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monkeyisland90

Clear Skin Journey To Help My Insecured Mind!

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UMMM before i seem to be so detailed and obsessive over my skin, I struggle with lot of shyness and insecurity which is why i'm trying to gain some confidence through my skin. Tried and still trying to work out the inner confidence in me but seems it's taking awhile, so why not speed up the process by working outside as well.. Kind of vain and superficial but that's human nature :)

I had great skin up till age 13 and I think I made easy friends because of my skin in the beginnming. Then I noticed some zits (no pimples) around my cheeks and started this whole OTC binge (clearasil, oxy, clinque, neutrogena, etc). None of those products worked so i just didn't really bother since I was thinking I'm doing more harm then good. If I got some good guidance or information about skin during this time I probally would have much healthier skin. But I'm thinking even if I did, I probally had more normal teen problems to worry about so I just neglected it and enjoy life carelessly! That was junior high and it was fun time indeed. I don't think anyone commented negatively about some zits I had other then my friend's mom (she's korean too) who basically said i had acne. Korean culture sometimes bluntly tells you about your face shortcomings so I know it was just normal talk and not mean spirited. But actually that did more "good" then "harm"... because it made me think that sometimes people are judging, scrutinizing, or thinking about what's on your face but don't necessary say it too your face. So it made want to take care of my skin better before entering high school, but I ended up forgetting again because my acne wasn't as bad and seem to be pretty clear on it's own. But looking back, I'm thinking i had tons of zits and blemishes if i were to inspect it in mirror but I was living a carefree life so I didn't really bother. Plus, I didn't get any comment's from anyone so I was thinking if it ain't broken why fix it type of deal. Then senior year in HS I realized that I had no idea where to go to school since i didn't really plan well so ended up going upstate NY (i live in seattle). Now this is where my acne went berserk.. I think it was transitional phase but I had so much stress and anxiety that I got huge pimples on each corners of my face. I never get pimples but i guess now I do, and realized stress and pimple are good friends. So came back to Seattle cause I wasn’t cut out for living away from hometown. But the acne got worse cause cause all I did was study and have no social life I got more stress and anxiety. I played more video games and eat lot of good deserts (ice cream, pies, candy, and cakes) and I think that contributed to my skin. But most damaging by far was after college (actually I have like 40 credits left ..doing my own screen printing business.. I think I should go back.. but back to staying on topic...) I would play tons and tons of tennis outside (luckily I’m not in arizona or florida) in Seattle summer probally 5x a week for about 3-4 hours for the next 4-5 years. I think that triggered lot of sun damage, acne, and rosacea red spots. I put no sunblock or moisturizer so you can imagine the damage. Well what I sow is what I reap and now I have to do best I can from now on and had to cut outdoor tennis (still play indoors), change my diet, go dermatologist, and get on this regime. I still don’t know if its adult acne or rosacea even though 3 different dermatologist says they see a little rosacea but the way they say it seems like there not 100% certain. So next visit I should ask for definite answer. I’ve tried acne.org regime with DK products in past (around 2 times) but quit after seeing breakouts, irritation or reading some horror stories of benzoyl peroxide (I thought it also caused wrinkles in my forehead but realized it was just dry skin and aging process). But I’m back on it because it seems that BP is the key to staying clear. Not that I’m clear right now (actually got breakouts and is red right now) but reading lot about acne and seeing that lot of major acne companies use BP so I got sucked back in. Salycic acid cleared some acne but di thidn’t prevent the new ones. Reading that BP might have the irritation and breakouts in the initial stages, kept me from quitting this time which is why I’m doing this blog to see if BP really works for m e or not. It’s kind of a hassle and pain to go really slowly, but for the sake of attaining accurate information, I’ll commit. (Sidenote...It's really ruining my social life.!!.. )

Morning regime

Eucerin Red relief cleanser

sulfacetamide sodium 10% ointment

Dan’s BP 2.5%

Eucerin Red relief moisturizer w/jojoba oil

Trying to eat healthy too by eating lot of “power foods” and drinking like crazy water (lot of bathroom visits)

working out like crazy (this really helps with stress and mind control)

and incorporating maybe yoga

Good rest

Bible reading, praying and thinking about Jesus file:///C:/Users/Animescreen/AppData/Local/Temp/wlmail1768976332/supfiles24EB594/wlEmoticon-smile%5B1%5D.png (It’s funny that I read, hear messages and puts everything in perspective until I forget that church sermon or passage... and I see the mirror.. it just shows you the power of acne or blemish does on your psych!)

