality, cracking jokes and all that stuff....I began to draw interest from girls. I was always too shy to approach girls myself, but I've been lucky enough to have girls approach me to initiate things and tell me they liked me, thought I was funny or cute or whatever, and things just developed from there. I started working at age 18, and I'm 23 now. From 18-23 I dated often, there always seemed to be a girl that found me attractive and initiated things with me. My problem is maintaining a relationship long-term because I usually break things off myself because I'm so self-conscious about my skin.

The moral of all that rambling is this though, when I finally decided to leave my room and experience the world, that's when things started to improve for me. My overall quality of life. I made money, I made friends, and I dated. During that time when I spent a lot of time alone at home I got too deeply inside of my own head, and I thought life was hopeless....but when I pushed myself to get out there and live despite my skin, that's when I started making connections with people and realizing that not many people care about the skin issues we think are so severe. I'm certain that there's a guy out there for you that will find you interesting and attractive, you just have to motivate yourself to get out more often. It's really hard to do that, I know from experience, but the benefits of doing that are numerous.

I wish you the absolute best of luck and I hope happiness finds you soon, you deserve it!

Edited by FlaggLives

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Damn. Well said Flagglives

I would like your post, but ive reached my quota of positive votes for the day rolleyes.gif

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Sounds just like me except I've never had a job, and I'm 23 haha

You may just be having a bad day or it's just a time when your real feelings rise up. I don't know, sometimes I think all the good days I have are not me in a way and my bad days with zits are, essentially who I am.

Just try and stay positive. I am a huge cynic, but lately I'm definitely realizing that our lives are short and to spend a majority of our days depressed about things we can't really change [acne] or things that just aren't happening [relationships] isn't worth it. Plus jobs are real tough to come by now and you just gotta take the punches, hopefully the economy will strengthen more as the years go by. I know some people just put their friends as references haha you didn't get that advice from me?!

Edited by Geeking

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Aw! I also do think I will be single for ever. I've been single for ever too. I'm shy and quiet, so I know what you mean. I managed to get my license last year and I also got the CNA state exam license, but haven't find a job yet. I might give up because I don't wanna repeat the course since my CNA license expires in a year and I need to work as a CNA for at least 6 months.. I feel like I will not find the job as I am shy and my skin drops my confident.=\

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Thanks for all the replies. I appreciate it. I am feeling a bit better now - so that's good - And it's also nice to be reminded that I'm not completely alone feeling like this. :)

Nothing lasts for ever, thats a rule of the universe. I've been in your position, everyone on this board has, you just need to get through it.

I can tell you i have so much respect for people who are social and open even with bad skin, everyones lovely when the birds are singing but when times are tough your true character is tested. What are you doing for your skin now?

Thanks - you're right. Nothing lasts forever. I'll be sure to remind myself of that. smile.png

I stopped using BP a few months ago so my skin broke out terribly (which I expected with stopping BP). Things have been getting better though especially in the last few weeks. That massive breakout is calmed and partially gone though I still have acne and still break out. I use a gentle cleanser and a green tea and sea salt toner at the moment. I'll use tea tree oil or BP as a spot treatment occasionally (Though I'm really trying to stay away from going to BP). I'm surprised to say it but the green tea and sea salt toner is actually working for me. I didn't think I'd be able to say that about a home made remedy but it's helping slowly smile.png

The other thing I'm doing is diet changes. At this stage it's just cutting out the general junk, increasing veggies and increasing water.

What don't you like about the club scene? I'm curious.

Part of it is that I don't like drinking a lot. I'm fine with drinking socially a few drinks but I'll get a lot of pressure to drink to get drunk haha which is irritating. It'd be nice if my friends could accept that I've said 'no I've had enough for now' but for some reason it becomes a massive issue. I have some great friends who really don't care though which is great.

Also I find it hard to meet nice guys there. It's hard to talk to anyone with all the loud dance music anyway.

and I'm not a good dancer haha :P

Honestly I prefer bars with good live music. You can easily sit down and chat with your friends over drinks if you want and enjoy good music and could more easily approach someone. It feels more comfortable / casual to me which I like.

Totally understand where you're coming from, Lily. I'm jobless at the moment as well and looking for work. My unemployment runs out soon, so even though I'm unhappy with the state of my skin most of the time, I push myself to apply and apply and do my best during interviews, because it helps me to take my mind off my skin when I feel like I'm being productive. I can tell you as well that my last job (security officer at a casino) was a major positive experience for me. My skin went through phases during my time there, clear and really bad, but I made a ton of friends and I got my first opportunity to really form long-lasting social bonds with people. None of my coworkers there ever commented on my acne or even seemed to notice it, only a few customers were ignorant enough to say things, and that was only maybe like one or two comments from people during the entire 4 1/2 year span, and it wasn't anything particularly mean-spirited, just recommendations for products to use and stuff like that.

I think it's important to have a job even when you have acne, because there's the challenge of interacting with other people and making new friends, and there's also a steady income to rely on. Having money coming in allows you to treat yourself now and then and buy the things you want to buy, which can bring a lot of happiness into your life and give you a feeling of independence. So on that note, my advice would be keep looking for work and just do you best, because even though a job can be harrowing, there are also many positive aspects to consider as well.

I can sympathize completely about having a tough time talking to parents about acne and how it makes you feel. I rarely if EVER bring it to my parents. It just makes me very uncomfortable to talk openly about it, even with parents or close friends. My parents are awesome people too, they'd be willing to sit down with me and help me out in whatever way that they can, but I feel like they wouldn't be able to wrap their minds around the emotional turmoil this disease inspires in a person. I think a therapist would be a better option, but I don't have the money or insurance right now to pursue that.

And on the relationship thing, never say never! For many years when I was growing up I thought no girl would ever want to date me because of my skin, I could barely stand to look at myself in the mirror, but once I finally got out into the world, started working, started talking with people and conveying my personality, cracking jokes and all that stuff....I began to draw interest from girls. I was always too shy to approach girls myself, but I've been lucky enough to have girls approach me to initiate things and tell me they liked me, thought I was funny or cute or whatever, and things just developed from there. I started working at age 18, and I'm 23 now. From 18-23 I dated often, there always seemed to be a girl that found me attractive and initiated things with me. My problem is maintaining a relationship long-term because I usually break things off myself because I'm so self-conscious about my skin.

The moral of all that rambling is this though, when I finally decided to leave my room and experience the world, that's when things started to improve for me. My overall quality of life. I made money, I made friends, and I dated. During that time when I spent a lot of time alone at home I got too deeply inside of my own head, and I thought life was hopeless....but when I pushed myself to get out there and live despite my skin, that's when I started making connections with people and realizing that not many people care about the skin issues we think are so severe. I'm certain that there's a guy out there for you that will find you interesting and attractive, you just have to motivate yourself to get out more often. It's really hard to do that, I know from experience, but the benefits of doing that are numerous.

I wish you the absolute best of luck and I hope happiness finds you soon, you deserve it!

Thank you so much for this reply.

