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DukeBlueDevils

That's It; There's No Hope For Me

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The way I am feeling right now (like shit, extremely depressed) will be expressed in my thoughts below:

Now I know 12 days ago I posted a similar topic to the one I am about to post, but I need to get this off my chest still (I need to VENT). I have, as of today, been on Accutane (40 mg) for 75 days (2 and a half months). I am still, STILL, 75 days into Accutane, getting new pimples pretty much every damn day. This is different from 12 days ago where I THOUGHT the "break-outs" were coming to an end. Be it on forehead, on my nose, chin, AND even my cheeks (where there is nothing but a shit load of post inflammatory hyperpigmentation). This is an absolute joke.

I'm getting SO SO SO SO SO sick of seeing people on TV, on YouTube, etc., having nothing but perfect (and I mean perfect) clear skin. And even when I go out in public (which is rare), all I see is nothing but clear skin everywhere. It really helps my self esteem when I see I'm virtually the only one that I CAN SEE with acne and everyone else has flawless skin (*sarcasm*). And it's not just the girls, so you can throw the "Oh, well girls put on make-up to cover up their acne" crap out the window. Every guy I see has great skin. I'm assuming that all the people with acne (which is virtually about 20 % of the world; 80 % of the world has clear skin, 8 out of 10 people) do NOT go out in public like I don't as it is too embarrassing. It really is.

My mom and dad are pushing me so hard to get a job sometime soon (I'm 18, I'll be 19 in May), but I keep telling them that I will not be able to get a job because of my bullshit acne. But of course, like all parents, they tell me it's not as bad as I think it is and that employers will hire you even with acne. So aggravating and annoying when they come at me with that nonsense. It pisses me off more how my DAD does not understand what I'm going through when he's the damn reason I'm in this predicament as it is (he had acne as a teen). It's his fault I'm dealing with all this. Don't get me wrong, I love my Dad and wouldn't want another, but he needs to understand a little bit better. I've read on numerous posts here (acne.org) that having acne WILL affect your chances of acquiring a job. The employer may not tell you that they're not hiring you because of your acne, but they'll give you some other bullshit excuse to cover it up so it's not discrimination.

I'm seriously considering asking my Dermatologist (who is a complete idiot, I may add) to increase my dosage of Accutane. What would you guys recommend bumping the dosage up to since it's not working for me at 40 mg? Bump it up to 60, even 80 mg? Suggestions are appreciated.

Another thing I've noticed is that when it comes to GUYS (not girls) with acne, it's always the TALL guys who have acne. I am 5'7 (135 pounds) and I have acne. When I was in school, the few guys who had acne were 6'0 tall or over. I wouldn't be AS pissed about having acne if I was, you know, actually TALL and had acne. I just hate being short AND having acne, when I have friends who are TALL and have NO acne problems whatsoever. It's just not fair. Why can't I be short AND have no acne or be tall AND have acne? Instead, I get the worst of both worlds. I swear, FML.

If you've read this far, thank you. I really appreciate it. The final thing I want to talk about is Accutane and Depression. For the past week or so, I've been extremely depressed. I don't even want to do some of the stuff I find enjoyable anymore because of it. I don't know why this is. I guess in my head I feel like since I'm miserable, I don't want to do a fun activity because I don't want a sense of feeling "happy" when I feel like shit. I've even thought about how Life would be without me (Suicidal thoughts; NOTE TO MODS: THAT IS NOT A SUICIDAL THREAT AND THIS IS NOT A SUICIDAL THREAD. ALL I'M SAYING IS WHAT I'VE BEEN EXPERIENCING ON ACCUTANE, AS ACCUTANE CAN TRIGGER SUICIDAL THOUGHTS!). I don't know if it's the Accutane causing me to think about Suicide or if it's the fact my acne isn't going away. Someone lend their thoughts, please.

