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thrillpink

Not Being Able To Accept A Compliment

And I think I'm not alone in this matter... Everytime (not that it happens that often lol) I get a compliment from someone regarding my looks, I dismiss it in my head. When it's night I'm like "yeah, you should see me in daylight" or when someone isn't standing right next to me "yeah, you should come closer" or when I'm wearing make up "yeah, you should see me without make up".

I always get really uncomfortable and instead of saying thank you I mumble something like hmm yeah well...

I wish I could just feel good after receiving a compliment, but I'm always convinced they would think differently if they could see my real skin.

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I have good days and bad, it's purely a matter of my state of mind. Waking up on the right/wrong side of bed, if you will. When I feel good about myself I become exceptionally vain. Two instances come to mind, an example of each state of being.

I was eating at a breakfast restaurant with family, and I had not really wanted to go to begin with because I felt iffy about my appearance. The more good-looking, clear skinned individuals I saw the worse I felt. I totally retreated into myself, covering myself with a hoodie, keeping my head low and avoiding any mirrors I came across.

Yet on another, more recent day I had a great new outfit, my hair was perfect, my acne felt in check. Every mirror I walked by was an excuse to primp and fawn. (When you get few good days, you really embrace the ones you have, ha). I went to visit a friend at his mother's house, and she remarked on the fact that against all odd I had grown up to become the most handsome of all her son's friends. My response? A cocky, confident one.

On that day I was all too eager to not only accept the compliment, but fully embrace it. It just goes to show you that there is no rhyme or reason to these feelings, they come and go as they please. However, I think it also proves the value of positive and negative thinking. If you, for whatever reason, feel that you look your best, or otherwise, others will perceive you that way.

The power of the mind.

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I never believe anyone that tells me I'm pretty. I think the same thing in my head, "you should see me without makeup and nice clothes and my hair done." Or, "you should see me when i wake up in the morning". But, I usually just say "thanks..." and give a fake smile.

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Although I can accept them and will be polite and so on, I find that I end up feeling like a fraud if someone says something nice. It sometimes feels like what they're seeing isn't the real me and that I'm tricking them in some way. That's certainly because I allowed my skin to totally define me when it used to break out on a regular basis. Photographs on Facebook are a good example of that - I never edit them but I only ever have a picture taken when my skin is clear and I don't really feel like the pictures people see represent what my skin has been like over the years. I've unintentionally been caught out by that in the past, whereby a couple of girls got the wrong end of the deal when I turned up in potential dating situations with breakouts that didn't reflect my complexion in pictures. I wasn't at fault because it was just bad timing, but their reactions were shallow, nasty, and that's when those feelings of being a fraud-like were triggered I think.

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Although I can accept them and will be polite and so on, I find that I end up feeling like a fraud if someone says something nice. It sometimes feels like what they're seeing isn't the real me and that I'm tricking them in some way. That's certainly because I allowed my skin to totally define me when it used to break out on a regular basis. Photographs on Facebook are a good example of that - I never edit them but I only ever have a picture taken when my skin is clear and I don't really feel like the pictures people see represent what my skin has been like over the years. I've unintentionally been caught out by that in the past, whereby a couple of girls got the wrong end of the deal when I turned up in potential dating situations with breakouts that didn't reflect my complexion in pictures. I wasn't at fault because it was just bad timing, but their reactions were shallow, nasty, and that's when those feelings of being a fraud-like were triggered I think.

Facebook is like a big bullshitfest. EVERYONE on Facebook, consciously or unconsciously, presents themselves and their lives how they wish to be perceived. This is something human beings do and we can't help it.

You recognize that this girls were awful but allow them to affect how you feel about who you are. Don't. It isn't you. There's nothing wrong with you. It's them. There IS something wrong with them.

If I'm caught off guard, I'll say something like " WHAT"? And feel like an asshole. But, generally, I try to be gracious and say thank you and pay them a sincere complement in return. Regardless of how I think I look or how I feel about myself, another person has tried to be kind to me. Being kind to them is the right thing to do.

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I know what you mean, thrillpink.

When someone compliments me, I refute the truthfulness of their compliment in my head: "You're so dead wrong." But sometimes, we should just accept the compliment at face value. If people with clear skin get so gung-ho about people complimenting them, we deserve to accept the compliment and feel good too.

We shouldn't think so much into compliments, because compliments, I think, are never made lightly. No one wants to overpraise someone but compliments are those little gems that you get once a while. Hey, we deserve them---with or without acne.

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You're not alone in this manner.