I do agree with what you’ve said. I think it’s important and a good idea to have a job even when you have acne. It would help improve my confidence I’m sure and I’d definitely meet new people and possibly make new friends. The income would be appreciated too :P I’ll continue applying places and just hope that I do find something soon.

(About talking to parents about acne) -- My parents would be like that too, especially my dad I think, willing to help however they were able but even then, I don’t they would fully understand why I’m feeling the way I am nor would they understand that it is brought on because of acne. It can be hard for people who haven’t gone through persistent acne for them to understand the emotional / mental impact of it. I’ll look into seeing a therapist I think. There might be some available through/at my uni but cost will be the issue.

And about relationships - I think I’ve sort of convinced myself that as long as I have acne I won’t be in a relationship. I think if I were to be in one I’d probably have an issue maintaining it for the same reason you mentioned. I’d probably continue to doubt that the person’s interest in me was real and I’m sure that would cause issues leading to it ending.

Once I work on my confidence though and become more confident in myself, regardless of acne, I hope it will be easier to meet guys and have a relationship eventually…

So anyway, thanks again for your “ramblings” – I appreciate the reply and the advice you’ve given :) I’ll really try to motivate myself more to get out more, meet new people and worry less about acne – I can see how much that alone would help.

I think everyone here deserves happiness – so I hope that we do all find it :)

Sounds just like me except I've never had a job, and I'm 23 haha

You may just be having a bad day or it's just a time when your real feelings rise up. I don't know, sometimes I think all the good days I have are not me in a way and my bad days with zits are, essentially who I am.

Just try and stay positive. I am a huge cynic, but lately I'm definitely realizing that our lives are short and to spend a majority of our days depressed about things we can't really change [acne] or things that just aren't happening [relationships] isn't worth it. Plus jobs are real tough to come by now and you just gotta take the punches, hopefully the economy will strengthen more as the years go by. I know some people just put their friends as references haha you didn't get that advice from me?!

It does make me feel better to hear there are people who have been in, or are in the same situation, especially regarding the job hunt :P

I know what you mean about whether the bad days are 'you' or the good days. I'd like to think that the good days are all of us and we're just a little more used to the bad days because of dealing with acne (if that makes any sense).

And you're right - life is too short to spend it being miserable. That's another thing I'll be sure to remind myself of. It would be so much better to just go out and really enjoy life regardless of acne and I guess just hope that things like work and relationships, with a little effort, 'fall into place.'

Aw! I also do think I will be single for ever. I've been single for ever too. I'm shy and quiet, so I know what you mean. I managed to get my license last year and I also got the CNA state exam license, but haven't find a job yet. I might give up because I don't wanna repeat the course since my CNA license expires in a year and I need to work as a CNA for at least 6 months.. I feel like I will not find the job as I am shy and my skin drops my confident.=\

Yep - I know exactly what you mean. But let's try and stay positive about it all. The right frame of mind can make such a big difference I think.

I don't think you should give up on the job - you have the qualification you need / passed the exam so you should have a good chance at finding something! Apply as many places as you can and hope for the best :) Who knows - maybe you'll get the job, meet a nice girl there and end up in a relationship because of the job? :P

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Thanks for all the replies. I appreciate it. I am feeling a bit better now - so that's good - And it's also nice to be reminded that I'm not completely alone feeling like this. smile.png

Nothing lasts for ever, thats a rule of the universe. I've been in your position, everyone on this board has, you just need to get through it.

I can tell you i have so much respect for people who are social and open even with bad skin, everyones lovely when the birds are singing but when times are tough your true character is tested. What are you doing for your skin now?

Thanks - you're right. Nothing lasts forever. I'll be sure to remind myself of that. smile.png

I stopped using BP a few months ago so my skin broke out terribly (which I expected with stopping BP). Things have been getting better though especially in the last few weeks. That massive breakout is calmed and partially gone though I still have acne and still break out. I use a gentle cleanser and a green tea and sea salt toner at the moment. I'll use tea tree oil or BP as a spot treatment occasionally (Though I'm really trying to stay away from going to BP). I'm surprised to say it but the green tea and sea salt toner is actually working for me. I didn't think I'd be able to say that about a home made remedy but it's helping slowly smile.png

The other thing I'm doing is diet changes. At this stage it's just cutting out the general junk, increasing veggies and increasing water.

What don't you like about the club scene? I'm curious.

Part of it is that I don't like drinking a lot. I'm fine with drinking socially a few drinks but I'll get a lot of pressure to drink to get drunk haha which is irritating. It'd be nice if my friends could accept that I've said 'no I've had enough for now' but for some reason it becomes a massive issue. I have some great friends who really don't care though which is great.

Also I find it hard to meet nice guys there. It's hard to talk to anyone with all the loud dance music anyway.

and I'm not a good dancer haha tongue.png

Honestly I prefer bars with good live music. You can easily sit down and chat with your friends over drinks if you want and enjoy good music and could more easily approach someone. It feels more comfortable / casual to me which I like.

Totally understand where you're coming from, Lily. I'm jobless at the moment as well and looking for work. My unemployment runs out soon, so even though I'm unhappy with the state of my skin most of the time, I push myself to apply and apply and do my best during interviews, because it helps me to take my mind off my skin when I feel like I'm being productive. I can tell you as well that my last job (security officer at a casino) was a major positive experience for me. My skin went through phases during my time there, clear and really bad, but I made a ton of friends and I got my first opportunity to really form long-lasting social bonds with people. None of my coworkers there ever commented on my acne or even seemed to notice it, only a few customers were ignorant enough to say things, and that was only maybe like one or two comments from people during the entire 4 1/2 year span, and it wasn't anything particularly mean-spirited, just recommendations for products to use and stuff like that.

I think it's important to have a job even when you have acne, because there's the challenge of interacting with other people and making new friends, and there's also a steady income to rely on. Having money coming in allows you to treat yourself now and then and buy the things you want to buy, which can bring a lot of happiness into your life and give you a feeling of independence. So on that note, my advice would be keep looking for work and just do you best, because even though a job can be harrowing, there are also many positive aspects to consider as well.

I can sympathize completely about having a tough time talking to parents about acne and how it makes you feel. I rarely if EVER bring it to my parents. It just makes me very uncomfortable to talk openly about it, even with parents or close friends. My parents are awesome people too, they'd be willing to sit down with me and help me out in whatever way that they can, but I feel like they wouldn't be able to wrap their minds around the emotional turmoil this disease inspires in a person. I think a therapist would be a better option, but I don't have the money or insurance right now to pursue that.

And on the relationship thing, never say never! For many years when I was growing up I thought no girl would ever want to date me because of my skin, I could barely stand to look at myself in the mirror, but once I finally got out into the world, started working, started talking with people and conveying my personality, cracking jokes and all that stuff....I began to draw interest from girls. I was always too shy to approach girls myself, but I've been lucky enough to have girls approach me to initiate things and tell me they liked me, thought I was funny or cute or whatever, and things just developed from there. I started working at age 18, and I'm 23 now. From 18-23 I dated often, there always seemed to be a girl that found me attractive and initiated things with me. My problem is maintaining a relationship long-term because I usually break things off myself because I'm so self-conscious about my skin.