Night regime

Clarisonic with/

Eucerin Red relief cleanser

sulfacetamide sodium 10% ointment

Dan’s BP 2.5%

Eucerin Red relief moisturizer w/jojoba oil

And trying to incorporate some masks and peels but not sure if I’m disrupting the regime.. especially chemical peels.. any thoughts if it’s ok? I should ask dermatoligist too...

Edited by monkeyisland90
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The mind really plays a huge part on skin. Whenever I'm stressed or worried, my skin looks like totally different person. i guess that might be part of rosacea triggers. If I don't get my mind right then all else fails. So I really got to watch what I "THINK" and "SAY". Luckily I"m in seattle where it's always usually raining but when summer comes the flares get back up and I'm helpless on the flareups.. But doing this log im hoping i can catch what flares up and what helps. So far, cold water, breathing excercise, excercise, good rest, positive thinking, church messages helps a lot. Things that increase my flareups so far are hot foods, hot weather, humidity, socializing with strangers, worrying, stress, being self conscious, public settings.. ) I noticed most of my flareups are due to psychological reasons. Might be the root cause actually.

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Day three.

Woke up and see the smaller whiteheads disappear which is good sign that bp isnt adding more breakouts (so far), but the redness continues mostly in cheeks and some on the temple. Seems sleeping and rubbing my face in pillow is guaranteed redness but also when im groggy and didnt have good rest. So i try praying in morning so i get all my negative thoughts aand vibes out of my system and does help flush out redness into a zone of peace. Come to think of it most of the redness and blushing is from my mind as previously mentioned. So guarding my thoughts today and staying focused. I realize food also can trigger redness and testing out this theory by finding which ones are the culprit. Ate chipotle steak burrito and this is the spicy meat in there menu and so far there is no humidity and brain is relaxed and flare up is minimal (but i think its the cold water that counters it being full flare). So i should check my mind before anything else... cause mind controls the body and plays so many tricks on me.

Edited by monkeyisland90
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Hey there! I wish you luck on the regimen and I caution against chemical peels or any harsh additives at this point in the game. I say this because your skin needs time to adjust to the BP and throwing in other strong chemicals could irritate and ultimately cause your face to break out more.

I hope you keep updating us and if you have anymore questions, please do not hesitate to ask!

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whoa thanks for the heads up..i was going to get some peels at amazon.com (probally not the best place to go to get it) but I seem to have addiction to amazon.. i think im just slattering on all these potions, lotions, and such thinking it will miracles.. I've already learned that hydroquinone and bp doesn't mix.. had a bad reaction where people kept asking me if i got tanned or why are you so mad? Yes glad you allowed me to ask more questions..so what about this AHA ... is this more lenient then the peels and will cover up some sunspots and discolorations? (do i need a aha moment.. haha)_

Edited by monkeyisland90
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day 4

