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This is me venting. I know this site isn't exactly for family problems. Nor am I asking any kind of specific question. I just need to write this down because I'm losing it.

I'm new to this site. My names Madison. Im 15 years old with mild-moderate acne. But my mom has had it cystic for maybe 7 years.

My dads an alcoholic. I don't talk about it much but for some reason it's easier to write. Sometimes when he gets drunk he tries to hurt me or my little brother. But drunk or not hes a bit of a bully to say the least. That rich businessman type with a sense of entitlement.

I was playing on his iPhone when a text message came up from an unknown number. It was a picture of a woman's naked body. Great. I later found out he's on a site called ashleymadison. The motto for it is "life's short have an affair." in conversations with these women, he explains why he's a member of the site. An ugly with with disgusting acne.

My mom deserves so much better than this.

But I'm the only one who knows about this. How can I look my mother in the eye and tell her that???

I thought I could be comfortable in my own home without being judged. My acne isn't even that bad. Doesn't matter.

Does acne ruin relationships? Maybe. Maybe not. More likely it's the bad people.

Life's rough.

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Ok let me go off topic and say that, recently I saw that site and my stomach turned. It's vile to say the least and the people who use it know EXACTLY what they're there for, especially when the motto makes it so painfully clear. Your dad appears shallow and your mother deserves better honestly. If it were my dad behaving so dishonourably towards me and towards my family, I'd tell my mother, why? because the longer she's oblivious, the more pain it'll cause her in the long run. Don't dirty your conscience by supporting his secret. I think it's highly unfair that your dad would judge your mother for something she has very little control over. I'm certain she doesn't choose to have acne. To have someone she loves use that to justify their poor actions is like rubbing salt in the wounds.

Now, can acne ruin relationships? yes, does acne ruin relationships? yes also. In fact, I used to despise my family simply because they couldn't understand what I was going through, I lost all my friends (bar one great friend) because the depression was turning me into an emotional hermit. However, remember that it takes two to tango. You have friends (true friends) for times like these, you have family for times like these, if you've honestly done all you can to remain true to yourself, despite your acne, then the blame lies with the other party when/if they choose to condemn you for your skin condition, and it becomes their problem not yours.. I have a friend that knows my strife with acne, I've put forth my best efforts to remain true to myself and in return, I expect her to like me for the content of my character, not what's on my skin. If she were to judge me, I'd want it to be for something I had conscious control over. Life is rough man, I feel your pain.

Edited by Lee1234

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If he physically hurts you and your brother than that's a serious offense. No child should ever live in a house with abuse. I wouldn't doubt that your mom already knows about his virtual affair, hence shes depressed and stuff.

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Hi Madison

Yes - life can be very rough. I too lived with alcoholism and abuse in my family. It's very hard and I feel for you.

First things first...does your mom know that your dad has tried to physically hurt you and your brother? If not, then tell her. If nothing else, she may be able to make arrangements so that you are not home when your dad drinks. Your dad's behavior when drinking is not acceptable and could escalate. This is the real issue because someone could get seriously hurt.

Could your mom get you an appointment with a mental health therapist? You can say it is to deal with your acne and growing up. You can tell the therapist everything and she will help you through the process of making things better. The therapist's job is to support you. If you can't go to a therapist, can you talk with a school counselor? The school counselor will make a report to Child Protective Services and one of their staff will assess the situation.

Telling your mom about your dad's iphone is a judgement call. But I think she would like to know. She probably already does but by telling her you are letting her know that you know too. That might help her figure out what to do next. Your dad is becoming more blatant with his disrespect and that is not a good sign. This is when secrets start, families get fragmented and the abuse gets worse. Why do secrets happen? Because the abuser is depending on family members not to talk with each other. It is classic abusive behavior...intimidate and the abused people will not talk. The best thing you can do as an emerging adult is to be honest and honorable. A good way to judge what to do is to say to yourself --- "How would I want to be treated?" or "How would I treat someone?" Then you will know what to do next.

The most important thing is safety for yourself, your mom and your brother.

Does acne ruin relationships? It can but only if people are shallow and cruel. If your mom's acne is your dad's excuse to have affairs then he is a very selfish abusive person. Most people I know, including my husband, are completely sympathetic and supportive of my struggle with acne. I am trying to treat it and my effort is respected. It is a disease. I think your dad is using it as an excuse. Believe me, if it wasn't acne it would be something else like weight or cooking or who knows. Men like this will use anything as an excuse for their despicable behavior!