The moral of all that rambling is this though, when I finally decided to leave my room and experience the world, that's when things started to improve for me. My overall quality of life. I made money, I made friends, and I dated. During that time when I spent a lot of time alone at home I got too deeply inside of my own head, and I thought life was hopeless....but when I pushed myself to get out there and live despite my skin, that's when I started making connections with people and realizing that not many people care about the skin issues we think are so severe. I'm certain that there's a guy out there for you that will find you interesting and attractive, you just have to motivate yourself to get out more often. It's really hard to do that, I know from experience, but the benefits of doing that are numerous.

I wish you the absolute best of luck and I hope happiness finds you soon, you deserve it!

Thank you so much for this reply.

I do agree with what you’ve said. I think it’s important and a good idea to have a job even when you have acne. It would help improve my confidence I’m sure and I’d definitely meet new people and possibly make new friends. The income would be appreciated too tongue.png I’ll continue applying places and just hope that I do find something soon.

(About talking to parents about acne) -- My parents would be like that too, especially my dad I think, willing to help however they were able but even then, I don’t they would fully understand why I’m feeling the way I am nor would they understand that it is brought on because of acne. It can be hard for people who haven’t gone through persistent acne for them to understand the emotional / mental impact of it. I’ll look into seeing a therapist I think. There might be some available through/at my uni but cost will be the issue.

And about relationships - I think I’ve sort of convinced myself that as long as I have acne I won’t be in a relationship. I think if I were to be in one I’d probably have an issue maintaining it for the same reason you mentioned. I’d probably continue to doubt that the person’s interest in me was real and I’m sure that would cause issues leading to it ending.

Once I work on my confidence though and become more confident in myself, regardless of acne, I hope it will be easier to meet guys and have a relationship eventually…

So anyway, thanks again for your “ramblings” – I appreciate the reply and the advice you’ve given smile.png I’ll really try to motivate myself more to get out more, meet new people and worry less about acne – I can see how much that alone would help.

I think everyone here deserves happiness – so I hope that we do all find it smile.png

Sounds just like me except I've never had a job, and I'm 23 haha

You may just be having a bad day or it's just a time when your real feelings rise up. I don't know, sometimes I think all the good days I have are not me in a way and my bad days with zits are, essentially who I am.

Just try and stay positive. I am a huge cynic, but lately I'm definitely realizing that our lives are short and to spend a majority of our days depressed about things we can't really change [acne] or things that just aren't happening [relationships] isn't worth it. Plus jobs are real tough to come by now and you just gotta take the punches, hopefully the economy will strengthen more as the years go by. I know some people just put their friends as references haha you didn't get that advice from me?!

It does make me feel better to hear there are people who have been in, or are in the same situation, especially regarding the job hunt tongue.png

I know what you mean about whether the bad days are 'you' or the good days. I'd like to think that the good days are all of us and we're just a little more used to the bad days because of dealing with acne (if that makes any sense).

And you're right - life is too short to spend it being miserable. That's another thing I'll be sure to remind myself of. It would be so much better to just go out and really enjoy life regardless of acne and I guess just hope that things like work and relationships, with a little effort, 'fall into place.'

Aw! I also do think I will be single for ever. I've been single for ever too. I'm shy and quiet, so I know what you mean. I managed to get my license last year and I also got the CNA state exam license, but haven't find a job yet. I might give up because I don't wanna repeat the course since my CNA license expires in a year and I need to work as a CNA for at least 6 months.. I feel like I will not find the job as I am shy and my skin drops my confident.=\

Yep - I know exactly what you mean. But let's try and stay positive about it all. The right frame of mind can make such a big difference I think.

I don't think you should give up on the job - you have the qualification you need / passed the exam so you should have a good chance at finding something! Apply as many places as you can and hope for the best smile.png Who knows - maybe you'll get the job, meet a nice girl there and end up in a relationship because of the job? tongue.png

You are right, ha ha. I gave up applying, but I am going to start applying everywhere. I am going to apply online and drive around to apply in person. My skin is what hold me back though, not sure if I can do it. I must not give up :) I have like 3-4 months to find this job.. I can do it!

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What don't you like about the club scene? I'm curious.

Part of it is that I don't like drinking a lot. I'm fine with drinking socially a few drinks but I'll get a lot of pressure to drink to get drunk haha which is irritating. It'd be nice if my friends could accept that I've said 'no I've had enough for now' but for some reason it becomes a massive issue. I have some great friends who really don't care though which is great.

Also I find it hard to meet nice guys there. It's hard to talk to anyone with all the loud dance music anyway.

and I'm not a good dancer haha tongue.png

Honestly I prefer bars with good live music. You can easily sit down and chat with your friends over drinks if you want and enjoy good music and could more easily approach someone. It feels more comfortable / casual to me which I like.

Did you know that alcohol is officially classified as a hard drug? lol.gif It makes me look at things a bit differently when I'm out. I'm thinking "Oh my... I'm surrounded by people taking a hard drug all night long! surprised.gif ".

I don't go to clubs either. The music is so loud...it's actually unhealthy. There's actually this thing that people in the "night life" out here call "beep stress" which refers to tinnitus which is a beep you hear in your ear after having been exposed to too much noise; it can be an indication of hearing loss... I actually went to this bar one time and they must have had like...music at 100dB just blasting out of the speakers all night long. While being exposed to 85db or so for more than 15 minutes can already cause hearing loss. surprised.gif

So yeah... clubs ain't for me either. Plus the heavy drinking irritates me. Drunk people irritate me, actually. I can't stand being around drunk people. *shakes fist in the air like a bitter old man* Actually one time I went out and there were some people who I didn't know that well who were "notorious" for being heavy drinkers. One guy I heard drank three bottles of wine every night. rolleyes.gif It's dumb. Anyway, when one of these guys would make a joke he usually said things which were only funny to people who were also drunk. Or he was just repugnant saying things like "Yeah, that ex-prostitute really stinks up the place when it's that time of the month!". So yeah... It can get pretty ugly. Which is why places where sober people drink responsibly whilst being able to hear what they say to each other is more appealing to me too.

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I'm 19, don't have a job and am really struggling to find one. I worked at a call center for a few months this year but really hated it to the point where I'd be crying about going in there. So I left. I know this sounds ridiculous but it's the truth. It's the only real work experience I've had. It's really hard to even apply for jobs now as I don't even have references I can list... I really need to find work though.

I've talked about it a number of times on the boards but I'll see if I can mention it quickly in case you don't know the story. When I finished my education at 18, I had no idea what to do next. To add to that, I'd been bullied through the last 5 years of my education because of the state of my acne and the overall condition of my skin due to compulsive picking. My skin was a mess and I was repulsed by it, and my emotions were a mess and I was a wreck because of it. No hope of getting a job at that point. I pretty much had a breakdown which went undiagnosed and I just hid away for 3 years.

