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Ok, this is really difficult for me to put down, so bear with me. I happened upon this site today while searching the web for, perhaps, some answers to my problem. I am only writing this because it seems to me that you people are so supportive of eachother, and you know what I'm going through, so I pray that I won't get negative feedback. Well, here goes...

I've had acne for the last 11 hellish years of my life. As of the past 8 years, I have suffered (and I mean that in every sense of the word) with severe acne scarring. All over my cheeks, chin, forehead. Every day is a continuing nightmare, beginning when I wake up and look in the mirror. It's like a freakin' punch to the gut every time. Always wondering what people are going to say next...what they're thinking...I've had children ask their mothers why I was so ugly (bless their little souls, I know they don't know any better), people talking about me right in front of me on how 'laser treatment would be beneficial to that poor girl' like I was some sort of sideshow freak (thats how I've come to think of myself). Boys on the bus (in front of some of my coworkers) one time saying I was alright 'if it wasn't for that face. On time at work, an elderly lady looked at me horrified and asked 'what's wrong with your face?'. Extreme and utter humiliation. I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to put my face thru the mirror every time I look in it, or to just take a knife and peel my skin off (sorry, to the squeamish!) to get it over with. At least I would have an excuse then!

I'm sick of not being able to go out in public without people staring and commenting. I'm sick of having to slather on the makeup before I go anywhere to provide some sort of sloppy coverage. I'm sick of being dead inside. I don't know what to do anymore. My self esteem has suffered so much. I just want to die. I wish that the government would realize that the costly medication and treatments are too much for a lot of us, and that it is not mainly for cosmetic reason. Nobody wants to be treated like a monster, which I am on a daily basis. I just want to look normal. I want to hear someone tell me I'm pretty. I want people to give me a chance. I promise you this. I refuse to live the rest of my life in freakish misery...if nothing can be done, I will end my life. This isn't a pathetic cry for attention. It is the truth. I feel I'm already dead.

If you read this through, thank-you for taking your time. It feels somewhat good to finally unload this off my chest.

Take Care smile.gif

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thank u for posting, im not good with encouraging posts, but a lot of ppl here are.

Let me tell you that there is always a light at the end of every tunnel. Someone will come along and see u the way u are, and look past the ance.scars. Evryone has there faults, you just have to accept who u are and move on.

DO u still ahve acne or just scars? Because theres a lot of relativly affordable operations out there now that can improve the look of scars. I reccomend checkin out the scar forum for some advice.

BTW how old are you? Cuz if ur young, scars seem to look better and heal a little.

Good luck with it all, and suicide is NEVER an option. smile.gif

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wow, dead inside, that is deep. can't say i know exactly what you are going through cause my acne's not really bad. my life is rough in a thousand other ways but not that one.

sharing your feelings here is a good start, overall we are a pretty supportive group.

we need to work on building your self esteem. do you have any friends? hobbies? you are not a monster. so you have some spots on your face. that's only a small fraction of who you are.

as for the spots, what is your current regime? many folks on this site have been tons successful with dan's and botchla's regime. jade's is pretty new, but what works for me is closer to that than any of the others.

have you taken a look at the gallery? you will find many of us in your exact situation.

ending your life is not the answer, but we are here to help you find what is.

love, angie

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this is a good post.

whether you realize it or not, some people will look at this and think to themselves that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

suicide shouldnt be a consideration, there are ways to improve scarring. theres a scar board on here that can provide an immense amount of info.

dont worry, things can be done..in time you can probably improve your appearance fairly drastically. anyway...thanks for this. I think it might help some people more than you think.... biggrin.gif

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yeah, but all these people that you see in public that say stuff just think "fuck them ill never see them again", really all you need in life is your family, 1 best friend, food, and clothes, put all your focus from acne/scars and put it to those because once acne takes over you, you will slowly lose those essentials. Dont be so hard on yourself.

