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lemna

Spouse Bothered By Acne

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Anyone out there whose acne gets in the way of your marriage or long term relationship?

My husband is never abusive about it. He doesn't insult me or belittle me. But when I have a breakout, I can sense him looking at my zits. For those of us who have acne, we CAN tell when someone is looking in our eyes and when they are looking at our zits. He also gets upset and worried that whatever I'm taking isn't working. But not upset on my behalf. He's upset because HE doesn't like my acne.

This is especially bad right now because the pill is the only thing that helps my acne and I wanted to go off to see if we could have a baby. I am not lying when he says the biggest thing he worries about with having a baby is that my acne will get worse. That doesn't mean he's okay with dirty diapers, sleep deprivation, or all the other concerns about having kids. Just that the acne worries him even more than that stuff. I tell him he's crazy to obsess about my acne like that. I try to say that it's nothing compared with the sacrifices of having a child.

I was on Accutane two years ago and it worked for a while. He wants me to go on it again before we start trying to have a family. I remember the hassle of being on it, and don't want to repeat it. They treat you like a complete idiot, quizzing you on how to prevent being pregnant. Like I'm some ignorant teenager! I have a master's degree in biology, and I've been extremely careful in the birth control/safe sex department.

I digress. ;) So I went off the pill and the acne came back. I didn't get pregnant. Who knows why but the fact that I can tell he's bothered by my acne doesn't exactly make things conducive for baby making. We have a good sex life otherwise. So now I'm back on the pill because I couldn't handle the hormonal acne and his reaction. I am in therapy on my own for other issues mostly (bipolar mom). My therapist is sympathetic but doesn't know what to tell me. I've tried to get my husband into counseling but he has a job with a security clearance, which he could lose if he's in therapy.

I should mention that he's ashamed of himself for this, or he claims to be. He calls himself an asshole for being bothered by my acne. You think he would understand my predicament because he was on medication for acne when we met. But he says he grew out of it, and he's frustrated that I didn't.

Thanks for letting me vent.

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Acne is caused by an allergic reaction to food. You might be allergic to Soybean. If you are you will NEVER grow out of it. And because it's in all most everything we eat, in most vitamins, and on some fruits & vegetables (wax to make shinny) it is very hard to avoid. Go get allergy tested for food and good luck.

Ps Soybean can cause Infertility in men, he might want to get that checked also. It can't hurt.

Edited by kidego

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Wow, it is had to judge because I only know what you are telling me but you are trying your best and your husband still gets upset? The fact that he rather have you go on Accutane vs being in the best position to have a child is worrying - you have to ask yourself some hard questions and work with your therapist.

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My husband isn't bothered at all, but I wear makeup. Even when I have a few huge ugly cysts, he's told me the makeup makes them disappear and he can't even notice them. I know it's a lie, but there are other things for him to look at besides my cysts. I suggest either using makeup ( I use Palladio Wet/Dry and it doesn't hurt my skin ) or kick him to the curb. Oh, and my skin was never better than when I was pregnant and nursing. I didn't have the monthly hormones to mess me up.

(edit) you know, on second thought... this guy sounds awfully MEAN! You may want to reconsider if you want to have children with him. If he's this mean to you.... his own WIFE... what kind of father will he be? I'm sure he's not perfect and you could focus on his imperfections... but you don't because you aren't MEAN! This really makes me angry. I have to question if he really wants children and why he would be so insensitive.

This tip is for you... not your hubby. I like to play up my eyes to take attention away from my complexion. Eye liner and smoky shadow... a sexy look for those evenings. High heels and form fitting clothing... keep in shape.... play up your assets... and use a bit of foundation. The skin issues will play a minor role. You know? It's like a hole on a blank, white wall. If you dress up that wall with pictures or wallpaper, that hole will all but disappear. If you make yourself look your best and he still focuses on your acne, he's an ##[email protected]##@.

Edited by Rachelx7

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Acne is caused by an allergic reaction to food. You might be allergic to Soybean. If you are you will NEVER grow out of it. And because it's in all most everything we eat, in most vitamins, and on some fruits & vegetables (wax to make shinny) it is very hard to avoid. Go get allergy tested for food and good luck.

Ps Soybean can cause Infertility in men, he might want to get that checked also. It can't hurt.

this is true. you could also be intolerant to corn, beans/legumes, potatoes, and you could be eating them everyday and not realize it's the cause of your acne. You will never grow out of it if you are sensitive to certain foods.

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Acne is caused by an allergic reaction to food. You might be allergic to Soybean. If you are you will NEVER grow out of it. And because it's in all most everything we eat, in most vitamins, and on some fruits & vegetables (wax to make shinny) it is very hard to avoid. Go get allergy tested for food and good luck.