When I did finally come out of some of the negative cycles I was in, I managed to find a job. Like your experience in the call center, I hated it, but I ended up staying there for close to 5 years. During that time, I'd be sat in my little cubicle in the office, day after day, 8 hours of data inputting, feeling horrible about myself, hating my skin, compulsively picking at it during my breaks and at lunch. It was a major problem but I didn't tackle it because I believed it was all I deserved. So things carried on and eventually came crashing down around me when I got fired in July 2011.

I had a breakdown that summer and contemplated committing suicide on the day I got fired. Even though I hated the job, I had nothing else going on in my life and it left me with literally no purpose whatsoever. I didn't actually attempt the things I was contemplating, though. Instead, I went and claimed unemployment, then I went to see my doctor.

Fast-forward 13 months and I feel better now, and I even have a job I like which I started a couple of months ago. My point in sharing this is to show that things can change for the better and you can get to the stage where you're happier and feeling more fulfilled.

In practical terms on the employment front, the good thing is that you left your last job of your own accord. Even if it's not especially easy to find work, it's bound to be easier to find it compared to if you were having to tell potential employers that you got fired, believe me. The key thing is to put a positive spin on it. Go into interviews and say that you left of your own accord because the job wasn't for you and you wanted to look for something that would be more suitable in the long term. If you also make a point of telling them that you learned certain things and picked up a few relevant key skills which that kind of work needed - even if you're basically making it up - they don't know any different. It's not like it's a full-on lie because you will have needed certain attributes to do the job and you will have picked things up along the way. All you're really doing is pushing the positives and selling yourself a little more.

Don't fret over the references situation either. Some employers accept character references from friends or people you know as well. My former employer didn't give me a reference when I got my new job and if they had, I think my new employer would have read between the lines and turned me down. The reference they got was actually from my Dad's boss, as I babysit her children sometimes. She spoke the truth and said I was a nice guy who she trusts enough to care for her children. My new boss is a mother to young children so that struck a chord with her and worked a treat for me. Sometimes, it's about taking the right approach and maybe having a little bit of luck along the way.

I am also still working toward getting my licence, I have lost friendships because all they were interested in was getting drunk (and I don't like to drink much - and the alcohol worsens my acne), and I've never had a relationship. I feel like I'm never going to get any of these things.

Socially, because of how acne has impacted my confidence, there are times where I'll avoid going out because of my skin. I think it's all people will notice. Both because of my acne and low self-esteem will be why I'll probably be single forever hah Everyone I know seems to only meet people at clubs but I don't like that scene. I'm shy and wouldn't say I was attractive to begin with and acne doesn't help. I feel like I'll never meet anyone.

Just yesterday, I was talking to my grandmother about how the summer had seemed kind of boring, aside from having work to go to, because I don't have any friends to spend time with. It's not something we'd talked about before so she seemed kind of surprised by it, I guess because she assumed I had friends. I explained how when I left school, I'd had that period where I kept to myself and everyone else was getting into other things like relationships, drinking, going to clubs, and so on. I didn't get into any of that; girls had never shown an interest in me and the ones I'd made some clumsy attempt to get to know wasted little time in telling me I was ugly and that my skin was gross. Right or wrong, I took it to heart and basically stopped approaching them. Even just a couple of weeks ago, I got laughed at by a girl who I'd been talking to when I asked if she'd like to swap numbers. I've no idea why that was as my skin's fine these days so it can't be acne related. Maybe it's just me, maybe it's a vibe I give off, I don't know.

What I do know is that I haven't got a clue about any of these things and have zero experience because of how my school years and the bullies made me feel, and the few attempts I have made to even speak to girls resulted in yet more abuse. In the end though, I don't mind telling people that I've never been in a relationship even though I'm almost 27, never kissed a girl, or barely even talked to girls, because that's just how it is and it's matter of fact. There's no right or wrong and it's not about succeeding or failing because there are no set rules.

Sure, it's boring sometimes and I get lonely quite a lot. That's not nice. In fact, the loneliness is probably the worst part of it because it seems mightily unfair and something of a waste. There are people who tell me I'm a good guy and all and I don't suppose I've a reason to disagree, so maybe it will all come good eventually.

Same for you. No reason why it won't work out and why the things you mentioned won't happen for you eventually. Maybe it will happen when the time is right and when it's meant to be, acne or not. I can promise you that there are great guys out there who won't even pay attention to acne because it's not actually important. The older people get, the less attention they pay to trivial, superficial stuff like that. Not to big myself up or whatever, but I would never consider acne a deal-breaker because what matters is the person behind that. Granted, that's one positive to come out of having suffered acne because there's a huge amount of empathy and understanding there now. If I met a girl who I liked - and there are countless things which may seem attractive on a physical level - acne wouldn't matter. There are millions of guys out there so I know I'm not the only one who thinks that way.

I've never been to a club, don't go out drinking. Partly because I don't have any friends to drink with, but that's not my thing anyway. Even though I've never done it, I just know it doesn't appeal and that's not a scene in which I would fit. So then it becomes about finding where you do fit and what does make you tick. That way, you can narrow it down and find places where there are like-minded people. Perhaps it's hypocritical of me to say that, given that I've never been brave enough to do it, but that's the next step. It's taken a long time for me to get over acne and I still have zero confidence and self-esteem, almost as if the acne is still there in full force, and I still don't like anything about my physical appearance, so there's going to have to be a lot of acceptance taking place first, but I'm sure I can get there. Sure you can, too. We only get one shot in life so we might as well try.

You are not a failure. Far from it. There's no reason why there won't come a time when you grow into what you want to be and the real you shines through and you blossom with confidence. It's totally feasible and perfectly possible. You just have to work out where to start. It's easy to get overwhelmed by everything all at once, but breaking it down and working on each area you'd like to improve, one by one, is the way to go. Maybe the job situation is the first one because that would give you a boost and a purpose, and perhaps opportunities to get to know new people. On a practical level, it gives you money which means you can do stuff, potentially involving other people and creating yet more opportunities. It really is amazing how things can start falling into place once you gain control of one particular area.

I guess this might just be one of my 'down days' but I'm worried they're more frequent now... I think I have anxiety issues though they haven't been diagnosed as I'm ashamed/embarrassed to talk about how I'm really feeling with anyone face to face. Occasionally I'll feel like I can talk to my parents but it's hard. I still can't say everything I'm feeling to them and I'm self-conscious about going to a therapist of some sort...

It's not always easy to talk to people, especially if you struggle to get your head around what's going on anyway. I really used to have problems articulating how I was feeling, then I started writing it down. I was basically telling myself, but it helped me unravel some stuff and understand a bit better. I never had any friends to talk to and I've never talked to my parents as we just don't have a relationship where it would actually be of benefit to me to do that. It would probably cause me more problems actually. They don't even know about the therapy I went through or the suicidal episodes I had, for that very reason. But if you have people you feel you can go to, it's worth a shot.