So sunday before going to church i had to do all the skin regime really quickly because I woke up late. (I think it's my bad stomach acid i . have from eating junk food).. Well anyways. The church I go to have really rich folks and lot of pretty girls so I want to look the best so they don't give me a bad snobbish look. But i think it's all in my head cause people at the church are pretty laid back and down to earth. But anyways, thought the regime doing it quickly would flare up the skin or irritate it like Mr.Dan talked about. But seems though that my skin is getting little more tolerant on irritation as the BP isn't feeling more dry and or irritating as it initially was... The whitehead and zits are clearing up! I think the jojoba oil really does wonders and used to put lot of on but seems small amounts is all that's needed. Still i'm having the red flush look (again i think it's my mind playing tricks.. constantly overthinking and worrying about one thing or another)... Anyways, Eucerin green tint moisturizer really does work but seems i need to do little bit at a time or flakes start building up. It's funny because in certain light it looks like I'm from a vampire series with noticable makeup on... and since i didn't apply it evenly it looks like i played powder puff football. But seems no ones gonna bring a flashlight and point it on me so it should be ok. Walked around Redmond towne center found a mexican restaurant and ate a really large burrito and was observing if there is any red flushing associated with it.. but drank cold water again so no issue (so burrito is eatable...yay!) Then ate red mango frozen yogurt and heard yogurt is rosacea too.. but seems that nothing happened other then a satsified tummy! (so red mango is eatable.. yay!). Came home and played tennis and glad i didn't breakout cause I left the sweat on for long time (usually i do breakout when sweats sits there for long periods of time).. Did some homemade mask honey mask and did my regime and seems that homemade mask really does wonders in terms of the softness of skin but not really much on acne and blemish..

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Day 5

Was too busy and lazy to log per day so consolidating the two days into today's post. I think i'm posting too much and seems i should be posting privately but then again I'm being too self conscious about what people think so forget i'll post away! Anyways, seems pretty friendly community here with people battling same thing as I am so getting insights and comment's are there to build each other up and discussing what works and what doesn't. So ate oatmeal with honey, green tea and strawberries with no flareups. Ate beef bbq sandwich and potato salad for lunch with no flareups. Seems that spicy and hot foods are usually what causes flareups and hot weather.. But still monitoring this. I do know that mediation does wonders for the skin.. So lot of yoga, bible reading and praying should be a powerful force to reckon with. Im thinking I don't have rosacea now more a psychological battle. Cause excercise is listed as major rosace triggers and it actually helps my skin get calmed.. along with certain foods.. Guess i need more of a shrink then lotions and potions.. haha

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I posted Day 6 and 7 yesterday but I don't know why it didn't show up. I was paranoid that i was posting too much on here so thinking the forum mods signaling me to stop.. haha That was just a paranoid thought.... I'm sure they understand I'm overly concerned about my acne and blemishes. Once I find a regime and habit that seems to work the postings will usually subside but main reason I'm writing on here daily is too see what activities, diet, sleeping pattern ,stress, socializing, stress/anxiety, products cause major changes in my skin and try to avoid it, fight it or replace it. So far I see that stress is a huge factor and I look a different person when i'm stressed compare to being relaxed. So first thing for me I really need to get into a right attitude and mind set.. I see that there is a sticky up on the forum and seems that it's a really good read. So gotta do my daily mediation, praying and bible. and usually is good foundation for me in the morning. Of course I'm not doing it just for skin reasons :) but overall health and perspective on life. Confidence really does come from inside and I'm learning to accept more and more the skin imperfections and just do best i can with the skin stuff. They key is ACCEPTANCE :) It's very easy to accept in comfort of your own home all relaxed but the problem for me is going out in social settings and being too self conscious at times... particulary the random red flushing. And kind of hard to accept when people sometimes comment on the redness like.. when did you go tanning? Did you start some new regime looks like there is some chemical reactions? Why are you so mad? (of course im not mad but after hearing that i get mad :) haha

Day 8. Woke up and Forgot to do night time regime yesterday.. got really bummed out cause my laptop broke and went haywired so.. i got stressed and ended up sleeping instead while watching celebrity apprentice.. (is this turning into a life journal and not a skin journal...? there's correlation so i guess it's ok. ) Laying down I was thinking I'm gonna get breakout next day but I was too tired and was very comfortable in bed and didn't want to move. Luckily i think there was only 1-2 zits from not doing the night time regime.. I see that Mr.Dan's point on doing the regime twice a day is really important.. I see that everytime I did miss once something did happen.. But putting BP daily seems to help with future breakouts.. Before i didn't use BP and just use salycic acid and missed an appointment, I got some crazy breakouts.. Anyways, I got to force myself and commit on not missing. For me doing it before bed is bad idea, get too tired.. So I'll start doing at least 2 hours before bed. Usual meals today so no worries about rosacea symptons.