In closing, thanks for reading. I'm really just starting to think that Acne is just going to be a part of me for the rest of my life. It's something new every day and the existing shit doesn't go away. It's essentially just building on the Acne that's already there. It's a joke. Same shit, different day. Me without Acne is like Hell not being hot. There's a better chance of Hell freezing over than my acne ever going away. Whatever though. If you read all this, thanks. If not, whatever. Like I said, I just needed to vent. If you want to leave your thoughts below, feel free to do so. Peace.

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um i dont know anything about accutane really, but if you dont like your derm, just go find a new one. you shouldnt have to stick with a doctor whos not helping you, and maybe instead of just taking the medication you might want to try changing your lifestyle too, just think about health stuff and how much you touch your face, etc. imo being gentle is super important

and i dont think 5'7 is short, its pretty average. so dont worry about your height. and dont worry about your dad, my mom never understood me either. my mom is never embarrassed or insecure, she just does whatever she wants and doesnt even consider what other people think, and im pretty much the exact opposite. so yeah, its ok, thats why you have us! :)

i dont know what kind of jobs people here applied for, but i know plenty of people who have acne and got a job easily. so maybe the places people are applying to are weird

and to the part about only 20% of people have acne, is that for severe acne? cuz ive seen everyone i know with at least some acne, even the "perfect skinned" people have had some pimples and dry/oily skin. so in reality no one has 100% perfect skin 100% of the time

ok yeah im done. bye!

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Bro. I'm on like day 138, my skin isn't clear and I get new breakouts daily. This stuff isn't a guarantee but at least you still have months to go. Stressing over it surely won't make them go away any faster.

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It's only 2 and a half months in, that's nothing. You got a long way to go. But yea, I would ask to up the dosage for sure. Not because I think you should be clear by now, but so the acne stays away after the course. At least that's why my derm have me high doses according to him

And on the empoyment side, I see plenty of people with acne working. Although of course, it is much harder dealing with people everyday when you have acne. But you gotta do what you gotta do

Edited by Timko92

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I'm sorry you feel depressed, I know its a shitty time. Nobody understands and you feel like you will never get out of it.

First of all, don't blame your dad. I'm sure he never wanted acne either and he never wanted you to have acne. Acne can be hereditary but a lot of other things affect it as well. I expereince the same thing my dad had acne and terrible scarring as do I. I'm sorry your dad doesn't seem to understand but I would say he is trying the best he can. He is only trying to make you feel better about yourself. Although its not what you want to hear.

Job wise, acne may decrease your chances in some industries more than others, but not by very much. If you do well in the interview people will still look past acne and hire you. Why not if its beneficial for their company? Confidence plays a big role. I understand that most of us here have low confidence because of acne but we can still try. We can still go out and try to get a job. We can still try to be as confident as we can. We still try to overcome obstacles that come our way. (Just for reference, I got my job with just attending one interview, my first job. I deal with acne and ice pick scarring) I deal with clients on a daily basis face to face. I would give anything to have PIH instead which will go away in time.

As far as TV and Youtube goes, makeup covers up a lot. There are tonnes of youtubers with acne. Trust me I've seen them. (ask me if you do want to see some) Another reason being, like yourself, most people with acne will not put themselves out there in the public eye.

You are not short! Acne affects people of all ethnicities, all ages and all heights and weight.

Finally, what I can say is, there are other people experiencing exactly what you are going through. I'm sure you can see from acne.org that is proof enough. Don't give up. I hope one day you will have enough confidence to face the world even with acne. There are loads of people our there who wouldn't give a shit even if you have the most severe acne. Those are the people who are worth your time.

Edited by jmcsm

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Bro I'm 5'7 and I have bad acne aswell. I've been on 40 mg of accutane for a little more than three months and im barely strarting to notice a slight difference. Just be patient, I know it sucks I developed severe redness that lasted for weeks. The job situation I agree with you. When I was interviewed for jobs, jobs with customer interactions and stuff I was never hired. But when I was interviewed for a tough labor job.. Guess what I got it but it sucked. It's like they want you for your labor and they place you where people dont get to see you. Messed up.