Speaking of therapy, I found that to be a great help. Initially, my doctor put me in touch with a cognitive behavioral therapist and I started to talk about how I felt and I talked about where I'd ended up and how I got there. It's a lot like what you wrote above, actually, so I get the sense that you'd probably do better when talking to someone than you may think. It's kind of scary facing up to stuff, but that's natural. In the end, things are never quite as bad or as scary as we may build them up to be.

Anyway, I've totally hijacked your thread and feel like I've been rambling for ages, so I'll be quiet. I do think it's important, though, to say that you are never alone and there are always people who can understand and relate. Indeed, my heart always goes out to people when I read threads such as this because I know exactly what it's like. Even if there are things about yourself which you don't like, I'm sure you have plenty of excellent qualities to outweigh that, so you should focus on those and play to your strengths because you've every right to be happy, to enjoy your life and to be comfortable in your own skin.

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Acne is probably the biggest contributor to why I feel like this. It's diminished my confidence and self-image and because of those being damaged it's made me stop myself from doing things. I feel like it's making me miss out on things in life so far. It has me feeling like a failure.

I'm 19, don't have a job and am really struggling to find one. I worked at a call center for a few months this year but really hated it to the point where I'd be crying about going in there. So I left. I know this sounds ridiculous but it's the truth. It's the only real work experience I've had. It's really hard to even apply for jobs now as I don't even have references I can list... I really need to find work though.

I am also still working toward getting my licence, I have lost friendships because all they were interested in was getting drunk (and I don't like to drink much - and the alcohol worsens my acne), and I've never had a relationship. I feel like I'm never going to get any of these things.

Socially, because of how acne has impacted my confidence, there are times where I'll avoid going out because of my skin. I think it's all people will notice. Both because of my acne and low self-esteem will be why I'll probably be single forever hah Everyone I know seems to only meet people at clubs but I don't like that scene. I'm shy and wouldn't say I was attractive to begin with and acne doesn't help. I feel like I'll never meet anyone.

So - 19, no job, no licence, no boyfriend (ever), a few friends, basically zero confidence thanks to acne... and I feel like a failure because of these...

I guess this might just be one of my 'down days' but I'm worried they're more frequent now... I think I have anxiety issues though they haven't been diagnosed as I'm ashamed/embarrassed to talk about how I'm really feeling with anyone face to face. Occasionally I'll feel like I can talk to my parents but it's hard. I still can't say everything I'm feeling to them and I'm self-conscious about going to a therapist of some sort...

I'm sick of dealing with acne and feeling alone...

Anyway - I guess I don't really have any question for you - I just needed to vent a little. It does make me feel the tiniest bit better to get a few thoughts out...

We have to go through rough times to get to the good things in life. I know how you feel. I barely have any friends and no true friend I could ever talk to about my acne. It's so hard seeing literally every other kid my age with perfectly clear skin while they go out partying, drinking and eating processed foods all day. It's unfair, but we can work around it. Of course you're going to feel hopeless if you pick all the bad things out in your life. That's the problem, you're focused on what you're deprived of when you should look at all the good in your life. We're all capable of having clear skin. It may take a lot more effort to have nice skin than most people. So what? It's damn worth it. Personally, I've stopped giving a crap what other teens my age are doing, what they eat, what they say about me, and what they have ever said about my acne. I KNOW people have talked about how bad my skin was before, but I'm not letting that stop me. I'm going to have clear skin and I'm going to be proud because I EARNED it. HONESTLY, don't compare yourself to others, everybody has their own issues in their life. Nobody is perfect, and pick yourself up from your gloomy state.

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Did you know that alcohol is officially classified as a hard drug? lol.gif It makes me look at things a bit differently when I'm out. I'm thinking "Oh my... I'm surrounded by people taking a hard drug all night long! surprised.gif ".

I don't go to clubs either. The music is so loud...it's actually unhealthy. There's actually this thing that people in the "night life" out here call "beep stress" which refers to tinnitus which is a beep you hear in your ear after having been exposed to too much noise; it can be an indication of hearing loss... I actually went to this bar one time and they must have had like...music at 100dB just blasting out of the speakers all night long. While being exposed to 85db or so for more than 15 minutes can already cause hearing loss. surprised.gif

So yeah... clubs ain't for me either. Plus the heavy drinking irritates me. Drunk people irritate me, actually. I can't stand being around drunk people. *shakes fist in the air like a bitter old man* Actually one time I went out and there were some people who I didn't know that well who were "notorious" for being heavy drinkers. One guy I heard drank three bottles of wine every night. rolleyes.gif It's dumb. Anyway, when one of these guys would make a joke he usually said things which were only funny to people who were also drunk. Or he was just repugnant saying things like "Yeah, that ex-prostitute really stinks up the place when it's that time of the month!". So yeah... It can get pretty ugly. Which is why places where sober people drink responsibly whilst being able to hear what they say to each other is more appealing to me too.

Yeah - it makes sense that alcohol is classed as a drug. Though if people are responsible enough with it then there’s nothing wrong with it. A small amount of alcohol (usually red wine) can be beneficial to your health too. smile.png

I’m just one of those people who chooses not to drink often - apart from the rare occasion and even then it’ll be only a few drinks. I don’t see the point in getting drunk. It doesn’t appeal to me – and I’d rather spend my money on other things anyway tongue.png

I had a breakdown that summer and contemplated committing suicide on the day I got fired. Even though I hated the job, I had nothing else going on in my life and it left me with literally no purpose whatsoever. I didn't actually attempt the things I was contemplating, though. Instead, I went and claimed unemployment, then I went to see my doctor. Fast-forward 13 months and I feel better now, and I even have a job I like which I started a couple of months ago. My point in sharing this is to show that things can change for the better and you can get to the stage where you're happier and feeling more fulfilled...In practical terms on the employment front, the good thing is that you left your last job of your own accord…. The key thing is to put a positive spin on it…

I’m sorry you went through a hard time with your previous job and that you had such a breakdown, but I’m glad to hear that you’ve found a job now that you like and that you’re feeling better!

I guess it is a good thing that I left the call center job when I did and by my own accord. Thinking back on it, I don’t think I would have been able to continue coping with it if I had stayed longer. I just hate feeling like I quit something. I’m not usually a quitter and now, even though I have uni to occupy my days, I do feel like I have no purpose, like you mentioned. But leaving that job was for the best. And you’re completely right. Things can change for the better and hopefully I’ll get to that point where I’m feeling happier and fulfilled soon-ish.

Thanks for the job advice and interview tips too by the way! They’re actually very helpful and I’ll be sure to remember them smile.png

Even just a couple of weeks ago, I got laughed at by a girl who I'd been talking to when I asked if she'd like to swap numbers. I've no idea why that was as my skin's fine these days so it can't be acne related. Maybe it's just me, maybe it's a vibe I give off, I don't know.

What I do know is that I haven't got a clue about any of these things and have zero experience because of how my school years and the bullies made me feel, and the few attempts I have made to even speak to girls resulted in yet more abuse. In the end though, I don't mind telling people that I've never been in a relationship even though I'm almost 27, never kissed a girl, or barely even talked to girls, because that's just how it is and it's matter of fact.