It is very important that you not attach your acne or your mom's acne to your dad's abusive behavior. Your dad's behavior has nothing to do with acne. As I said above, he would find some other excuse. As you know, acne happens just like any other disease. Good people support each other when ill. Bad people don't. It's that simple. Sometimes ignorant people need to be educated about a disease and then they are supportive. It's possible your dad is in that catagory but his abusive behavior towards you says otherwise. If you were in therapy and he went in as part of family therapy and worked on changing his behavior then that would be very good. Therapy can sometimes help that to happen. Sometimes not. It depends on the situation and the people involved.

Hang in there. Talk with your mom. She needs your support and you need hers!

Edited by cvd

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Acne does not ruin lives, you're right, it's the people. People who truly love you will look past any physical problems, because they love the person who lives inside. Acne is only skin deep, though it can emotionally harm those who are/have been affected by it. Your family's problems are not caused by acne, they are caused by your father's selfishness. Your mother has a right to know, granted she might already know, sometimes it takes someone else telling you to make you really realize it. Also, it is great for you to vent, it is much healthier than keeping it bottled up. Do whatever feels better, talking it out with a good friend or a close family member outside of the situation or write if that's easier for you. Even if you write in a journal that nobody sees, you are still getting it outside, and it helps. Stay well and remember that there are people out there who care.

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Life is rough. That's just the way it is.

Your story lets us put our acne problems into the right perspective. That despite all the physical, emotional and mental stress that acne causes, it is not the end of the world and that there are a lot of people who are facing challenges much much tougher than acne.

Acne isnt your problem (well maybe a little bit), your father is. You're right, your mom deserves better and i think she should know about everything. You should not tolerate this kind of behavior, action must be taken for you, your younger bro and your mom. What kind of action? well i think you're mom would know or should know what would be the right thing to do.

Lesson for the day: Dont play with your dads iphone. Im kidding!rolleyes.gif

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Acne does ruin life.. Even in relationship. I've seen members here saying their gf/bf left him/her because of skin. neutral.gif But let's be honest.. acne doesn't make you that attractive.. =\ I think scars or redness will be OK - will still be attractive smile.png

Edited by EddieE

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So far the advice only addresses the acne, but that seems the least of her concerns.

So Madisonrose306, let me tell you if you believe your parents should divorce you are in a very good position to ensure the best outcome for your Mom. No offense, but your Dad sounds like scum.

Step 1: Research divorce laws for your state. http://www.divorcesource.com/ds/main/state-divorce-laws-656.shtml

- You are looking for what constitutes a "Fault" divorce in your state, this will guarntee a greater share of the marital property or more alimony for your Mom.

Step 2: Confront your Mom.

- This will be the hardest thing to do personally, and from my own experience the news will devistate her.

Step 3: Hire a Divorce Lawyer

- The rest is in his hands, if your Dad truly is wealthy a good lawyer will know how to get the most out of him. He will also know how to properly present any evidence of your Dad's adultery that you came upon and how to build a stronger case against him.

I wouldn't actually confront your father about any of this until after step 3 is already in motion. If a stronger case needs to be built against him it will be harder if he knows the gig is up.

At the very least you have an obligation to your Mom to tell her.

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This is me venting. I know this site isn't exactly for family problems. Nor am I asking any kind of specific question. I just need to write this down because I'm losing it.

I'm new to this site. My names Madison. Im 15 years old with mild-moderate acne. But my mom has had it cystic for maybe 7 years.

My dads an alcoholic. I don't talk about it much but for some reason it's easier to write. Sometimes when he gets drunk he tries to hurt me or my little brother. But drunk or not hes a bit of a bully to say the least. That rich businessman type with a sense of entitlement.

I was playing on his iPhone when a text message came up from an unknown number. It was a picture of a woman's naked body. Great. I later found out he's on a site called ashleymadison. The motto for it is "life's short have an affair." in conversations with these women, he explains why he's a member of the site. An ugly with with disgusting acne.

My mom deserves so much better than this.

But I'm the only one who knows about this. How can I look my mother in the eye and tell her that???

I thought I could be comfortable in my own home without being judged. My acne isn't even that bad. Doesn't matter.

Does acne ruin relationships? Maybe. Maybe not. More likely it's the bad people.

Life's rough.

do you have any relatives you might be able to live with? create some strange elaborate story/scheme where it would only make sense for you to live there, and everyone hopefully agrees, then, once there, distance yourself from these people, until hopefully things turn around, or, from a distance, try to help occasionally, via, skin/dietary advice to your mom or something, or even, setting up another place for her to stay after you are out. or even get a job so you can move out completly on your own, and ask your mom to move in!!!

dont worry about dad, im sure any decent person will see through this guy after a certain amount of time, and he will only be able to connect with other shitty people like him, who will also will be distanced from decent people. also, im sure people can see this guy and knows somethings up/wrong/not right, just like you.

Edited by AutonomousOne1980

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