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ScarDBeauty

Venting Therapy About Absolutely Anything! Join In!

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I feel hurt about a lot of things that are suppressed in my mind. Mind you- I am now going to school to become a psychologist, feel the humor in this vent session. Hopefully at the end of this emotional filled message you’ll realize and maybe can relate to how I feel.

Here goes nothing.. Sometimes I’m cold because of neglect, some times I’m cheerful depending on the day. I have friends but I don’t know how real they are. I been through a lot with this one person (wont say names) I havent seen him but once but I’ve shared too much with him to call him just anybody but now he’s nowhere to be found. We don’t talk as much as we use to and it hurts. How do I start speaking my mind and not giving a damn? I know my point matters and if you don’t like it kick rocks. How can I begin to showcase how I truly feel? Well first, I want some support from the people around me. Seem like they don’t really care, I feel alone. My Cousin is like my brother,, he’s always there, that’s one person I can stay that has my back. I’m blessed to have him. Another old friend (no name) is normally always there but sometimes I feel like I may be settling (long story), I don’t know his true intentions. I haven’t been myself in a while trying to get back to working out, I had a tragic ego crasher with my body going through changes. ACNE shattered my world. It stole my confident and everything I stood for. Now, Im passed the acne transition and trying to find myself through all this rubble. Its kind of hard getting back on track with exercise because I get discouraged easily. I wish I had motivation but I need to find it myself before anybody else can cheer me on. I HATE feeling alone and that I do. Being the only child has its’ ups and downs. I get stuff but the materials aspects mean absolutely nothing if you have nobody to show it with. Sometimes I feel my past relationship made me feel like something is wrong with me because I was cheated on. I wonder what I did to deserve such treatment. I feel like I did everything I could possibly do to keep one happy, but it wasn’t enough. I want to stop feeling bad because of this. Stop blaming myself for some else’s mistake. Hopefully one day someone can read this and realize I’m someone human with feelings just like everyone else. But who can I trust with my emotions? Sometimes I feel I cant even trust the person who is supposed to love me unconditionally. My Mother. I look up to her and her word matters, When I hear nothing from her and sometimes get ignored it feels like everybody feels that way about me so I distance myself from people I truly care about. I want love badly, I miss it :/ But I feel I should be perfect before ever getting into another relationship. I want Dora back, I want to express every emotion I can feel. I don’t want to hold back anymore , I want to live again so I can thrive and be successful. Most of all be happy! WOW! what a vent, feels good though. Hopefully my many situations connects with you in some sort of way.

Be blessed with much success!

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I can really feel you when you talk about expressing your emotions and feelings to people, in this case our mothers. I can't really say anything about how i feel about my acne because she quickly starts making comments and telling me i should stop being so vain and shallow and the therapy session ends up being a discussion. It's been only a few times that i could cry my heart out and tell her what i felt, it helped a lot, but as i said i cant do it all the time. And one thing, you don't need to be 'perfect' as you say, nobody is and no one will ever be perfect! I'm kind of doing the same, giving myself some time to give me love (even though it sounds stupid lol) before getting into something serious. So keep your head up high and remain strong :)

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What if someone liked having acne? What if a girl thought acne was cute? That would be a mindfuck

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What if someone liked having acne? What if a girl thought acne was cute? That would be a mindfuck

interesting haha

i already had a vent here a couple days ago and it did help a bit to know im not alone.. but what i am really struggling with is the fact that i recently obtained sebborheic dermatitis, and not cure for it is known.. its a pain to deal with on a daily basis, and it really hurts my confidence, especially when im up close to a person. im afraid i will feel like this for a good amount of my life if there is no cure.. i just don't understand what to do..

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I'm fukkd either way. If I chose to eat a strict acne-diet, I will be depressed from not eating good tasting food. But if I choose to eat good tasting food, I'm happy for a short period of time but extremly depressed everytime I look in the mirror. The food in America is shit. The fruits and vegetables are sprayed with pesticides and artificially engineered, the meat is plump[ed with hormones and injected with antibiotics, the chickens and cows are fed grains, and not grass. The air quality is poor and the water contains all types of harsh chemicals that can kill you if you filter out the agua, and just drink the harsh chemcals alone. I wish I was born in a country like Holland or somewhere like Japan where the diet is healthy and I could have been raised on fruits and vegetables instead of Rally's Burgers and Jack in the Box (thanks mom and Dad).

