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... because I am in want of a girlfriend. and have decided upon fulminating briefly.

I'm not going to describe how I think and speak, behave and react, because this is largely who I am. That is - I'm not looking for your advice on how to compromise my inclination towards funk and awkward, antediluvian and honest, polite and reserved. Yeah, yeah, you can change the impression you give off, which will really just be a change in your person, not persona... Not really looking to do that. I am, you can say and have likely observed, stubborn in this sense. So here in this post I plan on just sort of describing things - I suppose it's mostly for myself.

I have liked maybe* four girls seriously and had one, first and last, girlfriend several years ago in secondary school. This was the first time that someone ostensibly reciprocated the feelings I had, which was novel. I think this fact alone, however, is what drove the relationship. It was, in retrospect, not very fulfilling. On the grounds that we were happy, sure, but we never talked a whole lot - never considered issues or reflected on philosophies. I didn't even realize she didn't like Bobby Darin until we broke up like eight months later!

Prior to this I had been pretty confident with girls. I was able to approach them like it was anything else, how it should be. I wrote silly letters to girls and stood atop desks asking if they'd want to hang out when enough was enough. After this relationship, though, it was like I suddenly felt a contempt for them, which I won't explain the details of. This girl had wrung me dry and then yelled at me after I told her I'd an assignment to finish. I think the reason I was unable to notice the unhealthiness of the relationship was because I was caught betwixt her and what is technically the most important year of pre-college education. It wasn't fair to her, but given her age and state, I'd wager that she had a much clearer vantage. Regardless - as I said - a strange contempt was formed.

To boot, I was apparently really prone to confirmation bias because for the next year, whenever a girl got close I became weary and horribly suspect.

In college, now, I'm at long last recognizing the ridiculousness of what I've been thinking. I mean, thinking to myself that girls are secondary to coursework has provided me with this strange angry focus but it can only go so far.. haha. At the same time, however, I haven't a clue as to how to suppress my newly-developed over-conscientiousness when it comes to interacting with girls. God, I'm such a nerd.

During my first year, actually, I was sitting down at tables of girls with one seat open - getting names, learning about people, having a great time. But none of it stuck. I suppose I wasn't really interested in them as I thought I was. Instead, I was proving to myself that I could be 'social' in the colloquial sense of the word. Great. Proved it just like the damned theorems I did all year and to similar effect: none of it has done anything for me.

This year, I became helplessly attracted to a senior. She had incredibly soft features and this smile that made me think the worst**. More than this, she was preternaturally secure. I finally whipped up the mindlessness needed to get over my over-analytical tendency one day to ask if she wanted to hang out. It ended up with me getting her number and the next day, she even said she liked my sweater! Of course, when I called she didn't pick up which resulted in a terrible voice-mail message. Then, a week or so later, my maverick text message yielded the same. Now she's graduated and I'm trying to get over her. But not really, because I feel like there's slim to nil chance another girl out there so holistically manifests what I find beautiful. Leave me to my decadence!

Moreover, I'm like feeding this too-thoughtful deportment and helpless romantic in me by going onto omegle occasionally and beginning chats where I ask all of my silly questions and imagine what the girl is like, that some day I'll find her and we'll connect and all will be well.

My friend told me recently that I'm sexist. I know why. I'm trying to overcompensate for the fact that I don't naturally think of sex when I think of the girls I'm attracted to. Trying overcompensate for feeling this slight compunction when my eyes inadvertently fall upon a lady's bottom. I think I've had it. I'm reverting to my letter-writing, straightforward question-asking, semi-shameless honest self.

This rant, from the beginning, I knew would go nowhere. Just felt like spelling it out. Thanks for reading. Also, I hope my syntactical negligence was not too apparent - I've written this in a true and honest flurry.

* It is four, just FYI. Happen to remember the names. Reckon why I said maybe..

** I would hope it would rain and then imagine us getting soaked and us embracing with her wrapping her arms around me in my coat. I don't usually wish cold upon people, I swear!

Edited by jonathanc

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I must say, this post was refreshingly refined. Not what I'd expect to come across in the forums here.

Thanks verily!

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I have to agree – this is a refreshing post. I enjoyed reading it – now maybe that’s because I’m meant to be writing a debate assignment for uni and would love to be doing anything but that… – no, really, I did find this nice to read.

And I don’t know if you were after advice or anything but I thought I’d give my two cents worth of things I thought while reading it…

On the grounds that we were happy, sure, but we never talked a whole lot - never considered issues or reflected on philosophies. I didn't even realize she didn't like Bobby Darin until we broke up like eight months later!

Sort of sounds to me like you were both in the relationship for the sake of being in a relationship. But not to worry – it’s an experience to learn from, so that future relationships may hopefully be better.

