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Clown Girl

The Girl Who Was Just Another Face In The Crowd, Turned Confident.

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I used to post on this website a lot (veteran member) and about two to three years ago I was the girl who had severe acne. Not just one or two pimples on her face, not just an "oh my god, a zit?!" kind, but I was actually suffering, like many of you out there, from severe acne and severe emotional scars. I battled my way onto numerous of skincare treatments like proactiv, murad, "natural" skin care from local pharmacies. I went through laser's upon my face, suffered endlessly with belittling remarks, harsh stares, and an undermining inferior complex. I was that girl and I know what many of you have suffered. I hated the doctors, hated my parents for making me try a new "regimen" every month, every week, and most of all, I hated myself. I avoided mirrors and I avoided looking at people in the eye, because I knew once I did, I would not receive the same kind of mutual respect back. I cried in my bed, depressed and wondered "Why am I chosen to be like this?" and "Why do I not deserve to be pretty?". My feelings of inferiority was also connected to the relationships I had in my life, and my boyfriend of three years at the time dumped me. I had never known the feeling of "clarity" because it seemed ever since I was twelve to thirteen, I had acne. BUT this is not just another "sad rant" of how my life was, but instead this is a story where it does have a happy ending, or more so a beginning. It wasn't until I tried the medicine called Accutane at around 30 mg and progressing towards 40mg during a span of 3-4 months that my skin became different. During the progress my skin became dry and my eyes dried out. My lips and mouth were dry and I was still miserable, until one day during those three months, I took a good look at myself in the mirror and realized, "Wow. My skin is changing. The oil is dissapearing. The cysts are becoming just little zits. I'm feeling pretty. I had never known this feeling." My life changed. Soon after those months of dry skin and and wondering, my skin still did not cease to progress into becoming normal. Every day it was better. I still had the scars that were left behind, BUT STILL, I didn't need to spend an hour in front of the mirror trying to cover up who I am. If it wasn't for my moms research on the drugs and my small inch of hope, I wouldn't be the person I am today who looks at people in the eye, smiles so brightly and is given genuine compliments on my overall vibe and persona I give off to people. I never knew that feeling before. I was the ugly ducking but now I am the swan. It is not conceit, it is the belief that a small inch of hope is all it takes. WHEN you feel down and out and when you feel like you just want to give up, just PULL yourself up from where you're laying and know in your heart that this is not the end, for you friend. It took a while for me to realize that the girl with acne on her face was not the same girl, and I had to believe in this new person. It's kind of funny to me that some girls come across as being jealous or catty for no reason, when they have no idea what I went through and what I looked like, and if they did I would have told they that the only thing that is ugly is jealousy. People in life should all just be happy and work towards making other people happy as well. I'm not sure if this story will relate to you, or even if you have read it, but I just needed to write this because I know that three years ago, I was the one on these message boards and in my house wanting to be alive and I want you to know that you too, will have your happy beginning. Today at twenty years young, I am alive, more alive than I had ever been since my teen years as a struggling girl who was looking for her confidence. I am working towards my associates degree in order to transfer to a reputable university and wanting to go into design and become an artist or an editor for a magazine. I now simply just laugh at the girls and boys who teased me during high schools. I was the nerd who overcame it all. You have the power to choose where your life will be and where you are heading. One day you will laugh at it all and know that THIS experience and the good and the bad will all work out in the end and add to your character and your outlook on life, and I wish the best of luck to everyone in pursuit of their goals.

xo clowngirl

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Great post! I'm glad you found what worked for you and are now able to live your life the way you want without your skin holding you back. Our cure is out there somewhere, NEVER GIVE UP PEOPLE!

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Great post! I'm sure it gives some hope to people on this board that are struggling emotionally.

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thank you for all of the wonderful feedback! I truly do believe if one solution can work for me, then there are MANY different solutions out there that can work for everybody and each individual. Sometimes it really is just about trial and error. We are all different and to me, things do happen for a reason. I don't regret anything. And MJR194, I tried Accutane at (correction, 80mg) during my senior year of high school, so around eighteen :) never give up hope <3

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THANK YOU! This seriously, seriously gives me hope. I'm about to turn 28 next week and start Accutane ON my birthday! I can't wait and it's my last hope. My story is somewhat backwards in that I was very happy and had/have a great vibe, always looking people in the eye. It was only during this last year when my acne became severe that I stopped making eye contact with people, always looking at the ground, wanting to hide inside my house. I prayed to God, my guardian angel, to give me strength to take this strong medicine, and I believe that I am being guided to take it, and to be strong and set an example for others just as you are doing so right now.

Thank you. <3

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thank you for all of the wonderful feedback! I truly do believe if one solution can work for me, then there are MANY different solutions out there that can work for everybody and each individual. Sometimes it really is just about trial and error. We are all different and to me, things do happen for a reason. I don't regret anything. And MJR194, I tried Accutane at (correction, 80mg) during my senior year of high school, so around eighteen smile.png never give up hope <3

Thanks for the reply smile.png I am curious because I am 18 now also and my acne has not faded one bit (in fact, in some ways it has got worse...) but I am not sure if I should wait it out or just go for the Accutane, the side effects are very off putting sad.png. My dad keeps telling me it will clear up soon or at least when I am 19 some time but i can't wait that long, I really, really don't want to go to university with my face like this...

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Ginanutrition, that sounds amazing! I am so happy that you're about to start your own personal journey with Accutane. Soon you WILL be the one setting the example for others, for friends and family and for yourself. Never give up hope. I wish you the best! MJR194, I too was afraid to take it because I heard about all of the side effects but I was at the point of my life where the pros outweighed the cons and I took the risk and it just so happened the risk was worth it. I believe that you will find the best solution that will work for you. It's never too late for a second chance at life. Acne held me back for so long and almost held me back at studying, but it didn't hold me back forever and I know it won't hold you back forever. I also wish you the best and with your studies at university :)

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Good for you glad to hear, your only 20 though so hopefully it doesn't come back, accutane if it works only seems to work for so long.

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Nice! It's good to know Roaccutane worked, I was on it a few years ago and while it initially worked, I relapsed soon after.

Edited by Ivar31

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