I honestly just feel like fasting and not eating anything for 2 weeks just to have clear skin. I wishhhh I had clear skin. When I go to class, I feel naked with the bright lights above me and people a few feet away from me, able to see what I have on my face, it's so embarassing. I don't show any emotion when I talk to people either, even one girl said "All you do is stare at the wall with no emotion." It's because I'm severly depressed, I don't express any emotion at all. Talking to me would be like talking to a brick wall. I have absolutely nothing to live for. I'm just existing, and death does not scare me at all. I'm getting corrective jaw surgery soon and it's a v ery extensive surgery will a lot of pain afterwards, and I'm actually excited to feel all the physical pain, it makes me feel happy for some odd reason. I enjoy physical pain and I don't know why, I just do.

I have had ugly skin since age 6 or 7 or 8, as long as I can remeber my skin was ugly and I have battled with terrible skin issues that now have caused my severe social anxiety called selective mutism, I cannot even talk to my family members and I always feel like everyone is superior and better than me. I know with the way that I look right now, no guy would EVER want to ever have me as a wife or even a girlfriend, or even sleep with me for that matter, and that thought alone is enough for me to want to never wake up. The only person I have in my life, is my Mom. I hate my dad and don't talk to my brother or distance relatives, I have no more friends except for previous guy friends that have never seen me without makeup, and if they did, they couldn't give a shit about me anymore.

I feel gross and ugly, and that this life I have to live is worthless, all because of my skin..and my facial features in general are F'd up so I basically have no point in living unless my acne suddenly disapears and I get a shit load of cosmetic surgery. But I doubt I can get clear because my mind is so weak I can never last on a strict diet.

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I can really feel you when you talk about expressing your emotions and feelings to people, in this case our mothers. I can't really say anything about how i feel about my acne because she quickly starts making comments and telling me i should stop being so vain and shallow and the therapy session ends up being a discussion. It's been only a few times that i could cry my heart out and tell her what i felt, it helped a lot, but as i said i cant do it all the time. And one thing, you don't need to be 'perfect' as you say, nobody is and no one will ever be perfect! I'm kind of doing the same, giving myself some time to give me love (even though it sounds stupid lol) before getting into something serious. So keep your head up high and remain strong smile.png

I totally feel you, I hardly tell my mother my true feelings about acne, love, my personally decisioms I want to make with my career because she tends to find something to shoot me with. So I just learned she's not ther person I can run to, its hurts to know but its the reality of the situation. If you can't find it at home find it in a safe, caring environment. Someone who you can trust , your gut tells you whether you can or not and go from there . I wish you the best of luck, Things will definitely get better :)

Thanks for replying <3

You voice matters even if <one person> out of a group of Millions will listen ::

What if someone liked having acne? What if a girl thought acne was cute? That would be a mindfuck

What if hollywood was with normal people with everyday problems? What if beyonce or who ever is idealized in your mind had acne while in the public media? Life would be way too easy, it wouldnt be such a stretch to be like the pretty folks in the mags. Truly pretty is in the eye of the beholder. Most of these celebs are F'ed up as well so who's to say..

What if someone liked having acne? What if a girl thought acne was cute? That would be a mindfuck

interesting haha

i already had a vent here a couple days ago and it did help a bit to know im not alone.. but what i am really struggling with is the fact that i recently obtained sebborheic dermatitis, and not cure for it is known.. its a pain to deal with on a daily basis, and it really hurts my confidence, especially when im up close to a person. im afraid i will feel like this for a good amount of my life if there is no cure.. i just don't understand what to do..

Hey love thanks for sharing,

So I have to ask about sebborheic dermatitis? Can you explain the symptoms to me? Yea any type of problem going on with your body can be troublesome but you definitely have to work through it because it may someone else in your situation and the same everyday pains about being in public. Speak about your situation. It makes the issues easier to deal with when someone understands. Stay motivated, & dont give up.