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um i dont know anything about accutane really, but if you dont like your derm, just go find a new one. you shouldnt have to stick with a doctor whos not helping you, and maybe instead of just taking the medication you might want to try changing your lifestyle too, just think about health stuff and how much you touch your face, etc. imo being gentle is super important

and i dont think 5'7 is short, its pretty average. so dont worry about your height. and dont worry about your dad, my mom never understood me either. my mom is never embarrassed or insecure, she just does whatever she wants and doesnt even consider what other people think, and im pretty much the exact opposite. so yeah, its ok, thats why you have us! smile.png

i dont know what kind of jobs people here applied for, but i know plenty of people who have acne and got a job easily. so maybe the places people are applying to are weird

and to the part about only 20% of people have acne, is that for severe acne? cuz ive seen everyone i know with at least some acne, even the "perfect skinned" people have had some pimples and dry/oily skin. so in reality no one has 100% perfect skin 100% of the time

ok yeah im done. bye!

Thanks for taking the time to read and respond.

The problem with finding a new Dermatologist is that the Dermatologist I go to is the only one in the state of Georgia that takes the kind of insurance I am on. I think he's an idiot but I respect him for taking people with insurance (from the people who couldn't afford seeing a dermatologist on a regular basis).

It's only 2 and a half months in, that's nothing. You got a long way to go. But yea, I would ask to up the dosage for sure. Not because I think you should be clear by now, but so the acne stays away after the course. At least that's why my derm have me high doses according to him

And on the empoyment side, I see plenty of people with acne working. Although of course, it is much harder dealing with people everyday when you have acne. But you gotta do what you gotta do

Would you have a suggestion for what amount of dosage I should bump up to? 60? 80?

I'm sorry you feel depressed, I know its a shitty time. Nobody understands and you feel like you will never get out of it.

First of all, don't blame your dad. I'm sure he never wanted acne either and he never wanted you to have acne. Acne can be hereditary but a lot of other things affect it as well. I expereince the same thing my dad had acne and terrible scarring as do I. I'm sorry your dad doesn't seem to understand but I would say he is trying the best he can. He is only trying to make you feel better about yourself. Although its not what you want to hear.

Job wise, acne may decrease your chances in some industries more than others, but not by very much. If you do well in the interview people will still look past acne and hire you. Why not if its beneficial for their company? Confidence plays a big role. I understand that most of us here have low confidence because of acne but we can still try. We can still go out and try to get a job. We can still try to be as confident as we can. We still try to overcome obstacles that come our way. (Just for reference, I got my job with just attending one interview, my first job. I deal with acne and ice pick scarring) I would give anything to have PIH instead which will go away in time.

As far as TV and Youtube goes, makeup covers up a lot. There are tonnes of youtubers with acne. Trust me I've seen them. (ask me if you do want to see some) Another reason being, like yourself, most people with acne will not put themselves out there in the public eye.

You are not short! Acne affects people of all ethnicities, all ages and all heights and weight.

Finally, what I can say is, there are other people experiencing exactly what you are going through. I'm sure you can see from acne.org that is proof enough. Don't give up. I hope one day you will have enough confidence to face the world even with acne. There are loads of people our there who wouldn't give a shit even if you have the most severe acne. Those are the people who are worth your time.

Thanks for the kind words.

If you would like to list some YouTubers who have acne problems, you can if you want. Lol

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You should definitely ask to have your dosage increased. When I went for my 2 month checkup (month 1 40 mg, month 2 60 mg) I was still breaking out, so my derm increased my dosage to 80 mg. About a month later at that dose I finally started to notice less breakouts. I'm now at month 5 and I have had no new breakouts, so it does take time for it to fully work. Oh and we're actually the same weight (I'm 5'11) so that dosage should be perfect for you too.