I don’t know whether a guy has ever shown a real interest in me – I remember a time where a guy was asking for my number but I'm so sure he was just messing around and teasing me for the hell of it. It made me uncomfortable then but it’s still awkward now as I see this guy every now and then as we live in neighboring suburbs…

Personally, I think that’s my issue - I’ve convinced myself no guy will be interested, and then if it seems someone is interested I sort of panic and don’t know what to do, end up avoiding the person and probably scaring them off, or assume they’re joking around. Gosh, how horrible and hopeless does that sound… I’ll have to work on that. The reason I mention it is that maybe the girl who turned down the chance to swap numbers had her own issues or insecurities that cause her to act in that way…I suppose it’s possible…

I also have zero experience and do find it hard to talk to guys myself. I ‘blame’ the girls’ school I attended for high school (which did make it harder to interact with guys haha), my general shyness and having low confidence and poor self-image due mostly to acne. But if I can force myself to get out there more, meet new people and gain a little confidence that’ll make things a little easier.

In fact, the loneliness is probably the worst part of it because it seems mightily unfair and something of a waste. There are people who tell me I'm a good guy and all and I don't suppose I've a reason to disagree, so maybe it will all come good eventually.

Yeah I know what you mean. Feeling lonely is really hard, as is the ‘ridicule’ I’ll get from friends and the expectation that there seems to be in society for a person to have had certain experiences by a certain point in life. But like you said, there really are no rules.

From the posts of yours I’ve stumbled upon on this site, you do come across as a nice guy, so I wouldn’t doubt that the right girl for you will come along and it’ll all work out for you.

I also agree with the point you made about the experience of acne having made you more empathetic and understanding.

There's no right or wrong and it's not about succeeding or failing because there are no set rules....

...so there's going to have to be a lot of acceptance taking place first, but I'm sure I can get there. Sure you can, too. We only get one shot in life so we might as well try....

I've quoted these out of sequence but I just wanted to say that they're really good points. There are no set rules in life so there is no real way to measure success or failure apart from comparing to your mindset and personal goals.

Also, I think being able to accept yourself completely (something I have to do) will have a roll on effect and help with confidence and self-esteem. Maybe remembering how far you’ve come from the days of actually dealing with acne would be of some help too.

It's not always easy to talk to people, especially if you struggle to get your head around what's going on anyway. I really used to have problems articulating how I was feeling, then I started writing it down….

I find writing to be a great help too. Even though I might have the chance to talk to my parents sometimes, I find it hard to be so open about how I’m feeling and what I’m thinking when it’s a verbal / face to face conversation. I am feeling a lot better now but if I end up feeling like that again soon I may talk to them, or seek out a therapist because I do see how speaking to a professional would help.

Anyway – now I’ve ended up rambling a bit. Thank you for sharing your story and experiences and advice. It really helps to know that I’m not completely alone in this. People have been in, or are in, the situations I’m in now and can relate. Like you mentioned, it is overwhelming when I look at it all at once, but I’ll have to take it one step at a time and hopefully I’ll get to where I want to be.

...because you've every right to be happy, to enjoy your life and to be comfortable in your own skin.

So do you. And everyone else here.

I hope everything works out well for you too smile.png

We have to go through rough times to get to the good things in life. I know how you feel. I barely have any friends and no true friend I could ever talk to about my acne. It's so hard seeing literally every other kid my age with perfectly clear skin while they go out partying, drinking and eating processed foods all day. It's unfair, but we can work around it. Of course you're going to feel hopeless if you pick all the bad things out in your life. That's the problem, you're focused on what you're deprived of when you should look at all the good in your life. We're all capable of having clear skin. It may take a lot more effort to have nice skin than most people. So what? It's damn worth it. Personally, I've stopped giving a crap what other teens my age are doing, what they eat, what they say about me, and what they have ever said about my acne. I KNOW people have talked about how bad my skin was before, but I'm not letting that stop me. I'm going to have clear skin and I'm going to be proud because I EARNED it. HONESTLY, don't compare yourself to others, everybody has their own issues in their life. Nobody is perfect, and pick yourself up from your gloomy state.

You're right - sometime we do have to go through rough times to get to the good.

And there is a lot of good in my life. I'm usually so aware of that and try so hard not to forget it but I can't help falling into these 'down' states sometimes... as hard as I try to remain positive, things can catch up on me and I'll end up in a bad place for a while.

But I'll try even harder to focus on the good and to remain positive and hopeful. Thanks for the reply smile.png

Edited by Lilly75

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I sat down and read all of this thread and it was certainly worth it!

Yeah I know what you mean. Feeling lonely is really hard, as is the ‘ridicule’ I’ll get from friends and the expectation that there seems to be in society for a person to have had certain experiences by a certain point in life. But like you said, there really are no rules.

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Maybe this doesn't help, but guys find often girls with some kind of acne more approachable (because girls with flawless skin, flawless hair, flawless figures are often out of their league) So never say never! I know plenty of girls with acne who are in a relationship, so don't give up!

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Maybe this doesn't help, but guys find often girls with some kind of acne more approachable (because girls with flawless skin, flawless hair, flawless figures are often out of their league) So never say never! I know plenty of girls with acne who are in a relationship, so don't give up!

I'm sure you meant to be supportive (which is cool) but I doubt Lilly is going to go "You're right! There are also immature, idiotic, offensive guys who ideally want amazingly attractive women with perfect skin but think that those women are never going to talk to them and therefore end up talking to me! I'm so happy knowing that!". :lol:

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I sat down and read all of this thread and it was certainly worth it!

Yeah I know what you mean. Feeling lonely is really hard, as is the ‘ridicule’ I’ll get from friends and the expectation that there seems to be in society for a person to have had certain experiences by a certain point in life. But like you said, there really are no rules.

Hit the nail on the head there for how I feel, its that expectation that gets me down the most. Thinking about all these experiences I should have had by now and why I haven't had them, 'will I ever have them?' and all that. Seeing people my age doing things I thought I would be doing by now, things I would like to do but just can't see current self doing. But still, as Paul quite rightly said - there aren't rules and besides you are still only 19 which is very young in the grand scheme of things, same for Paul - 26 is young, there is plenty of time to do all the things you think you should be doing/have done or maybe with time you will change your mind - you don't have to do all these things that are expected of you, only what you really want and everyone is different. Its hard to escape from these expectations though, I know exactly how you feel.

I'm sick at the moment so I'm not sure that made much sense but I hope it did lol.gif

Thanks for taking the time to read it all - It's a lot to read!

Yeah 19 is young, 26 is young. I'd even say my grandfather who is in his 70s is still young - just to do with his personality - he's still a little kid inside lol.gif

I have to try and not let these 'expectations,' that seem to be around, get to me or define me. Like you said, there's plenty of time to do the things you want, and everyone is different. I don't think these 'expectations' come in a 'one size fits all' type :P

And yes it made sense . Feel better soon :)

Maybe this doesn't help, but guys find often girls with some kind of acne more approachable (because girls with flawless skin, flawless hair, flawless figures are often out of their league) So never say never! I know plenty of girls with acne who are in a relationship, so don't give up!