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I'm fukkd either way. If I chose to eat a strict acne-diet, I will be depressed from not eating good tasting food. But if I choose to eat good tasting food, I'm happy for a short period of time but extremly depressed everytime I look in the mirror. The food in America is shit. The fruits and vegetables are sprayed with pesticides and artificially engineered, the meat is plump[ed with hormones and injected with antibiotics, the chickens and cows are fed grains, and not grass. The air quality is poor and the water contains all types of harsh chemicals that can kill you if you filter out the agua, and just drink the harsh chemcals alone. I wish I was born in a country like Holland or somewhere like Japan where the diet is healthy and I could have been raised on fruits and vegetables instead of Rally's Burgers and Jack in the Box (thanks mom and Dad).

I honestly just feel like fasting and not eating anything for 2 weeks just to have clear skin. I wishhhh I had clear skin. When I go to class, I feel naked with the bright lights above me and people a few feet away from me, able to see what I have on my face, it's so embarassing. I don't show any emotion when I talk to people either, even one girl said "All you do is stare at the wall with no emotion." It's because I'm severly depressed, I don't express any emotion at all. Talking to me would be like talking to a brick wall. I have absolutely nothing to live for. I'm just existing, and death does not scare me at all. I'm getting corrective jaw surgery soon and it's a v ery extensive surgery will a lot of pain afterwards, and I'm actually excited to feel all the physical pain, it makes me feel happy for some odd reason. I enjoy physical pain and I don't know why, I just do.

I have had ugly skin since age 6 or 7 or 8, as long as I can remeber my skin was ugly and I have battled with terrible skin issues that now have caused my severe social anxiety called selective mutism, I cannot even talk to my family members and I always feel like everyone is superior and better than me. I know with the way that I look right now, no guy would EVER want to ever have me as a wife or even a girlfriend, or even sleep with me for that matter, and that thought alone is enough for me to want to never wake up. The only person I have in my life, is my Mom. I hate my dad and don't talk to my brother or distance relatives, I have no more friends except for previous guy friends that have never seen me without makeup, and if they did, they couldn't give a shit about me anymore.

I feel gross and ugly, and that this life I have to live is worthless, all because of my skin..and my facial features in general are F'd up so I basically have no point in living unless my acne suddenly disapears and I get a shit load of cosmetic surgery. But I doubt I can get clear because my mind is so weak I can never last on a strict diet.

Well first of all I had to urge to look at your photo and your absolutely beautiful, No lie. I know have acne can distort your views of yourself but thats something you will need to work on internally. American food is not the best. It doesnt promote health issues i know that much but hopefully you can find a way to get around that. Maybe a resolution for you is to be some ssort of hobbie you feel strongly about, you may not be good but itf its the only thing keeping you sane and happy go for it. Like for my I would love to model one day but I have a good amount of odds against me. So my plan has be working out like two times a day, trying to get my body back to its model state. Staying on my skin treatments each week & dammit I'm seeing progress so that little bit bit is enough to keep me motivated. Find something, stick to it so then you have something that you can grow from and let it be your identity. You need some sort of skill that makes you who you are. So that whatever physical state you are in, you can lean on you new found skill. Best of luck to you!

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I'm fukkd either way. If I chose to eat a strict acne-diet, I will be depressed from not eating good tasting food. But if I choose to eat good tasting food, I'm happy for a short period of time but extremly depressed everytime I look in the mirror. The food in America is shit. The fruits and vegetables are sprayed with pesticides and artificially engineered, the meat is plump[ed with hormones and injected with antibiotics, the chickens and cows are fed grains, and not grass. The air quality is poor and the water contains all types of harsh chemicals that can kill you if you filter out the agua, and just drink the harsh chemcals alone. I wish I was born in a country like Holland or somewhere like Japan where the diet is healthy and I could have been raised on fruits and vegetables instead of Rally's Burgers and Jack in the Box (thanks mom and Dad).