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I'm not derm, but my weight varied (and still does) while i was on the course between 160 and 170. If I recall correctly, 3 months were 80 mg, 2 months 90 mg, and 1 month 120 mg.

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I've said this a few times recently in other topics, and too reinforce what has been stated in this thread - be patient!

I didn't even see any results until 3 months. And my 4th month I saw MASSIVE improvement. I have like no breakouts or anything. I'm a week-ish into my fifth month and its only up hill from here. When I put makeup on my face is for the most part pretty flawless. Before (just a couple months ago) it was bumpy and horrifying with makeup.

The only problem I have is the redness / hyperpigmented skin :(.

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Hmm I know what you mean about finding a job. I'm unemployed and looking for work. I've read that if you have acne or birth marks or anything like that then statistically you have less chance of getting a job.

I think it affects my chances when I go to interviews. More than that though, the acne has completely ruined my confidence and self-esteem and that has even more of an impact on me because I can't come across how I'd like at interviews.

I really hope it works out for you. As people have said, some people keep breaking out right until the end of the course so don't lose hope.

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Really dude, just get your mind off of it and in a few months you'll be good....you really aren't far into the course. I'm on month 5.5 and my skin...just NOW...is pretty much clear. Minus a cyst and a tiny zit. It took me that long to stop breaking out massively.

Just keep calm. Things will improve. Don't try to blame this on people...especially your parents! Who are probably paying for this medication. Also your whole 'tall guys have acne thing' is bordering on psychotic. chill out

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this video shows her doing her makeup. its pretty good!!

Sorry its about makeup but she is probably the most popular acne affected youtuber. Her acne is a lot better now. She talks about acne a lot in her videos. She has acne on her face, and body. She has quite a few issues, she has health problems that doesn't allow her to take accutane. I believe she had some liver issues as well at one point.

Edited by jmcsm

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I know it's tough. It took me about 4 months to get rid of all my acne. Flare-up after flare-up I was so close to quitting, but I didn't! You must remember that no two bodies are the same, so everyone will react differently to the accutane. As a matter of fact, it's so rare to see people who have no flare-up when taking accutane. Stay strong, you must think that recovery is right around the corner, because it could be!

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I feel for you, I really do. But Accutane does almost always work EVENTUALLY. I was breaking out with the worst acne of my life until about a week into month 3. And other people on this site say that it has taken even longer to stop breaking out. So don't fret! You're not alone.

If you are super unhappy with your derm, go to a different one or even go through a GP that has experience with and knowledge about Accutane.

I have been seeing the worst derm in the world for the past few months and every time I see him I leave his office feeling like garbage. He always belittles me and it feels like the thought constantly going through his mind is, "Just get over it". He acts as though acne isn't a terrible trauma just because it isn't cancer or AIDS.

Stick it out! It gets better. I've stopped breaking out now and everything is slowly getting better.

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Sorry I don't have much to offer since I'm only just over my first month in, but I hope things look up for you!!

I havent' experienced any suicidal thoughts but that's one of the things i was really worried about in the side-effects. Just try to keep your chin up! 2 and a half months, as I've read a lot of, is still very early in the course and many people are still experiencing break outs!

Was just wondering what kind of face-washing regimen you're doing? My derm suggested I buy this acne kit (which we did) from a company called Alyria. Basically in the morning you use the cleanser, then an acne exfoliant (similar to the toning solution you get with Pro-Active) and then a moisturizer. At night you do the same thing, except instead of the toning solution you have a pore minimizer cream.

It seems to be helping a lot for me, especially the pores on my nose. My face still gets really dry and flaky but it's really good to have a good cleanser and a good regimen to help with dirt and oil!

It'd also be good to consult with your dermatologist about changing your prescription. I'm on 40mg as well (and I am still breaking out) but that's what my doctor initially put me on. Again, consult with your derm to see if increasing the dosage would be a good idea for you!

Stay strong and carry on! :)

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