And what!??! I didn’t even realise it was possible for someone to dislike Bobby Darin! Not joking – I love that guy. But I’d have to say I love Dean Martin more <3

This year, I became helplessly attracted to a senior. She had incredibly soft features and this smile that made me think the worst**. More than this, she was preternaturally secure. I finally whipped up the mindlessness needed to get over my over-analytical tendency one day to ask if she wanted to hang out. It ended up with me getting her number and the next day, she even said she liked my sweater! Of course, when I called she didn't pick up which resulted in a terrible voice-mail message. Then, a week or so later, my maverick text message yielded the same. Now she's graduated and I'm trying to get over her. But not really, because I feel like there's slim to nil chance another girl out there so holistically manifests what I find beautiful. Leave me to my decadence!

Sorry to hear it ended up like that. It may take time to get over her but it will be good for you when you do. You can’t stay thinking about this girl all the time if you know nothing will happen – you’ll be blind to see that maybe there is another girl passing by who is all that you find beautiful. And if you’re lucky, she’ll think the same of you.

Moreover, I'm like feeding this too-thoughtful deportment and helpless romantic in me by going onto omegle occasionally and beginning chats where I ask all of my silly questions and imagine what the girl is like, that some day I'll find her and we'll connect and all will be well.

I’m really ashamed to say I’ve done this haha – more often than not though the guys are jerks. It’s not a good way to meet people I don’t think. I do remember a nice conversation though with a guy named ‘Nick’ but unfortunately my internet cut out mid-conversation…

some day I'll find her and we'll connect and all will be well.

Just reading that again somehow reminded me of the movie ‘Serendipity’ – a hopeless romantics movie most definitely… I need to watch it again.

Anyway – I don’t think I really ended up saying anything… I’m sure there was a point that I wanted to make – but honestly now all I want to do is go play some Dean Martin songs :P

Hope things work out well for you :)

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Anyway – I don’t think I really ended up saying anything… I’m sure there was a point that I wanted to make – but honestly now all I want to do is go play some Dean Martin songs tongue.png

Hope things work out well for you smile.png

Hey, I'm so sorry for the late response. Appreciate your thoughts...

Being in a relationship for the sake of it, very likely missing the chance to meet other swell people, and indulging in admittedly frivolous fun on omegle - I agree with you on all counts.

Anyway, I do hope your debate went alright!

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Anyway – I don’t think I really ended up saying anything… I’m sure there was a point that I wanted to make – but honestly now all I want to do is go play some Dean Martin songs tongue.png

Hope things work out well for you smile.png

Hey, I'm so sorry for the late response. Appreciate your thoughts...

Being in a relationship for the sake of it, very likely missing the chance to meet other swell people, and indulging in admittedly frivolous fun on omegle - I agree with you on all counts.

Anyway, I do hope your debate went alright!

Not a problem - honestly wasn't expecting a reply but thank you anyway :)

And the debate ended up going really well!

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Great post, I can definintely relate. My past acne history has left my scarred of the true person of who I really am. I know what I want yet.. I just can't 'do it', you know? It's like an invisible wall stopping me from doing anything further with girls.

Sad that you didn't go on any further with this girl, I was hoping for a happy ending

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... because I am in want of a girlfriend. and have decided upon fulminating briefly.

I'm not going to describe how I think and speak, behave and react, because this is largely who I am. That is - I'm not looking for your advice on how to compromise my inclination towards funk and awkward, antediluvian and honest, polite and reserved. Yeah, yeah, you can change the impression you give off, which will really just be a change in your person, not persona... Not really looking to do that. I am, you can say and have likely observed, stubborn in this sense. So here in this post I plan on just sort of describing things - I suppose it's mostly for myself.

I have liked maybe* four girls seriously and had one, first and last, girlfriend several years ago in secondary school. This was the first time that someone ostensibly reciprocated the feelings I had, which was novel. I think this fact alone, however, is what drove the relationship. It was, in retrospect, not very fulfilling. On the grounds that we were happy, sure, but we never talked a whole lot - never considered issues or reflected on philosophies. I didn't even realize she didn't like Bobby Darin until we broke up like eight months later!

Prior to this I had been pretty confident with girls. I was able to approach them like it was anything else, how it should be. I wrote silly letters to girls and stood atop desks asking if they'd want to hang out when enough was enough. After this relationship, though, it was like I suddenly felt a contempt for them, which I won't explain the details of. This girl had wrung me dry and then yelled at me after I told her I'd an assignment to finish. I think the reason I was unable to notice the unhealthiness of the relationship was because I was caught betwixt her and what is technically the most important year of pre-college education. It wasn't fair to her, but given her age and state, I'd wager that she had a much clearer vantage. Regardless - as I said - a strange contempt was formed.

To boot, I was apparently really prone to confirmation bias because for the next year, whenever a girl got close I became weary and horribly suspect.