I honestly just feel like fasting and not eating anything for 2 weeks just to have clear skin. I wishhhh I had clear skin. When I go to class, I feel naked with the bright lights above me and people a few feet away from me, able to see what I have on my face, it's so embarassing. I don't show any emotion when I talk to people either, even one girl said "All you do is stare at the wall with no emotion." It's because I'm severly depressed, I don't express any emotion at all. Talking to me would be like talking to a brick wall. I have absolutely nothing to live for. I'm just existing, and death does not scare me at all. I'm getting corrective jaw surgery soon and it's a v ery extensive surgery will a lot of pain afterwards, and I'm actually excited to feel all the physical pain, it makes me feel happy for some odd reason. I enjoy physical pain and I don't know why, I just do.

I have had ugly skin since age 6 or 7 or 8, as long as I can remeber my skin was ugly and I have battled with terrible skin issues that now have caused my severe social anxiety called selective mutism, I cannot even talk to my family members and I always feel like everyone is superior and better than me. I know with the way that I look right now, no guy would EVER want to ever have me as a wife or even a girlfriend, or even sleep with me for that matter, and that thought alone is enough for me to want to never wake up. The only person I have in my life, is my Mom. I hate my dad and don't talk to my brother or distance relatives, I have no more friends except for previous guy friends that have never seen me without makeup, and if they did, they couldn't give a shit about me anymore.

I feel gross and ugly, and that this life I have to live is worthless, all because of my skin..and my facial features in general are F'd up so I basically have no point in living unless my acne suddenly disapears and I get a shit load of cosmetic surgery. But I doubt I can get clear because my mind is so weak I can never last on a strict diet.

Well first of all I had to urge to look at your photo and your absolutely beautiful, No lie. I know have acne can distort your views of yourself but thats something you will need to work on internally. American food is not the best. It doesnt promote health issues i know that much but hopefully you can find a way to get around that. Maybe a resolution for you is to be some ssort of hobbie you feel strongly about, you may not be good but itf its the only thing keeping you sane and happy go for it. Like for my I would love to model one day but I have a good amount of odds against me. So my plan has be working out like two times a day, trying to get my body back to its model state. Staying on my skin treatments each week & dammit I'm seeing progress so that little bit bit is enough to keep me motivated. Find something, stick to it so then you have something that you can grow from and let it be your identity. You need some sort of skill that makes you who you are. So that whatever physical state you are in, you can lean on you new found skill. Best of luck to you!

my hobbie is trying to get perfect skinn lol

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I been through a lot with this one person (wont say names)

Unless he develops severe acne, and is forced to visit the site, I think you identity is safe.

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I'm fukkd either way. If I chose to eat a strict acne-diet, I will be depressed from not eating good tasting food. But if I choose to eat good tasting food, I'm happy for a short period of time but extremly depressed everytime I look in the mirror. The food in America is shit. The fruits and vegetables are sprayed with pesticides and artificially engineered, the meat is plump[ed with hormones and injected with antibiotics, the chickens and cows are fed grains, and not grass. The air quality is poor and the water contains all types of harsh chemicals that can kill you if you filter out the agua, and just drink the harsh chemcals alone. I wish I was born in a country like Holland or somewhere like Japan where the diet is healthy and I could have been raised on fruits and vegetables instead of Rally's Burgers and Jack in the Box (thanks mom and Dad).

I honestly just feel like fasting and not eating anything for 2 weeks just to have clear skin. I wishhhh I had clear skin. When I go to class, I feel naked with the bright lights above me and people a few feet away from me, able to see what I have on my face, it's so embarassing. I don't show any emotion when I talk to people either, even one girl said "All you do is stare at the wall with no emotion." It's because I'm severly depressed, I don't express any emotion at all. Talking to me would be like talking to a brick wall. I have absolutely nothing to live for. I'm just existing, and death does not scare me at all. I'm getting corrective jaw surgery soon and it's a v ery extensive surgery will a lot of pain afterwards, and I'm actually excited to feel all the physical pain, it makes me feel happy for some odd reason. I enjoy physical pain and I don't know why, I just do.