Ps Soybean can cause Infertility in men, he might want to get that checked also. It can't hurt.

this is true. you could also be intolerant to corn, beans/legumes, potatoes, and you could be eating them everyday and not realize it's the cause of your acne. You will never grow out of it if you are sensitive to certain foods.

A funny story, I have been ONLY eating Salads w/ EVOO & ACV along with apples & bananas. On friday I bought Granny Smith apples from Walmart, less than 24 hours later I had a break out. I come to find out the wax (to make fruit & vegetables "shinny") is made of pure soybean. I am now afraid to eat anything.

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Man, I really feel for you sad.png I'm so insecure about my skin already that having a partner even more bothered by my acne than me... I wouldn't know what to do in your shoes. Actually, I feel like an asshole for saying this because aside from this whole acne issue I don't know anything about your relationship with your spouse, but are you sure you want to have a baby with this guy? If he's more worried about your acne than all the other sacrifices that come with child-rearing, then it sounds like he's got his priorities wildly out of order. Again, it's probably not my place to suggest this, but I figure I'll put it out there just in case anyway: is it possible to work on these acne issues between you and your hubby before you decide to have a baby? You guys will have to be a very cohesive team if you want to bring up another human being together, and having something that already drives a wedge between you will only serve to exacerbate the situation when you guys DO have to deal with dirty diapers and not sleeping at night and the like.

Would a security clearance company kick your husband out for marriage counseling?

Edited by hotburrito

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Acne is caused by an allergic reaction to food. You might be allergic to Soybean. If you are you will NEVER grow out of it. And because it's in all most everything we eat, in most vitamins, and on some fruits & vegetables (wax to make shinny) it is very hard to avoid. Go get allergy tested for food and good luck.

Ps Soybean can cause Infertility in men, he might want to get that checked also. It can't hurt.

this is true. you could also be intolerant to corn, beans/legumes, potatoes, and you could be eating them everyday and not realize it's the cause of your acne. You will never grow out of it if you are sensitive to certain foods.

A funny story, I have been ONLY eating Salads w/ EVOO & ACV along with apples & bananas. On friday I bought Granny Smith apples from Walmart, less than 24 hours later I had a break out. I come to find out the wax (to make fruit & vegetables "shinny") is made of pure soybean. I am now afraid to eat anything.

omg really. I knew that apples have wax on them but I didn't know it was made of soybean. Well, at least we can peel the skin off, which is what I always do.

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Acne is caused by an allergic reaction to food. You might be allergic to Soybean. If you are you will NEVER grow out of it. And because it's in all most everything we eat, in most vitamins, and on some fruits & vegetables (wax to make shinny) it is very hard to avoid. Go get allergy tested for food and good luck.

Ps Soybean can cause Infertility in men, he might want to get that checked also. It can't hurt.

this is true. you could also be intolerant to corn, beans/legumes, potatoes, and you could be eating them everyday and not realize it's the cause of your acne. You will never grow out of it if you are sensitive to certain foods.

A funny story, I have been ONLY eating Salads w/ EVOO & ACV along with apples & bananas. On friday I bought Granny Smith apples from Walmart, less than 24 hours later I had a break out. I come to find out the wax (to make fruit & vegetables "shinny") is made of pure soybean. I am now afraid to eat anything.

omg really. I knew that apples have wax on them but I didn't know it was made of soybean. Well, at least we can peel the skin off, which is what I always do.

I'm sure that has to help but there is a chance some could still soak thru, just don't know how much. Looks like the famers market for me with lots of annoying ?'s.

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The nice answer would be that if your partner really loved you he wouldn't care if you had acne but i DO know how sensitive this disease makes one in terms of it effecting confidence and self esteem. It does prevent me from forming relationships when i feel so bad about myself that i don't want the hastle of appearing (even more) unattractive because of my zits.

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This breaks my heart :( This man doesn't sound like someone I would want a baby with. Maybe he's frustrated because he wants to fix the problem but can't. And if you went on accutane, that would mean at least another year before you could try to have a baby to make sure there won't be any bad side effects, so I doubt that he even really wants a baby. :( Maybe what you can do is to taper off birth control. I've read on blogs on this site that if you taper off birth control over a period of months then it's not such a shock to your hormones as stopping cold turkey. I might try this when I get married and will want kids some day.

Since acne is largely hereditary, it could be very likely that your children will have it too. If your husband is this hard on you, imagine what he will say to his kids who will probably get it?

I have no idea about your marriage or relationship with him, but it sounds like his marriage isn't a top priority. I've found that if someone really wants something, it doesn't matter what he/she needs to do to get it accomplished. Is he personally saying there's a risk he could lose his job? Or would he rather not fight for his marriage? His wife? If he really wanted counseling, I believe he would tell his employer or make more effort/compromise or at least do something so he could go with you. :( I'm sure this isn't easy, but I pray that you can get through this and come out the other side stronger and healthier.