Although I cant take compliments in general, or i dont deal well with them I can completely understand the persons sentiment and i do thank them for the compliment as well, but actually taking it in is... hard. For example what i've been told:

"oh and we have a nice, young male nurse taking care of us tonight" or "such a handsome man gets to take care of you.." I stand there almost speechless and usually just shrug it off. I cant accept it. I know otherwise. Or atleast i think i do

Compliments are hard for me as well because of my childhood which contained alot of "you'll never amount to anything" "you should be more like your sister" "you should have been the girl instead" "stupid pollock".. the verbal abuse, worse than the physical, did take its toll. I can say that it made me stronger, made me want to prove it all wrong, made me into the way i am but i have hard time accepting "niceness" or compliments in general. Acne hasnt helped.

Edited by k3tchup

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You're not alone in this manner.

Although I cant take compliments in general, or i dont deal well with them I can completely understand the persons sentiment and i do thank them for the compliment as well, but actually taking it in is... hard. For example what i've been told:

"oh and we have a nice, young male nurse taking care of us tonight" or "such a handsome man gets to take care of you.." I stand there almost speechless and usually just shrug it off. I cant accept it. I know otherwise. Or atleast i think i do

Compliments are hard for me as well because of my childhood which contained alot of "you'll never amount to anything" "you should be more like your sister" "you should have been the girl instead" "stupid pollock".. the verbal abuse, worse than the physical, did take its toll. I can say that it made me stronger, made me want to prove it all wrong, made me into the way i am but i have hard time accepting "niceness" or compliments in general. Acne hasnt helped.

I'm glad I'm not the only one :P

What you said made me think, when I had clear skin I did the same thing in my head, but I thought about my hair or my body or just my facial features.

Acne indeed did not help o_0

But I am going to try to say thank you, although I don't agree with it in my head I can just fake it, and who knows i'll end up believing it myself :P

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You're not alone in this manner.

Although I cant take compliments in general, or i dont deal well with them I can completely understand the persons sentiment and i do thank them for the compliment as well, but actually taking it in is... hard. For example what i've been told:

"oh and we have a nice, young male nurse taking care of us tonight" or "such a handsome man gets to take care of you.." I stand there almost speechless and usually just shrug it off. I cant accept it. I know otherwise. Or atleast i think i do

Compliments are hard for me as well because of my childhood which contained alot of "you'll never amount to anything" "you should be more like your sister" "you should have been the girl instead" "stupid pollock".. the verbal abuse, worse than the physical, did take its toll. I can say that it made me stronger, made me want to prove it all wrong, made me into the way i am but i have hard time accepting "niceness" or compliments in general. Acne hasnt helped.

I'm glad I'm not the only one tongue.png

What you said made me think, when I had clear skin I did the same thing in my head, but I thought about my hair or my body or just my facial features.

Acne indeed did not help o_0

But I am going to try to say thank you, although I don't agree with it in my head I can just fake it, and who knows i'll end up believing it myself tongue.png

Well it comes with practice. As a result im not the most open person so i tend to "put on a happy face" as they say and pretend like nothing is wrong and go about life. I try to keep them and other emotions out of work. Tends to me feeling better. There's a time and a place of all of that and work certainly istnt.

But when it comes to how i look i try to think that there are millions of people where something in their life is worse or i see my own and say it could always be worse.

dont let it get ya down.

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Same here! I always find a way to debunk the compliment in my head. It's sad. I will sometimes verbally argue the compliment as well! It's like I feel the need to make them realize they were incorrect in thinking anything about me is attractive. I blame acne! It has eaten away any chance of me having decent self-esteem/self image or confidence.

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I do this all the time. With all kinds of compliments, unless it's about my clothes or something else that I can credit the compliment to rather than accept it myself. For example, if someone says "Hey, I like your shirt!" I would accept the compliment but not take it as directed at me, rather directed at the place I purchased my shirt. Strange. Usually I can't except compliments and wind up feeling embarrassed. Not only because attention is being drawn to me, but also embarrassed because I can't accept a compliment.

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Same here! I always find a way to debunk the compliment in my head. It's sad. I will sometimes verbally argue the compliment as well! It's like I feel the need to make them realize they were incorrect in thinking anything about me is attractive. I blame acne! It has eaten away any chance of me having decent self-esteem/self image or confidence.

Oh no, I do that too. Not with strangers, but when my mom says i look pretty i get very irritated and almost angry with her.

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SAME HERE. I can't take compliments seriously. Like a friend of mine will stare at me and will just mumble: "You know, you look a lot better than her" and I was like: "Are you crazy? you're comparing me to a flawless and very pretty girl. As if I will believe you with this kind of face I have. I know I need steel wool to brush off these scars and pimples".

But at some point, I say "thank you" because sometimes, I NEED to FEEL GOOD about myself. And I guess, most of us wanted to feel that too.

It makes me feel that I am not the ugliest creature in the universe (yes, I included aliens). biggrin.png

Edited by jkitty03

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