I know what you mean here - but I don't want to be some guys 'second best' because he wasn't confident enough to speak to the flawlessly beautiful girl or because she rejected him. I wouldn't care what the guy looked like if I knew he was really interested in me for me.

But I wont give up on it all :) It might just take me a while longer to find a relationship. But that's ok.

Thanks for the reply :)

I'm sure you meant to be supportive (which is cool) but I doubt Lilly is going to go "You're right! There are also immature, idiotic, offensive guys who ideally want amazingly attractive women with perfect skin but think that those women are never going to talk to them and therefore end up talking to me! I'm so happy knowing that!". lol.gif

This made me think though -if you stood a 'picture perfect' girl next to a girl with acne or some other sort of 'flaw,' I bet majority of guys would be interested in the 'picture perfect' girl. Maybe that would change once they got to know both girls - don't know. I guess it would change too depending on what one guy thought of as beautiful - you know, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and all that :P

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Acne is probably the biggest contributor to why I feel like this. It's diminished my confidence and self-image and because of those being damaged it's made me stop myself from doing things. I feel like it's making me miss out on things in life so far. It has me feeling like a failure.

I'm 19, don't have a job and am really struggling to find one. I worked at a call center for a few months this year but really hated it to the point where I'd be crying about going in there. So I left. I know this sounds ridiculous but it's the truth. It's the only real work experience I've had. It's really hard to even apply for jobs now as I don't even have references I can list... I really need to find work though.

I am also still working toward getting my licence, I have lost friendships because all they were interested in was getting drunk (and I don't like to drink much - and the alcohol worsens my acne), and I've never had a relationship. I feel like I'm never going to get any of these things.

Socially, because of how acne has impacted my confidence, there are times where I'll avoid going out because of my skin. I think it's all people will notice. Both because of my acne and low self-esteem will be why I'll probably be single forever hah Everyone I know seems to only meet people at clubs but I don't like that scene. I'm shy and wouldn't say I was attractive to begin with and acne doesn't help. I feel like I'll never meet anyone.

So - 19, no job, no licence, no boyfriend (ever), a few friends, basically zero confidence thanks to acne... and I feel like a failure because of these...

I guess this might just be one of my 'down days' but I'm worried they're more frequent now... I think I have anxiety issues though they haven't been diagnosed as I'm ashamed/embarrassed to talk about how I'm really feeling with anyone face to face. Occasionally I'll feel like I can talk to my parents but it's hard. I still can't say everything I'm feeling to them and I'm self-conscious about going to a therapist of some sort...

I'm sick of dealing with acne and feeling alone...

Anyway - I guess I don't really have any question for you - I just needed to vent a little. It does make me feel the tiniest bit better to get a few thoughts out...

Hey Lilly, I know exactly how you feel (and clearly many others on here do too). Just remember, you are NEVER alone in this battle.

The first thing I will say is that do not think that acne has made you miss out on things in life. If you think that way, you're letting an inanimate, thoughtless skin issue own your life. Your attitude dictates everything in life - not acne. I feel like a hypocrite saying this because I have avoided going out because of my skin too. But when I DO go out, even if I don't feel like it, I'm always glad I did because it helps improve my attitude about everything. Realizing that you can have a good life, get out and live, etc. despite acne is very freeing. I look to other people for inspiration - I see people with physical or mental disabilities, missing limbs, other skin disorders, undergoing chemotherapy, etc....and I see them having fun, going out, living. And seeing other people with problems (often more severe than mine) helps me build up my own inner strength. So one thing I would recommend is even if you don't want to, go out for a little bit. Go for a walk, or to a shop, etc. Meet up with a friend or family member. You don't have to go to clubs or drink or anything, but going out just during the day will help.

I would suggest you look for work or even just take up a new interest. I know it's hard, because your skin is ALWAYS on your mind (at least that's how it is for me). But one thing I love to do is help people and give advice, part of the reason I'm on these boards. It's part of the reason why I've realized I want to go into Psychology some day. Doing these kind of things reminds me there's more to how I look and that I can feel passionate about something. I would suggest you find something you're passionate about. :)

Also, I think you should definitely talk to someone. Your family will always love you, so don't feel ashamed in talking to them. I'm sure they've had their fair share of physical problems, whether it be acne or something else. I always feel better when I vent to someone about my skin problems. I also think you should definitely look into therapy. An unbiased, trained professional can help you alter your cognitive thinking patterns, so that you are not thinking negatively about yourself all the time.

ONe thing I've realized is that SO many people have skin problems and imperfections, even if it's not acne. Today alone I saw a few girls with a ton of hyperpigmentation, people with bad acne, someone with hypopigmentation (light spots), someone with scarring...etc. Nothing extremely noticeable but since I have skin problems I tend to notice other people's skin a lot. It makes me feel less alone to know that so many people have imperfections.

Remember, no one is perfect physically but you are perfect in your own way. You are beautiful, I'm sure, and I know one day you will look in the mirror and realize that. It'll just take some work, and altering of thinking, to get there.

Feel better :)

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Hey Lilly, I know exactly how you feel (and clearly many others on here do too). Just remember, you are NEVER alone in this battle.

The first thing I will say is that do not think that acne has made you miss out on things in life. If you think that way, you're letting an inanimate, thoughtless skin issue own your life. Your attitude dictates everything in life - not acne. I feel like a hypocrite saying this because I have avoided going out because of my skin too. But when I DO go out, even if I don't feel like it, I'm always glad I did because it helps improve my attitude about everything. Realizing that you can have a good life, get out and live, etc. despite acne is very freeing. I look to other people for inspiration - I see people with physical or mental disabilities, missing limbs, other skin disorders, undergoing chemotherapy, etc....and I see them having fun, going out, living. And seeing other people with problems (often more severe than mine) helps me build up my own inner strength. So one thing I would recommend is even if you don't want to, go out for a little bit. Go for a walk, or to a shop, etc. Meet up with a friend or family member. You don't have to go to clubs or drink or anything, but going out just during the day will help.

I would suggest you look for work or even just take up a new interest. I know it's hard, because your skin is ALWAYS on your mind (at least that's how it is for me). But one thing I love to do is help people and give advice, part of the reason I'm on these boards. It's part of the reason why I've realized I want to go into Psychology some day. Doing these kind of things reminds me there's more to how I look and that I can feel passionate about something. I would suggest you find something you're passionate about. smile.png

Also, I think you should definitely talk to someone. Your family will always love you, so don't feel ashamed in talking to them. I'm sure they've had their fair share of physical problems, whether it be acne or something else. I always feel better when I vent to someone about my skin problems. I also think you should definitely look into therapy. An unbiased, trained professional can help you alter your cognitive thinking patterns, so that you are not thinking negatively about yourself all the time.

ONe thing I've realized is that SO many people have skin problems and imperfections, even if it's not acne. Today alone I saw a few girls with a ton of hyperpigmentation, people with bad acne, someone with hypopigmentation (light spots), someone with scarring...etc. Nothing extremely noticeable but since I have skin problems I tend to notice other people's skin a lot. It makes me feel less alone to know that so many people have imperfections.