I have had ugly skin since age 6 or 7 or 8, as long as I can remeber my skin was ugly and I have battled with terrible skin issues that now have caused my severe social anxiety called selective mutism, I cannot even talk to my family members and I always feel like everyone is superior and better than me. I know with the way that I look right now, no guy would EVER want to ever have me as a wife or even a girlfriend, or even sleep with me for that matter, and that thought alone is enough for me to want to never wake up. The only person I have in my life, is my Mom. I hate my dad and don't talk to my brother or distance relatives, I have no more friends except for previous guy friends that have never seen me without makeup, and if they did, they couldn't give a shit about me anymore.

I feel gross and ugly, and that this life I have to live is worthless, all because of my skin..and my facial features in general are F'd up so I basically have no point in living unless my acne suddenly disapears and I get a shit load of cosmetic surgery. But I doubt I can get clear because my mind is so weak I can never last on a strict diet.

Hey but you look pretty on your profile picture!

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I been through a lot with this one person (wont say names)

Unless he develops severe acne, and is forced to visit the site, I think you identity is safe.

lol but i still cant risk that.

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I really miss feeling pretty. It's not something I think I'll get back until my acne/scarring clears, but realistically that's going to take years so I'm really dreading what the future has in store for me. It's hard not to feel like being romantically/sexually desirable is this really huge thing when you're in your twenties and romantic/sexual relationships are basically the only thing anybody your age ever seems to care or talk about. Sometimes I'm scared that I'm going to be crushed by the weight of all my insecurities - that I'm going to spend a good chunk of my twenties remaining single not because I don't want to be with anybody, but because I feel like even flirting with a guy in my current state would practically be an insult to us both. I hate feeling so completely desexualized.

I know that if I voiced my insecurities out loud to my friends, they'd all - being my friends and therefore pretty much obliged to say nice things about me - just tell me I was being crazy and that I was totally still cute enough even with the acne. But I'd know that they were lying and then I'd probably just feel worse because I hate it when people try to sugarcoat things - telling me I'm pretty when it's not true is not going to solve the problem of me being really damn ugly. I realize that I can still live a happy/productive life with acne, but I feel like romantic/sexual attraction is this whole other realm where looks are something that just cannot be dismissed so easily. People can talk all they want about being attracted to somebody for their "great sense of humour" or "kindness," but at the end of day given the choice between somebody funny and good-looking and somebody funny and fug, they'd probably want to date the former and just be friends with the latter at best. I really want to just take a deep breath and pretend it doesn't matter - live my life without thinking about this crap as much as possible with the hope in the back of my mind that somebody will want to date me on the basis of my personality and nothing else anyway - but I'm still human, I still do develop feelings for people and get lonely or horny and all that crap too. Sometimes it's okay and other times it just gets really, really hard to ignore :(

...yeah, that's my rant for the day.

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I really miss feeling pretty. It's not something I think I'll get back until my acne/scarring clears, but realistically that's going to take years so I'm really dreading what the future has in store for me. It's hard not to feel like being romantically/sexually desirable is this really huge thing when you're in your twenties and romantic/sexual relationships are basically the only thing anybody your age ever seems to care or talk about. Sometimes I'm scared that I'm going to be crushed by the weight of all my insecurities - that I'm going to spend a good chunk of my twenties remaining single not because I don't want to be with anybody, but because I feel like even flirting with a guy in my current state would practically be an insult to us both. I hate feeling so completely desexualized.

I know that if I voiced my insecurities out loud to my friends, they'd all - being my friends and therefore pretty much obliged to say nice things about me - just tell me I was being crazy and that I was totally still cute enough even with the acne. But I'd know that they were lying and then I'd probably just feel worse because I hate it when people try to sugarcoat things - telling me I'm pretty when it's not true is not going to solve the problem of me being really damn ugly. I realize that I can still live a happy/productive life with acne, but I feel like romantic/sexual attraction is this whole other realm where looks are something that just cannot be dismissed so easily. People can talk all they want about being attracted to somebody for their "great sense of humour" or "kindness," but at the end of day given the choice between somebody funny and good-looking and somebody funny and fug, they'd probably want to date the former and just be friends with the latter at best. I really want to just take a deep breath and pretend it doesn't matter - live my life without thinking about this crap as much as possible with the hope in the back of my mind that somebody will want to date me on the basis of my personality and nothing else anyway - but I'm still human, I still do develop feelings for people and get lonely or horny and all that crap too. Sometimes it's okay and other times it just gets really, really hard to ignore sad.png

...yeah, that's my rant for the day.