In college, now, I'm at long last recognizing the ridiculousness of what I've been thinking. I mean, thinking to myself that girls are secondary to coursework has provided me with this strange angry focus but it can only go so far.. haha. At the same time, however, I haven't a clue as to how to suppress my newly-developed over-conscientiousness when it comes to interacting with girls. God, I'm such a nerd.

During my first year, actually, I was sitting down at tables of girls with one seat open - getting names, learning about people, having a great time. But none of it stuck. I suppose I wasn't really interested in them as I thought I was. Instead, I was proving to myself that I could be 'social' in the colloquial sense of the word. Great. Proved it just like the damned theorems I did all year and to similar effect: none of it has done anything for me.

This year, I became helplessly attracted to a senior. She had incredibly soft features and this smile that made me think the worst**. More than this, she was preternaturally secure. I finally whipped up the mindlessness needed to get over my over-analytical tendency one day to ask if she wanted to hang out. It ended up with me getting her number and the next day, she even said she liked my sweater! Of course, when I called she didn't pick up which resulted in a terrible voice-mail message. Then, a week or so later, my maverick text message yielded the same. Now she's graduated and I'm trying to get over her. But not really, because I feel like there's slim to nil chance another girl out there so holistically manifests what I find beautiful. Leave me to my decadence!

Moreover, I'm like feeding this too-thoughtful deportment and helpless romantic in me by going onto omegle occasionally and beginning chats where I ask all of my silly questions and imagine what the girl is like, that some day I'll find her and we'll connect and all will be well.

My friend told me recently that I'm sexist. I know why. I'm trying to overcompensate for the fact that I don't naturally think of sex when I think of the girls I'm attracted to. Trying overcompensate for feeling this slight compunction when my eyes inadvertently fall upon a lady's bottom. I think I've had it. I'm reverting to my letter-writing, straightforward question-asking, semi-shameless honest self.

This rant, from the beginning, I knew would go nowhere. Just felt like spelling it out. Thanks for reading. Also, I hope my syntactical negligence was not too apparent - I've written this in a true and honest flurry.

* It is four, just FYI. Happen to remember the names. Reckon why I said maybe..

** I would hope it would rain and then imagine us getting soaked and us embracing with her wrapping her arms around me in my coat. I don't usually wish cold upon people, I swear!

Interesting post.

Here are my thoughts on it.

It is very well written. However this is a forum. A place to be free of the constraints of an academic essay. You remind me of me when i write a paper on nutrition or sport science.

Your current thought process about girls is much the same as your writing style. It seems like you're over thinking everything. It's like this defensive shield you have put up to protect yourself. Understandable if you have had a bad experience with a girl. However you're not the first guy ever to go through this. You either adapt or die to coin a phrase. In other words dude get over yourself and get on with it. I mean that in a good way however i am quite brutally honest with people.

You need balance. Easier said than done and a lot of people fail. However you can't see all women in the same light and you can;t keep blaming your acne. Fact is, if a girl likes you she will like you no matter what. I am 28, still have acne albeit under control. My girlfriend is with me for who i am. I concluded a long time ago that acne is irrelevant to getting a good girlfriend. As soon as you leave this behind the better you'll be

I wish you all the best.

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I wish you all the best.

I'm certainly aware of how I over think things and am, if you can believe it, considerably more off the cuff.

The post was largely an expression, sort of a great exhale before moving on entirely. Two minor points I'd like to clarify - as far as the writing is concerned, can't quite help it. I write as I write; nothing contrived here. The second - acne was never, materially, the single driver of the anxiety described.

All of this aside, thanks for writing. Your brute honesty, as you put it, I appreciate tremendously and was the kind of kick I needed.

Edited by jonathanc

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It is very well written. However this is a forum. A place to be free of the constraints of an academic essay. You remind me of me when i write a paper on nutrition or sport science.

I agree. It feels as though I'm reading something composed by Dostoevsky. Novel, to be sure, but the result is your personal musings sound disingenuous.

That said, I am sure you are being genuine and I sincerely hope you meet your match sometime in the near future.

Cheers.

Edited by tritonxiv

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I wish you all the best.

I'm certainly aware of how I over think things and am, if you can believe it, considerably more off the cuff.

The post was largely an expression, sort of a great exhale before moving on entirely. Two minor points I'd like to clarify - as far as the writing is concerned, can't quite help it. I write as I write; nothing contrived here. The second - acne was never, materially, the single driver of the anxiety described.

All of this aside, thanks for writing. Your brute honesty, as you put it, I appreciate tremendously and was the kind of kick I needed.

I like your post. At least you know what is wrong. Now you have a better idea how to fix it.

Takes a brave person to admit to their own demons. Full respect to you for that.

Things won't happen overnight but you can do it. Believe i battled depression for two years. Was a dark time for me. I look back now and REFUSE to ever be that person again.

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