Remember, no one is perfect physically but you are perfect in your own way. You are beautiful, I'm sure, and I know one day you will look in the mirror and realize that. It'll just take some work, and altering of thinking, to get there.

Feel better smile.png

Thank you so much for your reply smile.png

I agree with what you're saying about going out despite acne. When there's an event that I'm planning to go to, then feel like I don't want to go because of my skin but go anyway, I usually find myself having a great time! I forget about my skin for a while and that's great. I do go out during most days though and face seeing a lot of people - on the bus to/from uni and then while at uni. While I'm at uni and talking with friends I also don't seem to worry much about my skin, unless I've left the house that morning in a down sort of mood because it's a 'bad skin day.' And it doesn't seem to change how my good friends interact with me. It's not an issue which is great smile.png

I am still looking for work. Ironically enough, there are a lot of advertisements around my area to work for Proactiv... that's not going to happen lol.gif But I am still looking.

And I agree with what you said about noticing that a lot of people also have skin issues of some sort. I also think I'm more perceptive of those things because of my own skin. I guess it might be something we all do as a way of relating. Something I've noticed from this though is that there are a lot of people out there with skin issues who are still attractive. (Which makes me feel a little hopeful haha)

I have been feeling a lot better lately. These posts have helped me realise again that I'm not alone in this. I will seek out a therapist if I become really down again and I'll try and speak to my parents in the meantime.

Good luck with psychology if you do end up going down that path smile.png It was something I seriously considered as a long-term career option. It's incredibly interesting to study and I think it could be a very rewarding career. I keep changing my mind on what it is exactly that I want to do. Medicine, psychology, speech pathology and physiotherapy are the recurring ones for me! At this stage I'm pretty sure I'll go into speech pathology but who knows, might change my mind again tongue.png As long as it has something to do with helping people and is in the health field then I'll be happy.

Thanks again smile.png

Edited by Lilly75

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This made me think though -if you stood a 'picture perfect' girl next to a girl with acne or some other sort of 'flaw,' I bet majority of guys would be interested in the 'picture perfect' girl. Maybe that would change once they got to know both girls - don't know. I guess it would change too depending on what one guy thought of as beautiful - you know, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and all that tongue.png

Some women lost interest in me because they didn't "like my personality". Seriously. They thought I was attractive but then they'd say I was "boring". tongue.png So yeah, "looks" are only one of many things that together cause an attraction and sooner or later everyone finds that out. sideways.gif

Edited by Lapis lazuli

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You're not alone!!! Many other people (including myself) have felt this way.

I thought that all people would notice about me was my acne. I know a lot of people with acne, and I barely notice it on them. It wouldn't matter how bad their skin was, I still wouldn't really notice, but if I get one tiny zit, it's like the end of the world, and I feel like everyone's staring, and it's all they will notice. I know it's hard, but trying to find ways to be confident really helps with the whole social thing.

Just look in a mirror, and compliment yourself for like 10 minutes. It helps.

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You're not alone!!! Many other people (including myself) have felt this way.

I thought that all people would notice about me was my acne. I know a lot of people with acne, and I barely notice it on them. It wouldn't matter how bad their skin was, I still wouldn't really notice, but if I get one tiny zit, it's like the end of the world, and I feel like everyone's staring, and it's all they will notice. I know it's hard, but trying to find ways to be confident really helps with the whole social thing.

Just look in a mirror, and compliment yourself for like 10 minutes. It helps.

Everytime I look in a mirror, all I see are my red marks and every red area on my face and every flaw. I never can notice my good qualities

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You're not alone!!! Many other people (including myself) have felt this way.

I thought that all people would notice about me was my acne. I know a lot of people with acne, and I barely notice it on them. It wouldn't matter how bad their skin was, I still wouldn't really notice, but if I get one tiny zit, it's like the end of the world, and I feel like everyone's staring, and it's all they will notice. I know it's hard, but trying to find ways to be confident really helps with the whole social thing.

Just look in a mirror, and compliment yourself for like 10 minutes. It helps.

Sometimes I do feel that my skin/acne is the only thing people will notice about me but I guess that's because I'm used to perceiving myself that way. I have no idea what people do first notice about me and I've no way of really knowing. I think I'd rather not know and just work on improving how I see myself. :)

The mirror / compliment yourself idea sounds like it would work but like Murph said, when I'm in front of a mirror I tend to only notice the physical flaws. I'll try it out though - might take some getting used to, as weird as that might sound...

Thanks for the suggestion :)

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You're not alone!!! Many other people (including myself) have felt this way.

I thought that all people would notice about me was my acne. I know a lot of people with acne, and I barely notice it on them. It wouldn't matter how bad their skin was, I still wouldn't really notice, but if I get one tiny zit, it's like the end of the world, and I feel like everyone's staring, and it's all they will notice. I know it's hard, but trying to find ways to be confident really helps with the whole social thing.

Just look in a mirror, and compliment yourself for like 10 minutes. It helps.

Sometimes I do feel that my skin/acne is the only thing people will notice about me but I guess that's because I'm used to perceiving myself that way. I have no idea what people do first notice about me and I've no way of really knowing. I think I'd rather not know and just work on improving how I see myself. :)

The mirror / compliment yourself idea sounds like it would work but like Murph said, when I'm in front of a mirror I tend to only notice the physical flaws. I'll try it out though - might take some getting used to, as weird as that might sound...

Thanks for the suggestion :)

I'm exactly the same way. I wonder what people notice when they first meet me. How's Australia by the way? It's my dream to live there for a while one day

Edited by Murph89

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You're not alone!!! Many other people (including myself) have felt this way.

I thought that all people would notice about me was my acne. I know a lot of people with acne, and I barely notice it on them. It wouldn't matter how bad their skin was, I still wouldn't really notice, but if I get one tiny zit, it's like the end of the world, and I feel like everyone's staring, and it's all they will notice. I know it's hard, but trying to find ways to be confident really helps with the whole social thing.

Just look in a mirror, and compliment yourself for like 10 minutes. It helps.

Sometimes I do feel that my skin/acne is the only thing people will notice about me but I guess that's because I'm used to perceiving myself that way. I have no idea what people do first notice about me and I've no way of really knowing. I think I'd rather not know and just work on improving how I see myself. smile.png

The mirror / compliment yourself idea sounds like it would work but like Murph said, when I'm in front of a mirror I tend to only notice the physical flaws. I'll try it out though - might take some getting used to, as weird as that might sound...

Thanks for the suggestion smile.png

Mirrors never truly capture it all... You only see what you want to see in yourself when you look in a mirror. That's why telling yourself that you're worth something is a great idea, because even though you may not think you believe it, subconsciously you do. I don't blame you for feeling down, acne is a real confidence destroyer. I too feel like people only notice my flaws, because that's all I notice - but who knows, why does it matter? The only thing that will truly make you happy is accepting yourself, and of course treating your acne. Good luck~

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