I totally understand, How old are you by the way like exactly?? you said something about your twenties because I'm in mine as well.

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I totally understand, How old are you by the way like exactly?? you said something about your twenties because I'm in mine as well.

I'm sorry to hear that! I'm 22, for the record.

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I really want to just take a deep breath and pretend it doesn't matter - live my life without thinking about this crap as much as possible with the hope in the back of my mind that somebody will want to date me on the basis of my personality and nothing else anyway - but I'm still human, I still do develop feelings for people and get lonely or horny and all that crap too. Sometimes it's okay and other times it just gets really, really hard to ignore

As far as rants go, that's pretty poetic. smile.png

I do think we can connect with people, love and be loved for who we are on the inside. The task is finding those people. I know they exist as I've read stories here from people who have found a circle of friends or a partner in dark times or at a point when they really didn't like themselves on a physical level. Indeed, there are people here who found each other! That gives me hope: hope that I can one day find those things as well; hope that I too could learn to put myself out there despite a dislike of my appearance and despite my awkwardness and lack of experiences all round.

I hope that time will come, but that time seems so far away right now because of how I feel about what I see on the outside, and that actually makes me pretty sad. It's the sadness and loneliness which get me the most. I can even manage to feel them when surrounded by hundreds and even thousands of people. Ironically, the more people I am around at any one time, the worse those feelings get because I know I'm not really part of what's going on. Proves to me that I'm in the wrong place. Live and learn I suppose, work out how to make the necessary changes.

Edited by PaulH85

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I totally understand, How old are you by the way like exactly?? you said something about your twenties because I'm in mine as well.

I'm sorry to hear that! I'm 22, for the record.

dont be. oh okay..u still have time. you have tomorrow if ur lucky

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I'm 69 years old and I can't even have sex anymore. the irony.

Edited by Heir

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dont be. oh okay..u still have time. you have tomorrow if ur lucky

Thanks. Fingers crossed, I guess.

As far as rants go, that's pretty poetic. smile.png

I do think we can connect with people, love and be loved for who we are on the inside. The task is finding those people. I know they exist as I've read stories here from people who have found a circle of friends or a partner in dark times or at a point when they really didn't like themselves on a physical level. Indeed, there are people here who found each other! That gives me hope: hope that I can one day find those things as well; hope that I too could learn to put myself out there despite a dislike of my appearance and despite my awkwardness and lack of experiences all round.

I hope that time will come, but that time seems so far away right now because of how I feel about what I see on the outside, and that actually makes me pretty sad. It's the sadness and loneliness which get me the most. I can even manage to feel them when surrounded by hundreds and even thousands of people. Ironically, the more people I am around at any one time, the worse those feelings get because I know I'm not really part of what's going on. Proves to me that I'm in the wrong place. Live and learn I suppose, work out how to make the necessary changes.

I admire your optimistic/positive spirit, Paul! I definitely believe we can connect with people too, but I guess my problem is just that I find myself so physically repellant right now that I can't imagine anybody looking at me in a romantic/sexual light anymore. Truth be told, I don't even believe romantic/sexual love is possible without the component of physical attraction there as well. I've heard about people getting together on this board as well, but I think I've seen a few pictures here and there of those couples and both members usually look... pretty damn clear-skinned to me? I don't know. I have very severe red marks/some scarring/some acne still remaining (I was supposed to be on Accutane but recently chose to go off because the side effects were too potent), so I feel like they're in a very different situation from myself. It kind of breaks my heart that quite a few people here with really mild acne/almost no scarring whatsoever feel so insecure about their appearances because I look so much worse.

I'm sorry to hear about the more generalized sense of sadness/loneliness. I think that will probably take time, given that you said you spent a lot of your formative years isolating yourself and it's difficult to break out of old habits. But like I think I said somewhere before, you seem like a really excellent person - so I'm sure you'll forge real-life friendships really quickly once you do get the hang of it, and all the bad stuff will seem like scenes from somebody else's life to you in the near future.

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