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Ok, this is really difficult for me to put down, so bear with me.  I happened upon this site today while searching the web for, perhaps, some answers to my problem.  I am only writing this because it seems to me that you people are so supportive of eachother, and you know what I'm going through, so I pray that I won't get negative feedback.  Well, here goes...

I've had acne for the last 11 hellish years of my life.  As of the past 8 years, I have suffered (and I mean that in every sense of the word) with severe acne scarring.  All over my cheeks, chin, forehead.  Every day is a continuing nightmare, beginning when I wake up and look in the mirror.  It's like a freakin' punch to the gut every time.  Always wondering what people are going to say next...what they're thinking...I've had children ask their mothers why I was so ugly (bless their little souls, I know they don't know any better), people talking about me right in front of me on how 'laser treatment would be beneficial to that poor girl' like I was some sort of sideshow freak (thats how I've come to think of myself).  Boys on the bus (in front of some of my coworkers) one time saying I was alright 'if it wasn't for that face.  On time at work, an elderly lady looked at me horrified and asked 'what's wrong with your face?'.  Extreme and utter humiliation.  I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to put my face thru the mirror every time I look in it, or to just take a knife and peel my skin off (sorry, to the squeamish!) to get it over with.  At least I would have an excuse then! 

I'm sick of not being able to go out in public without people staring and commenting.  I'm sick of having to slather on the makeup before I go anywhere to provide some sort of sloppy coverage.  I'm sick of being dead inside.  I don't know what to do anymore.  My self esteem has suffered so much.  I just want to die.  I wish that the government would  realize that the costly medication and treatments are too much for a lot of us, and that it is not mainly for cosmetic reason.  Nobody wants to be treated like a monster, which I am on a daily basis.  I just want to look normal.  I want to hear someone tell me I'm pretty.  I want people to give me a chance.  I promise you this.  I refuse to live the rest of my life in freakish misery...if nothing can be done, I will end my life.  This isn't a pathetic cry for attention.  It is the truth.  I feel I'm already dead.

If you read this through, thank-you for taking your time.  It feels somewhat good to finally unload this off my chest.

Take Care  smile.gif

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its me again, and I would just like to thank you all who have replied. it makes me feel better to know that people recognize what I am going thru, and can take the time to say a few kind words.

i was taking accutane, which, thank God, has stopped the break outs, although I do get a few here and there. as for the scars, i cant really afford to do anything about them. im stuck with it, so i may as well live the best way I can. I suppose if people dont like the way i look, fine. but i know im a good person and if they cant look past the flaws, thats fine as well. you dont deserve to know me then. i suppose if I let the bitterness and despair engulf me, I will truly be ugly. but I wont, damn it! meh, im just rambling on now....but i will leave you with a quote

"if the universe conspired for billions of years to give you life, why should you live it feeling alone and unloved?" -unknown (by me, at least)

lol i think thats how that goes lol

take care all of you, and thank you smile.gif

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Guest Captain Chaos
"if the universe conspired for billions of years to give you life, why should you live it feeling alone and unloved?" -unknown (by me, at least)

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I can really relate to your story dead inside.

i have had acne for 9 years now, the past four years my acne was very severe.

i have been on four courses of accutane and my skin was eventually cleared of acne.

My scars are quite severe, they are all over my face and neck, and there are red patches everywhere. I hate going on the bus too, the past few days ive had to catch the one which picks all the kids up from school. Everyone stares and its always the kids, pensioners or groups or girls who make the worst comments to me. "i would hate to be tat ugly" "you will never get a girlfriend" "what happened to him"

It cuts like a knife every fucking time.

I cant afford an operation or procedure yet and even if i could, my derm told me nothing can be done so get on with it.

I have heard about isolagen but dont know if it can help me but thats my last hope, but it costs £2500 and i dont have that kind of cash yet.

oh and my derm told me i would be clear of acne from now on (that was 4 months ago) but 2 days ago i got a huge breakout.

Dont consider suicide, there are always people worse off than you and im one of them ph34r.gif

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