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Even with zero relationship experience, I fail to see why your husband wouldn't put you first in all this and support you in doing whatever you need to do to take of your acne and essentially to be happy being yourself. Even if he doesn't make fun of you, it still seems like he's making an issue out of it and singling you out because of it. That's just as bad, if not worse, I would imagine. Personally, my skin pretty much takes over my thoughts anyway, which is why I've never even attempted to go on dates or anything like that, so if I had a partner who seemed to focus on it even more than I did, I really don't know how I'd handle that. I certainly hope that you can find some way around this. It's not going to be about compramise because you have to come first, so hopefully your husband comes around to realising that. :)

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Acne is caused by an allergic reaction to food.

WTF?

I've been gone for 4 years... and read this.

When was this discovered? Sorry to hijack the thread... but I don't think it has as much to do with intake as it does with genes and hormones.

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Acne is caused by an allergic reaction to food.

WTF?

I've been gone for 4 years... and read this.

When was this discovered? Sorry to hijack the thread... but I don't think it has as much to do with intake as it does with genes and hormones.

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Acne is caused by an allergic reaction to food.

WTF?

I've been gone for 4 years... and read this.

When was this discovered? Sorry to hijack the thread... but I don't think it has as much to do with intake as it does with genes and hormones.

Go get allergy tested for SOYBEAN, PEANUT, wheat, milk, and egg whites/yolk IgE & IgG on each 1. Mine is Soybean, unfortunetly.

Acne is caused by an allergic reaction to food.

WTF?

I've been gone for 4 years... and read this.

When was this discovered? Sorry to hijack the thread... but I don't think it has as much to do with intake as it does with genes and hormones.

LOL

http://www.centerfor...es.com/acne.htm Although I completely disagree with Milk allergy, this is correct. I would replace Milk with Soybean.

As I said in the Thread I started in Holistic, I have links...http://www.quickacneremedy.com/acne-articles/soy-and-acne.html

and http://www.soya.be/soy-allergy.php

Edited by kidego

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This doesn't sound very good. Obviously I don't know him or you, but it really sounds like he cares a lot more about how you look than anything else. And frankly, it'll make you feel bad about yourself and worse about your acne (even if it's not bad) when someone acts that way. You really need to talk to him directly about it.

Good Luck

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Acne has definitely gotten in the way of many of my relationships before, sadly. Twice in my life I've been entering or in the middle of a relationship while also dealing with a horrible breakout (both times as a result of antibiotics losing their effect)... and my self-esteem was so low, and my fear of getting even more acne so strong, that I pushed myself away from the other person completely.

Even now, when my acne is finally starting to clear up thanks to Spiro & Bactrim (just started Spiro; hopefully losing Bactrim next year), I still shrink away from my boyfriend from time to time when I've got a small breakout going on. And because his scruffy, rough face (it feels this way whether shaven or not) irritates my skin, sometimes I even shrink away from kissing him too much. It's embarrassing to admit, but that's how concerned, or paranoid, I've become. strongsad.gif

No one has ever pointed out my acne to me though, not even when it was really bad, not even when I would go to sleep at night with all my makeup off and my skin inflamed, next to an ex-boyfriend, feeling 100% insecure. I put enough pressure on myself; I can't imagine sustaining someone else's. I'm sorry to hear that you have to. Although we don't know anything about your husband, many of the responses on here are spot-on -- if he's this concerned with appearances, and continues to treat you hurtfully when it's obvious you're already hurting, how would he act toward your child?

No matter how bad your skin gets, your spouse or significant other should be mindful and caring enough to see beyond the superficial and realize that underneath whatever is going on externally, you're still you. That kind of love is what gets people through the times in which they look less than flawless, act less than flawless. If that's not ever going to be enough for him, I'd think twice about how that kind of support, or lack thereof, is going to affect you in the future.

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I am honestly surprised that as an educated worthy woman you tolerate this. I am also in Grad school for my MSW to get my LCSW, I have worked in SEVERAL institutions where I need security clearance, if its a state or federal position (as I was) they encourage and pay for counseling. Specializing in counseling/therapy, your spouse appears to be the one with mental health issues. He is making his problem your problem. He may have been extremely psychologically hurt when he suffered with acne that he is now transferring this into the marriage. He has many personal unresolved issues within himself. A person who has overcame a disease would be more likely to be empathetic and supportive. We as therapist will not tell you what to do or give advice. The answer lies within you. You are the expert in your life. Would would a spouse like this do if you were diagnosed with cancer?? How do you feel about this? This is a form of mental abuse and you both know it. Just reanalyze the marriage foundation. Good luck and be blessed....sorry if the text is messed up I am on my phone lol

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