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Guest Zitro

An essay in English that tells a lot about my past

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Guest Zitro

"You look horrible, wash your face!!" ; "This is what happens when you take steroids!" ; "Go see a dermatologist!"

It all started when I was on my 4th grade. Pimples were starting to crawl out of my skin and were beginning to form small hills in my topographic face : I was given this curse, for no apparent reason. During the first years, it did not bother me which was typical for a pre-teen ; I did not want to experience pain during a comedome extraction - a physical removal of pimples- , I made my first mistake. I let acne conquer my flawless skin, it made me build the first bricks of my wall.

Years passed, my acne was winning the war. The times when I was seeing myself and been disgusted began as a twelve-year old. Cruelty began to make me a target, and the bows started stretching to strike me for the first time. I let myself drown from hostile words, I let it happen making my second mistake, forcing me to build more bricks.

These early Argentinian arrows , are benign compared to the granade launchers waiting their turns. In addition, my acne was unstoppable : no medications could eradicate it, nor calm their lust. The low hills became unreachable mountains which led me to build bricks at an accelerated pace. "You look like a pizza" : I completed the walls ; "Go out? I am sorry, I can't do it" : I reinforced the walls ; "You would look so beautiful without those zits" : I built the ceiling and finished my prison.

Inside the prison, I was left alone, and with no reasons to live. This prison is a representation of my mental isolation, anguish, and sorrow. It is not physical; the bricks have no matter : yet, it is real. No sun, no stars, only artificial light, showing artificial smiles on my face. I was not happy, my mind has destroyed my life, the mind has created the walls, and there was something I had to do : Escape!

But how will I ever escape it while my mind keeps reinforcing the walls? Will I always be imprisoned? Will I isolate myself from everyday life for eternity? I had thought it was going to be futile to try, but I have tried many methods which failed but at least I had debilitated the mural. Later, Piercing lights had reached me, my saviors had penetrated the prison, all the people I love, and combined my growing strength with theirs so we could together attack the solid wall. Little by little, layers began to break, until I returned to see the blue sky. With the bright lights that remainded me of being born, I realized I have won the war.

With my face cleared and acne defeated, I began to live my life again. This wall was mental since my loneliness was entirely my mind's fault, a few pimples should not have bothered me so much to isolate myself socially. I am fortunate that I lived inside the prison for a very brief time period, compared to others. I am now trying to free other victims, since there are numerous jails in this world. The walls are hard, but not indestructible.

Now outside the walls, I hear different voices : " You look great, with a clean face!" ; "I can finally see you" ...

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Guest Zitro

This was homework to simulate a college application. My English is not very good, but I put all my effort and passion on this...

Prompt : Describe a significant opportunity, challenge, or setback you have faced. What impact did it have on you?

What do you think? What if I can send this to UF as the real Essay in the application? I think it is too depressing on everything except the ending.

I showed it to 3 classmates in my english class, they almost cried...

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Guest Zitro

Reasons this is not completely true :

It wasn't that terrible like in the essay!

I wrote ahead of time (I'm not cured of acne yet)

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Wow!!!! That was AMAZING!! It was really touching too! I don't think that people with clear skin realize all the pain people with acne go through. It's so hard to try and stay confident. With the confidence it sounds like you have now, you'll be clear in no time!!! That was so good, and I couldn't tell that you have trouble with your english, it looked good to me!

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Guest Zitro

_Thanks, It is easily the best essay I wrote in this language, all the difficult words came to my mind quickly.

_Like I said earlier, my past was not as depressing as I made it in this paper, and the difference is that in real life I broke the wall before the last brick in it was built.

_The third paragraph with the references to the hostile words is 100% real and also the saddest part of the essay in my opinion.

_The walls also apply to my confidence, I was blocking my self-esteem.

The last sentence in it says it all

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Guest Zitro

My acne was at worst moderate/severe, infested by countless whiteheads (my skin is very white which made them difficult to recognize, I was lucky), I mean, I had over 500 in my face and 300-500 in my back. I compared them with geography (tophography)

_In my worst moments (when I built the wall), I always had 3-5 cysts in my face, horrible!! (I was trying proactive, it is only 2.5 BP!! and $50, I was outraged!!!!!)

_For people who get As in English Honors/AP, do I have grammar errors?

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Good work dude, our experiences are very much alike, but like you, i'm not yet clear. 3-5 cysts are bad but were they the only things you had? i remember times were my whole lower face would have red marks where old ance was, like 3 cysts, and many white heads. but that was around puberty, i'm pretty much out of that stage now. for me, my acne was hormonal. you just have to learn to take FULL control of your life, live for good things, and always look ahead. its a long ass road but the end could be right in front of you, dont let the fog cover your way.

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Guest Zitro

Well, I really don't know how to define a cyst, I call it a pimple with a diameter of 1cm or larger and are red and VERY noticeable. The main problem I had was the whiteheads, I couldn't even see my own skin in some areas of my face (that's why the last sentence says I can finally see you)

Thanks hackus, my english teacher is very strict, that small

error could have made a difference between A and B.

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good use of imagery. the motif of the walls enclosing yourself in the prison cell is well thought out. you attempt to and have successfully brought out the aspects of physical and psychological entrapment brought forth by your condition.

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Guest Zitro

jajaja, ninnn give me some examples of my grammar (I'm not American, I expect to have some) thanks

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The essay is good. I wouldn't advise sending it in a college application though; college essays are a story which tells them something about your character and specifically, commitment to your major. For example, I'm majoring in music, so I wrote about a moving event which persuaded me to persue a career in music, and at the same time, I advertised myself to the college.

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Guest Zitro

I know that paragraphs are longer than 2 senteces, thanks though. I just didn't want to stick to the formula.

Teplo, yes, you are right, good for school, but not for college. I would rather write about my hobbies (music) and/or why I want to major in Statistics or Physics

Are you majoring in music, what style of music and what instruments do you play?

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jajaja, ninnn give me some examples of my grammar (I'm not American, I expect to have some) thanks

ILL GIVE YOPU A HINT, PARAGRAPSH ARE MORE THAN 2 SENTENCES bb_doubt.gif

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Guest Zitro

I play my keyboard mainly for rock, and the guitar for well ... rock

I don't have enough time and interest in instruments for a career, especially when all music today is dominated by MTV and all the decent ones can't get on the surface (eloy, spock's beard, transatlantic, yes, all prog rock).

_most teens don't even know who Steve Howe, John Bonham, Rick Wakeman, and Emerson is! blink.gif

_I love to play keyboard riffs of YES, and play with the pipe organ sound on my keyboard.

I hope the teacher likes it, she thinks all of us should be Fitzgeralds or Hemingweys and is very strict because of it! I revised it 3 more times nad fixed it a little bit, I don't think a grammar mistake still resides here.

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i think she will like it. it is a unique piece and will definitely stand out from the rest of the submissions in terms of content.

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Guest Zitro

Well, I infuenced a friend of mine in my class, hers is even more depressing (it's about the world in a whole). That will provoke 10X tears than mine. My next one (ahhhhh!!!!! I have to write another one) will obviously be very positive, humorous, and more normal since it describes my passion for Astronomy.

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