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Day 9

As noted before stress an acne are bff's and i think sweat and ace are distant cousins. For me extreme stress created pimples while minor stress caused zits. Now working out yesterday i usually blot out the sweat and seems like i do it a lot and i think the irritation caused the breakout... and not the sweat. Even though its gentle pats i think too many just makes the area irritating. Then leaving some swaet too dryis added bonus. So ended up waking up with few more zits in upper lip.. never got zits in this area and now its becoming epedemic. I know ever since i started working out this area has been the most suscestible to breakouts. Another red mark perhaps after healing? Guess its one of those setbacks on the regime and still gotta commit. Ate thai food yesterday night and thai wrap for lunch today and been told thai food is quite healthy. Didnt like it at all but seems taste buds are changing. im gonna stop focusing on my zits today and have a splendid weekend.

Sidenote most of new clothes im getting are getting bleached by bp i think.. and talking too my mom about her acne history she said she had perfect skin and never got one zit while my dad said he had lots. Looks like i got his genes. Other thing is she mentioned that she thought people with acne looked cool... i was like huh? It made me think that people with flawless skin still get insecure or never satisfied. Like chasing rainbow.

Edited by monkeyisland90
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Day 10

It seems everytime I write on here something happens and it gets deleted again. Maybe its a sign i'm rambling too much. Well I guess it's not gonna stop me from posting irrelevant things anyways. Saturday morning was really nice day so went out in the sun a bit but seems like BP and Sun don't mix well so ended up getting bit of a reaction. But it turns out it was more in the mind then the BP or sun. Went to a luxury sports club to work out and really help destress and calm the skin and I think it's due to the building structure and environment. Anyhow it was fun while it lasted cause I took a shower there and washed my face and didn't do the regime (bad idea). I didn't want to bring all these lotions and potions in the men's locker room and be the only guy doing this haha. Plus it takes bit long and I didn't have the patience. Ended up going to the hotel lobby area and saw that there was a club there with lot of rich people with nice skin. Something stirred me to have my skin look like that and filled with envy. But knowing that coveting and envying isn't healthy for me, I refocused on being content and continue on the journey (seems to be wrestling match in my head). More I seem to compare with others (in this case the skin), I tend to get upset, discouraged and more insecure. So instead of catching up to someone elses race, I gotta focus on my own or I will lose lot of ground and eventually quit. (which is an option!)

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GoDay 11

Ok, seems that forgetting the regime night time and just washing in lockeroom only ended up having breakouts. But seems that BP helps fight major breakouts since the zits seems like it's much smaller then what I usually encounter. I mentioned before how important it is for me to do the regime twice a day, but seems like it's getting bit of a hassle and working my life around this seems to be getting ridiculous. Ok enough complaining, I'm still commited. I did walk around downtown seattle half the day and was quite stressful since I was dragged into going to art museum there and seems that the stress created a pimple on the cheek. Seems I can sense something breaking out after stressful day or event.

Day 12.

Continuing to eat healthy and excercise and most importantly destress. Gotta lot of work to finish up today so got to get that finished before I lose needed sleep. I will be ordering the luminxl whitening system for the hyperpigmentation left behind soon after remaining zits clear..but seems that everytime it clears new one pops up.. Slather more BP?

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Day 13

Well normal day but I knew I had lot of stress ahead of me because I totally forgot to do my taxes. So ended up spending all day doing that and I was really worried about breakouts because I always get some from pressure days. Well, to make matters worse, I was too tired at end of the day to do the regime so ended up sleeping on the couch and probally smeared my face all over the oils and such too. However, got a real good sleep so im guessing that balanced it out so breakouts. And tax is done and over, Yes!!

