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I've been a lurker on these boards for years. I used to be active under another account 5 years ago then stopped using it. I recently started coming back.

I came to this board 5 years ago in search of scar treatments (I had minor scarring). As I came to these boards, my fixation grew into a deeper obsession as I took pics under different lights and with different angles as many others were doing. My scarring was magnfied in my eyes as my obsession grew. I became sad and mildly depressed. This led me to take action.

I tried a few of the scar treatments boasted on these boards out of desperation to corrrect my scarring issue which grew from the reality of minor to major in my mind. This is what the obession had done.

The treatments worsened my condition over the years as the damage settled in slowly. I would do anything to turn back the clock as the immense guilt, despair, and depression overwhelm me. I look at pictures from back then with a deep yearning to go back. I can't go back, I know. I wish I could go back and stop that insane obsession, leave things alone, and just move on without spending all those hours here.

I now live a life so different than I did back then. I go through serious bouts of depression, a type of feeling I had never gone through before all this. However, I didn't realize the consequences back then. I just thought there was some miracle cure for scars...I would take even a minor improvement for such a minor problem. Instead, I traded the minor problem into a much larger one.

Somedays are hard to move on. Not sure if this will help anyone. I hope it does, I would NEVER want anyone to go through this sort of hell.

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i use to carry a mirror under my jacket while i was at work... just to take into the bath room with the worst over headed lights just to look at my scars... ;/

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