Day 14

Been eating very healthy lately but today people have been bringing in some pastry, cookies, chocolates out of the blue (without any warrant). Despite requesting not to bring these wonderful tempting foods, they apparently don't care what I think. So having a sweet tooth, I ended up eating majority of it and afraid my binge fest will get back to this lifestyle (which i don't think was cause of acne, but did get me lazy and staying up late and increasing my stress, therefore getting acne breakouts). I've heard wonderful things about detoxing your body and getting the kits at whole foods and such and see how it might relate to skin. Doing less homemade mask as this too seems like lot of hassle at times but noticed that when i don't do it the skin gets really hard and rough.. I usually thought you do it once or twice and lasts really long.. but seems it has to be ongoing. I've heard baking soda does wonders so i'll try that tonight

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Day 15

Whoa i've been skipping some regimes lately (always the night one) as I seem to get too comfortable in my bed and end up sleeping and get good rest. Well it seems though it doesn't hurt my skin as much! (well so far).. Seems like the good sleep combats any breakouts and less irritation from washing twice day. But I'm not going to make this a habit as 2x regime is a must (morning and night). Seems as though face is clearing up from zits and now need to find something to remove the hyperpigmenation and dark/sun spots. Dan's BP really is the best bp out there IMHO. I've tried many BP in the past and for some reason it always turned a lot redder then his. But part of it might be due to the fact it's higher percentage too. It seems that the mind has HUGE part in the skin (for me at least) and not only does stress play a role, but seems though envy/coveting does too. Seems that's the motive for most people to get clear skin in the first place. They see someone who has clear skin and it makes you want to do the same or better. So really got to control this envy and coveting as it just robs me of the peace and joy i already have. I guess that's why it's in the ten commandements for a reason..haha

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Day 16th

I'm glad that BP is clearing up the zits and I'm glad I'm not allergic as first assumed. I've read 10% of people are allergic to BP. But I think it might be less since many seem to quit on the initial breakout thinking they are allergic but really not. I still get some reaction when I rush the regime (must have more patience!) and tend to get breakouts sometimes but mostly is redness from aggravating broken blood vessels due to rosacea. I will do meditation and the red flushing starts disappearing. I didn't know mind played such crucial role to the skin (for me at least). Guess writing all this down in the acne journey has revealed some hidden truths about "thy self".

Day 17th

It seems that this whole log talks about myself only haha.. Really not a narcissist but I guess that's what these logs are suppose to be and finding out what works and doesn't. I keep talking about stress and it seems that's almost as crucial as the BP. Problem is when I sweat, there's high chance I get breakout. Wiping the sweat as I workout seems to solve the problem of sweat drying but the constant rubbing or even blotching the sweat causes friction and breakouts. Recently though I got my right foot injured and wasn't able to do my long runs so had to get my fix through free weights. Turns out free weights produce less sweat and seems I haven't got any new breakouts. So in conclusion I guess i have to say bye to the 5-6 mile runs and cut that into half. Seems everything has to be worked around acne.. but I'm glad I'm getting to know thyself bit more (in a healthy non narcisstic way:)

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Day 18th

Ok, I missed another day yesterday night. Fell asleep because my bed is very comfortable. Been getting good sleep and seems that has helped the breakouts tremendously. I must budget my time and cut off things that are very detrimental to my health (video games, watching too much tv, and lounging too long). Seems that will free up my time to finish up my work earlier and get to bed on time. Who knew that acne control and having my life center around it would actually be a blessing in disguise and get me more discipline. But yeah seems zits and pimples are disappearing and I think cutting the long runs have made a difference since I tend to sweat a lot. But I thought I get rid of toxins and helps clear the pores. Anyways destressing through free weights is great and didn't know i could get a good fix without breaking much sweat. Noticed using the clarisonic more it seems that applying the bp and moisturizer is lot more easier and gets absorbed easier too. I guess little more zits disappearing ill have to try some chemical peels.. bit scary but gotta do something about hyperpigmentation. Whoa I hope I'm not turning into a girl discussing skin stuff always.. i guess its ok cause im a wannabe meterosexual,

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Day 19th I think i'm resting on my "regime" and not fully committing. Forgot to do night time regime again (i think this is total 5x). Seems I rather comfortably zone out during the night and not bother doing anything else in the man cave. All dvr's, xbox, computer, music and comfortable seating gets me have no though of doing the regime, until I turn everything off. But at that point, I'm pretty tired and doze off. Luckily no breakouts... but I'm wondering if it's hidden and will burst out of the blow anytime soon. Doing the regime can be a hassle and time consuming but i guess i have to keep at it and make it a habit like going to work. Because doing the regime seems like mini job now. But on the zit and pimple count. I think there is like 3-5 zits and no pimples. I see hidden redness from rosacea and sun marks from playing tons of tennis in the sun. Amazing what you see after acne starts clearing up.

Edited by monkeyisland90
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Day 20

Ok, missed another night. It seems though the skin feels less red and smoother when i just wash once a day. Maybe due to less irritation. Won't make a habit out of it as it seems I don't get breakouts doing once a day only because I was incubated in my house that day. Just a educated guess I don't think it's accurate at all but seems when I go out for long periods of time and don't do night time regime I do get breakout. I've been doing homemade mask lately and tried doing the egg mask with olive oil.. but it went terribly wrong! First I think i was suppose to just use the white yolk and get rid of the yellow (not sure if its right though) BUT i started listening to some really relaxing music and left it on for 30 minutes (or even more!)... It instantly reminded me of egg yolk getting stuck on dished and how hard it was too remove.. That was the case but on my face!! I was rubbing like crazy knowing that it's gonna have red flareups and breakouts caused by irritation.. Finally did got off after 3 washes and clarisonic.. I will NEVER do this again... The next day, I was washing up and thinking whoa it's not too red despite sanding off my face then I ran into a BUMP! Well it turned out to be pretty large pimple. So I've learned the hard way that irritation does cause breakouts. Slow, Gentle and egg on the side next time!

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Day 21, 22 and 23.

Started logging everyday, then I kind of see that it's bit of a chore to do so and consolidating the days as it seems not much has changed. and beginning a routine which seems to work.. Alongside with rambling too much and being a amateur writer, it's not really in my nature to do this as I rather being going out excercise and just lounge and watch some anime. Well one strong point is that I am determined and persistent though so I'll still keep going despite missing days or logs to find the some interesting insights about the world of acne and blemishes.. I did find out that changing bed sheets and pillows is a MUST .. i sometimes sleep and didn't realize im smearing my face everywhere and did that yesterday and got another zit below my lip.. I never get breakouts in my mouth area.. but suddenly it's choice area for zits.. maybe hormones shifted, or acne migrated.. is that normal i have no idea. Either way its a new home for the acne and i think it's bed sheets.. All new tshirts i've bought to excercise are now dyed from BP and forgot to get white tshirts for excercise.. i guess its gonna be like wimbledon all white dress code from now on...

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Conclusion of acne regime

Ok, so i realized how obsessed i was in my skin and that lead to more breakouts. And logging about it everyday I was more self conscious actually and was thriving for perfection on my skin. Soon I started not stressing about it I actually got fewer breakouts, lived my life more freely and spontaneously (which equaled to happy camper).. But I did find out what works (for me personally and might help someone else going through the regime). So things that worked for me.. Benzoly peroxide worked well for zapping acne and pimples. Initially got breakouts but need to keep at it... And realized that going slowly, and softly is indeed the key until your skin starts adapting. Then I was able to go faster and less careful. Skipping the regime does have drastic results and can lead to breakouts or inflammation in the skin. After BP got my acne to be out of the picture... I stopped using it and was able to control it with stress reduction and sleep, and not think about skin so much... then i get self conscious and breakouts do happen.. Our minds really likes to play tricks and things do happen whatever you focus on.... But i'm glad that i don't have to be on BP forever.. i was afraid i was gonna break out after stopped using it.. but the stress control, right thinking, sleeping, water, diet, meditation, church, praying, all seem to play vital role and i'm able to move onto fun stuff like face massage and peels now... but good luck to all.

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Hey, I just quit the regimen 2 days ago too, it feels great, I dont have to spent all day thinking about how bad my acnes become since started bp. During the regimen, i felt so frustrated, my acnes got way out of control and now its getting back to normal. I agree with you, I'm glad i quit cause i don't want to use bp forever! my skin is too sensitive for it.my new regimen is the korean product called 'rojukiss' I was got clear by using it so i'm back for it !

Good luck to you

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